We're Bald, So We're Invincible (Funny Face)

We're Bald, So We're Invincible (Funny Face)—A 7,000-character chapter! First update!

Midnight. Western Rukongai. Underground training ground of the Shiba Clan.

A thunderous rumble shook the entire underground training ground. Ichigo and the others had gathered there, and the one responsible for the commotion was none other than Kurosaki Ichigo!

At that moment, the culprit was being kicked in the back of the head by a one-armed woman. She was Shiba Kūkaku, Yoruichi Shihōin's close friend besides Urahara, and the current head of the Shiba Clan.

"Were you not listening to me, you idiot?"

Shiba Kūkaku stomped hard on Ichigo's head, veins bulging across her forehead. She looked as if she wanted to kill him on the spot. "I told you, didn't I? If you can't concentrate, it'll explode!"

"Seems... like you did..." Ichigo, still dizzy from the explosion, answered on instinct as her kicks kept coming.

Nearby, Shiba Ganju, who had been teaching Ichigo how to form a Reiryoku core, picked his nose and looked disdainful. "That's why you Shinigami are..." Before he could finish, Shiba Kūkaku walked over and punched him to the ground!

"You're just as guilty, you moron! Neither of you is getting any food!"

"Why?"

"Same as that guy?"

"..."

The corners of Sado and the other two's mouths twitched. They watched the fireworks expert with trembling fear, whose temper was even more explosive than her profession.

In the end, Yoruichi stepped in to stop Kūkaku's abuse. Looking at the four in front of her, she said solemnly, "Ichigo has finally finished practicing with the cannonball, too. All of you, gather around!"

Everyone's expressions turned serious at her words, and they gathered around Yoruichi in a circle.

"There isn't much time left. First, I'll explain what to expect when we break into Seireitei. You need to prepare yourselves." As she spoke, her face suddenly filled with utter irritation.

"Because some idiot did whatever he wanted and completely ignored the plan, he went and invaded Seireitei alone. With his brains, he probably doesn't even know what caution means... By now, he's probably thrown all of Seireitei into chaos!"

"..." The corners of everyone's mouths twitched. Knowing Brother Biao's personality, things in Seireitei probably couldn't even be described as chaotic anymore... Ichigo knew Brother Biao especially well.

He figured Brother Biao was probably walking down the streets of Seireitei right now, looking at a crowd of enemies and shouting excitedly, "Wahaha! A man's romance is a good, solid punch!"

Then he'd grab one of the fallen men by the collar and interrogate him with a ferocious look, like some thug: "Hey! Where are Rukia and the sissy?"

That only made Ichigo more and more worried about Brother Biao's safety. The more he learned, the more terrifying it seemed.

People often said that the unknown was the most frightening thing, but some things became even more unsettling once you understood them!

After Yoruichi finished explaining the defensive forces inside Seireitei—the Gotei 13, its thirteen captains and lieutenants, and so on—the others grew grave and couldn't help worrying about Wu Biao's safety.

"To sum up, Seireitei is an extremely dangerous place. With your current abilities, you must not clash with a captain or lieutenant. Remember... our main goal is to rescue Rukia, not to do something impossible, like conquer Seireitei!"

What Yoruichi didn't know was that, inside Seireitei, some clueless idiot had already completely lost sight of the original goal and begun his campaign to steamroll the place!

It wasn't just her who hadn't expected this. Even Ichigo, who knew Brother Biao best, didn't think he'd go that far.

"Any questions?" Yoruichi looked around. When no one spoke, she nodded. "Then go get some rest!"

"Huh?" Ichigo and the others were taken aback. Ichigo stood up and asked anxiously, "Can't we leave now? Brother Biao's still in Seireitei. We should get in there and check on him first!"

"You think you're just popping over to a neighbor's place for a visit?" Yoruichi scolded him, exasperated. Then she turned to Kūkaku on the other side of the room. "The Kukaku Cannon still needs more preparation. It probably won't be ready to fire until around dawn."

"You've all been training all night. Sleep for four hours first and let your spiritual pressure and exhausted minds recover. If you drag yourselves into Seireitei in your current state, you'll only be walking to your deaths!"

Midnight, inside Seireitei.

At this hour, Seireitei was usually quiet, with nearly every division already resting.

But tonight was different. Groups of Shinigami hurried along the roads between the 20th and 80th avenues.

Under the night sky, the streets were brightly lit, and teams of rescuers from the 4th Division hurried back and forth!

The injured brought in from all over had gathered at the 4th Division Barracks. The massive wards were filled with cries of pain and anguish, but the most spectacular sight was in the 5th Division ward.

More than a hundred people with bandages wrapped around their heads had gathered there. Everywhere you looked, it was a sea of white. Their faces were filled with bitterness, and their eyes gleamed with hatred.

Every 4th Division member who came to treat them wanted to laugh but didn't dare, afraid that these 5th Division members, already so furious they were on the verge of losing their minds, would use the chance to beat them up.

Apart from the dozens of members away on missions or patrol, most of the 5th Division had been sent here. You could say that, aside from the missing 5th Division captain, the entire division had been wiped out...

And every single one of them had been stripped bald. But that wasn't the worst part. The worst part was that the violent pulling had destroyed most of their hair roots. Even those whose roots hadn't died—

Once their hair grew back, it would come in patches, here and there, like a dog had chewed it... They might as well just shave their heads.

Their division could heal physical injuries, but dead hair roots... They were truly powerless to help with that. Otherwise, the few bald guys in the 11th Division would have come running over to ask for hair-growth treatment long ago.

This had earned the 5th Division a new nickname.

The Bald Division.

From then on, every member would have to live as a bald person. It was a pitiful sight, but it also made people want to burst out laughing!

Just then, a chill suddenly swept through the ward. It was bone-cold, and everyone inside shivered instinctively before looking toward the entrance.

Two figures, one tall and one short, slowly walked in. Leading the way was a silver-haired boy with bright green eyes, about 1.3 meters tall. Going by his face and height, anyone would have taken him for an elementary school student.

Yet his young face bore a stern expression, and the Captain's Haori he wore made it impossible for anyone to look down on him.

Hitsugaya Tōshirō.

Captain of the Gotei 13's 10th Division, and the youngest captain currently serving. In private, many Shinigami called him a prodigy.

Following right behind him was his lieutenant, the 10th Division's Matsumoto Rangiku.

She had long, wavy blond hair, a beauty mark beside her lips, and delicate features. What drew the most attention was her ample chest, its perfect round shape outlined beneath her Shihakushō!

Hitsugaya Tōshirō's face was icy, but his eyes were full of concern. He paused briefly at the doorway, then walked straight toward the back of the ward.

"This is quite a sight!" Rangiku followed him in and stuck out her tongue at the bandage-wrapped heads filling the ward, her face full of apprehension. "That Ryoka has a really nasty sense of humor. He actually likes pulling people's hair out!"

If they had a choice, no one wanted to be bald. Women who cared about their looks especially would rather die in battle than become bald...

As they walked through the ward, Hitsugaya led Rangiku to a private room at the back. Without knocking, he stepped inside.

The sound of the door opening startled Hinamori Momo, who was in the room. Without even looking to see who had come in, she pulled the blanket over her head, covering herself completely.

"Ah... Get out! All of you, get out! Don't come in!!!"

Hitsugaya's mouth twitched. Even though he'd only caught a fleeting glimpse, his keen eyesight had clearly seen that... shining bald head. He was furious, but the worry that had been weighing on him finally eased.

He walked straight to the bed and reached out as if to lift the blanket. After a moment's hesitation, though, he withdrew his hand and asked with concern, "Momo... Lieutenant Hinamori, are you all right?"

He'd been about to call her Momo, but then he remembered Rangiku was there and changed it to Lieutenant Hinamori.

Rangiku couldn't help laughing to herself. She'd heard this many times, but every time her captain wore that helpless expression, she still couldn't help laughing.

At the sound of her laughter, the figure beneath the blanket went still. After a moment's hesitation, she asked, "Is that you, Sis Rangiku?"

"Mm-hm!"

"Come out. There's no one else here," Hitsugaya said directly. Then he looked at Hinamori, still hiding under the blanket, his voice icy. "Come out and describe that Ryoka's features to me!"

This showed just how important Hinamori was to Hitsugaya. He was clearly furious to the extreme, and he was asking because he wanted to avenge her.

Hinamori hesitated for a long while before saying, "I'll come out, but you absolutely cannot laugh!"

"Don't worry. I promise the captain won't laugh!" Rangiku replied at once, winking.

Hitsugaya nodded and gave a soft "Mm."

Only then did Hinamori slowly lower the blanket. Her dazzlingly bald head reflected the light with an exquisite gleam. It shone like a mirror. Wu Biao's head-shaving skills really were extraordinary...

"Pfft... Hahahahaha..." The moment Hinamori's gleaming bald head appeared, Rangiku grabbed the bedside and burst into laughter, tears streaming down her face. "Momo, your head shines brighter than Ikkaku's in the 11th Division!"

"You said you wouldn't laugh at me!" Hinamori glared at Rangiku, mortified, her voice muffled.

"I only promised the captain wouldn't laugh!"

"..."

Nearby, Hitsugaya's mouth kept twitching. He had to admit... keeping a straight face at Momo's current appearance was a huge challenge. Right now, he wanted to point at Hinamori and laugh, then point at her bald head and say, "Bed-wetting Momo, that hairstyle is amazing..."

Of course, given his current position, he could no longer do the things he'd done as a child, when he and Hinamori had lived together!

Still, he found it a little strange. The way Hinamori had just spoken seemed odd, as though she didn't want to open her mouth.

"What happened to your mouth?" Hitsugaya asked in confusion.

Hearing that, Hinamori's face changed at once. She covered her mouth with one hand and frantically waved the other at them, signaling that nothing was wrong. But... her behavior only made the two of them even more curious!

Knock, knock—

Just then, someone knocked at the door. A tall, white-haired woman walked in. When she saw Hitsugaya in the room, she paused, then bowed. "Captain Hitsugaya, you're here!"

Hitsugaya's expression immediately returned to normal, and he gave a cool nod.

The newcomer was the 4th Division's Lieutenant, Kotetsu Isane. After greeting Hitsugaya, she walked over to Hinamori. Hitsugaya stepped aside to give her room to examine her.

"Lieutenant Hinamori, open your mouth and let me have a look!"

At those words, Hinamori's expression turned conflicted. Hitsugaya and Rangiku exchanged curious looks.

Seeing Hinamori's expression, Kotetsu Isane could guess what she was thinking. She couldn't help smiling to herself, but kept her expression neutral as she said, "Lieutenant Hinamori, please cooperate with your treatment. If we leave it too long and your gums are damaged, I don't know if I'll be able to heal them..."

She hadn't finished speaking before Hinamori heard the words "gum damage" and hurriedly opened her mouth, revealing the two missing front teeth.

"Hahahahaha..." Rangiku laughed so hard she bent over.

"..." Hitsugaya covered his face and silently turned away. But from behind, it was easy to see his shoulders shaking.

"Stop laughing, you bastards!!!" Hinamori's pretty face flushed red with anger. Her wide eyes seemed to shoot flames. "I'm absolutely going to kill that Ryoka! Absolutely!"

Of everyone there, Kotetsu Isane was probably the calmest. After examining Hinamori, she nodded. "Good. That punch didn't hit your gums directly, so the damage isn't bad. They'll grow back soon."

"How soon is soon?"

"About six months."

"..."

Six months?

So I have to live in this ugly state for six whole months?

Just thinking about it left Hinamori utterly despairing...

Only after the examination was over did Hitsugaya compose himself and turn around. But when he saw Hinamori's gap-toothed, bald appearance, his face twitched. It took a while for his expression to settle.

He tried hard not to look at her or picture what she looked like...

"Ahem." He cleared his throat twice, his expression turning cold again. Looking at Kotetsu Isane, he asked, "What's the situation outside? Has that Ryoka been caught?"

"Well..." Kotetsu Isane's expression grew serious. "We just finished checking everyone from head to toe. The preliminary count is more than 600 people."

"More than 600?" Hitsugaya was taken aback. He asked, confused, "What are you talking about? More than 600 what?"

"The injury count!"

"What?"

Rangiku was startled. She could no longer laugh at Hinamori's appearance and stared at Kotetsu Isane in disbelief. "The number of injured? How is that possible? We only heard at dusk that a Ryoka had invaded Seireitei. It's only been half a day. How could the damage be this severe? How many Ryoka are there?"

"Only one!"

Kotetsu Isane said solemnly, "There's only one invading Ryoka. He broke through the blockade from the Western White Road Gate, pushing through the checkpoints from the 160th road to the 70th. He's defeated more than 600 people, and that number keeps rising. This... is probably the worst disaster to befall Soul Society in a hundred years!"

"How is that possible?" Rangiku couldn't believe her ears. How could a mere Ryoka cause such a commotion in Seireitei?

"Then where is the Ryoka? Hasn't he been caught yet?" Hitsugaya asked.

"No!"

"How could that be?" Hitsugaya frowned. "Have you still not pinpointed his location?"

"We can't pinpoint it!"

Kotetsu Isane shook her head. "The invading Ryoka is a human with no spiritual power, so we can't use spiritual-power detection to locate him. Fortunately, for some reason, he's been moving in a straight line, so we can tell roughly where he is. But..."

Kotetsu Isane slowly shook her head. "Even knowing his general direction, all we can do is spread out and search the area. The Ryoka is extremely powerful. Even teams with Seated Officers are quickly defeated when they encounter him. By the time reinforcements arrive, he's already disappeared."

At those words, the 4th Division Barracks fell silent.

No one had imagined that someone without spiritual power could cause such immense damage to Seireitei. And because he had no spiritual power, all their usual methods of detecting spiritual pressure were completely useless.

Even captains, using Reiraku to search, couldn't find the Ryoka. They could only look for him with their personnel and try to form a cordon.

But... without a lieutenant or captain present, that so-called cordon was easy for Wu Biao to break through.

It was hardly Seireitei's fault. In all the history of the Shinigami, no one had ever heard of someone with not the slightest trace of spiritual power invading... Even Pluses had Reishi emerge in their souls after death to sustain their existence.

But because of his unusual constitution, Wu Biao had become a person with absolutely no spiritual power!

If they had some time, the 12th Division might be able to devise a way to track Wu Biao. But there was no time to research anything now, which made finding him extremely difficult.

All they could do was have the divisions begin a sweeping search. But there were only so many captains and lieutenants. Even if they all went out, they couldn't cover every area.

What's more... the captains were scattered all over the place. Unohana Retsu, captain of the 4th Division, had to remain at the 4th Division to oversee treatment.

Some of the other captains were plotting and scheming, some were drinking, some were coughing nonstop in their barracks, and one captain had even ignored his own division and brought his lieutenant to the 4th Division to visit his childhood friend.

In short, everyone was doing their own thing, answering to no one. Of course, part of the reason was that captains weren't allowed to go out without permission while in Seireitei.

And the few lieutenants who did go out couldn't possibly keep every search team in order. The chances of running into Wu Biao by chance were extremely slim, too.

All these factors had combined to create the current situation.

Wu Biao had actually... steamrolled western Seireitei!

"Our captain said this incident has attracted the Captain-Commander's serious attention. Captains may be granted permission to deploy, too. After the meeting tomorrow morning, they may even be authorized to use Bankai!"

"Authorized to use Bankai?" Hitsugaya frowned. "Is the invading Ryoka really that strong?"

"Very strong!"

It wasn't Kotetsu Isane who said this, but Hinamori, leaning against the hospital bed. "That lunatic was practically a Shinigami's natural enemy. He had terrifying resistance to both spiritual pressure and Kidō, as if he were a human born specifically to counter us Shinigami. The scariest thing was his strength... that kind of strength that could overwhelm everything with sheer brute force!"

"A Shinigami's natural enemy?" Hinamori's words made the atmosphere in the room grow heavy.

Hitsugaya fell silent for a long while, then seemed to remember something. "Right, you only mentioned the number injured. Have they counted the deaths?"

Kotetsu Isane shook her head.

"Not counted?" There was a trace of dissatisfaction in Hitsugaya's voice.

Kotetsu Isane shook her head again, but this time she answered before Hitsugaya could ask. "No one has died. The Ryoka is very careful when he strikes. At worst, he inflicts serious injuries, and thanks to the rescue efforts, no one has died so far. The only permanent damage was suffered by the 5th Division... their hair!"

By the end, Kotetsu Isane's voice had turned strange... Was this Ryoka sure he wasn't in Seireitei just to make people laugh?

Permanent damage to their hair was bizarrely funny, but Hitsugaya still immediately turned a concerned gaze toward Hinamori.

"Lieutenant Hinamori is a little different!" Kotetsu Isane knew what Hitsugaya was worried about and smiled. "Fortunately, Lieutenant Hinamori's hair wasn't ripped out by brute force. It was... shaved with a blade, so it can grow back."

"So does that mean I should thank that bastard?" Hinamori gritted her teeth.

"..."

Hitsugaya and Rangiku's mouths twitched. Was this Ryoka really here to make everyone laugh?

He'd even shaved Hinamori's head. Hitsugaya fought back his laughter and asked her, "But why was the 5th Division the only one that got... um, this treatment?"

"Probably... because we burned all his hair off!" The corner of Hinamori's mouth twitched. She remembered the look on the Ryoka's face when he emerged from the Shakkaho and discovered that his hair had been burned away. It was just like the looks on their faces now.

She couldn't help smiling bitterly. It really proved that what goes around comes around.

The room fell silent. The three of them stared wide-eyed at Hinamori, then burst into laughter. Even Hitsugaya couldn't keep up his cold, composed act; his face flushed red as he strained to hold it in, looking thoroughly constipated.

"Hahaha! No wonder your whole division went bald. This was revenge!" Rangiku clutched her stomach and rolled around on the floor.

Kotetsu Isane, who had only just learned why, couldn't help covering her mouth and laughing. "Hahaha, this Ryoka fellow seems like quite a character... This way of getting back at someone is just..."

She didn't even know how to describe the Ryoka's behavior.

"Cough, cough, cough..." Tōshirō's face twitched as he coughed repeatedly. All he wanted now was to find somewhere with no one around and laugh to his heart's content... This Ryoka was way too childish!

The three of them laughed for nearly five minutes before stopping when Hinamori Momo drew her sword, looking ready to release it.

Tōshirō collected himself and went over the information from beginning to end. A question arose in his mind. "Why didn't the Ryoka kill anyone? What was his real purpose in invading the Seireitei?"

"Because of Rukia. He seems to have come to rescue her," Hinamori Momo replied.

Only then did the three of them nod in understanding. If that was the case, it also explained why the Ryoka hadn't killed anyone.

"I'll report your account to the Captain-Commander and the others tomorrow. For now, get some rest here!"

Southern Seireitei!

"Yachiru, are you really sure this is the right way?" Kenpachi Zaraki stared at the dead end in front of them, the veins on his forehead bulging. As the first captain to take an interest in Wu Biao, Kenpachi had spent most of the night searching for him throughout the Seireitei.

But the two, clearly cut from the same cloth, shared the same defining trait... an absolutely abysmal sense of direction!

And so, under Yachiru's random directions, the two had gotten lost—and spectacularly so. They hadn't headed in the opposite direction... but they hadn't done much better.

They had managed to miss Wu Biao, who was in the west, by a mile, ending up in southern Seireitei instead.

"Little Ken, I'm absolutely sure! Let's run that way!"

Yachiru pointed north. Kenpachi Zaraki instinctively ran in that direction. Where exactly these two hopelessly lost wanderers would end up was anyone's guess...