In a world with a slightly cold, misty atmosphere, like that of a refrigerator.
"Well, something unexpected happened, and I'll probably have to trouble you to raise your dad again."
These words were like a bolt from the blue. As soon as Ian finished speaking, Thor's pupils contracted sharply, and his golden eyebrows trembled violently. He slowly lowered his head and looked at the baby in the tent who was smacking his lips— Odin, the All-Father and ruler of the Nine Realms, was now wrapped in swaddling clothes and drooling.
Thor's temples throbbed, and his expression changed 568 times in a second. Ian counted them; it was clear that Thor's emotions were changing drastically.
"I--En--!!"
His roar shattered all the remaining ice crystals within a hundred meters, and uncontrollable blue lightning erupted from his body, blasting the remaining ice sculptures in the nearby ruins into dust. Thor, like a raging bull, charged towards Ian with bloodshot eyes, Mjolnir flashing with dangerous lightning in his hand.
"Don't say that... It's not my fault. Loki went crazy back then; he was the real culprit."
"Look on the bright side, a girlfriend who's been nurtured is no match for a biological father who's been nurtured. You can customize your own biological father's growth trajectory... How can you not call that a gift of Destiny?"
Ian's attempt at remediation was, of course, unlikely to be effective.
He didn't understand this either.
A master of time management.
Ian has always had good time management skills, just like his future college entrance exam scores will be excellent. In fact, he had already dealt with the threat posed by Loki for a while.
However.
Ian didn't immediately save his teammates. Instead, after ensuring their lives were safe, he timed it perfectly, "hatching" the ice sculpture Thor just before his own return.
This moment.
He's coming back soon.
No one could quell Thor's roar.
"Give me back my wisdom! My elegance! My loving father!" Thor roared as he charged forward, his eyes bloodshot, hammer raised high, howling that he would beat Ian back into an infant as well.
He was like a mad dog enraged, his muscles bulging, his Divine Blood boiling, and with each step he took, the ice shattered. However, just as he was about to pounce on Ian,
The precise calculations of the time management master came into play.
"Clang--"
A distant chime echoed through the world, audible only to Ian.
Thor's fist froze in mid-air.
Everything is frozen in time.
The wind has stopped.
The smoke condensed.
Even the spittle that Thor spat out hung suspended in mid-air, crystal clear. Ian's figure slowly dissipated in the last second, like sand art being blown away by the wind, like a dream being abruptly awakened. His embarrassed expression froze on his face, and his figure turned into specks of golden light, disappearing completely into the Marvel Universe as the bells rang.
However, this experience can only be perceived from Ian's perspective. From Thor's perspective, just a second ago, Ian was still there, looking extremely smug and like the culprit.
However.
The next second, Ian vanished without a trace. Thor missed his target, his arms slamming into the air, the momentum causing him to stagger a few steps before he finally knelt on one knee, creating a large crater.
Ian left.
This guy was carrying several bags of "spoils" in his arms before he left.
The equipment stolen from Miss Stark's fighter jet included the Gungnir and the Casket of Ancient Winters, two legendary artifacts, and even fragments of Captain America's shield that had been packed up sometime during the war.
"Remember to feed your dad every day... I'll pay for the formula, the best kind."
In the air.
Only Ian's voice, whether one of guilt or boasting, remained. He waved his sleeve, not taking everything with him, but some things he couldn't take with him fell to the ground.
It was a bottle containing Loki's soul, which rolled twice on the ground. The lid came loose, and Loki's soul crawled to the mouth of the bottle, but hesitated a little to come out.
He was, after all, just a frail soul now.
quiet.
A deathly silence.
The next instant— Thor looked like a groundhog.
"Aaaaaaaahh...
A scream, a mixture of a groundhog's and a cat's tail being stepped on, echoed through the heavens and earth! Thor's eyes turned bloodshot, his hair stood on end, and his entire body was flushed to the extreme.
It looked like it was about to spontaneously combust at any moment.
Loki was terrified at the sight, fearing that if he crawled out, he would be tortured by Thor. He could only stare at his own body in the distance and swallow hard.
Some things.
Thor and the others were unaware of this, but Loki witnessed it firsthand. He saw the sinister creature, in his spirit form, use his bare hands to pull his own soul out of Odin's body, which had degenerated into an infant form, and then pull Odin's slumbering soul out of his own Frost Giants body and put it back into the infant form.
It wasn't just the sinister method of astral projection; this power to manipulate souls was beyond Loki's comprehension, reminding him of his partner God of Darkness Knull.
"Save me, save me, Great Darkness." Loki prayed incessantly in his heart, but received no response. He could only watch Thor pounded his heels outside.
In order to save themselves.
Loki began to use his wisdom. Seeing Thor constantly cursing Ian, he had a sudden inspiration and realized that this was a great opportunity to take advantage of Thor.
"That guy is definitely a madman, ha."
Loki started talking to Thor from inside the thermos, even though Thor didn't want to talk to this source of all evil. Loki continued to try and get close to him.
"Listen, the struggle between our two countries is a matter between our two nations. When did it become the business of outsiders to interfere, mess everything up, and then run away?"
"This kind of man needs to be punished, he needs to pay the price. He escaped, but the mess remains! The pain remains! Son of Odin, are you going to kneel and accept all this? Unite! I will help you take revenge! You did it for Asgard, for your father, and I do it for my race!"
"We, the Elders of the Nine Realms, will seek justice from that Evil God god!" He spoke with great emotion, his very soul trembling, as if at this moment he had awakened a false brotherhood with Thor.
Thor's roar stopped abruptly, and he slowly turned to look at the thermos.
Seeing an opportunity, Loki pressed his advantage. "Let's join forces! You, son of Odin, and I, King of Frost Giants. Uh, former King of Frost Giants."
His voice grew softer and softer.
Because Thor's gaze was so terrifying that it could freeze even the soul.
"Join forces?" Thor's voice was eerily soft. He slowly picked up the thermos, meeting Loki's spirit's gaze directly inside. "You just said... you blasphemed the dignity of Asgard?"
"Yes! Yes!" Loki nodded eagerly, "We can."
He hadn't finished speaking.
"You have desecrated the dignity of Asgard!"
Thor is a sensible man; he remembers his father's teachings and knows who the real culprit is who caused all this.
That's why he put the bottle cap back on and then chose a real "exile".
"Bang!"
This was a classic Asgard volley; Thor intended to leave Loki forever in this Zombie Universe. The thermos cup vanished into the sky like a shooting star.
Indistinctly.
You can still hear Loki's screams fading into the distance.
"Son of Odin, you shall die a horrible death—"
Loki felt the world spinning around him as the thermos cup traced a perfect parabola in the air, precisely hitting the head of a zombie that had just crawled out of the frozen ground.
The zombie's rotting head exploded like a watermelon, and the bottle rolled to the side with a "glug," its cap slightly loose. The zombie's mutilated body swayed a few times, then groped around blankly to pick up the thermos. Its empty eye sockets stared at the lively blue soul inside the bottle, black slime oozing from its rotting mouth.
This is a zombie's most instinctive reaction: anything that looks edible will be stuffed into its mouth.
"Wait! You brainless idiot!" Loki's soul pounded wildly against the inside of the bottle. "I am the greatest God Above Gods in the Nine Realms! If you dare—"
He hadn't finished speaking.
The zombies, unable to understand human language, had already dug their fingernails into the cracks of the bottle cap.
"No! Stop! My soul is poisoned! Deadly poison!" Loki's voice trembled; he was genuinely panicked. "You'll have diarrhea! Diarrhea for ten thousand years!"
He didn't want to be digested and excreted from a zombie's ass. Loki started with threats and persuasion, but zombies have no brains and couldn't understand his sweet talk.
There are only two prerequisites for verbal skills to be effective: one is that the tongue is enchanting and nimble enough to leave a lasting impression, and the other is that there must be a shared language to facilitate communication.
The zombie didn't stop moving; it had already successfully twisted open a quarter turn. Loki watched helplessly as the rotting mouth drew closer and closer, and he could even smell the putrid stench emanating from its throat.
"No! No!" Loki desperately missed his former body as Frost Giants —even Odin's body wrapped in diapers was better than being digested and excreted by zombies!
"Help! Anyone will do! Help me--!!"
Loki was nearly scared out of his wits.
In a panic, he cried out for help.
But then, suddenly...
"Bang--!"
A gunshot shattered the deathly silence. The bullet pierced the zombie's temple with pinpoint accuracy. The thermos fell from the stiff fingers, bounced twice on the frozen ground, and then the cap came loose completely.
The azure soul, as if granted a pardon, suddenly crawled out of the bottle!
"Thank you! My savior!" Loki was overjoyed, his soul seemingly crawling out of the bottle. His voice was filled with gratitude, "I, Loki Laufey, King of Frost Giants, exiled ruler of the Nine Realms, owe you my life today! If you help me reclaim my body and return to Asgard, I will bestow upon you the title of—"
Loki was about to stage the classic "farmer and the snake" scene, plotting how to take over his savior's body and then go back to kill him, when before he could finish speaking, another glass bottle fell from the sky.
They precisely pinned Loki, the exiled king, back to the ground!
"."
Loki's expression froze instantly.
The bearded mage crouched down and wiped the jar with his Cloak of Levitation. "Let me see. A talking blue the Spectre? I think it's recorded on page 700 of the < Magical Creatures Compendium >."
He seemed to be studying Loki's life form with great curiosity.
The other person appeared to be a mage.
Loki's heart sank, but he immediately put on a pitiful "I am the victim" face and began to frantically make grand promises. "Honorable wizard! I am Loki Laufey, the Destruction of Asgard, the rightful ruler of the Nine Realms! I was harmed by a madman who called himself Evil God, which is why I have ended up in this state."
"He stole my body, imprisoned my soul, and stole my great cause. Now, I only ask that you lend me a hand and help me find my stolen body."
"If you help me regain my body and allow me to return to my throne, I will appoint you as the Archmage of the Nine Realms, grant you Infinity power, and control over time and space!" Loki fabricated a story that he was the King of the Nine Realms and had been framed by a villain, focusing on cursing the villain who had caused his downfall.
He spoke with great emotion.
A few tears of the soul even "squeezed" from his eyes.
"Um?"
The bearded monk listened intently, increasingly uneasy. His expression grew increasingly strange. As if realizing something, he became very agitated and trembling as he pulled a crumpled photograph from his cloak.
"Is this what the villainous Evil God you're talking about looks like?" In the photo, Ian is hugging a Spider-Man with a shapely butt, and the two are making peace signs in front of the Sanctum Sanctorum.
Loki was overjoyed when he saw the photo!
Isn't that the crazy boy who had a blood feud with me?!
"Yes! It's him! It's that bastard! He ruined everything for me! If you help me—" Loki thought the disheveled Doctor Strange also had a grudge against Ian.
However, just as he was nodding frantically, his words were interrupted again.
"Aaaaaaahh...
Doctor Strange suddenly let out a wild scream of joy, jumping up and down, his beard trembling. "I knew it! I knew he still remembered me! He still remembered me, his follower!"
This moment.
Loki's expression froze on his face.
" God Ian! It's God Ian!" Doctor Strange clutched the jar, his stubble-faced features contorted against the glass. "Where is he? I knew he wouldn't abandon the earliest saints!"
Doctor Strange shook the jar frantically.
"Tell me quickly! Has God Ian come to save me? Is he going to take me back to the Main Universe?" He was extremely agitated. Yes, this mage was the Sorcerer Supreme was the first to be lost in the black hole.
Doctor Strange
He gleaned some clues from Loki's words, pointing to a unique existence in the entire universe. Only the Evil God he knew could have pulled off such a feat.
Faced with Doctor Strange's question, Loki, whose very soul trembled and who realized something was amiss, found it incredibly difficult to respond. He began to realize a very serious problem.
All I saw was...
As expected.
Doctor Strange was overjoyed; he could tell at a glance that the person was a fanatic.
" God Ian! God Ian! Where are you! I am Little Strange! I was one of your earliest followers! I was your right-hand man! I served you instant noodles! I wrote flyers for you! You promised to give me the ' Level 10 Administrator of the Divine Cult ' medal--!" Doctor Strange cried.
He held up the photo.
He shouted frantically in all directions.
"Lord! Return! Your Little Strange awaits you!"
"Oh! This must be the redemption mentioned in the Bible!"
"I knew he still cared most about me, his follower!"
The devout Doctor Strange was shouting, and although his words did not elicit a response from Ian, they struck Loki, who realized he had encountered a madman's follower, like a thunderbolt.
He began to recall his previous curses, and his very soul began to tremble. Even without casting spells for divination, this fallen, exiled king already realized that something terrible was about to happen.
That's why they say that when someone feels they're about to die, they experience a final burst of energy before death. At this moment, Loki, trembling uncontrollably, felt his senses begin to return.
He heard Thor's desperate screams coming from afar.
Yes.
At this moment, the most devastated person is not Loki, but Thor, who has to raise his own father. Meanwhile, Thor is facing the greatest challenge of his thousand-year divine life.
He really didn't know how to change baby Odin's diaper.
But he's still his own father.
Letting his father soak in urine would be considered extremely unfilial, Thor felt he would be scolded to death by his mother, so he had no choice but to bite the bullet and start learning.
The usually burly man muttered that it was no big deal, just like absorbing water for food that was going to be fried, and shakily pulled down Odin's pants.
He clutched a tattered piece of cloth that he had torn from somewhere, his expression perhaps more solemn and cautious than when facing a powerful enemy, as if he were afraid of accidentally knocking over his father's urination tool.
Baby Odin lay on the blanket, his bare little legs kicking wildly in the air, his golden downy hair gleaming softly in the sunlight, looking innocent and adorable.
If we ignore what Thor is doing at this moment, Thor would also have to give credit to his father for being incredibly powerful since childhood.
"Dad, don't move, don't move."
Thor's voice trembled.
"You are the All-Father! You really shouldn't move!"
He never dared to forcefully restrain the infant Odin's constantly kicking legs.
Facing Thor's manipulation.
"Puff--"
A jet of water directly washed Thor's face, and baby Odin responded to his son's call with his actions.
"..."
Thor's expression froze instantly.
Somewhat resigned, they accepted the towel Gwen offered. Before Ian left, he had put Gwen and the others on the hot seat. Now, Captain America and Gwen, who had been automatically "incubated" into ice sculptures, were also in a state of indescribable distress after hearing Thor's description. They still found it hard to accept that Odin in the myth was actually "punishing" his son with urine.
"So, this really is your dad?"
Gwen is someone whose ability to process information has been honed by Ian many times, but even now, she still finds it hard to accept the abstract nature of reality.
Captain America stroked his chin thoughtfully, his thought process still relatively normal, "If I beat him to tears now, can I also call myself the man who defeated the God King?"
As a soldier.
Of course, I can be competitive sometimes.
"You dare!" Thor whirled around, glaring angrily, still clutching the rag stained with unspeakable substances. "I swear in the name of the God of Thunder, if you dare touch a single hair on my father's head—I'll tear your hair off!"
His voice was very loud.
Like thunder.
"Wow--!!"
Baby Odin suddenly burst into tears, his little face turning bright red. Thor panicked instantly, frantically picking up the baby. "Daddy! Daddy, say something! What's wrong with you? Are you hungry? Do you remember me? Why aren't you talking? Did that madman make you lose your memory?"
The baby cried louder, waving its little fists wildly, and even tried to grab Thor's beard and put it in its mouth. Clearly, this was a sign of hunger.
"It's over," Thor muttered despairingly. "My old man's probably gone mad."
"Don't worry." Gwen sighed and stepped forward to examine him. "The baby's vocal cords are not fully developed. Even if he is capable of speaking, he can't say anything right now."
She does have a lot of knowledge about biology, after all, she is a girl who inherited the memories of the previous era.
"Is that so?"
Thor looked dejected, still somewhat skeptical of Gwen's assessment. "But his eyes didn't seem to recognize me. He even tried to suckle on me just now."
At this point, his eyes suddenly lit up, and he looked at Gwen pitifully, " Gwen, could you lend my dad some milk? I'll pay you back a hundredfold when we get back?"
This is clearly a question only a landlord's foolish son would ask.
"???"
Gwen was struck dumb, her face instantly turning bright red.
"What nonsense are you spouting?!" She genuinely felt that Thor's inhuman, nouveau riche methods were misused. Was that something that could be borrowed and returned? It seemed that Ian, that Evil God, had used Thor's mind to store all sorts of knowledge, infecting Thor with Ian's insane way of thinking!
"Then Gwen will become your dad's wet nurse, right? What should you call her?" Captain America was trying so hard not to laugh that his shoulders were shaking, and he couldn't resist adding fuel to the fire.
"..."
Thor realized something was wrong, but it wasn't the right thing to do; he simply didn't want Gwen to become his father's wet nurse.
" Steve Rogers!!" Gwen and embarrassed. She raised her hand, and the welcoming spider silk was already aimed at Captain America Captain America's face, ready to turn him into a real Faceless Man.
"I'm still a virgin! How could I possibly have milk! Are you two idiots?!" She was so angry that she stomped her feet, feeling that her two teammates were complete morons.
"Ah?"
It was only then that Captain America seemed to come into contact with the correct biological knowledge.
His eyes looked slightly blank.
After regaining his senses, he immediately gave an awkward laugh.
"I've learned something new. It seems that the transgender friends I knew before were special cases..." The life experience of a World War II veteran seeking re-employment is indeed quite unique.
Gwen didn't dare ask.
"Don't cry, my old man, please don't cry."
Thor, holding the crying baby helplessly, was sweating profusely with anxiety. "What should I do? None of the books my father made me study had any instructions on how to raise a baby!"
Just when everyone was at a loss--
"Click."
Another cracking sound.
Everyone turned around.
From the wreckage of Morgan Stark's ice-sculpted fighter jet, a figure slowly emerged. Her armor was intact, and her eyes were clear, indicating that she had been awake for quite some time, and perhaps even... had been listening the whole time. She silently walked into the wreckage, rummaged around for a while, and pulled out a baby bottle with Winnie the Pooh printed on it, the bottle still steaming.
"Here you go." The girl handed the bottle to Thor, "While it's hot."
"Thank you, thank you. This can't be your milk, can it? You don't seem to be lactating yet... Sorry, I've killed too many cows, I always confuse humans with dairy cows." Thor was overjoyed and quickly took it. He originally wanted to investigate the source of the milk, but after seeing Morgan's speechless expression, he immediately changed his mind.
He truly meant no harm. Although he had lived in the human world for a long time, the crown prince, who had not yet experienced romantic feelings, did not really understand humans, these mammals.
He knew he had said the wrong thing, so he kept quiet and carefully put it into baby Odin's mouth. The little guy immediately stopped crying and started sucking happily, his little face full of contentment.
"It's even hot milk made from formula!" Captain America sniffed the milky aroma in the air, staring at Morgan in disbelief. "How come you have something like this?"
He didn't quite understand why Morgan could find such a thing in the wreckage of armor that had already been pried open and rummaged through by "someone," unless that person always carried milk powder or hot milk with them when they went out.
When Captain America questioned him, Morgan Stark not only didn't hide anything, but also showed a somewhat matter-of-fact expression, "I'm not even an adult yet, so of course I still drink some baby formula occasionally. You guys should be glad Uncle Ian probably didn't find this drink before he left, otherwise Uncle Thor's dad definitely wouldn't have any to drink."
These words were spoken.
Morgan, completely oblivious to the strange looks they were giving him, pulled a pack of diapers from his armor's storage compartment. "Here, take this too, it's strawberry scented."
Thor took the diaper and looked at the baby Odin in his arms, who was full and yawning. Suddenly, he felt that this world was so magical that it was almost unreal.
" Morgan." He hesitated for a moment, but couldn't help asking, "Do you usually carry these with you?"
Morgan tilted her head. "Uncle Ian said that you have to be well-prepared when you're out in the world." She pulled out a bunch of things from her armor. "Look, there are baby wipes, pacifiers, and fever reducers."
A slight silence fell over the scene.
Gwen: "."
Captain America: "."
The two exchanged a glance and came to the same conclusion—this was definitely a child raised by Ian, who not only understood Ian but also had unusual biological habits.
Perhaps this is what Ian taught?
So that's why Morgan Stark thinks it's normal?
"Doesn't Tony have time to take care of his own daughter? Even if Tony doesn't have time, Tony wife should... well, Stark Industries is entirely managed by his wife."
Gwen thought for a moment.
Then it seemed like he understood something: perhaps Morgan Stark's closeness to Ian was because Morgan Stark spent more time with Ian than with his parents when he was a child.
"So that means..." Gwen somewhat startled, her eyes flickering as she looked at Morgan Stark. She always felt that behind Morgan Stark's seemingly normal personality might lie some unknown, sinister side. After all, if he were truly so close to the Evil God, how could he be so normal?
Some clues can be gleaned from the things Morgan Stark carries when he goes out.
While Gwen becomes curious about Morgan, Thor is feeding his father milk, with Captain America helping out— Thor has just pulled the pacifier out of baby Odin's mouth.
Sudden.
He heard a sharp, shattering sound in the air. Everyone looked up alertly and saw the space ten meters away peel away like a broken mirror, revealing an orange-yellow portal that was spinning and unfolding—more mechanized than the portals in Kamar-Taj, with patterns shimmering around its edges like electronic patterns.
"It's finally here!" Captain America jumped up excitedly. "It must be Doctor Strange's portal."
He might have some eye problems.
Twelve fully armed soldiers stepped out of the portal.
It's not Doctor Strange.
The group wore black uniforms with unfamiliar "TVA" badges. The leader was a plump Black woman who held a glowing tablet computer and scanned the group with sharp eyes.
"B-15, confirm coordinates."
She spoke into her headset.
"This appears to be a standard timeline error."
The device in this person's hand has locked onto Thor, Gwen, Captain America, and Odin.
"The anomaly has been identified."
She didn't know who she was talking to.
Gwen's spider-sense went off like crazy, and she instinctively assumed a fighting stance.
Who are you?
Gwen alert.
The Black woman didn't even lift her eyelids.
"Darling, you don't need to know who I am."
She snapped her fingers, and all the soldiers simultaneously raised their oddly shaped weapons. "All you need to know is that I, representing the Time Variance Authority, am arresting you for violating the Sacred Timeline."
The woman suddenly raised her voice.
Hands up!
This was like an order. Captain America's tactical thinking instantly analyzed three escape plans—and then rejected them all. The equipment these people were equipped with was too unfamiliar for him to fathom in terms of performance.
"Ha! Damn it!" Thor's annoyed laughter broke the tense atmosphere. He held baby Odin in one arm, Mjolnir spun around in his other hand, crackling with electricity.
"I've had enough of you inexplicable people! This is the Nine Realms, the domain of Asgard!" Lightning crackled around him. "Not just any Tom, Dick, or Harry can enforce the law here!"
He seemed determined to defend his country's rule.
"Number 7642, Execute the disciplinary agreement."
The Black woman suddenly sighed.
The soldiers in the front row raised a weapon that looked like a glow stick.
"Zzz--"
A flash of blue light, Thor suddenly transformed into a character from a slow-motion movie.
His furious roar was drawn out into a comical low-frequency hum, and the way he raised his hammer was as slow as if it would take a year to complete. The milk foam that baby Odin spat out floated in mid-air, refracting a rainbow of light.
"Now."
The Black woman walked up to Gwen and lightly lifted her chin with her fingers.
"Does anyone still want to be a hero?"
Her words carried an arrogant air of complete control, and three hands shot up in unison— Captain America, Gwen, and even Morgan all behaved obediently like elementary school students in a classroom.
"A wise choice." She turned and waved to the soldiers, "Take away anomalies A-113 ( Captain America ), A-114 ( Gwen ), and A-115 ( Thor and his accompanying infant)."
As the time-manipulation shackles were placed on his wrists, Captain America suddenly noticed something was wrong.
"Wait, where's that girl?"
He pointed at Morgan.
Morgan pointed to himself as well.
"Yes, what about me?"
She felt as if she were the one who had been left behind.
The tone was melancholic.
However.
The Black woman glanced at the tablet, ignored Morgan Captain America, and walked into the portal with her restocked anomaly. All the mysterious soldiers disappeared into the ruined city.
"Hello!"
Morgan rushed forward and tried to grab the woman's arm.
It was unsuccessful.
Why aren't you arresting me?
The portal closed in front of her.
world.
Silence returned once more.