Kitagawa Ryo looked at Horikita Suzune, who seemed unusually nervous for some reason. When he'd caught a glimpse of her from afar yesterday, she'd exuded the distinctive, dignified air of a girl with long, straight black hair.
After they introduced themselves, the two fell into an awkward, blind-date-like silence. Kitagawa Ryo glanced at the copy of Crime and Punishment on the table and tried to find something to talk about:
"Do you usually read long works of foreign literature like this, Horikita?"
"How do you feel about the marriage contract between us?"
Horikita Suzune spoke at almost exactly the same time as Kitagawa Ryo.
A loud smack came from a table nearby. It sounded as if someone had hacked into a plate with a knife.
Why Lie? Why Not Lie?
Karuizawa Kei had curled up alone outside Kitagawa Ryo's room. She sat there with her knees hugged to her chest and her back against the door. The floor was covered with a soft carpet, so at least she wasn't cold. She ran her fingers over its fluffy surface, almost admiring that she'd managed not to overreact at the first mention of a "marriage contract." Instead, she'd simply left the dining room in a daze, then made her way back here in a wretched state.
Six months ago, she would have gone straight up to Kitagawa Ryo and demanded an explanation. He'd told her that Horikita was only "a friend's younger sister." She'd already asked him outright whether he'd been lying. There was so much she could have argued with him about, but now she'd chosen to leave without a word.
Karuizawa Kei realized she was afraid and avoiding the truth. She didn't want to face it herself. She would rather hear the facts explained by Kitagawa Ryo. All she had to do was believe him, nod, and say, "It's okay. I understand. Don't worry about me, Ryo."
Just like what she'd said to Ryo last night, before heading home:
"I'm happy you came back to find me, Ryo."
That was right. Karuizawa Kei was genuinely happy Kitagawa Ryo had returned. Ryo still protected her just as he had before. Ryo still cherished her just as he had before...
As if that could make her forget that he would soon leave again. As if that could make her ignore this baffling marriage contract.
Karuizawa Kei clutched the fabric over her chest. She grabbed the package containing the dress she'd bought that morning and tore it open, almost savagely. Hugging the long, pure-black dress, she pressed her face into its soft fabric. The distinct scent of new clothes filled her nose, and the skirt spilled down from her knees like flowing water. At that moment, she seemed to see Kitagawa Ryo's black eyes from that morning, filled with urgency and even a hint of pleading.
He really liked the way she looked in this dress.
Karuizawa Kei simply stood up and held the dress in front of herself, turning in a circle. The hotel corridor walls gleamed like mirrors. With her lips pursed and her cheeks shyly flushed, she looked like a bride-to-be trying on her wedding dress.
A bride.
The word suddenly appeared in Karuizawa Kei's mind. It was a natural association, born from the word "marriage contract."
She suddenly remembered first grade in elementary school, when their homeroom teacher had asked each student in turn to name their dream job. One boy had said he wanted to be a scientist. He probably thought a scientist was just someone who shook bottles in a lab, whatever chemicals they contained, but it sounded incredibly cool. Another boy had said he wanted to be a professional baseball player. He might not have known the rules of baseball, but he still thought it was awesome to swing a bat and send a ball flying.
Back then, Karuizawa Kei had stammered for a long time without thinking of a job. Luckily, the teacher hadn't pressed her. Seeing that she couldn't come up with an answer, the teacher had let her sit down. The girl who stood up next—whose name and face she'd forgotten by now—had loudly announced that she wanted to be a princess and marry a prince.
That answer had completely outshone the scientist and professional baseball player. The children who'd already answered regretted not thinking of such a showstopping response, while those who hadn't yet had their turn copied her. Soon the whole class was talking about princes and princesses, grooms and brides.
At fourteen, Karuizawa Kei gave the question some serious thought again. Seven or eight years had passed, and she still couldn't do much of anything. She didn't have a dream job, either.
An idol? A writer? An actor? She was still young enough to dream about anything, but to her dismay, Karuizawa Kei found that she had no ambitions in any of those areas.
But the moment the word "bride" appeared out of nowhere, she suddenly understood.
Even she had something she wanted—a future she wanted for herself.
"Ryo..."
Karuizawa Kei hugged the dress and slowly crouched down again. Whenever his name appeared in her mind, her heart beat faster without her meaning it to, as if she were about to blurt out an excited "Wow!" A strange, unbearable itch stirred inside her.
As long as Kitagawa Ryo was by her side, she felt intensely safe.
Could she call this feeling "love"?
Alone in the empty corridor, Karuizawa Kei suddenly calmed down.
"Then why, during the six months after Ryo left, did I only think of him after I'd been bullied?"
In fact, during the first three months after Kitagawa Ryo cut off contact with Karuizawa Kei, she had enjoyed being at the center of her class. Back then, she hadn't noticed anything bad happening to her because Ryo was gone. It was as if she could live independently of him.
But...
Karuizawa Kei squeezed her eyes shut in pain. When Kitagawa Ryo had suddenly appeared in front of her yesterday and pulled her away from that tipping cup of American coffee, she had truly felt that long-missed sense of safety and dependence again. She'd even hugged Kitagawa Ryo and cried, then kissed his neck.
Now Karuizawa Kei couldn't tell which parts of her feelings were genuine and which were merely an illusion born of them. Maybe she craved his protection so much that she was deceiving herself about her feelings.
"Liar..."
Karuizawa Kei muttered to herself. She'd once read about the "suspension bridge effect." It described how a person's heart would beat faster when they were anxious while crossing a suspension bridge. If they happened to meet someone at that moment, they might mistake the racing heartbeat caused by the situation for a physical reaction brought on by attraction to that person, and develop romantic feelings for them. The classic "hero saves a beauty" scene was often influenced by the suspension bridge effect.
"This is so strange..."
There was nothing wrong with falling for Ryo after he rescued her from long-term bullying at school, was there?
Karuizawa Kei shook her head in frustration and bit her lip. She desperately wanted to find proof that she really did like Ryo. That it wasn't because she was seeking his supposed protection. That it wasn't because she couldn't survive alone. That it wasn't because Kitagawa Ryo was willing to let her...
She absolutely couldn't admit any of that. If she did, Karuizawa Kei would never be able to face Kitagawa Ryo again.
Who would call such a twisted feeling "love"?
Karuizawa Kei glared at her reflection on the wall. The girl had a pretty face, but Karuizawa Kei herself knew how many ugly, indelible scars were hidden beneath that body. Even though time had worn some of them away, they were still etched into her heart, one after another. The more she thought about it, the more she hated being merely pretty, with no talent or willpower, and no way to protect herself.
If only...
Karuizawa Kei touched the face reflected on the wall. She really wanted to start over, to go back to the very beginning.
She would work hard to make herself stronger, so no one could bully her. She would grow up healthy, and then—fall in love again, and like him in an ordinary way.
Maybe that was just another weak, evasive thought. Karuizawa Kei didn't even have the resolve to start changing now.
Whatever. It didn't matter anymore. Karuizawa Kei stood up.
Whether her feelings were real or false, the only thing she could do now was stay by Kitagawa Ryo's side. Karuizawa Kei had long since become too fragile and helpless to stand on her own.
"When I turned around, Kei was gone. So she went somewhere to change into her new clothes."
Following the directions on his phone, Kitagawa Ryo returned to the clothing store they'd visited that morning. He happened to run into Karuizawa Kei as she came out, already wearing the black dress.
"Ryo said it looked good on me, so I thought I'd let you admire it a little longer."
Karuizawa Kei picked up Kitagawa Ryo's cue with a bright smile. Compared to how she'd hesitated and said she didn't want it that morning, she seemed especially confident now. Without the slightest hesitation, she spun around in front of Kitagawa Ryo, showing it off.
"It's the same color as your eyes."
"Seems like it."
Kitagawa Ryo was a little surprised that Karuizawa Kei hadn't brought up his lunchtime meeting with Horikita Suzune. He remembered that when Horikita Suzune had said the words "marriage contract," Karuizawa Kei had seemed to react quite strongly. But the commotion had lasted only a moment, and he hadn't heard anything about it since.
Still, Kitagawa Ryo had nothing to feel guilty about. He'd made his position clear to Horikita Suzune right away:
A marriage contract was nothing more than an agreement between the previous generation. If neither of them wanted it, they could simply ignore it. Horikita Suzune only needed to state her position, and Kitagawa Ryo could handle the rest himself.
What he hadn't expected was Horikita Suzune's strange attitude. She hadn't rejected the idea outright. Instead, she'd said that since he was Horikita Manabu's good friend, she wanted to learn more about him and use the opportunity to find out what Horikita Manabu liked.
Kitagawa Ryo could only admire such an inexplicable obsession. He was rather curious about what strange impression Horikita Manabu had left on Horikita Suzune all those years ago, that even two years after he'd left, she still couldn't forget him.
Anyway, their conversation hadn't been very long. Afterward, Kitagawa Ryo had talked with Horikita Suzune about a few of their ideas, then used Crime and Punishment as a jumping-off point to discuss literature. He felt he'd completed his parents' and Horikita Manabu's assignment.
Maybe the conversation at noon had taken too much out of him, or maybe he was simply tired from skipping his nap. After browsing a couple of shops, even Kitagawa Ryo had begun to lose interest. Karuizawa Kei noticed his mood and suggested they take a break, so the two of them sat on a bench by the road. A bus stop stood nearby. Kitagawa Ryo passed the time by looking over the bus schedule, counting how many stops there were and where each one led.
Then he spotted a place name that seemed familiar, and his eyes lit up. He pointed it out to Karuizawa Kei:
"Do you remember this park, Kei?"
Karuizawa Kei tilted her head and leaned against Kitagawa Ryo's, moving closer to look.
"It seems kind of familiar... Did Ryo and I go there before?"
"I think so. I remember there was a temple halfway up the mountain."
Kitagawa Ryo nodded with conviction, propping his head up with his right hand as he spoke.
"I remember you took me there, Kei. Honestly, it was my first time riding the bus for so many stops in one go. It felt like I'd gone really far from home, and I was worried I wouldn't be able to get back."
"Ryo used to be afraid of that?"
Karuizawa Kei giggled, seeming unable to believe it.
"In my mind, Ryo was the childhood friend who could do anything."
"What do you mean, 'could do anything'? Everyone has things they can't do alone."
As he spoke, Kitagawa Ryo unzipped his jacket and took it off, then turned it around to show Karuizawa Kei the zipper on the back.
"Look. If you're alone, you can't zip up the back by yourself."
As he spoke, he tried awkwardly to reach behind himself with his right hand and pull the zipper up, but he couldn't get past the halfway point.
"Ryo, you look so silly..."
Noticing people nearby were looking their way, Karuizawa Kei hurriedly reminded him:
"Put it back on already."
Once Kitagawa Ryo had turned the jacket around and put it back on, he grinned.
"See? That's why I made Horikita do the same thing at noon. She kept insisting that she could live on her own and didn't need anyone else."
"And what happened?"
Kitagawa Ryo shrugged, remembering the way Horikita Suzune had blushed at lunchtime but refused to admit defeat, desperately trying to zip up the jacket.
"Hey, let's go to the pet shop."
As if he'd just come up with a good idea, Kitagawa Ryo sprang to his feet.
"Have you ever thought about getting a cat or a dog, Kei? I can buy enough cat food or dog food in advance. If it gets sick, I know the director of a veterinary clinic, too. That way, even after I leave, you'll still have a companion."
Karuizawa Kei could tell at a glance that Kitagawa Ryo had planned this in advance. She played along, letting her excitement and delight shine through.
"Sure! I really like cats and dogs, too."
For now, all she had to do was accept everything Kitagawa Ryo gave her. She wanted to form a deeper, closer bond with Kitagawa Ryo, until their fates were completely entwined. Somehow, she thought that might make her feel a little more at ease. Even if Kitagawa Ryo really ran away one day, Karuizawa Kei could follow the string and pull him back to her side.
Half an hour later, Karuizawa Kei saw a beautiful white cat with firefly-colored eyes. When it saw Kitagawa Ryo and Karuizawa Kei, it rubbed its sleepy, firefly-colored eyes with its little paws, then wagged its fluffy tail and came over to Kitagawa Ryo's finger to nuzzle against it.
"What do you think of the name 'Hotaru'?"
Kitagawa Ryo held it out to Karuizawa Kei.
"That's a lovely name. I like it a lot."
Karuizawa Kei gently took Hotaru. She played with the white cat's little paws. Hotaru wasn't fierce at all.
"Then Hotaru will be your cat from now on, Kei."
Seeing how much Karuizawa Kei liked it, Kitagawa Ryo declared the matter settled, satisfied.
"I think Hotaru should be a cat that Ryo and I raise together."
Karuizawa Kei lifted Hotaru's little paw and made it wave cutely in front of Kitagawa Ryo.
"Don't you think so?"
Her eyes were filled with smiles.
I don't have to lie. Why should I lie?
[Story CG: "Lying." Reading complete.]
The Little Prince and His Rose
The night Emi Eura's maternal grandmother died in the hospital, her mother held her in the corridor, hugging her tightly as she cried.
"Why are you crying?"
Ten-year-old Emi Eura asked her mother.
Her mother was puzzled by the question.
Her mother told her that she would never see her own mother again, and Emi Eura would never see her grandmother again. Wasn't that sad?
"Why would it be sad?"
Her mother didn't understand how she felt when she asked the question.
"Grandma just died. We're all going to die, too."
What did she mean? Her mother asked Emi Eura in alarm, her voice trembling as if she couldn't understand her own daughter.
"I don't know what the meaning of being alive is."
Her mother never understood what she said, so Emi Eura sighed.
"I don't understand what life is, or what it means to be alive. From the time I was born until now, I haven't felt even the slightest connection to it."
"You never talk to me about things like this, either."
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