Another Ying's Diary

"This is the sentence I saw today."

"But in legend, the Altair and Vega are meant to be together, belonging only to each other."

"Don't you think the two statements contradict each other, brother?"

"But later, I realized that neither statement was wrong."

"Stars have their own stars, and people will meet their own soulmates; they are the stars in each other's hearts."

At first, it felt like watching another child who looked exactly like you performing some kind of drama.

However, as time goes on, it becomes apparent that the two lights on and off the screen become increasingly different.

The one inside is gradually weakening, while the one outside is perfectly healthy.

"... What exactly are you doing?"

For the first time in his life, Kitagawa Ryo attempted to ask Hotaru a question tinged with confusion and even anger:

"Firefly?!"

"Who is my brother calling?"

Then, he saw the pure white kitten tilt its head at him:

"Is it me? Or her?"

"I'm calling out to you, but you are all originally Hotaru, you are all me..."

"Wrong."

Once again, the kitten sitting there interrupted Kitagawa Ryo's words:

"I am... and I am the only one, the only Firefly."

It seemed to be addressed to Kitagawa Ryo, and also to the other Hotaru beneath him:

"My soul, the soul of Ying, resides only here."

"And she is just a counterfeit. There is no reason for you to like her, brother, nor is there any reason for her to like you."

"Hotaru would never say such a thing."

"People change, you know. After all, if no one changed, would my brother have connected with so many girls besides me?"

"Besides, doesn't my brother know best? Getting sick is a process of gradually learning to be content, so conversely, isn't recovering a process of gradually learning to be greedy?"

"You were greedy, I was greedy, and she was greedy too."

As she spoke, the kitten glanced down at Ying again:

"So, have you made up your mind yet?"

"The facts are right in front of you. From the very beginning, my brother only wanted to save me, and there was no other way to help him except by truly Salvation me!"

Kitagawa Ryo wanted to argue back, but in the next instant he found himself completely speechless. He felt as if he had been banished to the very edge of a dream, like a spectator forced to watch a story unfold, unable to participate in any of the topics on stage.

As the kitten spoke, it quietly disappeared, replaced by the image of Ying, frozen in the last moment of her life.

That was a completely different existence from the fireflies outside the frame.

Without good health, without a happy family, there is no Allure of the Masses.

Her hair was dry and brittle, and her body was thin. At first glance, she looked more like a child who had not yet developed. That was the last form that Ying left in this world.

"I..."

For Hotaru, who had been meticulously protected by Kitagawa Ryo from beginning to end, and whose mental age perfectly matched her physical age, and who was just a third-year middle school student, none of what happened today was something she could quickly accept in just a few hours.

In reality, the character Hotaru in the picture didn't even reach the age of a third-year junior high school student.

Seeing that Hotaru, though deeply shaken, was still trying to say something, the so-called deity residing within the cat's body continued to speak in her ear:

"I will make Liang happy, and make him belong only to Ying."

Even though she never wanted to admit that the other person was her, the moment she said those words, she knew that the other person would definitely not refuse.

Because they were originally one person.

Using this opening, we can completely tear down her defenses, like exchanging what we lack to achieve completeness, using a convincing performance to fool the audience, even if it's just a momentary lapse in concentration.

Let this usurping consciousness forever remain lost in another endless dream; let her, the original leading lady, play the role on the stage of reality.

As for how the older brother will react to this?

Hey, do you know what?

Now there's only one Firefly left.

No, there should only have been one Ying from the beginning.

It no longer matters what her brother's feelings for her were.

Because the most important thing has already been confirmed in the last instance of reality.

That is--

Her brother couldn't continue living alone in a world without her.

Congratulations! Congratulations!

Chapter Twenty-Six: Another Firefly's Diary

Hotaru remembers the Matoba first looking up at the creature called her brother very clearly. Perhaps it's because she had already started to remember things by then, but she feels that it is even more vivid in her memory than when she first called out "Dad" and "Mom".

Within a family, these terms of address among relatives are undoubtedly used more frequently than names, just like when Hotaru heard her parents finish talking and called for her brother to come and take her, her little sister, to play nearby.

Therefore, names may never be the only thing that can distinguish people in this world, after all, the factor of some people having the same name must also be taken into account.

But a particular form of address is appropriate only for a particular person.

Just like when she calls out "brother," the person who turns around to look at her will definitely be that person.

At this moment, names and surnames seem to lose their function and necessity; the kinship ties construct a unique bond, something innate that a person is given from birth.

Of course, at that time, I obviously didn't think about such deep concepts. I simply felt that in that environment called family, the other person was the only one who would respond to my behavior.

Whether you want something or not, whether you're crying because of something or laughing because you want to share something, no matter what emotions you're feeling when you call out the first two names, you'll eventually find that calling out the third name is much faster and better.

So she gradually learned to skip the first two and only call the creature called "brother" when she spoke.

A few years later, Hotaru finally grasped the concept of age and realized that the person she relied on was actually only two years older than her.

If that's the case, in two years, won't she be the same age as him?

Two years later, it seems the other person is still two years older than her.

It was only then that she realized her brother would always be two years older than her, and therefore would always be her brother.

After realizing this fact, Hotaru was initially a little frustrated, but later she felt that it wasn't so bad.

Perhaps because she's in elementary school, her mind is filled with all sorts of random thoughts all day long.

Her brother didn't go to school with her because he was going to a specialized drama school to become a theatrical Actor. Although she didn't really know what that was, she figured it was probably similar to going to school.

Ying thinks she should be considered a smart child, because even though she spends most of her time thinking about all sorts of wild and unrealistic fantasies, she can still easily get good grades.

"Hotaru is really smart."

The teachers at school always praised her like that.

But my older brother doesn't seem to be very good at it.

He began to have less and less time to play with her like before. Every day he had to spend a lot of time practicing so-called drama, but he couldn't get the same praise as her. Instead, he received endless criticism and dissatisfaction.

After witnessing her brother being beaten and scolded by their father once again, Ying ran up to her teacher at school, looked up at her, and said:

"I feel so sad."

But the teacher's answer was:

"Children don't have any real feelings."

"My grades have slipped recently, is it because I'm not studying harder?"

For children, it seems that only their brains matter, while their hearts are insignificant.

As Ying pondered this, she drew a heart on her textbook.

She clearly felt that they were the same thing, both places where feelings arise.

Every time she saw her brother's situation, she felt her head spin, her heart race, and her vision blurred.

Later, Hotaru realized that she was sick.

Before she could even distinguish what the brain and heart were, or what they looked like, and when she tried to draw, she could never draw the former and always simply used a heart to represent the latter, the doctor prematurely announced the lesions that existed in her body.

Then her father and mother both disappeared from her life at the same time.

Or rather, she disappeared from both of their lives.

But my brother is still alive.

Their relationship seemed to have returned to its very beginning. She no longer needed to, nor did she have the energy, to think about trivial questions like whether he was only two years older than her or whether she could catch up with him in two years. All she needed to do was call him "brother."

It was as if they had known this would happen all along. The older brother, who was still just a kid himself, easily handled all the aftermath, then officially debuted as a child Actor and began raising money for her personal medical expenses.

During the initial conservative treatment, she was able to attend school normally, and it was there that she met her first friend besides her brother. Her friend's name was Ichinose Maki, and she had an older sister named Ichinose Honami, who was the same age as her brother.

That was probably the happiest time of my life, and I even felt that it would continue like that forever, just like when my older brother first led me to crawl and play on the carpet in the living room.

But just as Hotaru was about to graduate from elementary school and prepare to enter middle school with her friends, her brother suddenly informed her of news that changed all her plans.

Ying still remembers that it was a morning when she was humming a song as she tried on her middle school uniform while looking in the mirror.

Just like the professional clothes you can get by changing jobs after reaching a certain level in a game, when I wear my middle school uniform, I always feel like the person in the mirror has grown up a lot all of a sudden, as if they have shot up a lot taller in a single day.

"Elder brother?"

Then, she heard a knock on the door behind her.

Since her condition was initially brought under control and she gradually regained her ability to take care of herself, the other person has separated their rooms again, and always knocks on the door before entering her room, even if she deliberately leaves the door ajar.

Hotaru walked towards the door with her hands behind her back and a slightly skipping gait, ready to let her brother see what she looked like in her middle school uniform the moment he pushed the door open.

Whether it's the fluttering tie on her chest, the pure white sailor uniform, or the sky-blue pleated skirt, ordinary colors and styles have long been imbued with various other meanings by people, and then attributed to the person wearing them through the clothes.

I'm going to middle school soon!

Hotaru spread her arms wide, as if trying to make herself look bigger, and unconsciously raised her feet a little higher, but they still only reached her brother's chest.

I feel like our heights haven't changed at all compared to a month or two ago. Not only have we stopped growing taller, but it feels like only my older brother is growing taller on his own, widening the gap between us.

"Yeah, that's really fast."

There was a sense that the other person's tone was quite complicated, and she couldn't quite feel their joy or happiness, which made Ying tilt her head in confusion.

Is it possible that for my older brother, growing up, going from elementary school to middle school, and then to high school and university, isn't something he enjoys?

But over the years, it seems that in my brother's heart, I've always been that little girl who needed his care...

Is that version of me the sister my brother ideally wants, the sister he desires most?

If I keep growing taller, will there come a day when I can no longer be my brother's sister?

But I couldn't shrink back, and neither could my brother.

Kitagawa Ryo, of course, had no idea that Hotaru had already entertained so many strange and wonderful thoughts in just one minute. He simply calmly told her the purpose of his visit that day:

"I've made all the arrangements. In another week, Ying will be leaving for overseas to receive treatment. If all goes well, she shouldn't have any more relapses and should be able to live a normal life like an ordinary person."

"Uh... but I'm going to middle school soon."

"Health is more important."

The older brother's tone was more forceful than ever before.

"Then, how long will it take?"

"If all goes well, two years should be enough."

Two years?

"Yes, two years."

Ying looked down at her toes, which had unconsciously twitched together, and sniffled, protesting to her brother for the first time in a small way:

What if... what if I don't want to go?