I've Secretly Sniped the System, Old Feng!

What the hell! Who designed this system?!

I've secretly sniped the system, Old Feng!

System: So what if I'm a lousy shot? What's with all the crap? This system is the boss!

GOOGLE SEARCH TWKAN

Qingyu stared at the strings of text on the translucent interface before him, all laced with teasing and parenthetical snark. He wanted to cry.

"System, are you actually a person in disguise? Why do you sound like some unscrupulous game developer?"

"Go," Tobirama said, reaching a conclusion at once.

"You have to go." Izuna rarely agreed with him, but this time he did.

"Why?!" Qingyu grabbed his hair.

"That's the Uchiha Clan Meeting! It'll be full of old foxes with Three-Tomoe Sharingan! What chance does my little secret have of staying hidden from them?"

What if I really trigger a defeat CG?!

"That's exactly why you should go," Tobirama reasoned calmly.

"Right now, they're 'curious and observing you.' If you clearly refuse this invitation, their curiosity will turn into 'confirmed suspicion.'"

"'This kid's definitely hiding something.' If you go, you can observe their attitude, gather information, and even get a chance to influence what they think of you."

"Besides..." Izuna's voice grew serious.

"I want to know what the Uchiha have become sixty years from now... Have they grown so comfortable in the village founded by the Senju that they've rotted away, or..."

He paused, leaving the sentence unfinished.

But Qingyu understood what he'd left unsaid. Were they still as sharp as ever, with rebellion simmering beneath the surface?

"Not a single clan member followed me that day..."

Uchiha Hawks: Why did Clan Head Madara leave through the front gate?

Uchiha Doves: Greek milk~ He's probably out shopping.

"Fine, fine. I'll go."

I'm going to avoid his edge?!

Qingyu sighed in resignation. "But before that..."

He looked out the window. It was already dark, but his eyes shone startlingly bright.

"I need to get stronger first. Otherwise, going there would be like walking into the kitchen to be served up. I wouldn't even qualify to sit in."

Over the next three days, Qingyu discovered what "Warring States-style rat race" meant—and what it was like to have two demonic coaches living in his head.

At five in the morning, the two "human alarm clocks" in his head woke him up right on time.

Izuna's simulated killing intent and Tobirama's icy chakra stimulation worked in tandem.

A ten-kilometer morning run? No, it was a ten-kilometer "chakra-adhesion obstacle course."

He had to run while using chakra to stick to tree trunks, walls, and even utility poles to change direction.

When he slid off a three-meter-high tree for the umpteenth time and landed hard on his butt, Tobirama calmly analyzed, "Your landing angle was off by twelve degrees. Your impact absorption was inefficient. I recommend adjusting your pelvic tilt."

Izuna said, "Don't be ridiculous! Why not stick a shuriken in the ground when you jump down to break your fall? That's what we Uchiha do!"

Qingyu lay facedown on the ground, on the verge of tears. "...Do you think I'm some kind of humanoid Gundam? And I'll break my wrist if I use a shuriken to break my fall!"

The morning ninjutsu training was an even bigger disaster.

He had to maintain an improved Great Fireball with his left hand while gathering a high-purity sphere of water in his right, controlling two ninjutsu with opposing properties at once.

"Your Fire Release chakra is veering 0.3 degrees to the right!" Izuna was like a human rangefinder.

"That makes the attack cover a wider area, but slows its flight by 0.15 seconds. In battle, a 0.1-second difference is the difference between life and death."

"Your Water Release isn't pure enough. The impurity rate is over five percent," Tobirama said, watching the other hand.

"That'll throw off its balance with the Fire Release. Use the three-stage filtration method I taught you. Cycle the chakra through the twelve primary pathways three times before extracting it."

Sweat beaded on Qingyu's forehead, and his hands trembled. "I... I can't control two things at once! My brain's going to overload!"

I really can't do it!

"Then keep practicing until you can," they said in unison, their voices utterly flat.

Qingyu: ...Are you two broken records?

He got an hour's break at noon to eat, then they dragged him into the mental space for theory lessons.

Izuna taught him Warring States-era battlefield psychology:

"When you're facing three enemies, don't look at the strongest one. He'll be on guard.

"And don't look at the weakest one. He might be bait.

"Look at the one in the middle, the one who's neither strong nor weak. His eyes, breathing, and muscle tension will reveal the whole team's coordination and chain of command."

So I'm supposed to attack the one in the middle. What did I ever do to you? I'm neither strong nor weak, neither left nor right!

I'm mad!

Tobirama taught chakra particle dynamics—Qingyu's nickname for it:

"The nature transformation of chakra is essentially an adjustment of its frequency. Fire Release is high-frequency vibration, simulating the intense movement of particles. Water Release is low-frequency flow, simulating the forces between molecules.

"In theory, if your microscopic control is precise enough, you can complete a nature transformation in 0.3 seconds—or even achieve localized blending of different natures..."

Qingyu took notes while muttering, "Why does this feel like a college physics class..."

And does this kind of thing even exist in the Shinobi World?!

Sigh, scientists are amazing, huh?

Amazing my ass!

The afternoon sparring sessions were a true nightmare.

Tobirama came up with a brilliant—demonic—idea: Qingyu had to use Shadow Clones to fight himself.

"When the Shadow Clones are dispelled, their experience and fatigue return to the original," Tobirama said calmly.

"It's the most efficient training method. It's like getting twice the training time in one body."

"But it also takes twice as much chakra!" Qingyu protested. "And I'll feel twice as tired! I'll die!"

"That's why you need to train," Izuna piled on.

"If you don't have enough chakra, train until you do. If you can't last long enough, train until you can. We didn't have time to take things slowly during the Warring States period. If you couldn't learn something today, you might die on the battlefield tomorrow."

So the training ground was often the setting for a scene of total mental breakdown:

Qingyu's original body and two Shadow Clones fought tooth and nail.

Shadow Clone A, in Izuna's style: "Rush in from the left! Use Uchiha Style footwork to trick him into shifting his weight!"

Shadow Clone B, in Tobirama's tactical style: "Wrong! Feint to the right first and force him to redirect his chakra to defend. That'll leave a 0.5-second opening at his left flank!"

Qingyu, the original: "Both of you shut up! I'm fighting myself! Who the hell are you giving orders to?!"

Even more absurdly, the two Shadow Clones sometimes attacked each other.

"Your tactics are too cautious!" Shadow Clone A snapped.

"Your fighting style is just asking to die!" Shadow Clone B shot back.

Qingyu: I'm done for. I really need to get you two under control!

Then the two Shadow Clones started fighting.

Qingyu stood between them, trying to break it up. "Stop fighting! Both of you, stop!"

Remember, it's pouring rain right now!

"Stop fighting! If you want to fight, take it to the dance studio... No, wait, fight after I dispel you!"

On the first day, Qingyu lasted ten minutes before running out of chakra and collapsing on the ground like a dried salted fish.

On the second day, he made it fifteen minutes, like a salted fish that had been run over by a car.

On the third day, he lasted twenty minutes, like a salted fish that could still struggle a little.

[On the third day, Qingyu managed to keep his Shadow Clones active for twenty-five minutes. For the first time, he felt the nascent power of Water-Fire Rotation in actual combat. A small Steam Bomb blasted a training post to pieces.]

["I did it!" Qingyu panted, a flash of delight in his eyes.]

Mission of a Salted Fish!

His progress was visible to the naked eye, and the cost was just as real.

Now Qingyu felt a little traumatized whenever he saw his own Shadow Clones.