Lu Ya's eye twitched, and black lines gathered across his forehead.
This was why he hated bratty kids.
They never played by the rules.
Judging by the two little girls wolfing down their food as if a dream had come true, they'd been eyeing this Azure Phoenix for quite some time.
They wouldn't even spare their own pet. Even a tiger wouldn't eat its cubs!
Wait, tiger...
Lu Ya sensed something was off, so he took a closer look.
A fierce 王 mark sat on each forehead. The two buns atop their heads concealed furry, round ears. Their muscular, golden-yellow bodies stretched over a zhang in length, with sharp fangs and claws. They tore into their food like Taotie devouring a man.
Fear of tigers was innate and hard to shake. Lu Ya took a moment to calm himself, confirmed he was in a game world and that he had max-level cultivation in every class, and only then let out a sigh of relief.
Looking closer, the two girls were Tiger Immortals who had cultivated for six or seven hundred years.
According to the game mechanics of Ancient Immortal Court, fierce beasts absorbed spiritual energy even faster than immortals. They were tough, packed with experience, and ideal targets for leveling up and grinding monsters.
But for a fierce beast to gain intelligence, take human form, and become a Beast Immortal, it needed an expert to enlighten it. Otherwise, no matter how high its level, it could never transform on its own.
The reasoning was simple.
Killing monsters to level up was only natural.
Kill people to level up, and your game was over.
In the game,
once players reached level 11 and became Immortal Monarchs, they could tame fierce beasts as pets or mounts.
Once players reached level 31 and became Immortal Sect Masters, they could enlighten fierce beasts, allowing them to gain intelligence and take human form.
They were known as Beast Immortals.
At last, the fierce beasts had made it through the ordeal. First they went from being chopped up by people to being ridden by them, and then... to being ridden by them. The process had been a little roundabout, but in the end, they gained intelligence and human forms, going from monsters everyone killed on sight to NPCs everyone loved.
Statistics showed that nine out of ten Beast Immortals enlightened by players were of the opposite sex.
Who didn't have a Fox Immortal wife or a Werewolf husband? You'd be too embarrassed to greet anyone if you didn't.
Of course, Lu Ya had been devoted to leveling up in the game. He'd never enjoyed the pleasures of Beast Immortals.
There were no players in this world, either. Beast Immortals were simply Beast Immortals, with no other use.
Lu Ya gave them a quick once-over.
At six or seven hundred years old, the two girls were indeed mere lolis by immortal-beast standards. Their cultivation was only at the entry-level Immortal Monarch stage, and their talent could only be called unremarkable.
They wore green robes that looked like the uniforms of some immortal sect.
What immortal sect would take unremarkable Tiger Immortals as disciples?
It must have taken a great deal of effort and resources to enlighten them.
Lu Ya was puzzled.
Still, since they'd taken human form, they should be treated as people.
The Azure Phoenix was their pet, and they had every right to eat its head.
Being invincible didn't mean he could do whatever he wanted. Lu Ya wouldn't abandon even the most basic principles of being human. He could only wait for the two girls to finish eating before having a proper meal himself.
With nothing better to do, he asked casually,
"What are your names?"
The two girls kept their heads down, eating the phoenix with grease all over their mouths. They were so focused that they didn't seem to hear Lu Ya.
It was only when they paused to rest halfway through that they mumbled,
"My name is Muyu."
"My name is Fei... no, I'm Muyu. You're Feifei."
"Oh, I'm Feifei."
"..."
Lu Ya suspected the two Tiger Immortals had only gained their intelligence recently. They didn't seem all that bright.
"Where do you live?"
"Little Bamboo Spring Mountain."
"It's the Bamboo Spring Sect!"
"Where is the Bamboo Spring Sect?"
"The Bamboo Spring Sect is..."
"Let me think."
The two girls suddenly looked a little dazed.
So they kept eating as they thought.
The more they thought, the more confused they got. The more confused they got, the more ferociously they ate.
In the blink of an eye, they'd swept everything clean, devouring several hundred pounds of roast phoenix until not even a bone remained!
Only then did they pat their round, tiger-striped bellies and say,
"Where is the Bamboo Spring Sect..."
"Oh, right. I can't tell you."
"We definitely know, but you're not a disciple of the sect, so we can't tell you."
"That's right. That's how it is."
Useless at answering questions, champions at eating!
Lu Ya felt like he'd gotten nothing out of asking.
Just then, his stomach started growling again.
Lu Ya had no choice but to put on a fierce act.
"Take me to your sect to find something to eat, or I'll eat children."
"Children?"
The two girls gazed at Lu Ya, their childish voices suddenly turning cold.
"You're sure you want to eat children?"
Just then, a fierce gust of wind swept in, scattering the clouds and setting the pine needles rustling.
The atmosphere turned abruptly bleak.
Though he wasn't actually scared, Lu Ya still felt a chill run down his back.
He looked at the two girls again.
They had turned into enormous tigers over a zhang long, rising one after the other onto all fours. They towered over Lu Ya.
Their long fangs looked capable of biting a person's head clean off. Their limbs were thick as pillars, their claws protruded beyond their toes, and their tails bore a series of sinister black rings, swaying in a slight curve like steel whips.
Their streamlined bodies moved with sleek grace, every muscle firm and powerful. They looked like they could tear Lu Ya to shreds in an instant!
With lazy, soundless steps, they circled around Lu Ya.
"Xiaoyu, that man said he'd eat children. I'm so scared."
"Feifei, which one of us do you think is the child? Awoo..."
Lu Ya stood up helplessly, his stomach growling even louder.
He couldn't help remembering a popular snack from when he'd lived in the countryside as a child, called "Tiger Meat." Just thinking of it made his mouth water.
Looking at the two plump Tiger Immortals, if he hadn't seen them in their little-girl forms, he'd already be starting a fire.
The two Tiger Immortals didn't know how strong Lu Ya was. At first glance, he seemed like an ordinary Immortal Commoner.
After all, Lu Ya's max-level physique had long since returned to its natural state. On top of that, he'd retained a mortal's five senses, so he looked no different from an Immortal Commoner.
But Tiger Immortals were still immortal beasts. They wouldn't eat people without good reason.
After scaring Lu Ya enough, the two Tiger Immortals stopped and began to discuss things.
"For an ordinary Immortal Commoner, he's held out this long without wetting his pants. He's quite good at holding it in."
"Our sect could use a man. Why don't we take him back and make him a flute-playing lad? Wouldn't that be wonderful?"
Black lines spread across Lu Ya's forehead. He raised his hands and threw two punches, bam, bam, knocking the two tigers straight back into human form.
His move was so simple and brutal that the two Tiger Immortals hadn't even reacted. They stared furiously at Lu Ya, then let out two roars from nowhere, shaking the mountains and forests!
Lu Ya raised his fist again.
The roars stopped at once...
And turned into sobs in the blink of an eye.
Their wide, savage glares turned into teary eyes, brimming with shock, confusion, and defiance.
"You-you-you—"
"How can you hit children?"
"Waaah..."
"I'm going to tell the sect master!"
As the two girls wailed, their tears suddenly dried up. They looked bewildered and said,
"Speaking of the sect master... Xiaoyu, what's the sect master throwing the embroidered ball for?"
"You dummy. Throwing the embroidered ball is how she chooses an immortal companion!"
At the mention of it, the two girls' tiger brains seemed to click. They both turned toward Lu Ya.
Their four slanted eyes narrowed as they stared at him for a long while, then said meaningfully,
"He's pretty handsome."
"He's only twenty-one..."
"But he's kind of strong."
"Is he really a mortal?"
Choosing an immortal companion by throwing an Azure Phoenix?
For a moment, Lu Ya didn't know where to begin complaining.
But the two girls didn't look like they were lying.
Throwing an Azure Phoenix like an embroidered ball—what kind of person did that?
The two girls muttered among themselves for ages. Then one of them cleared her throat, imitated the sect master's tone, and said to Lu Ya,
"Young man, would you like to save yourself three thousand years of hard work?"
What the hell was that "young man" supposed to mean?
Did she seriously mean three thousand years?
Lu Ya suddenly remembered those matchmaking jokes from the internet.
A woman three years older gave you a gold brick; ten years older, a kingdom; three hundred years older, a golden core; three thousand years older, a place among the immortals...
Had he really run into a woman three thousand years older than him?
Three thousand years wasn't all that old for an immortal. It was barely acceptable.
And she was a sect master, so she was surely well-off. Maybe he could even land himself an elder's position.
Lu Ya suddenly realized that his beautiful, carefree life was beckoning from just ahead.
"The question is, why does your sect master need to throw an embroidered ball to find a man?"
"My master had an expert do the fortune-telling. He paid a fortune for the Azure Phoenix embroidered ball and said that whoever was capable enough to catch it would be the sect master's destined immortal companion."
"The Azure Phoenix isn't that strong. Why hasn't anyone else tried to catch it?"
"Ah, the sect master's body..."
"Ahem!"
The other girl suddenly grew wary.
"If you heard anything, it was all rumors. Actually, the sect master is just, just..."
"She's too lonely. Hahaha, that's right. The sect master just wants a man!"
Her body?
Rumors?
Lu Ya could faintly smell trouble.
The first rule of being a salted fish: stay away from trouble!
He'd go ask around about those rumors first.
Suppressing his hunger, Lu Ya stood up to take his leave.
"My cave dwelling's on fire. I have to go. I'll come visit another day and we can talk then."
"You're trying to run away?"
One of the girls suddenly snarled, baring her little teeth as she glared at Lu Ya with tiger eyes.
The other girl hurriedly explained,
"Our sect master is beautiful and generous. She's a famous rich immortal beauty in the Central Province. Just look at this immortal robe, this spatial ring, this spirit sword. Aren't they all famous treasures from the Immortal Court?"
"And there's a vacant Sword-Wielding Elder position in the sect. If you become dao companions with the sect master, you can be Sword-Wielding Elder, enter the Immortal Court Registry, and take your place among the immortals. Then you'll get thirty Immortal Crystals a month without having to do a thing!"
A beauty?
A place among the immortals?
Immortal Crystals?
Lu Ya laughed. He was already invincible. Did he give a damn about beauties, Immortal Crystals, or taking his place among the immortals?
"Lead the way."
Before you continue