Finding One's Own Path

"Let's go for a walk." Xiao Hua, having finally found a moment of leisure, began to feel an inexplicable sense of anxiety, so she decided to head out for a while.

She passed by green fields where many crops grew; some she had seen in the Earth Realm where she once lived, while others were entirely foreign to her.

Six years, Xiao Hua thought. Our people have changed so much, and there is so much I no longer recognize.

But where had those six lost years gone?

Everyone else told Xiao Hua that she had died once and was later resurrected by the Ancestral Deities.

Yet, Xiao Hua could not remember a single thing that happened after her death.

Was her unease related to the Ancestral Deities?

Without realizing it, Xiao Hua arrived at the location of the Great Temple.

The Great Temple was the largest temple dedicated to the Ancestral Deities, situated at the very peak of Fang Mountain, a fair distance from Xiao Hua's home.

She usually only entered during sacrificial rites; in the two months since her return, she had only been inside twice. Once was on the day she returned, and the other was for a celebration arranged for her afterward.

Both times, she had come and gone in a hurry. Xiao Hua suddenly realized she had never properly thanked the Ancestral Deities.

After all, it was the Ancestral Deities who had resurrected her.

If the Ancestral Deities had not manifested this miracle, she did not know how much Shu Zi and her son would have wept.

Thinking this, Xiao Hua walked into the Great Temple.

The temple was crowded with people, including both shamans and believers.

Some believers simply came in to bow and leave, while others, seemingly praying for some great wish, laid mats on the ground and prostrated themselves, bowing over and over again.

Xiao Hua watched them with curiosity. Before her death, such a fervent culture of worship had not existed within the tribe.

Seeing Xiao Hua arrive, the surrounding people respectfully cleared a path for her.

Watching the devout tribespeople around her, Xiao Hua slowly walked toward the statues of the Ancestral Deities.

The statues here were newly built. Because the tribespeople said they had barely seen the Ancestral Deities appear in recent years and missed them dearly, Shu Zi had led the entire tribe in constructing these three statues within the Great Temple.

Xiao Hua looked up at the statues.

Sitting in the center was the Eastern God Emperor, Dong Yao. His statue had thick brows and large eyes, with a rugged face and an extremely majestic appearance.

To the left was the Western God Lord, Xi Yuan; her statue had a gentle face, looking very much like a mother.

To the right was the Heavenly Fire God Lord, Li Huo. Her statue was full of spirit, looking every bit like a god of war.

Xiao Hua gazed at the three statues, but the anxiety still lingered in her heart, not in the slightest bit lessened by coming to pay homage to the deities.

She looked at the tribespeople kneeling and kowtowing beside her.

Could performing such a grand act of prostration bring peace of mind?

Xiao Hua asked the shaman beside the statues for a mat, and the shaman gladly handed her the largest one.

Xiao Hua spread the mat out and then lowered her knees to the ground.

It still doesn't feel like enough, Xiao Hua's inner self cried out. Something is missing.

She looked at the crowd around her, observing their expressions—some numb, some fanatical, some expectant.

The common thread among them was a sense of abandoning the self and entrusting all hope to the gods before them...

Xiao Hua followed their lead, kneeling and bowing once more, then burying herself deeply into the mat.

In that instant, a sense of familiarity, as if buried deep within her marrow and blood, flowed through her entire body.

This is the feeling!

Xiao Hua trembled all over. It was this feeling—abandoning one's own persistence, entrusting oneself to an unknown god, needing no worries, needing no self-reliance. Everything was chosen by the gods, and everything was borne and decided by the gods.

As for her own self, it had become insignificant.

In the end, when Xiao Hua walked out of the Great Temple, she felt blissful.

She no longer had any worries or anxieties; all negative emotions had been swept away.

Then, she made a decision.

That evening.

"What!" Shu Zi was so shocked he couldn't speak for a long while. After a moment, he asked, "Did someone give you a hard time?"

Xiao Hua shook her head.

Shu Zi asked again, "Is your body uncomfortable, or did Ying Zi upset you?"

Ying Zi was the name of their son. Xiao Hua still shook her head.

Shu Zi slumped helplessly in his chair. "Then why must you leave home to live in the Great Temple and become a full-time shaman?"

Xiao Hua lowered her head slightly and said softly, "Because I feel that is what suits me best."

It was this very weakness that left Shu Zi with no way to handle her. He tried everything, but he could not persuade Xiao Hua to change her mind.

In the end, Xiao Hua moved into the Great Temple alone.

Her special status meant that every tribesperson treated her with the utmost respect. When she decided to become a shaman, the tribe immediately had two elder shamans welcome her and begin teaching her everything a shaman needed to know, hand in hand.

The knowledge required to become a shaman was, compared to the relatively simple-minded human race of that time, incredibly cumbersome. It encompassed how to conduct rituals, how to wear ceremonial attire, how to chant prayers, how to guide the tribespeople, and so on.

Back then, even with the great Dong Yao himself teaching them, these shamans had taken a very, very long time to learn it all.

Yet, Xiao Hua learned it with great ease.

Twenty-some days later, Xiao Hua, dressed in shamanic robes, made her official debut during a ceremony at the Great Temple.

She walked slowly from the side of the Great Temple to the center, her steps steady and her demeanor elegant. Then, as she took the ceremonial banner from an old shaman and turned back to face all the tribespeople with poise, everyone present held their breath.

Clad in shamanic attire, Xiao Hua had shed the gentle, wifely style she once possessed, her aura becoming sacred and solemn.

Her eyes were filled with reverence, and her cheeks seemed to radiate a halo of light.

Though she stood within the Great Temple, there was a sense of displacement, as if she were far away in the clouds.

As a woman, Xiao Hua had to participate in labor often, yet her figure was by no means sturdy; rather, it could be described as delicate.

However, it was precisely this woman, who should have been considered weak, who made the tribespeople feel an irresistible sense of awe when her serious gaze swept over them, causing them to lower their heads one after another.

The entire Great Temple was struck into absolute silence by Xiao Hua's entrance!

From that day on, no one had any objections to Xiao Hua leaving her family to serve as a shaman.

Just as Xiao Hua was successfully conducting the ceremony, Shu Zi was hiding alone in a corner of the tribe.

He had not gone to see Xiao Hua's first ceremonial appearance as a shaman, so he did not know that his wife had bloomed with such brilliance during the ritual.

His face was covered in stubble, his expression was dejected, and he leaned against the wall, limp, as if his bones had been pulled out.

He did not know how long he had been there alone when footsteps sounded outside. After a while, his deputy spoke from the doorway:

"Xiao Hua is doing quite well now..."

"Get out!" Shu Zi roared.

He did not want to hear it; the better the news, the less he wanted to hear it.

Shu Zi did not understand why Xiao Hua had changed. He knew it was still his Xiao Hua, truly and genuinely his wife; he could not be mistaken, and he could feel her affection for him and Ying Zi.

During the month since she had returned, he had seen everything she did for their home, and he had secretly sworn to himself that he would work even harder, so that one day his wife would no longer have to be so exhausted.

But now, she had put everything down and left their home.

Shu Zi could not fathom her. During the time Xiao Hua lived at the Great Temple, he had used his privileges as chieftain to go and see her many times.

"Is there something I did wrong, or something I'm not doing right? Tell me, and I'll change, okay!"

"As long as you come back, I can give up anything. I won't come home so late anymore, and I definitely won't let you be so tired."

"I can even stop being the chieftain. Just come back..."

Yet, no matter how he begged Xiao Hua, she would not return.

Even when he brought Ying Zi to plead with her, it was no use.

Xiao Hua held Ying Zi for a moment, then hugged him, before insisting:

"I will not go back. You should go."

Shu Zi's legs went weak, and he collapsed onto the ground: "Can you, can you not let Ying Zi and me have a complete family?"

Tears flowed slowly down Xiao Hua's cheeks, yet she wiped them away and shook her head.

"You don't understand, Shu Zi," Xiao Hua said.

"It is not because of you, but because that kind of life does not suit me."

Xiao Hua looked deeply at her former husband and said:

"I have already found my own path."