Three Weirdos

After they made up, life seemed to return to how it was before.

Tsunade started walking side-by-side with him again, started bickering again, and started critiquing his training results with that "tch, it's nothing special" tone.

But something was different.

Kitahara Kaede didn't notice.

Early morning, before the sky had fully brightened.

Kitahara Kaede hung from a tree branch on the back mountain, his chakra circulating through his meridians at a steady pace.

This was his daily morning training, rain or shine.

Fifteen minutes later, he finished and dropped to the ground, his soles landing without a sound.

Time to go find Tsunade for breakfast.

As he turned, he heard a sound.

Very faint.

Kitahara Kaede's footsteps paused.

He followed the noise, pushing aside the bushes.

Orochimaru was squatting on the ground.

In front of him lay a dissected wild rabbit, its abdominal cavity opened, the internal organs separated one by one and arranged neatly on a leaf to the side.

His fingers were stained with blood, his movements precise, every cut clean and efficient.

Orochimaru looked up, his golden slit pupils meeting Kitahara Kaede's gaze.

No panic, no explanation.

The two stared at each other.

"You're up early," Kitahara Kaede said first.

Orochimaru lowered his head and went back to his work.

"Observing the internal structure. Heart, lungs, liver, kidneys—their positions, sizes, and connections."

He used the tip of a kunai to lift a small piece of tissue, bringing it closer to examine.

"The basic structure of humans and animals is similar. You have to know where the organs are to deliver a fatal blow."

He paused.

"And to understand just how fragile life really is."

His tone was flat, as if stating a fact.

A child, running into the woods before dawn to dissect a rabbit and study its anatomy.

Anyone else seeing this would likely find it hair-raising.

Kitahara Kaede squatted down.

He looked at the neatly arranged organs, then at the opened rabbit.

"The heart is three centimeters to the left; the path of the aorta is basically the same as a human's."

Orochimaru's hands stopped.

He looked up again to scrutinize Kitahara Kaede.

"You've studied this too?"

"No," Kitahara Kaede said. "But knowing where to stab to make an opponent fall the fastest is a basic skill for survival."

He reached out, picked up the rabbit's hind legs, and weighed them.

"The meat is still fresh."

Orochimaru blinked.

"What are you doing?"

"Taking it to roast and eat. You're done studying the organs, right? Don't waste the meat."

Orochimaru stared at him for three seconds.

Then he smiled. It wasn't polite; he was genuinely amused.

"Kaede, you are the weirdest person I have ever met."

"How so?"

"When others see this scene, they are either scared or disgusted. Your first reaction is to judge the quality of the meat."

"I'm hungry."

Kitahara Kaede took two steps away with the rabbit, then looked back.

"Pick a bigger one next time; the small ones don't have much meat."

Orochimaru watched his retreating back.

After so long at the Ninja Academy, everyone looked at him with distance—polite, guarded, or vaguely uneasy.

Only this person, from the moment they locked eyes in the classroom on the first day, had never changed.

Orochimaru looked down at his blood-stained fingers.

The curve of his lips didn't fade.

Night.

Konoha Village, East District.

Jiraiya walked along the base of a wall, acting suspicious.

After turning two corners, he saw his target—Orochimaru sitting on the stone steps at the end of the alley, reading by the light of a streetlamp.

"Orochimaru!"

He hissed in a low voice.

Orochimaru didn't even look up.

"Busy."

"I haven't even said anything yet—"

"You coming to find me at this hour means either you got caught peeping and need a cleanup, or you've come up with some stupid idea and need an accomplice." Orochimaru turned a page. "Either way, I'm busy."

Jiraiya plopped down.

"This is serious!"

"Your 'serious' and a normal person's 'serious' are not the same thing."

"Just listen to me!" Jiraiya pressed his hand onto Orochimaru's book. "I've thought of a brilliant plan—a plan to make Tsunade look at me with admiration!"

Orochimaru finally looked up.

Not out of interest.

But with the curiosity of someone thinking, "I have to see just how stupid you can get."

"Speak."

Jiraiya cleared his throat and lowered his voice.

"You remember that time at the Ninja Academy? When Kaede saved Tsunade?"

"Mm."

"Ever since then, Tsunade has been... you know." Jiraiya's face twisted. "Why her? It was just one rescue, right? If I also—"

"So! I'm going to create a 'hero saves the damsel' scenario!"

Orochimaru's hand stopped turning the page.

"You play the rogue ninja and pretend to attack Tsunade. Then I'll swoop in from the sky, knock you away with one punch, and save the day!" Jiraiya grew more excited as he spoke. "Tsunade will definitely see me in a new light! Maybe even right on the spot—"

"Do you think Tsunade will be scared by you?"

Jiraiya's movements stiffened.

"...She would, right?"

"She cracked a wooden training post with one punch last time."

"A surprise attack is different—"

"Are you sure you can beat her?"

Jiraiya choked.

Silence for three seconds.

"That's why you have to make it look realistic!" He slapped his thigh again. "Your ninjutsu is better than mine; you'd be a more convincing rogue! I'll just be the one to jump out at the end and finish it. Perfect!"

Orochimaru put down his book and looked at Jiraiya's face, which was practically written with "love-struck idiot."

The plan was outrageously stupid, with so many holes he couldn't be bothered to point them out one by one.

But—

"Fine."

Jiraiya froze.

"Really?"

"The condition," Orochimaru leaned back against the wall. "You owe me a favor."

"No problem! Whatever you want later—"

"You set up the date with Tsunade yourself, then tell me the time and place."

"Leave it to me!"

Jiraiya was so happy he jumped on the spot, turned to leave, then walked back to the alley entrance and pressed his palms together.

"Orochimaru! You're my best brother!"

The white hair disappeared into the night.

The alley fell quiet.

Orochimaru picked up his book, his lips curving—not in a friendly way.

He knew Tsunade's strength.

He also knew how this plan would end.

Jiraiya was going to get beaten to a pulp.

But that didn't stop him from wanting to see it with his own eyes—the expression on that idiot's face when Tsunade chased him down to beat him up.

As for why Jiraiya was so obsessed with chasing Tsunade?

Orochimaru didn't understand, nor did he want to.

Things he couldn't understand, he simply categorized as "irrational but worth observing."

Just like that rabbit this morning.

When dissected, the structure was simple and clear at a glance.

But when it was alive, it just had to hop around.

Orochimaru opened his book and continued reading.