Three Oddballs

After they made up, life seemed to return to the way it had been.

Tsunade started walking beside him again, bickering with him again, and judging his training results in that familiar tone of "Tch, it's nothing special."

But some things had changed.

Kitahara Kaede didn't notice.

Early in the morning, before the sky had fully brightened.

Kitahara Kaede hung from a branch on the mountain behind the village, chakra circulating steadily through his meridians.

This was his daily, non-negotiable morning training.

Fifteen minutes later, he finished and dropped to the ground, his feet touching down without a sound.

It was time to find Tsunade and have breakfast.

As he turned, he heard a noise.

Very faint.

Kitahara Kaede paused.

He followed the sound and pushed aside some bushes.

Orochimaru was crouched on the ground.

In front of him lay a skinned wild rabbit, its belly opened, its organs removed one by one and neatly arranged on leaves beside it.

His fingers were stained with blood, his movements precise. Each cut was clean and decisive.

Orochimaru looked up, his golden, slit-pupiled eyes meeting Kitahara Kaede's.

No panic. No explanation.

The two stared at each other.

"You're up pretty early," Kitahara Kaede said first.

Orochimaru lowered his head and continued working.

"Observing the structure of the organs. Heart, lungs, liver, kidneys—their positions, sizes, and connections."

He lifted a small piece of tissue with the tip of a kunai and brought it closer for a look.

"The basic structures of humans and animals are similar. If you know where the organs are, you can strike a fatal blow."

He paused.

"And you can understand just how fragile life is."

His tone was flat, as if he were stating a fact.

A child had gone into the woods before dawn to dissect a wild rabbit and study its organs.

Most people who saw this would probably have found it horrifying.

Kitahara Kaede crouched down.

He looked at the neatly arranged organs, then at the rabbit lying open.

"The heart's three centimeters to the left. The aorta runs much the same way as a human's."

Orochimaru's hand stopped.

He looked up again, scrutinizing Kitahara Kaede.

"You've studied this too?"

"No," Kitahara Kaede said. "But knowing where to stab someone so they go down fast is a basic survival skill."

He reached over, grabbed the rabbit by its hind legs, and weighed it in his hand.

"The meat's still fresh."

Orochimaru blinked.

"What are you going to do?"

"Take it and roast it. You're done studying the organs, right? No point wasting the meat."

Orochimaru stared at him for three seconds.

Then he smiled. It wasn't a polite smile; he genuinely found this amusing.

"Kaede, you're the strangest person I've ever met."

"What's so strange?"

"Anyone else would either be scared or disgusted by this. Your first instinct was to judge the meat."

"I'm hungry."

Kitahara Kaede carried the rabbit a few steps, then looked back.

"Next time, pick a bigger one. There's hardly any meat on a small one."

Orochimaru watched him walk away.

All this time at the Ninja Academy, everyone had looked at him with a certain distance—polite, wary, or faintly uneasy.

Only this person had been the same since the day their eyes met in the classroom.

Orochimaru looked down at his bloodstained fingers.

The smile lingered at the corners of his mouth.

Night.

Konoha's eastern district.

Jiraiya crept along the wall, acting furtively.

After turning two corners, he spotted his target—Orochimaru was sitting on some stone steps at the end of an alley, reading under a streetlamp.

"Orochimaru!"

He called out in a hushed voice.

Orochimaru didn't even look up.

"I'm busy."

"I haven't even said anything yet—"

"At this hour, you're either looking for help cleaning up after getting caught peeping, or you've come up with some stupid idea and need a partner." Orochimaru turned a page. "Either way, I'm busy."

Jiraiya plopped down beside him.

"This time it's serious!"

"Your serious business isn't the same as normal people's serious business."

"Just hear me out!" Jiraiya pressed a hand down on Orochimaru's book. "I've come up with a brilliant plan—a plan to make Tsunade see me in a new light!"

Orochimaru finally looked up.

Not because he was interested.

He just wanted to see how stupid Jiraiya could be.

"Let's hear it."

Jiraiya cleared his throat and lowered his voice.

"Remember that time at the Ninja Academy? When Kaede rescued Tsunade?"

"Mm."

"Ever since then, Tsunade's been... you know." Jiraiya's face twisted. "How come? All he did was save her once! If I did the same—"

"So! I'm going to set up a scene where I play the hero and save the beauty!"

Orochimaru's hand stopped as he turned a page.

"You pretend to be a rogue ninja and attack Tsunade. Then I swoop in and knock you flying with one punch. Hero saves the beauty!" Jiraiya grew more and more excited as he spoke. "Tsunade will definitely see me differently! She might even right then and there—"

"You think Tsunade would be scared of you?"

Jiraiya froze.

"...She might?"

"She punched a training post so hard it cracked last time."

"A surprise attack is different—"

"You sure you can beat her?"

Jiraiya was stumped.

Silence fell for three seconds.

"That's why you have to make it convincing!" He slapped his thigh again. "You're better at ninjutsu than I am, so you'd make a more convincing rogue ninja! I'll jump in at the end and wrap things up. Perfect!"

Orochimaru set down his book and looked at Jiraiya's face, which practically screamed "romantic idiot."

The plan was so stupid it was appalling, and it had so many holes that pointing them out one by one wasn't worth the effort.

But—

"Fine."

Jiraiya stared at him.

"Really?"

"On one condition." Orochimaru leaned back against the wall. "You owe me a favor."

"No problem! Whatever you want—"

"You ask Tsunade out yourself. Then tell me the time and place."

"Leave it to me!"

Jiraiya was so delighted he bounced on the spot. He turned to go, but when he reached the alley entrance, he doubled back and clasped his hands together.

"Orochimaru! You're my best friend!"

His white hair disappeared into the night.

The alley fell quiet.

Orochimaru picked up his book, a smile curling at the corners of his mouth—not a kind one.

He knew how strong Tsunade was.

He also knew how this plan would end.

Jiraiya was going to get beaten to a pulp.

But that didn't stop him from wanting to see with his own eyes what expression that idiot would wear as Tsunade chased him down and beat him.

As for why Jiraiya was so determined to pursue Tsunade—

Orochimaru didn't understand, nor did he want to.

He classified the things he couldn't understand as "illogical but worth observing."

Just like the rabbit that morning.

Once dissected, its structure was simple and clear.

Yet while it was alive, it insisted on hopping around.

Orochimaru opened his book and continued reading.