Something's Wrong with You

When Leon arrived at the scene, the battle was at its fiercest.

Coulson truly was the real—undead man whom even Death could not claim.

Such a massive chunk of rock came crashing down, missing by a hair.

It did not hit him!

Descending from the sky and landing beside Coulson, Leon said, "Yo! Haven't seen you in a while, missed me? Need any help?"

Coulson had never intended to call Leon over in the first place. Leon was a money-grubber, while his former boss, Nick Fury—the Motherfucking Hero—was both a miser and a big spender. Getting money out of Fury was harder than pulling teeth.

The trip to the desert last time had been a special case. Coulson had submitted the report with a try-it-and-see attitude.

Fury, meanwhile, had also been in a try-it-and-see mood, testing out a new approach.

This time was different. Iron Monger was practically in his face, and there was no time to file a report.

So this support request had actually been Coulson acting on his own authority.

Which meant... Leon might very well not get paid.

Of course, Leon did not know that yet. He was still joking around with Coulson without a care in the world.

"Say, Mr. Coulson~ Did they fire you? How come you didn't bring your underlings? Out on a field mission alone in the middle of the night?"

Removing the magazine, Coulson reloaded as he spoke. "I wasn't fired. My subordinates were all taken out by that oversized Iron Man. Right now, I need you to help evacuate the civilians. A lot of people have already died. There can't be any more casualties."

"No problem!"

Leon immediately used a Clone Technique.

The Chatterbox Squad had arrived!

The instant the clones appeared, Leon turned into a cat and ran off.

"Long time no see, Mr. Coulson! Remember me? I'm Number Five!"

"There are numbers now? Since when?"

"Oh, no, there aren't. I'm just messing with him."

The good-natured man, S.H.I.E.L.D.'s social butterfly, master of polite small talk—Phil Coulson—had just put on a smile, ready to say something like "long time no see" to steady the situation. He froze on the spot.

"Getting out of poverty isn't as easy as losing hair. Gaining weight is a lot easier than getting rich."

"Mr. Coulson, you've gotten fat!"

"I still don't understand why he's Number Five."

"Then you're fucking Number Five now!"

"That works~"

Taking a deep breath, Coulson decided to get them out of here quickly!

"You two, go block off the intersection on that street!"

"You two, go to that intersection."

"You two, rescue everyone involved in car accidents on the street!"

"You two, come with me! Clear the surrounding area and search for survivors among the rubble and the collapsed factory!"

At a time like this, the clones were quite sensible. Without saying a word, they began following Coulson's instructions, nearly throwing his back out from the surprise.

Leon, who had left first, headed straight for the main battlefield.

The moment he arrived, Leon realized something was seriously off...

"Is that... Iron Monger?!"

Looking at the gigantic steel beast beating Iron Man senseless, Leon could not help scratching his head. "Isn't that a fucking Transformer?!"

Actually, this time really was Leon's fault.

After seeing the scene outside that desert cave, Obadiah had become deeply wary of Tony's armor.

Compared to the original movie's plot, Obadiah had built a much larger suit of armor.

And so, Tony found himself completely unable to deal with this "new model" Iron Monger.

Leon had more or less caught on as well. This change was probably connected to him.

At that moment, Iron Monger had just been tricked into flying high into the sky by Tony. Exploiting the information gap—Iron Monger had never been tested and did not know about the weakness of freezing at high altitudes—Tony landed safely while Iron Monger suffered a power system failure and crashed down.

Tony thought it was all over, but he had never expected Obadiah to survive even that fall!

His own battery had already run out of power. Left with no choice, Tony prepared to have Pepper blow up the huge battery below and kill Obadiah.

Because he had previously used infrared beams to burn out Iron Monger's camera, Tony used the complicated terrain on the rooftop to hide himself, preparing to tell Pepper the plan.

"Pepper..."

He had just opened the communicator and said her name when Tony suddenly saw a little black cat crouching on the pillar beside him.

"Kitty? Is that you?! Magic Cat!"

Magic... Cat?

Pepper's brain short-circuited for a moment. Why was he saying things like that at a time like this...?

"Tony, Tony, you... Hello? Hello?"

He hung up?!!!!

On the rooftop, Tony turned off the communicator.

Unless he had absolutely no other choice, he did not want to use a method like blowing up his own home's massive battery to kill Obadiah. The explosion from that thing would definitely be enough to kill Obadiah, and whatever was left over could kill Tony several times over too.

His armor had lost power and was now nothing more than an ordinary suit of iron plating. It had no mobility, and mutual destruction was the most likely outcome.

If he died with Obadiah, Pepper, who had pressed the activation button, would spend the rest of her life with regret and remorse.

Compared with his own death, Tony feared that more.

Completely unaware of how much trouble his earlier words had caused Pepper, Tony was still trying to confirm whether this little black cat was the Magic Cat that had saved him.

"Is that you?"

Tony reached out, wanting to pet the little cat's head. He knew that if he actually touched it, then it would not be that Magic Cat, because that cat never let anyone touch it.

Then he touched it.

The little cat's head.

Tony froze. His palm trembled slightly, and the little black cat meowed before turning and running away.

Not it...

Tony let out a heavy sigh.

Leon was crouched behind Tony, seeing everything with perfect clarity.

"For fuck's sake! Use your brain! You still have time to pet cats here? What the hell are you thinking?!"

Tony turned around in delight. "Ha ha! It's you!"

"What do you mean, 'it's you'? I recorded all of that. One price: one million."

"Will you pay me?"

"Then I'll sell it to Pepper. One price too: five dollars."

Heh heh heh heh. Tony sat on the ground. "Everything's negotiable. Five dollars, right? I'll pay! I'll even throw in a bag of Silver Vine!"

"Heh heh heh, so you know what Silver Vine is now?"

Tony's face immediately darkened.

When he had just gotten off the plane, finished the press conference, and returned home, Pepper had asked what he wanted to eat. He had said he wanted a cheeseburger.

Pepper had guessed as much and nodded, saying okay.

Then he said he also wanted some steamed buns.

Though Pepper found it strange, she did not think much of it and nodded, saying that was no problem.

Then he added, "I want some Silver Vine too. Oh, and don't forget to send some to Yinsen as well. He likes it too."

Pepper suspected something was wrong with her ears, so she asked again, and Tony answered again.

Pepper confirmed that she had not misheard. It was Silver Vine.

Then she explained what it was before asking with an odd expression, "Are you sure you want to eat Silver Vine?!"

Tony's expression back then had been far darker than it was now!

"Ha ha ha ha ha!"

Mystic Cat Leon could not help laughing out loud.

"Don't worry, Tony." Mystic Cat Leon said with a grin, "People can eat it too. Trust me!"

Tony thought, Trust you, my ass! You little kitty are bad to the bone!

Boom!!

The fan blades they had been hiding behind were flattened by a single sweep from Iron Monger.

"Well~ well~ well~. A pitiful child and a little cat!"

Obadiah sneered. "Why don't I send both of you to Hell together? Tony! I've done everything I could for you!"

Leon did not like hearing that.

What bad intentions could a little kitty possibly have? How could someone persecute a little kitty?

"I think that big head of yours has been cooked stupid!"

Under Tony and Obadiah's stunned gazes, Mystic Cat Leon transformed back into human form.

Pulling out [Ebony Ivory], Leon slowly rose into the air and cocked his head. "Something's wrong with you! Talk! Did you hide my dried fish?!"

Behind him, Tony was considering a serious question.

Had a cat turned into a human, or had a human turned into a cat?

It was ridiculous that Obadiah had not died from that fall while wearing that thing, and equally ridiculous that Tony had not been blown up while lying there, but hey, it was a movie.

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