This Isn't Friendship! This Is Stockholm Syndrome!

"Dumbledore? I heard you wanted to see me?" Kane pushed open the door to the Headmaster's Office. Dumbledore was inside, crunching away on cockroaches... Oh, chocolate cockroaches.

When Dumbledore saw Kane enter, he hurriedly pushed the plate of Cockroach Clusters toward him. "You really should try one. It's a new product from Honeydukes—chocolate shell with a mint filling. Refreshing, not overly sweet."

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Kane waved a hand. "Uh, I'll pass. My chocolate has a mint filling too."

As he spoke, he pulled out the Willy Wonka Chocolate Malfoy had offered up from his pocket. After breaking off a piece, he gave the filling an odd look.

"What's in this? Why does it feel so... creepy?"

Kane handed Dumbledore a slightly smaller piece of chocolate, intending to let him take a look. After all, the old man had wisdom and experience.

And Dumbledore truly was wise. He recognized the filling with just one glance.

"Catnip."

The moment Dumbledore finished speaking, Kane briskly tossed the remaining chocolate straight into the burning fireplace across the room. Just as he was considering whether Malfoy ought to be shoved into the fireplace as well, Dumbledore tasted that piece of catnip chocolate.

"Hmm, honestly, it tastes rather good. Let me check the bin... It's still very clean!"

Without the slightest concern for a headmaster's dignity or decorum, Dumbledore picked the chocolate back out of the trash. "In life, other people's opinions aren't important. Of course, I believe you agree with that sentiment, so I needn't say more."

As Dumbledore carefully savored the chocolate in his hand, the look of utter bliss on his face made Kane feel the faintest trace of... guilt?

The old man was so poor and loved sweets so much, yet Kane