Dog-Chewed

Morning.

The alarm rang three times.

Chen De crawled out of bed.

His waist ached.

His back hurt.

His neck was stiff.

After one night's sleep, his whole body felt like someone had beaten him with a stick.

Ever since he'd started making money, this old mattress had become more and more unbearable to look at.

The springs had left marks all over his back.

He'd go out and buy a new one later. That was settled.

Yawning, he walked into the bathroom.

He turned on the faucet.

He squeezed out some toothpaste.

He looked up at the mirror.

Then he froze.

His toothbrush hovered by his mouth, toothpaste foam still clinging to the corner of his lips.

"?"

Chen De stared at his reflection.

He reached up with his right hand and pinched a lock of hair.

He tugged it.

Then tugged it again.

"My hair..."

"Was it this long?"

Yesterday, it had only barely covered his ears.

Today, it hung all the way down to his chin.

It had grown at least five or six centimeters overnight.

His hair was growing faster than the balance in his bank account.

Qubi had said before that his appearance would gradually become more and more androgynous as his transformations increased.

But Chen De felt like this was a little different from androgyny.

What was androgyny?

It was that feeling where people couldn't tell whether someone was male or female.

But when he looked in the mirror now, he was already starting to lean in one direction.

There was no need to say which direction.

Chen De put down his toothbrush and swept all his hair back with both hands.

Good lord.

His face had gotten a little fairer too.

His features had softened as well.

His jawline had never been particularly sharp, but now it was heading straight toward delicate.

If this kept up, people might start calling him "miss" when he went out.

No, it was already getting close.

"I really should cut it."

Chen De made up his mind.

To hell with androgyny or whatever.

He would cut his hair short first.

If it grew out, he could cut it again. But being mistaken for a woman would leave permanent psychological trauma.

He began rummaging through everything in search of scissors.

Kitchen drawer—nothing.

Under the living room coffee table—nothing.

Bedside table—a pile of takeout coupons and expired cold medicine, still nothing.

He squatted on the floor and searched for ages, until sweat beaded on his forehead.

"What are you doing?"

Qubi appeared from who knew where and squatted on the sink, tilting its head at him.

"Looking for something."

Chen De didn't turn around.

"What are you looking for? Maybe I can help."

"Scissors."

"These?"

Qubi held a pair of scissors in its mouth, its words muffled.

Chen De turned around.

Honestly, the sight of a white cat holding a pair of scissors sideways in its mouth was a little creepy.

"Where did you find those?"

"I picked them up."

"Picked them up where?"

"Under the sofa."

Chen De took the scissors and examined them.

They were rusty.

And not just a little rusty.

They were yellow all over, the kind that had clearly been lying under the sofa for at least two years.

"Can these things even still be used?"

"Yes."

"Are you sure?"

"You're cutting hair, not steel rebar. They'll do."

Chen De hesitated, then decided to give them a try.

Standing before the mirror, he pinched a lock of hair with his left hand and raised the scissors with his right.

Snip.

Pretty clean.

A lock of black hair drifted down.

He cut again.

Snip.

Not bad.

"Wait."

Qubi suddenly spoke.

Chen De stopped.

"What?"

"Have you considered something?"

"What?"

"If you cut it, it'll just grow back."

Chen De blanked for a moment.

"You mean..."

"Every time you transform, your appearance changes a little."

"Longer hair is only one of the effects."

"If you cut it today, it might grow back after your next transformation."

"Maybe even longer."

Chen De held the scissors suspended in midair.

He fell silent for three seconds.

"Then I'll cut it every day."

"Every day?"

"Yeah. I'll cut it once every time I transform. Can it grow faster than I can cut it?"

Qubi blinked.

"Theoretically, the rate of changes to your appearance will slow as your number of transformations increases."

"In other words, the changes are greatest at the beginning and gradually stabilize later on."

"So I'm in the early stage now?"

"Yes."

"So every time I transform right now, my hair grows another chunk?"

"Not just your hair."

Chen De gripped the scissors tighter.

"Spell it out."

"Your skin will become fairer, your features will soften, your body shape will—"

"Stop."

"You don't want to hear it?"

"I do, but can you just say it all at once? Stop squeezing it out bit by bit."

Qubi sat up straight on the sink, unusually serious.

"The essence of transforming is your body repeatedly switching between its real-world form and magical girl form."

"With each switch, your real-world form is influenced a little by your magical girl form."

"The changes are fast at the beginning and gradually stabilize later on."

"Eventually, your real-world form will stabilize at an intermediate point."

"What does an intermediate point even mean?"

"For other people, it might just mean becoming a little prettier."

"For you, it probably means... people won't be able to tell whether you're male or female."

Chen De let out a sigh of relief.

"That's not too bad."

"Provided you don't transform too often."

The breath Chen De had just let out caught in his throat again.

"How often is too often?"

"More than three times a week, roughly. The changes will speed up noticeably."

"I only fought my second Calamity yesterday."

"Yes, you're fine for now. But if missions become frequent from here on..."

"Then I'll look more and more like a woman?"

"More accurately, you'll become increasingly closer to what you look like after transforming."

Chen De lowered his head and looked at himself in the mirror.

Then he thought of the five-foot-tall girl in a pure white short dress he became after transforming.

He felt like his life was falling apart in a bizarre way.

"Qubi."

"Yes?"

"When you had me sign that contract, did you ever consider telling me about these side effects first?"

"I did."

"Then why didn't you?"

"Because if I told you, you might not have signed."

Chen De closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

"That's fraud."

"It isn't fraud. It's selective disclosure."

"Is there a difference?!"

"Of course. Fraud means telling lies. Selective disclosure means not telling the truth."

"That's even worse!"

Qubi's tail swayed.

"But you've already made one hundred and sixty thousand."

Chen De opened his mouth.

Then closed it again.

One hundred and sixty thousand really was tempting.

He decided to shelve that moral dispute for the time being.

First, he cut his hair.

Snip, snip, snip.

He worked on it in front of the mirror.

Five minutes later.

Chen De looked at the finished product in the mirror.

He fell silent.

"Qubi."

"Mm."

"Did I cut it crooked?"

"It's not crooked."

"Then what is it?"

"It's uneven in every possible direction."

"The left side is long, the right side is short, and there's a tuft sticking up in the back."

"If I had to describe your current hairstyle in professional terms—"

"It looks like a dog chewed it."

Chen De stared at the disaster zone on his head in the mirror.

He was silent for a long while.

"I need to go to a barbershop."

"You should have done that from the start."

"Then why didn't you stop me beforehand?!"

"I thought you had some self-awareness."

Chen De tossed the scissors into the sink.

The rusty scissors gave a crisp clatter.

"Do you know what helping means? It means speaking up when your partner is about to do something stupid."

"You do stupid things too often. I can't stop them all."

Chen De seriously examined his hairstyle.

The left side was barely acceptable.

The right side looked like it had been mowed down by a lawnmower.

The tuft at the back of his head stuck straight up, and wouldn't stay down no matter how he pressed it.

It was bad enough that people would take pictures and post them on their social feeds if he went outside.

He took a deep breath and searched for nearby barbershops on his phone.

The nearest one was an eight-minute walk away.

"Let's go."

He grabbed his coat and headed out.

Qubi jumped onto his shoulder.

"How are you going to explain that hairstyle to the barber?"

"I'll just say I cut it myself."

"The barber will laugh."

"Let them laugh. It's not like this is the first time I've died of embarrassment."

"You've died of embarrassment before?"

"Transforming while wearing a dress is dying of embarrassment."

"But no one saw that."

"It's only a matter of time."

Chen De pulled open the door.

He took three steps outside.

Then backed up again.

"What's wrong?"

Qubi asked.

Chen De silently grabbed a hat and pulled it down over his head.

Covering that dog-chewed hairstyle completely.

"A precaution."

"Will it help?"

"At least no one will take pictures of me on the way."