Love and Not Love

"Junior Brother, what are you talking about? How could I not know you don't want to slay dragons and only want to think about Senior Sister? Why should losers like us be taking on dangerous, thankless work like this? Let other people play the hero! Damn it, do you understand how deeply I care about you?"

"Anyway, hurry up and forward the information I sent you to Professor Schneider. See this deconstruction analysis diagram of the subway station? This is the key and route to slaying the dragon. Get a mission report written and submitted to the school before Caesar does. That way, we'll both have something to turn in. Chu Zihang and Caesar are combat personnel; we're clerical personnel. You'll be listed as first author and I'll be second author, and we'll say we fulfilled our duty of exploration."

Lu Mingfei chewed over the information. "What do you mean, Senior Sister this and Senior Sister that? And are you seriously talking about first and second authors like we're writing a paper...?"

"You have some ulterior motive, don't you?" Lu Mingfei copied, pasted, and sent it, deleting the word "don't" and changing the question mark to make his distrust more emphatic.

From an outsider's perspective, many problems became clear and sharp.

This Fen Dog didn't want anyone wading into the mess of dragon slaying, yet he deliberately found an excuse to send over the key to slaying the dragon. His real intention clearly lay elsewhere. Who was he trying to fool?

To see someone's intentions, you couldn't listen to what they said. You had to look at what they did.

Words and sincerity were two parallel lines drawn on different sheets of paper. Some people would deliberately tilt the sheets and put them together, while others could remain utterly unmoved and ensure the lines never crossed.

Fen Dog spoke bluntly. "What motive could I possibly have? Tsk, let me think about how to mix truth and lies together."

"By the way, why does it feel like the person logging into QQ today isn't really you? You're hard to fool today, really strange, but I also feel like it is you... My haunted intuition is very accurate. What's going on with you?"

"Wait, I'll hack the camera on the computer you're using and see what's going on over there. The camera is the only thing on that computer I haven't hacked yet. I was planning to leave you a little privacy."

"Sheesh, Junior Brother, after not seeing you for days, you've become even fairer, prettier, and more pitifully charming. The girl keeping you company is that high school girl of yours, right? I even made a small profit of eight thousand dollars off rumors about you and her back then."

Lu Mingfei looked at the external camera whose red light had switched on and twitched his lips. "Misuse idioms, and you'll get instant noodles without seasoning packets. Weren't you going to tell me your motive in a half-true, half-false way?"

Fen Dog paused for a while before giving him an answer.

"My purpose is very clear. I'm kicking the ball to you. I'm giving you the power to choose."

"Junior Brother, ahead lies the gates of hell. That is the dragon nest of the King of Earth and Mountains. At most, I can give you the key so you won't regret it afterward. How could one loser decide another loser's fate? You're the one who has to choose. As for me, I'm used to being a bastard."

"..."

"Thanks." Lu Mingfei typed it out, then read it aloud.

"Aren't you worried I'm tricking you into slaying a dragon?" Fen Dog's reply came at lightning speed.

"If that dragon awakens, we won't have time to escape this city, right?" Lu Mingfei knew perfectly well. The dungeon introduction had stated that the one they would face in the subway station was the King of Earth and Mountains, while the clearance requirement was merely to survive until the dungeon ended.

So surviving definitely would not be easy.

There was no way a game dungeon with a boss-tier monster lurking around could be cleared in a single attempt. It was like Chiyou in Kalpa of Heaven and Earth and the Evil Emperor Ghost in the prequel Record of the Sword Saint Beyond Heaven—both were beings that could torment players to death.

Without waiting for a reply, Lu Mingfei continued typing. "If this dragon's awakening will endanger Chu Zihang, Caesar, and my own life, then I came here for that dragon. If you have its location, send it to me quickly. I can go die first. I only asked about your motive to confirm whether your information was trustworthy."

He had not come merely to clear the dungeon. What he needed was... proof of his own pride.

The rough German man on the other side of QQ fell silent, his hands resting on the keyboard without being able to type a word.

He was silent for a long while, scratching his head as he looked at the clock on the wall, then took two melancholy gulps of KFC Pepsi.

"...Damn it, what medicine did you take by mistake? Is a breakup really enough to make you like this? Could someone as wildly cool, flashy, and domineering as you just said really be you?"

Fen Dog only sent another message after a while.

"Why are you suddenly being so stubborn? Different people should handle different kinds of trouble. Can you beat Chu Zihang, or can you beat Caesar?"

Neither seemed all that difficult, did it...? Lu Mingfei froze for a moment.

What breakup? Did he mean Chen Wenwen beside him?

It seemed this Fen Dog actually cared about him quite a lot.

Lu Mingfei felt a little warmed by it. Though he was not particularly sad; he had abandoned that one-sided affection long ago.

After all... someone who was gentle to everyone was not worth loving.

This was the lesson Lu Mingfei had gleaned from Caesar's repeated deathbed last words.

Come to think of it, Caesar's last words at Genji Heavy Industries were never quite fixed. Change the place where he died, and he could come up with a new set of lines before croaking. This guy had probably really been some ultra-rich second-generation playboy once. Even in death, he could not behave himself. In his own words, even Catholic doctrine could not bind an eagle destined to ride the waves.

Only certain words were repeated frequently whenever Caesar was close to death.

For example—"I don't love my family."

Once, Caesar said that seemingly every elder of the Gattuso Family had told him, "Caesar, we love you. The family loves you. Why can't you ever understand the family's love for you?"

What laughable words. Caesar, bleeding from his internal organs, had still smiled at Lu Mingfei and said, "You don't know the expressions they wore when they said that. They were as sincere as children seeking my affection. But in truth, there was only one person in that house who loved me, and they killed that person."

Lu Mingfei said, "I know, I know. You've told me this several times. I shouldn't interrupt you, but my spine just broke and it hurts so much I feel like babbling nonsense."

Caesar said, "You do talk a lot of nonsense. There are things I shouldn't say. As a real man, dying silently is actually quite nice. Next, let us listen to the wind and die quietly."

Lu Mingfei said, "Oh, give it a rest. I can recite every word you're about to blurt out backward. Silent my ass. I know there's a raging storm in your heart right now."

Actually, sometimes Lu Mingfei could tell that the Gattuso Family treated Caesar fairly well on the surface. But Caesar would merely sneer stubbornly and remain indifferent. He said, "If you treat someone you love and someone you don't love the same way, then you are unworthy of love and do not understand fairness. I love my mother, so I cannot love my family."

Lu Mingfei deeply agreed.

He had never experienced love that unforgettable, but even from hearing others speak of it, he could vaguely understand that someone gentle and kind to everyone did not truly love anyone.

If you did not love others, how could you dare hope for their love?

If he kept giving love to Chen Wenwen, who did not love him, how would he be qualified to love someone who truly loved him in the future?

If he wanted to prepare himself to love someone who loved him, then he could no longer love someone who did not.

Fen Dog sent another QQ message. "Waaah, you actually didn't put me on the list of dragon victims. Today, I am the saddest man in this city, the man least able to stomach smoked roast pork knuckle. Tomorrow, our Losers' Alliance will have to eat its final meal together... Enough nonsense. Junior Brother Chu sent me a location message. I'm going to take a look."

"Five minutes. Wait five minutes for me. I'll hack into the library system and steal the academy's original classified analysis manuscript on the King of Earth and Mountains. I know that with your character, you definitely haven't read even the abbreviated mission briefing. Those Board of Trustees people also like to keep things hidden. Anyway, no problem. I'll send you the original version."

What a loyal, righteous loser of a hero... Lu Mingfei was filled with solemn respect. He waited obediently as his burning Golden Eyes finally went out.

Noisy voices rose around him, and someone was still crying behind him.

"Why haven't you left yet?" Lu Mingfei glanced at Chen Wenwen in confusion and handed her a tissue.

"I don't want it. That's not what I meant. I won't disturb you." Chen Wenwen's voice was choked with sobs.

"Then what are you—? Oh, oh. I see."

Lu Mingfei looked at Chen Wenwen, thoughtfully touched his pocket, and stuffed two coins into her arms.