A Strange Family

"My name is Chen Tian. Yes, Chen Tian—the one who got hit by Truck-kun and sent to Marvel. I... transmigrated again."

"Transmigrated my ass!" Chen Tian crushed the cola can in irritation, the sound of metal deforming especially piercing in the quiet living room.

A squeaking sound came from the living room. Chen Tian turned his head and saw a tall figure bent over, mopping the floor.

The man wore a dark blue long coat underneath, his silver-white hair standing straight back like steel needles. Most eye-catching of all was the apron hanging from his chest—printed with the words "The Culinary GOAT."

The man straightened up, the mop drawing an elegant arc through his hand. He lifted his head, and a fatherly tenderness actually showed in his blue eyes. "What is it, my child?"

Chen Tian's mouth twitched. "Vergil, how many times have I told you? Don't call me 'my child'!"

Vergil—the eldest son of the Sparda family—was currently leaning the mop against the wall like an ordinary househusband.

"But you did inherit all of Nero's power." Vergil walked over and sat beside Chen Tian, the hem of his coat brushing lightly across the sofa. "In a sense, you are my child."

Chen Tian sighed helplessly and sank into the sofa like a deflated balloon. Just then, the cushion on his other side suddenly dipped, followed by a carefree voice.

"My brother's right. You're... hmm, how did it go again?" Dante crossed one leg over the other, his red coat casually draped over the sofa back, half a pizza slice still in his hand. "Oh, right. The Sparda family's legitimate grandson!"

Chen Tian could not even be bothered to raise his eyelids. He merely waved weakly. "Yeah, yeah. You're right, Dante."

He paused, suddenly realizing something, then sat bolt upright. "Wait, where did that pizza in your hand come from? There's obviously only one bag of frozen dumplings left in our fridge!"

Dante flashed a sly smile and stuffed the pizza into his mouth in two bites. "Trade secret~"

Vergil snorted, his long fingers tapping lightly on the sofa armrest. "He went to Hajikuro Convenience Store to 'borrow' their microwave again." His sharp gaze swept over Dante's bulging pockets. "And he 'borrowed' several bags of snacks while he was there. Xiao Tian, do not learn from him."

"Hey, hey, big bro!" Dante dramatically clutched his chest, putting on a wounded expression. "How could you suspect your adorable little brother like that? I paid for it!"

"With arcade tokens?" Vergil raised a brow.

Chen Tian rolled his eyes and was about to respond when a loud BANG suddenly came from the kitchen. All three turned their heads at once, only to see 2B standing amid a mess, expressionlessly holding up a frying pan burned completely black.

"Master," she said, a trace of confusion in her voice, "I clearly controlled the heat and timing precisely according to the recipe."

Chen Tian looked at the black smoke billowing from the kitchen and suddenly felt that the troubles caused by his inexplicable transmigration were nothing at all. At least now, he had a group of bizarre yet utterly real "family members."

It was a feeling he had never experienced in his previous life.

"Forget it." He stood and casually took the frying pan from 2B's hands.

Rubbing his chin, Chen Tian suddenly revealed a crafty smile and turned toward Dante. "Did a family move in next door? The man of the house is named Alexei?"

Dante held a small snack and tilted his head as he thought. "Ah, right. A big Russian guy. He even helped me move the fridge yesterday." His eyes suddenly lit up. "Wait, you wouldn't be thinking..."

"That's right!" Chen Tian snapped his fingers, his face full of mischievous excitement. "Come on, bring our frozen dumplings. Let's go 'visit' the new neighbors!"

Vergil frowned. "My child, you must not enjoy pranks like your Uncle Dante."

Chen Tian waved his hand, wearing an innocent smile. "Relax, Vergil. We're just visiting the neighbors and mooching a meal while we're at it." He blinked. "Besides, I heard they have a cute little daughter named Natasha..."

Vergil's frown deepened. His long fingers unconsciously settled over the hilt of Yamato. "You are not thinking..."

"Whoa!" Dante suddenly sprang up from the sofa, his red coat cutting a dashing arc through the air. "Going to see little Natasha? That's a great idea!"

2B silently took out a beautifully wrapped box of candy from her apron pocket. "Master, this is the gift I prepared for the visit."

Vergil looked at the three eager people before him and sighed helplessly. "At least let me cook the dumplings..."

"No need to cook them!" Chen Tian and Dante shouted in unison. They exchanged looks and revealed knowing, wicked smiles.

Like a magician, Dante pulled out a bottle of vodka from beneath the sofa cushion. "Bring this. It's more Russian!"

Yes, Chen Tian had been affected by the Time Stone and sent back to 1995. It had all begun with Diablo's failure to act—his passive response had forced the Ancient One to use the Time Stone.

The violent collision of temporal energy, dimensional energy, and Inferno energy had created an uncontrollable overflow effect, directly throwing Chen Tian into this point in time.

The moment Chen Tian regained consciousness from the turbulence of time and space and found himself in an unfamiliar era, he used their mental link to question Diablo. After learning the truth, the enraged Chen Tian viciously kicked the air several times. Diablo was completely unharmed, while Chen Tian himself grimaced in pain. He also confiscated the tablet Tony had previously prepared for Diablo, the one loaded with tens of thousands of movies and TV shows.

While sorting through the situation, Chen Tian suddenly remembered an important companion still sleeping in his Summoning Space.

He immediately released 2B from the Summoning Space and solemnly apologized to her. The considerate 2B quickly forgave her master after learning the full story.

Perhaps as compensation for Chen Tian's experience of having his mind and soul tormented by three dimensional demon gods, his cheat ability finally activated. When Chen Tian attempted his first summon, a Devil May Cry 5 gift pack fell from the sky—not only were middle-aged Dante and middle-aged Vergil successfully summoned, Chen Tian himself unexpectedly obtained all of Nero's power and weapons.

That was why Vergil and Dante, unlike Diablo and Madara Uchiha, did not see Chen Tian as their master, but as a child.

And so, in this unfamiliar 1995, a strange "family" gathered around Chen Tian: Vergil, always wearing an apron and looking at Chen Tian with fatherly affection; the carefree Dante; and Miss 2B, Chen Tian's favorite.

Oh, right, there was also Madara. He had shut himself away. He had arrogantly believed his strength already surpassed Mephisto's, only to discover that everything had been Mephisto's scheme. He had even allowed his lord to fall into danger. Now he was brooding, hiding in the Summoning Space and training constantly.

He would still answer Chen Tian's summons, but it was obvious that he was no longer so arrogant.

Oh, and one more thing. The small villa where Chen Tian's group now lived was all thanks to Dante. That guy had transformed into his Devil Trigger form, disguised himself as a demon, and frightened the original owner of the villa so badly that the owner had to hire someone to exorcise it.

That was when Chen Tian arrived with Vergil. In the end, the original owner gave the house to Chen Tian.

Anyway, the original owner had been a Wall Street vampire, so Chen Tian felt no guilt whatsoever.

After arriving in this world, Chen Tian had also tried to find the Ancient One and see whether she could send him back to his original point in time. But for some reason, no matter how Chen Tian called for her, the Ancient One never appeared.

Since the Ancient One had never shown herself, Chen Tian planned to head to Kamar-Taj as soon as he got some money.

But... with a spendthrift like Dante around, wealth seemed to stay very far away from Chen Tian...

Five minutes later, this strange "visiting party" arrived grandly at the neighboring door. Chen Tian took a deep breath and pressed the doorbell.

The door opened faster than expected. A burly man over two meters tall appeared in the doorway, with short blond hair and a tight T-shirt stretched nearly to bursting by his muscles.

"Здравствуйте! Hello!" Alexei greeted them warmly, his thick Russian accent hitting them head-on. "New neighbors?"

Chen Tian flashed a bright, sunny smile. "Yes, we live next door! We heard you just moved in, so we came to visit." He shook the bag of frozen dumplings in his hand. "Just a small gift."

Dante promptly raised the bottle of vodka and deliberately gave it a shake. "I heard Russians all like this?"

Alexei's eyes immediately lit up. He burst into hearty laughter. "Hahaha! Good liquor! Good neighbors!" He gave Dante's shoulder a heavy slap. "Come in! My wife just made borscht!"

Vergil gave an elegant bow. "Pardon the intrusion." 2B silently handed over the beautifully wrapped candy.

The moment they entered the spacious living room, they heard a childish voice. "Daddy, who's here?"

A little blue-haired girl peeked down from the stairs. She looked around ten or eleven, her big watery eyes filled with curiosity.

This was definitely the Black Widow, Natasha Romanoff, as a child!

"Natasha, come down and meet the new neighbors!" Alexei called.

The little girl skipped down the stairs, only to suddenly stop when she saw Chen Tian's group. She warily hid behind her father. Chen Tian noticed that her gaze was mainly fixed on 2B—apparently, 2B's gentle aura had made the little agent wary.

"Don't be afraid, dear." An elegant woman came out of the kitchen, wiping her hands on her apron. "I'm Melina. Welcome to our home."

Chen Tian nearly choked on his own saliva—Melina Vostokoff! The future Iron Maiden! This family really was the "fake family" from the Black Widow movie!

Dante had already made himself at home at the dining table. "Wow! This soup smells amazing!"

Vergil coughed lightly, signaling Dante with his eyes to mind his manners. But Alexei simply laughed and poured vodka for everyone. "Come on! A toast to our new neighbors!"

As the atmosphere gradually warmed, Chen Tian noticed Melina's gaze moving back and forth across their group, particularly her unusual interest in 2B. Meanwhile, little Natasha kept staring at Yamato hanging at Vergil's waist.

"So," Melina said with a smile as she ladled a bowl of borscht for Chen Tian, "you are family? You do not quite look like it."

No shit. Of course they did not look like a family—two middle-aged white men calling a young Asian man and a young girl who might or might not be mixed-race their children.

Chen Tian was about to answer when a loud BANG suddenly came from upstairs. Everyone froze.

Alexei's smile stiffened. "Ah... that must be Yelena being naughty again..."

Chen Tian and 2B exchanged a glance—Yelena! The future second-generation Black Widow! This family gathering was getting more and more interesting!

Just then, a blond little girl stormed downstairs angrily. "Daddy! My teddy bear disappeared again!"

In the dining room, Vergil was the first to speak to Alexei's "fake family."

"Please allow me to introduce us." Vergil elegantly pulled out chairs for everyone. "I am Vergil Sparda, and this is my younger brother, Dante Sparda."

Dante had his arm around Chen Tian's shoulder. Hearing that, he immediately stood straight and offered an exaggerated bow. "Just call me Dante!"

"This is our adopted son, Nero." Vergil's long finger lightly tapped Chen Tian's shoulder. "And our adopted daughter, YoRHa." 2B nodded slightly, her silver hair glowing softly beneath the lights.

Melina's knife and fork moved over her plate at a perfect angle. "What a warm family. How long have you lived here?"

"Not long. About a week earlier than all of you." Vergil lifted the borscht and inhaled its aroma. "The bay leaves in this soup were added at precisely the right amount."

Alexei laughed and cut in. "My wife is a cooking expert! Come, a toast to good food!" He tipped back his head and drained the entire glass of vodka. Dante immediately raised his own glass in response, and the two glasses clinked crisply in the air. In truth, at the instant he tipped his head back, Dante poured the alcohol into his pocket at incredible speed. Do not ask why it was his pocket, and do not ask why it did not leak. Dante's coat contained everything...

Undercurrents flowed across the dining table. Melina's gaze shifted between Dante's red coat covered in soup stains and Vergil's impeccably neat attire. "You brothers have very different personalities."

"Our mother passed away early, and I raised my younger brother from childhood. He lacked the guidance of an elder in matters of etiquette, so some lapses are unavoidable." Vergil calmly cut his dark bread. "Dante always uses chili sauce as ketchup."

Under the table, Chen Tian stomped hard on Dante's foot. The napkin 2B promptly handed over hid the demon hunter's twisted expression.

"Miss YoRHa's gloves are quite special." Melina suddenly turned to the quiet girl.

2B lightly stroked the seam of her gloves. "A family tradition." She turned toward the eager Yelena. "Would you like to see?"

The blond girl immediately pounced over, but the moment she touched 2B's hand, she cried out, "Cold!" Natasha cautiously stepped half a pace back, then suddenly pointed at 2B's neck. "Big sister, here... there's light!"

Vergil calmly set down his napkin. "My adopted son and younger brother were somewhat rebellious and took the girl to get glowing tattoos."

"That's super cool!" Dante suddenly pulled out a spray can. "I've got glow-in-the-dark spray too!"

Dante was just about to say something when Chen Tian suddenly pointed outside the window. "It's snowing!"

The first snow of 1995 drifted down in fluttering flakes. 2B took the opportunity to adjust her optical camouflage, while Yelena stole the meatball from Dante's plate. When Melina turned around, she found Natasha already sitting on 2B's lap, carefully combing the android's silver hair.

"Like snow..." the little girl whispered.

Awkwardly but earnestly, 2B helped Natasha braid her hair. This was a sensation she had never experienced before.

"You seem very close." Melina's smile carried a note of probing.

"Blood ties are not the only bond of family." Vergil's blue eyes narrowed slightly. "Just like some families may seem perfect while hiding secrets."

Alexei suddenly slapped the table and laughed. "I like your family! More than the ones we met in Cuba..."

Melina's dinner knife scraped sharply across the porcelain plate. Vergil elegantly wiped the soup from the corner of Chen Tian's mouth. "Cuban cigars are indeed unforgettable."

Back at the Sparda family's small villa, the fire in the fireplace crackled softly. Vergil took off his coat and hung it on the rack, his brows faintly furrowed. "That woman Melina is not simple. She tested us at least seven times."

Dante sprawled on the sofa, rubbing his empty stomach. "Come on, big bro. If our grandnephew hadn't suggested mooching a meal, we'd still be starving." He pointed at the completely empty fridge. "We're broke as hell right now."

2B stood quietly by the window. "Melina added a trace amount of sedative to the soup. The dosage was enough to make ordinary adults mildly drowsy."

Chen Tian waved a hand. "That's normal. A sudden visit would definitely draw their attention."

"Then why did we go?" 2B did not quite understand. She tilted her head at Chen Tian in confusion.

"Because we're poor!" Chen Tian sprang up from the sofa and pointed at Dante's nose. "Ever since this guy started following us, our luck with money has been terrible!"

Dante blinked innocently, then casually dug half a moldy doughnut out of the gap in the sofa. "Hey, that can't all be blamed on me..."

"If not you, then who?" Chen Tian counted on his fingers as he listed Dante's crimes. "Last week, we finally won three thousand dollars at the casino. Who insisted on performing 'Devil Trigger Sword Swallowing' and brought security running?"

Vergil elegantly sipped plain hot water—coffee had run out three days ago. "I recall that performance ended with us paying five thousand dollars in repair costs."

"And the day before yesterday!" Chen Tian continued accusing him. "What did this guy use the eight hundred bucks 2B earned at McDonald's to buy?"

2B calmly added, "Limited-edition strawberry sundae-flavored descendant extinction bags."

"They were collectibles!" Dante argued righteously, then stuffed the moldy doughnut into his mouth.

Chen Tian covered his face in anguish. "Why the hell did you keep that thing? And the worst part was... that bank card we got after pretending to be exorcists."

"Wait!" Dante suddenly raised a hand. "That time, I had a legitimate reason! That ATM was obviously possessed by a demon. I saw Mephisto's face printed on the money it spat out!"

Vergil sneered. "So you split it in half with Rebellion?"

"And triggered the bank's alarm system," 2B added. "We were wanted across the city for twelve hours."

Firelight flickered across Chen Tian's troubled face. Vergil elegantly set down his teacup—there was only hot water inside.

"So," Vergil said, his long fingers tapping lightly against the coffee table and producing a hollow echo, "we now face two problems." He raised one finger. "First, the Ancient One remains nowhere to be found." Then a second finger. "Second, our financial situation..." He glanced at Dante, who was smiling sheepishly. "It is worse than Hell."

2B softly continued, "Before we left Alexei's home, Melina asked me to help look after Natasha and Yelena tomorrow." 2B sighed lightly. "She and Alexei need to go out. She is willing to pay two hundred dollars and cover the sisters' expenses for the entire day."

Chen Tian's eyes instantly lit up. "Two hundred dollars?"

2B nodded again. Chen Tian grinned and put an arm around 2B's shoulder. "What did I say? Without 2B, this family would fall apart!"

Dante clapped as well. "As expected of you! You're the most reliable person in this family!"

Vergil smiled too.

Over the following days, 2B became the most trusted "Sister YoRHa" of Yelena and Natasha.

Every morning, the girl arrived punctually at Alexei's door and took the two little girls through all kinds of games.

"Sister YoRHa!" Yelena shouted excitedly, holding up crayons. "I drew you and Natasha today!"

2B accepted the drawing, her pupils contracting slightly—wings were clearly spread from her back in the picture. Natasha quietly observed 2B's reaction from the side.

Meanwhile, Dante's food delivery career was a complete disaster. On the first day, he delivered pizzas to thirty-seven wrong addresses. On the second day, he drove so wildly that five police cars rear-ended one another while chasing him. On the third day, he went even further—he turned a customer's Hawaiian pizza into an actual volcanic lava pizza and blew up their kitchen.

"That wasn't my fault!" Dante argued miserably. "That customer said they wanted it 'so spicy they'd breathe fire'!"

Chen Tian looked at the three-thousand-dollar figure on the compensation bill and silently pulled out Rebellion. "Vergil, hold him down."

With no other choice, Chen Tian and Vergil went to Hell's Kitchen to fight in underground boxing matches. A video of Vergil elegantly knocking down twelve burly men in a row with a wooden sword went viral on the dark web, while Chen Tian was mistaken for the young master of some Eastern gang because he accidentally shouted, "Kneel before me!" during a match.

Fortunately, both of them wore masks, avoiding the attention of interested parties.

"I'm saying," Chen Tian said as he counted the money, "should we consider letting Madara..."

"No!" Vergil refused decisively. "Last time he went to Wall Street to 'borrow' money, the entire financial district started spreading an urban legend about a Red Eye demon."

Late at night, 2B quietly stuffed Yelena's drawing of an "angel" into the fireplace. In the firelight, her silver lashes trembled gently—she deeply loved the feeling this strange "family" gave her.