Burgers and Missiles

Tony was buried beneath Mark Seventeen's leg armor, with only his two wildly kicking legs sticking out. Various tools and parts were scattered across the workbench, while a holographic projection beside it flickered with complex streams of data.

"JARVIS, stabilize the reactor output at forty-seven percent, but don't overload the foot thrusters..." His voice came out muffled from beneath the armor, accompanied by the clang of a wrench hitting the floor.

"Output stabilized, sir. However, allow me to remind you that you have been working continuously for sixteen hours. Ms. Potts specifically instructed..."

"Ms. Potts isn't here, and my inspiration is running wild!" Tony crawled out from under the armor, his hair a mess as though he had been electrocuted. "Wait, was that an earthquake just now?"

The workshop door slid open, and Xiao Han wandered in with a paper bag bearing the logo "Carl Burger." "Your chatty AI said you were about to starve to death. It was so noisy I couldn't even sunbathe." He tossed the bag onto the workbench. "Picked up some food on the way."

Tony blinked. "JARVIS? Since when were you so chatty? And Carl Burger is forty miles away!"

Xiao Han had already pulled a burger from the bag. "I flew there to get it. What else was I supposed to do?"

Tony grabbed another burger and unwrapped it. "You flew forty miles just to buy a burger?"

"Or should I have watched you pass out from hunger?" Xiao Han raised an eyebrow. "Then listened to your AI's health warnings all day?"

Tony took a huge bite of the burger and spoke through a full mouth. "JARVIS is just worried about me... Mm, this place's teriyaki sauce really is amazing."

Xiao Han looked over the armor components scattered everywhere. "Messing around with your tin can again? What did you add this time, an automatic coffee warmer?"

"Very funny." Tony rolled his eyes. "This is Mark Seventeen. It has increased..."

Before he could finish, Xiao Han picked up an arm guard and casually squeezed it. "The material is a little better than last time," he assessed, "but it's still fragile." The metal let out a faint whine beneath his fingers.

"Hey! That's a new carbon nanocomposite!" Tony hurriedly snatched the arm guard back and inspected the fingerprints on it. "It can withstand five tons of pressure!"

"Your unit of measurement is wrong." Xiao Han yawned boredly. "The structure is too complicated too. The joints are full of weak points. An enemy would target those places."

Tony planted his hands on his hips, unconvinced. "Oh? And what brilliant advice do you have, Mr. Sun's Son?"

"Simplify the structure and strengthen the core output." Xiao Han picked up Tony's coffee cup, sniffed it, and set it down in disgust. "Like this: why install a fire suppression system in the armor? Just blow up the source of the fire."

"Because not everyone can punch everything to pieces in one hit!" Tony shot back. "We mortals need backup plans!"

Xiao Han raised an eyebrow. "So your plan is to install a miniature fire truck inside your armor?"

Just as Tony was about to keep arguing, an alarm suddenly sounded.

"Sir, twelve high-speed flying objects have been detected approaching from an unknown source. Estimated arrival in forty-five seconds." JARVIS's voice became urgent. "Their identifying characteristics match Short Sword short-range missiles."

Tony instantly tossed aside his burger. "What? Where are they coming from?"

"Tracking data indicates a mobile launch platform at sea. All defensive systems have been activated, but the enemy is using saturation tactics. Immediate evacuation is advised."

More than a dozen red dots flashed across the holographic screen, speeding toward the villa at an astonishing rate.

Tony cursed and rushed toward the nearest suit of armor. "JARVIS, activate all interception systems. Send Pepper an alert..."

Before he could finish, Xiao Han had strolled over to the bulletproof glass wall facing the ocean. "Troublesome," he muttered.

As armor components attached themselves to his body, Tony shouted, "Get back! Those are missiles!"

Xiao Han seemed not to hear him. He raised a hand and gave the glass wall a light push. The entire sheet of bulletproof glass instantly turned into tiny crystalline particles, spilling across the floor like a waterfall. Ocean wind immediately poured into the workshop, sending design blueprints flying everywhere.

"What are you doing?!" Tony had already put on most of his armor, though his faceplate had yet to close.

Xiao Han did not answer. He merely watched the small black dots appearing over the distant horizon. He narrowed his eyes as if the sunlight were glaring into them.

The first six missiles had entered visual range, trailing white smoke as they charged straight toward the villa.

Tony's faceplate was about to close. "JARVIS, intercept them all!"

But the next second, he froze.

The missiles suddenly turned in unison about a mile from shore, as if an invisible hand had flicked them aside. They made a perfectly coordinated turn, then sped back along their original path even faster.

Several muffled booms came from the distant sea, followed by brief flashes of fire.

Tony's faceplate stopped halfway down. "What...?"

The second wave of four missiles arrived right after.

Xiao Han seemed a little impatient. He gently blew out a breath.

The four missiles instantly froze in midair, maintaining their flying posture beneath thick layers of ice. Then, like ice sculptures, they fell into the sea and sent up enormous splashes.

Tony was completely stunned, his faceplate still stuck halfway down. "How did you..."

Xiao Han turned to look at him. "Any more?"

As if answering his question, the third wave of missiles appeared—but this time, there was only one. It was clearly much larger and faster.

"Tactical nuclear warhead!" JARVIS warned. "Yield approximately five kilotons!"

Tony felt his blood run cold. "God! We have to..."

Xiao Han finally frowned. He took one step forward and instantly appeared above the ocean, directly in the path of the nuclear missile.

From Tony's perspective, he only saw Xiao Han reach out and lightly touch the front of the incoming missile. The nuclear warhead, capable of destroying half of Malibu, immediately stopped advancing and hung motionlessly in the air.

Xiao Han examined the missile as if inspecting merchandise, then casually waved his hand.

The missile instantly changed direction and flew toward outer space at an inconceivable speed. In the blink of an eye, it became a tiny point of light before disappearing completely beyond the atmosphere.

After finishing all that, Xiao Han stepped back into the workshop and dusted off his hands as though there were dust on them. "Taken care of." He glanced at the dumbfounded Tony. "Your jaw's about to hit the floor."

Tony finally closed his mouth, and his faceplate fully retracted. "You... just... threw a nuclear bomb... out of the solar system?"

"Probably." Xiao Han casually walked back to the workbench, picked up the now-cold burger, and took a bite. "Terrible. Pick somewhere else next time."

Tony was still in shock. "How did you calculate the trajectory and thrust? Even I would need..."

"Just tossed it." Xiao Han cut him off and looked over Tony's armor. "By the way, why did you paint your tin can gold? Wasn't it conspicuous enough already?"

Tony instinctively retorted, "That's a high-strength alloy gold coating! It helps with heat dissipation and energy conduction!"

Xiao Han raised an eyebrow. "So it's a shiny tin can."

Tony decided to give up arguing about that. "JARVIS, did you record everything that just happened?"

"Part of the recording is missing due to energy interference, sir. Would you like me to prepare a report?"

"No! Absolutely not!" Tony said hurriedly. "Delete all records, clear the cache, and act like... like nothing happened."

"Done." JARVIS paused. "However, allow me to remind you that the North American Aerospace Defense Command may already have detected..."

"Let them guess." Tony waved a hand and shut down all the alarm systems, then turned to Xiao Han. "So you can casually throw a nuclear bomb out of the atmosphere, but you won't fly a little farther to buy a better burger?"

Xiao Han was already lying in Tony's office chair, spinning around for fun. "Too far. And your AI is too annoying."

Tony suddenly thought of something. "Wait, how did you know it was a nuclear bomb? JARVIS only gave the yield..."

Xiao Han pointed at his eyes. "I could see it. Structure, materials, energy reactions..." He shrugged. "It was obvious."

Tony opened his mouth, then closed it again. He decided not to ask any more questions today.

"Sir, Director Fury is calling. Maximum encryption level," JARVIS reminded him.

Tony sighed. "Put him through. Today's already crazy enough."

Fury's serious face appeared on the holographic screen. "Stark, we detected abnormal energy readings and... missile launches in the direction of Malibu? You need to explain."

Tony gave an exaggerated smile. "Hey, Fury! Just a little test. A new defense system. It worked pretty well, right?"

Fury's single eye narrowed. "A test? We detected one missile reaching escape velocity!"

"That was an... accident." Tony glanced at Xiao Han, who was spinning in the chair. "Anyway, everything is under control."

Fury clearly did not believe him. "Stark, if something is going on..."

"Everything's fine!" Tony cut him off. "Ordering takeout was just a little difficult. Come to think of it, how are the burgers in the S.H.I.E.L.D. cafeteria?"

Fury hung up immediately.

Tony turned toward Xiao Han and found that he was no longer in the swivel chair.

"Where did he go?" Tony asked.

"Mr. Xiao returned to the living room. He said he was going to take a nap," JARVIS replied. "Also, he asked me to tell you..."

"Tell me what?"

"Next time, buy double cheeseburgers. No lettuce."

Tony looked at the huge hole in the workshop wall as the sea wind howled through it.

"JARVIS," he sighed, "call a renovation crew first."