Landlord and Tenant

Mornings at Stark Villa usually began with two sounds: Tony hammering metal in the workshop, and Xiao Han rummaging through the kitchen for food. Today was no exception.

"JARVIS, where's my box of donuts?" Xiao Han opened the third cabinet. "The one Pepper bought yesterday, marked 'Landlord Exclusive.'"

The AI replied gently, "Mr. Stark ate the last two at 3:15 this morning. Would you like me to order a new box for you?"

Tony's voice came from the workshop. "Hey! Those were my snacks! And you still haven't paid last month's electricity bill!"

Xiao Han took out a carton of milk from the fridge. "You mean the electricity bill generated by me sunbathing? Want me to take down all your solar panels?"

This sort of daily bickering had practically become the villa's background noise. Pepper had learned to ignore it, while Happy always cautiously tried to mediate, usually ending up offending both sides.

Today was a little different. The remnants of yesterday's "interstellar diplomacy" were still scattered across the beach, pieces of three Kree warships bobbing with the tide. A group of S.H.I.E.L.D. agents were setting up a perimeter in the distance. Fury stood on the shore, his one eye fixed on the alien metal with a complicated expression.

Wearing grease-stained coveralls, Tony walked out of the workshop. "Fury says he's sending people to clean up, but I bet he just wants to pick up some alien tech to take back for research."

Xiao Han sat at the dining table eating cereal. "Tell them not to step on my sunbathing area."

"Your sunbathing area?" Tony raised a brow. "Last time I checked the deed, this place still had my name on it."

"Living rights include sunlight rights." Xiao Han did not even look up. "And your robots are too noisy."

Just then, the doorbell rang. JARVIS displayed two S.H.I.E.L.D. agents outside, along with a handcuffed Kree.

Tony sighed. "I knew it wouldn't end that easily."

The agents were Phil Coulson and his partner. "Mr. Stark," Coulson said with a professional smile, "Director Fury hopes you can assist in interrogating this Kree prisoner of war. Our translation equipment... isn't quite up to the task."

The handcuffed Kree looked far more obedient than he had yesterday. Especially when he saw Xiao Han walk out of the dining room, he visibly drew in his neck.

Xiao Han looked the Kree over. "Did you give him a bath? He reeked of seawater yesterday."

Tony could not help laughing. "Want to give him a spa treatment too?"

The interrogation took place in the living room. Coulson tried using S.H.I.E.L.D.'s equipment for translation, but it worked poorly. Every time the device emitted a piercing burst of static, Xiao Han frowned, and the Kree would start trembling in fright.

"All right," Tony finally said. "Looks like conventional methods won't work. JARVIS, hook up that Kree communicator."

After a great deal of fussing around, they finally established a barely functional communication channel. The Kree called himself Korath, a lieutenant in a Kree Empire border patrol unit.

"We tracked Skrull traitors to this star system," Korath said through the translator, his voice full of obvious fear. "We didn't know this planet had... guardians."

Xiao Han was adjusting the coffee machine without turning around. "Not knowing means you can just open fire?"

Korath visibly shuddered. "Standard procedure... for lower civilizations..."

Tony rolled his eyes. "Wow. Interstellar racism. That's really something."

Coulson continued, "How much does the Kree Empire know about Earth?"

"Very little," Korath answered honestly. "This planet is not on any major trade route. Records show the last official contact was centuries ago, when it was classified as... an uncivilized civilization."

Xiao Han finally got the coffee machine working and walked over with a cup. "Would an uncivilized civilization make coffee this good?" He handed a cup to Korath. "Try it. It's much better than your energy sludge."

Korath cautiously took a sip, and his expression suddenly turned surprised. "What... is this?"

"Antigua, Guatemala," Xiao Han said. "Tony bought it. The most expensive kind."

Tony protested, "That's my private reserve!"

Korath took another large drink, seemingly forgetting his fear for the moment. "The Kree Empire has no such... beverage. Only nutrient fluid and energy supplements."

"See?" Xiao Han said to Tony. "Your coffee conquered an alien."

The interrogation became strangely smooth after that. Under the effects of caffeine, Korath grew talkative and even voluntarily provided some information about Kree Empire military deployments—though most of it sounded like bragging.

Suddenly, an alarm went off. JARVIS reported, "The Skrull ship's life-support system is about to fail. Three life signs aboard are weakening."

Korath abruptly stood up. "Those Skrulls... one of them is a scientist! An important one!"

Xiao Han and Tony exchanged a look. Five minutes later, they arrived beside the Skrull ship on the beach. S.H.I.E.L.D. technicians were trying to open the hatch, but they had clearly run into trouble.

"An energy lock," one technician reported. "Completely unfamiliar technology. Forcing it open could injure the people inside."

Xiao Han pushed the technician aside and carefully examined the hatch's structure. Then he did something no one expected—he pulled a compact multitool from his pocket and began dismantling the panel.

Tony asked in surprise, "Where did you learn that?"

"Watched your robots work too much." Xiao Han did not look up. "And this lock's design looks familiar. It's kind of like an upgraded version of that old safe in your garage."

Three minutes later, the hatch slid open without a sound. Inside were three unconscious Skrulls: two adults and a child. Korath excitedly pointed at one of the adults. "That's Talos! The Skrulls' chief scientist!"

The medical team quickly carried the Skrulls out for emergency treatment. Korath watched Talos being taken away, his expression complicated. "The Empire wanted to capture him alive... his research is important."

Xiao Han was studying the removed door lock. "Much smarter than your warship designs."

At that moment, Fury's hologram appeared. "Stark, the United Nations Security Council wants a briefing. Can you come to the Helicarrier?"

Tony sighed. "I knew it." He turned to Xiao Han. "Want to come? You are, after all... one of the parties involved."

Xiao Han was turning the lock over in his hands. "No. The sunlight's nice today."

"But this is an interstellar diplomatic incident!" Tony tried to persuade him. "It could affect Earth's future!"

Xiao Han pointed at the still-smoking warship wreckage on the beach. "I've already made my position clear."

In the end, Tony had no choice but to go alone. Xiao Han stayed at the villa and, unexpectedly, started helping clear the wreckage from the beach. His method was straightforward: he threw the large metal fragments into the sea and piled the smaller ones together.

Korath was handcuffed to a chair on the balcony. Watching all this, he could not help asking, "Why are you doing this? Those Skrulls are nothing to you."

Xiao Han was folding a piece of warship armor into the shape of a paper airplane. "Tony may be annoying, but he's my landlord." He threw the "paper airplane," and it skimmed across the sea for a long distance before sinking. "And you made a mess of his beach."

Korath fell silent for a while, then suddenly said, "The Empire won't let this go. More warships will come."

"It doesn't matter how many come." Xiao Han looked utterly unconcerned.

When Tony returned that evening, he was surprised to find that most of the wreckage had already been cleared away. Xiao Han sat on the balcony, looking toward the sunset. Korath was still in that chair, now asleep beneath a blanket.

"What did the United Nations say?" Xiao Han asked without turning around.

Tony collapsed into the chair beside him. "A pile of nonsense. In the end, they decided to hand the Skrulls over to the Nova Corps—that's an interstellar police organization, supposedly fairly neutral. Korath will be sent back to the Kree Empire with our 'formal protest.'"

Xiao Han gave a soft laugh. "Will that work? That kind of protest?"

"Probably not," Tony admitted. "But at least it bought us some time. Fury is already putting together a department specifically to deal with extraterrestrial threats."

The two silently watched the sun sink below the horizon. The villa's lights automatically came on, soft and easy on the eyes.

"You know," Tony suddenly said, "even though you're a terrible tenant—you don't pay rent, you eat my food—"

"—I still hope you keep living here." After saying that, Tony seemed a little embarrassed and immediately stood up. "What do we want for dinner? I'll order takeout."

Xiao Han looked at the last lingering glow over the sea, the corner of his mouth lifting slightly. "Pizza. No pineapple."

"Hey! I like pineapple pizza!"

"That's why I said no pineapple."

On the balcony, Korath smacked his lips in his sleep, as if he were still savoring that cup of coffee. In the distance, S.H.I.E.L.D. vessels were salvaging the last bits of warship debris, their searchlights cutting bright beams through the twilight.

For now, everything had returned to peace—at least until the next batch of uninvited alien visitors appeared.