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"Costume," Shi Jihan said, clapping his hands to quiet everyone so they could listen to Pei Mingxuan's broken cries. "Come on, bring out that high-end custom piece!"

High-end custom. Just hearing it made people yearn for it.

With a faint smile on his lips, Pei Mingxuan slowly turned his head, ready to receive one huge surprise—

Holy shit, this red background with green peonies, this floral jacket that looked from afar like a Spring Festival couplet come to life, was his costume for tonight??

[ Ding, Malice Points +3.24 ]

000 was stunned: [Oh my god, this is the highest Malice Point contribution ever made by a random passerby!]

Pei Mingxuan sucked in such a huge breath that the resulting Category 10 typhoon flipped the Tibetan Plateau off the roof of the world, turned it upside down in the East African Great Rift, rolled it into the equatorial barbecue zone, sprinkled it with Saharan cumin, and sold it to Lord Shanghai.

Lord Shanghai said: Get out of China.

Pei Mingxuan's pupils shook. "Who am I? Where am I? What is going on?!"

The Malice Points began chiming upward, every single sound so pleasant to hear.

Before he could react, Shi Jihan grabbed the clothes and started wrapping them around him. "Come on, hurry up and change. Everyone's waiting for you."

Pei Mingxuan struggled helplessly. "No, I'm not wearing it! Director, I'm not wearing this!"

He was as tragic and heroic as a four-hundred-pound pig.

His head poked out of the changing room, his finger stubbornly pointing toward the free sky outside.

Shi Jihan forcefully pried his hand off the doorframe and dragged him back inside. "What are you embarrassed about? Hurry up."

Pei Mingxuan fought desperately. "No—! Let go of me!"

Outside the changing room, viewers watched him go in and out, out and in, in and out, coming and going in peace. The moment half his body emerged, he was dragged back in, followed by screams drifting overhead.

Shi Jihan couldn't hold him down by himself and shouted, "Stagehands, stagehands! Get me five strong guys!"

"Damn it, how can you cheat? If you've got guts, fight me one-on-one! Don't, don't lift my arms!"

000 shouted: [Host, I'm helping too!]

Then it plopped its butt right onto Pei Mingxuan's face.

Pei Mingxuan, whose head had been smashed by some mysterious force: Hah... I can't breathe!

[Let's wish everyone a Happy New Year in advance. They're slaughtering pigs at the village entrance.]

[Did this door eat someone?]

[The clothes probably bite.]

Half an hour later, Shi Jihan and five strong men emerged, wiping away sweat. They also dragged out the person behind them. "Come on, Teacher Pei. It's time to open the show."

A brightly colored lump of red and green successfully entered the frame, walking out slowly with his legs pressed together, bent over and hunched like he was painfully shy.

The other performers had long been waiting with errenzhuan handkerchiefs. One young male artist stepped up and patted Pei Mingxuan on the back. "Brother Pei, be confident. We're here to promote folk culture."

It would have been better if he hadn't patted him. That one pat exposed Pei Mingxuan completely before everyone.

Standing there, he resembled a northeastern heated brick bed. From a distant camera angle, he looked like a New Year painting resurrected from the dead; in close-up, he looked like a sentient quilt.

A closer look revealed two hopping phoenixes in the pattern, dancing wildly around the peonies.

The barrage briefly went blank before exploding with dozens of times more "HAHAHAHAHA," one comment piling atop another and swiftly drowning him out.

[Damn, Pei Mingxuan, why are you so absurd? I'm dying of laughter hahahaha.]

[Our northeastern floral padded jackets have international style!]

[Where the hell did this take me all of a sudden?]

[(Straightens tie) (takes the stage) (beats gongs and drums) I want to bloom, I want to sprout, I want the spring breeze and rain to go splish splash.]

[Hahaha, this style—isn't this that outfit Shen Qinghuai designed?]

[High-fashion red carpet gown transformed into northeastern pickled cabbage? Don't say it, it really fits.]

[Shen Qinghuai, don't look. It's negative commentary.]

Weibo had already gone mad with laughter. The real-time feed was full of screenshot memes contributed by netizens, and Pei Mingxuan's fans couldn't control the comments no matter how hard they tried.

Despair.JPG

At this moment, the fans finally understood the destructive power of the three words "Shi Jihan."

Pei Mingxuan covered his face with one hand, feeling abandoned by the entire world. "...I want to go home."

Shi Jihan asked, "What's wrong? Is it not sexy enough? We even specially gave you a cinched-waist design."

Mentioning that sexy waist-pinching, butt-emphasizing design only made the viewers laugh even harder.

Everyone present wanted to laugh too, but they were holding it in with all their might because they didn't dare offend Pei Mingxuan.

Someone held it in for so long that a piglike snort escaped through their nose.

Shi Jihan said, "What are you embarrassed about? Our main focus this time is—"

He looked at the other artists.

"Emo—tion—al—val—ue!" everyone answered loudly, playing along.

Pei Mingxuan had already turned into crushed Wangwang popsicle ice.

Of course, Shi Jihan was still very conscientious. He agreed to let Pei Mingxuan promote his new song during tonight's performance, replacing the tender, wistful "Drunken Butterfly" with the spicy new song of the spicy single king.

000 counted the huge wave of Malice Points harvested from Pei Mingxuan's fans and praised its host: [Host is still far too conscientious, with excellent character.]

Pei Mingxuan didn't see it that way. His first reaction was, "Shi Jihan, what are you trying to do?"

Yes, he knew who this stagehand was now. He knew exactly which idiot it was!

"I'm helping you promote your new song." Shi Jihan spread his hands. "Don't thank me too much."

"Who wants to thank you! You [beep—][beep—][beep—]!"

Pei Mingxuan sent out more than a dozen telegrams in public.

[Has he gone crazy?]

[Another one went crazy?]

[Bro, stop cursing, you're scaring me.]

Shi Jihan discovered in surprise that every telegram he received raised his Malice Points a little.

A little meant ten thousand!

The protagonists were nuclear-bomb level but had long cooldowns. This guy had high-frequency output with no cooldown.

Pei Mingxuan no longer cared about his image on the show. After cursing himself mad, he looked provocatively at Shi Jihan, his eyes full of, Come on, hit me if you dare.

The barefoot feared no one with shoes!

Yet a bottle of water was stuffed into his hand.

Shi Jihan looked at him encouragingly. "Thirsty? Take a drink before you keep cursing. Don't wear yourself out, but don't stop either."

Pei Mingxuan: ?

Pei Mingxuan: ???

What a lunatic!!

After waiting for a long time, Shi Jihan's eyes shifted from delighted to disappointed. "No more cursing? Then hurry up and perform."

He waved him off dismissively, tossing him aside after using him.

Pei Mingxuan was so enraged he nearly lost his mind. He didn't even care about promoting his new song anymore. Once the stage performance began, he absolutely would not cooperate with Shi Jihan!

Want to see him dance? Dream on!

Pei Mingxuan swore this before going onstage.

The moment the familiar music started, muscle memory kicked in immediately, and he began thrusting his hips and twisting his waist to the beat with broad, dramatic dance moves.

Pei Mingxuan: ...?

No, wait! Why was he dancing?!

It was already too late.

The fans covered their eyes, unable to bear such a scorching sight.

Could anyone imagine a celebrity in a tight floral padded jacket dancing sexy K-pop onstage?

The effect was even more explosive than those little loafer-wearing guys doing flower-hand dances.

[...I don't want to support Brother's album anymore.]

[Stop dancing, Pei Mingxuan. Please. If you keep going, I'm going to unstan.]

[I apologize for insulting Shi Corporation a few days ago. Shi Jihan, please spare my eyes!]

[Just saying, after today's livestream, will Pei Mingxuan still be able to get luxury brand endorsements?]

[Shen Qinghuai probably never imagined in his life that his custom couture gown could be altered into this...]

No.

Shen Qinghuai saw that comment and refuted it.

As long as Shi Jihan got his hands on something, it could be changed into anything.

He even thought the floral padded jacket was pretty good. At least it was still clothing.

On the huge screen in the high-ceilinged living room, the reality show livestream was playing. Shen Qinghuai turned to Shi Bochuan and said, "Why am I so happy that the Beagle at home is tormenting outsiders?"

Shi Bochuan nodded in agreement. "I'm very happy too."

[ Ding, mission "Killing Two Birds with One Arrow" completed. Reward: Malice Points +28 ]

[Not enough.] Shi Jihan grew greedy. He wanted Pei Mingxuan to send more telegrams so he could earn a little extra.

At the prices of his previous life, even if he exchanged these Malice Points now, all he could upgrade from was a downtown toilet to a luxurious toilet with a bathtub.

Besides, 000 was going to the Unified Realm tomorrow to report on its duties. The first penalty notice had ordered them to pull the plot back onto the main route, and the second might very well dock their pay.

Shi Jihan had an exceptional sense of crisis.

[Pei Mingxuan, sorry for the trouble!]

-

When Pei Mingxuan came offstage, his mind was still dazed.

But the uncles and aunties below the stage had received plenty of emotional value, and all the hardship of the busy farming season had been laughed away.

The aunties praised Pei Mingxuan. "Young man, you danced so well. How are you so good at shaking it?"

"Come dance square dancing with us another day."

"The pattern on those clothes is really pretty. I'll get one for our Little Yellow another day."

Pei Mingxuan rebooted after shutting down. "Who's Little Yellow?"

"Woof woof!" Little Yellow enthusiastically circled around his pant legs.

[ Ding, Malice Points +1.21 ]

Pei Mingxuan was furious. His clothes were going to be worn by a dog?!

What had a dog done to deserve that!

He tugged at the clothes on his body and strode toward the changing room.

Change out of them! He was changing out right now!

But the director stopped him halfway there.

Pei Mingxuan looked at him darkly. "What are you doing?"

The director explained, "Teacher Pei, according to the process, we need to take your promotional photos first. Since you love the stage so much that you couldn't wait to perform first, we couldn't exactly say anything. We support your choice."

He paused, facing Pei Mingxuan's pie-chart expression—thirty percent livid, twenty percent flushed red, fifty percent deathly pale—and said, "But now, shouldn't we make up for it with a few photos?"

Pei Mingxuan shouted, "No!"

The director looked at him as though he were being unreasonable. "It's all written into the contract. Isn't Teacher Pei the one with the strongest sense of contractual spirit? Don't make things difficult for us."