Page 5
After swallowing a good deal of water and dragging half a life behind him, Zhu Bafu finally managed to claw his way ashore with a few desperate dog paddles. He sat miserably on a large stone by the embankment, wringing out his robe while cursing without end.
It was all that damned Li Chenjing's fault. His conscience must have been eaten clean by dogs. He had watched with his own eyes as a perfectly living man fell into the water beside him, yet he merely looked on without saying a word. Standing high above with his sleeves fluttering and his hands clasped behind his back, he had watched with cold indifference, as though it had nothing to do with him. Seeing Zhu Bafu kick and slap at the water, managing a few dog paddles, he had decided there was no real danger and actually turned around and strolled away with airy elegance.
His grandmother! Thank goodness the Zhu family line wasn't destined to end here. Otherwise, wouldn't he have sent the family incense into the hands of that "Li Si"?
He was soaked through from head to toe, revealing every curve he had never shown to anyone. Oh no! The ties on his inner garment seemed to have come loose. He hurriedly lowered his eyes to his chest and, sure enough, saw two slightly rounded mounds nearly bursting free.
Damn, damn, damn! He quickly slipped his hand inside his inner garment, gathered up the loosened ties, and tightened them again. Gritting his teeth and contorting his face, he was exerting every ounce of strength to yank the cord tight when, all of a sudden, a pair of large hands reached around from behind, clamped over his mouth and nose, and dragged him into a narrow alley.
Oh no! Could this be an enemy come seeking revenge for all the love letters and erotic verses he had written for others? The affairs between men and women, love triangles, illicit romances, and the like had nothing to do with him! He was merely a humble ghostwriter who dabbled in pretty words!
"Please... ngh! Spare me! Spare me!" He struggled and twisted with all his might, forcing a few broken words through the stranger's fingers, but in the end he was no match for that strength and was shoved hard into the corner by the wall.
Once they were deep in a hidden corner where no one would easily find them, the stranger slightly loosened his grip. His other hand rose high. Zhu Bafu thought he was surely about to be punched, so he hastily shielded his head, shut his eyes, and shouted about his innocence.
"G-Great sir, please spare me! You don't know how hard it is in our line of work. We all have our own difficulties! Things like 'you love him but he doesn't love you' happen every day. Things like 'you love her but she just got married' happen every day too. And things like 'you love her but she slept with someone else' happen every night as well. One radish, one pit; one pot, one lid; one willing to strike, one willing to take it. These... these matters of the heart aren't something a lowly ghostwriter like me can control. There's a debt to be settled and someone to answer for it, so please, Great sir, think things through about the Mortal Realm! If you want revenge, you should find the actual culprit!"
"Wasn't staying in the water long enough for you? Do you want to be thrown back in and drink another mouthful? You've said this much nonsense in one breath. Aren't you thirsty, Zhu Bajie?!"
P-Pigsy?! How dare he call the dashing Young Master Zhu Bafu Pigsy?! What backwater did this little deadbeat come from?!
Zhu Bafu cautiously opened his eyes and saw a pure-silver smoking pipe carved with a phoenix and inlaid with jade thrust across his face. Wisps of incense smoke drifted from it right in front of his nose, while several sparks flew from the bowl and, as fate would have it, landed squarely on the tip of his nose.
"Hot, hot, hot! Great master, Great sir, the sky is right above our feet! You can't abuse private punishment!"
"Bah! Using private punishment on trash like you would soil my hands. You're useless when it matters and only good at ruining things."
That tall, arrogant voice felt extraordinarily familiar to Zhu Bafu. Could this be the customer who had worn a black gauze hat a few days ago, left him a generous amount of silver, and ordered him to write a love poem for Li Chenjing?
"Smack." A foot in a black boot planted itself against the wall beside him. A gold-and-red figure leaned slantwise against the wall and bent down, then unceremoniously pinched his wet chin between two fingers. Only then did Zhu Bafu meet a pair of eyes filled with mockery and displeasure.
On the day he had commissioned the letter, this customer had covered himself from head to toe, leaving behind only an order, some loose silver, and the date and place of their exchange before turning and swaggering away. Today, however, he was brazen and conspicuous, holding a smoking pipe that looked worth a fortune and wearing an exquisite brocade robe. A red outer garment was layered over golden gauze, making him look rich and imposing. His long hair streamed loosely behind him, tied simply at the nape before falling over his chest. The cord binding it was a fine, gold-wrapped, carved and embroidered rope, long enough for two pieces of red jade to hang from its knot.
"You, Zhu Bajie, I told you to give the completed love letter to the person who came for it. Why didn't you? You took my money and refused to do the job. Are you looking to die?" He held the smoking pipe between his lips with one hand while gripping Zhu Bafu's chin with the other, shaking it left and right. He put on the airs of a great lord, narrowing his eyes as he lecherously sized up the thin, short, and easily bullied scholar before him. The bandit-like pose inexplicably spoiled an otherwise handsome and elegant face.
"C-Customer Great sir, you've truly wronged me. I really did intend to give the letter to the contact, but for some reason, Young Master Li suddenly stood there..."
"Nonsense! I deliberately tricked him into standing there so you could give the letter to him!"
"How could I? That's what you paid me to buy. Since Young Master Li is the person you love, naturally you should be the one to personally place the letter in his hands. If I give it to him, what would that make it? Wouldn't I be stealing your beloved?"
"Who did you say was the person I love?" His long, narrow eyes narrowed dangerously as he leaned his profile toward Zhu Bafu, warning him not to run his mouth carelessly.
Zhu Bafu felt uncomfortable under that stare and hunched his neck, increasing the distance from the customer Great sir's lips, which had nearly touched him. "A-Actually, things like this don't depend on whether someone is a man or a woman. The pursuer ought to be more magnanimous, don't you think? As a little thief who steals hearts, what's there to be embarrassed about? I think you should boldly stand in front of Young Master Li, say nothing at all, and simply pin him down and pull him into your arms. Y-Yes, yes, use the same strength you're using to pinch my chin right now. Push him down, pin him down, hold him, embrace him... Ow, ow, ow, it hurts! Please don't squeeze harder!"
"You talkative Zhu Bajie, remember this well: I have no taste for Cut Sleeves. I only like women! Women of every shape and size—with breasts, waists, and backsides. Not a stinking man like him, who's as cold as an ice block and loves putting on airs, and not some neither-man-nor-woman powder-faced sissy like you!"
"Eh? If you don't like him, then don't like him. Why are you cursing me?"
"Because you ruined my plan! I wanted the whole city to know that Li Chenjing had no normal interest in women!" Having said that, he pursed his lips and let out a series of intoxicated snickers, even the corners of his eyes gleaming with a wicked charm.