Has Anyone Around Here Been Bothering You?

"Come on, Yan. Let's head back to the village."

Anko finally dragged Yan out of bed, and they set off for their ten-day break back in the village.

It was the bitter winter of Konoha's forty-first year. Yan's group had drawn a lousy slot: they would have to head back to the front on New Year's Eve.

Yan, Anko, and several others on leave made their way toward the village.

In the world Yan had lived in before, letting combat personnel return home for a break during a war would have been unthinkable.

Once war broke out, going years without seeing home was normal.

Yet in the Shinobi World, the Shinobi War was fought merely over the share of missions each village could take.

They completely ignored the age-old motive for war: taking land.

For instance, now that Konoha had pushed its front line into the Land of Lightning, every mission in the towns it occupied went to Konoha Ninja.

But the towns' original political structures remained untouched. The ninja even had to buy supplies from the local Nobles at times.

Most absurdly, Konoha Ninja still had to pay taxes on their mission earnings to the Daimyo of the Land of Lightning.

With no desire for land, the ninja made no effort to reassure the people or do any of the other things an army normally did in wartime.

They merely stationed people at key positions. That greatly reduced the manpower needed, and with ninja able to cover ground so quickly, a rotation system naturally took shape.

Yan's group sped through the forest and spotted Konoha's gates in less than six days.

After registering at dusk, Yan said goodbye to Anko and returned to the Uchiha Clan compound.

"Is that... Homura Uchiha?"

"I think it really is Yan."

"Homura Uchiha is back! Everyone, hide your children!"

Yan was touched by his clansmen's warm welcome. He also quietly memorized who had told everyone to hide their children.

"Homura Uchiha..."

A tiny voice reached Yan's ears. A child of three or four stood by the road, curiously reading his name aloud.

At last, a child who didn't run away at the sight of him. Yan walked over with a kindly smile and asked,

"Oi, kid. Has anyone around here been bothering you?"

Oh no!

When the clansmen saw Yan approach a child, they cried out inwardly. Another child was about to fall into Yan's clutches.

"Uh, you."

The child chewed on a finger and answered Yan's teasing one word at a time, with perfect seriousness.

He didn't even cry. This kid's far too calculating. He'll be a serious menace someday!

"Why did you say I'd be a menace, mister?"

Yan showed no reaction to having spoken his thoughts aloud. He brushed the matter aside.

"What's your name, kid?"

"Shisui Uchiha."

Well, he really will be a menace.

Uchiha Itachi, that devoted son from the original story, bore most of the blame for the clan's massacre, but Shisui, that colossal fool, wasn't blameless either.

If Shisui hadn't placed such inexplicable trust in the Konoha High Command, Danzo would never have taken one of his eyes.

Then he entrusted his remaining eye to someone else and killed himself. The whole Uchiha Clan was left on edge, and one of its strongest fighters was gone. Even the gentlest moderate would have started baring his teeth and turned radical.

Yan decided to start young and set Shisui's thinking straight.

"Shisui, your big brother's taking you to dinner."

With that, he scooped Shisui up and headed for Fugaku's house.

"Homura Uchiha's kidnapping a child!"

The slander behind him was nothing but a little wind and frost.

"Brother Yan, I actually want to go home."

"No, you don't."

"I'm home!"

"Ah, Yan! Welcome back... What have you done this time?"

Mikoto was delighted that Yan was back.

But seeing him bring home Minako's child gave her a headache.

Mikoto soothed Shisui, then pulled Yan aside by the ear.

"Why did you run off with Minako's child?"

"I could tell this boy's destined for greatness, so I brought him back to raise him into another genius like me."

Mikoto gave Yan a light smack on the shoulder. "Can't you be serious for once?"

One Yan was already more than the Uchiha Clan could handle. What would they do with another?

Yan was almost as tall as Mikoto now, but she still drew him into a hug with ease.

"I'm just glad you're home."

"Yeah."

When Mikoto read in the Daily Newspaper that Yan had faced the Third Raikage's son, she spent her days worrying. Fortunately, word came back a few days later that he was safe.

Huh?

Yan frowned. "Sis, have you put on weight?"

Mikoto blushed. "I haven't put on weight. It's... you're going to have a nephew."

Yan's heart sank. Uchiha Itachi had already been conceived. That meant only thirteen or fourteen years remained before the clan's massacre in the original story.

By the same rounding he used in his past life to count down to the college entrance exams, the massacre might as well be three months away.

Yan, a perfectly innocent Uchiha, was scared enough to cry.

Thankfully, Yan had already done his best to change much of the story. If that devoted son still chose to massacre the clan, Yan would have to make sure he met with an accident.

Yan's mouth curved into a smile. "I just hope the kid doesn't take after Brother-in-Law and walk around with that grim face all day."

"Speaking of him, where is he? He's left his pregnant wife home alone!"

Mikoto smiled. "Your brother-in-law is swamped at the Military Police Station, but he still makes time for me. Don't worry. Besides, I only just got pregnant. It's not as if I can't do anything."

"Don't forget, I'm a ninja too."

After some teasing, Mikoto returned to the kitchen to prepare dinner, while Yan went to the living room to enlighten Shisui with a few stories.

"I'm telling you, anyone with one eye is bad news. Think about it—if they weren't bad, why would someone have stabbed out their eye? If you ever see someone with one eye, just stick them with a Kunai..."

"And when you're older, don't smoke traditional cigarettes. Look at the Third Hokage: he smokes them every day, and even his son Old Ma can't stand it. If you're going to smoke, smoke the new kind..."

To Shisui's young mind, everything Brother Yan said sounded so convincing. And yet something seemed off.

After Shisui finished dinner at Yan's house, Minako came and took him home.

Before they left, Mikoto pressed Yan's head down to make him apologize. To make amends, Yan gave Shisui several Ninjutsu scrolls and a Chakra extraction technique.

Shisui was deeply moved, unaware that Yan had slipped a few more of his own little stories in among them.

"Go on. Take dinner to your brother-in-law for me."

Mikoto sent Yan to the Military Police Station with Fugaku's dinner.

Riding on his accomplishments at the Kumogakure front and his status as Fugaku's brother-in-law, Yan shouted the moment he entered the station:

"Oi, Brother-in-Law! I brought you dinner!"

"Pfft!"

Fugaku, who had just taken a sip of tea, sprayed it out.

The Uchiha Clan's genius was back. He was pleased.

The Uchiha Clan's menace was back. He was terrified.

Others might not know who had drawn the pictures that ruined the Raikage and his son's reputations, but Fugaku certainly did.

He was afraid that if Yan's disguise ever fell away, the Uchiha Clan's reputation would be ruined too.

Still, Fugaku was touched that his brother-in-law had remembered to bring him dinner.

He would have been even more touched if Yan weren't trying to sneak a pair of the Military Police Station's handcuffs into his pocket right in front of him.

"Ahem. It's good to have you back."

Yan calmly put the handcuffs back where they belonged. "Yeah. The battlefield wore me out."

Fugaku's eye twitched. Other people barely survived the battlefield, and Yan said only that it had tired him out.

They chatted for a few minutes. Then, afraid Yan would infuriate him so badly he wouldn't live to see his son born, Fugaku hurriedly waved him away.

Yan had just stepped out of the Military Police Station when an ANBU operative dropped from a tree in front of him.

"Homura Uchiha, Lord Hokage would like to see you."