Volume One: Days in the Shantytown - Fairies Watch Porn (Part One)

Thud. Luo Qian's mouth split open in a grimace. Fuck, why does it hurt so much? He woke in a daze, aching all over. He felt around and found that the pain was not limited to where he had hit the ground. Then a painfully obvious truth dawned on him: Of course. I fell!

That was right. He had fallen several hundred meters and landed in front of his cave dwelling on Toad Mountain. Even with an immortal body, that was bound to hurt.

Luo Qian struggled to his feet, then froze. Wasn't I dead? For some reason, now that he was alive again, he felt a trace of regret. He remembered the moment before his death with perfect clarity. What he had felt was not the fear he had always expected, but release.

Luo Qian had struggled alone to survive in the Immortal Realm. Beneath his joking exterior, he hid a frightened heart. He had left the Qian Household because he did not want to live at anyone else's mercy, and he had told himself he could not do so poorly that its members looked down on him. Every time he descended to the Mortal Realm, his heart was in his throat. If the Immortal Apprehension Office caught him even once, he would be doomed beyond redemption!

Yet he had no one to tell about the misery in his heart. Sometimes, late at night, he would stand at the cave entrance and gaze into the vast sky of the Immortal Realm. In the stillness, he would remember his life in the Mortal Realm. Lost in those memories, Luo Qian was at his happiest, as though he had returned to her side. But each time he came back to himself, tears streamed down his face.

Perhaps death really was a kind of release!

Luo Qian dropped onto the large rock outside his cave dwelling and gave a bitter smile. "Meeting those you hate, parting from those you love, never getting what you desire... Why must I suffer so much?"

"Old Luo..." Du Lengning had chased the white light all the way here, only to lose sight of it halfway. He had seen it heading toward the Toad Mountain cave dwelling, so he had flown in that direction too, arriving a step too late.

Luo Qian waved. "I'm over here. You do have a conscience after all, you rascal. You didn't think only of your Li Xuexiao." Du Lengning pitched forward onto the ground, his face tinged gold and his breath coming in gasps. "As long as you're all right..." His legs gave way, and he collapsed with a thump.

Luo Qian was alarmed. "Young Master Du! Young Master Du!" Du Lengning had been poisoned by the Demon Beast's Jade Fire Poison. Although the Jade Water Pill had suppressed it for the time being, it was no Addiction-Cure Potion. He had forced himself to travel thousands of miles, and the moment he saw Luo Qian and his worry finally eased, he could hold on no longer. He fainted.

Carrying Du Lengning, Luo Qian rushed up Ningyao Mountain. Li Xuexiao and the others had returned as well. In this battle, Distant Hall had stood against the Demon Beast's life-bound primal fire and rendered a great service, sending its reputation soaring. Du Zhongping was delighted and rewarded all his disciples. He also personally brought in his elder brother, the master alchemist Du Bo'an, to treat everyone. Du Lengning's injuries were severe, but with his uncle attending to him, they posed no great problem.

Luo Qian had drawn water with a bamboo basket and come away empty-handed. He had made no war profits and had nearly lost his life. He still could not understand how he had come back to life. There did not seem to be any tales of a Tribulation Immortal rising from the dead. He could have left it at that, but once he began thinking back over the Demon Beast disaster, he found far more than one or two suspicious points...

Du Lengning was badly hurt and recuperated on Ningyao Mountain. Luo Qian had suffered a "fright" and recuperated in his cave dwelling. Du Lengning had a long line of female Fellow Disciples waiting to tend to him, with the lovely Li Xuexiao stopping by now and then. Luo Qian had a large batch of rice cookers to tend to himself while refining pills, with the occasional customer stopping by.

Luo Qian could not help throwing back his head and sighing. "So the difference between one immortal's life and another's can be this enormous!"

"Brother Luo? Brother Luo?" Only Ling Xiaose could sound so timid.

Ling Xiaose was now his foremost customer... or rather, middleman. Naturally, Luo Qian greeted him warmly, hurrying forward with a smile. "Brother Ling! It's been a while. What's wrong? Were you unhappy with the goods I gave you last time?" Ling Xiaose flushed and hurriedly said, "No, no. I was very satisfied. This time, I'm sorry for the trouble, but I need your help with something else."

Luo Qian nodded. "There's no need for ceremony between us. Whatever's troubling you, just say it." Ling Xiaose reddened again. "Well, it's... that is..." He stammered for ages without managing to say it. Luo Qian already knew his shut-in nature: you could strike him three times with a pole and still not get a peep out of him. He clapped Ling Xiaose sharply on the shoulder. "What is it?" Startled, Ling Xiaose finally said with a rueful smile, "It's my younger cousin."

"This cousin of mine is the apple of both our families' eyes. The elders dote on her terribly, so no one dares cross her. But she fears neither heaven nor earth. Wherever she goes, chickens fly, dogs leap, and no creature knows peace..."

"Wait, Young Master Ling. Are you sure you're introducing your cousin?"

Ling Xiaose nodded solemnly. "In person, she's worse than I've described. So, Brother Luo, I really am sorry about this!"

"What are you apologizing to me for? She's your cousin," Luo Qian muttered. Then a thought struck him. Is this fellow trying to set me up with her? The more he considered it, the more likely it seemed. This little demon had thrown two families into turmoil, but the elders adored her, so no one could hit or scold her. What else could they do? Marry her off. Then they could "send her away" with perfect justification, and even the doting elders could not object.

By now, this cousin's reputation had probably spread through every family they knew. None of them would dare marry her, so they had to find someone unfamiliar with her. Luo Qian stole a glance at Ling Xiaose. Only that would explain why you feel so guilty toward me...

"This cousin of mine has never liked me. She thinks I'm too dull. But five days ago, she suddenly barged into my room..." Ling Xiaose stopped there, unable to go on.

Luo Qian frowned. "And then?" "I... I..." Ling Xiaose stammered. "I was watching a film at the time..."

Pfft! Luo Qian sprayed a mouthful of tea toward Ling Xiaose. Fortunately, Ling Xiaose had anticipated this reaction and put up a barrier in front of himself beforehand.

What kind of film could Ling Xiaose have been watching? To have a girl walk in on him—it must have been mortifying!

"What were you thinking? You didn't even shut the door to watch a film? I'd have put a dozen barriers around the place!" Luo Qian roared. Ling Xiaose said miserably, "Do you think I'm that stupid? I put up three whole barriers and bolted the door... But my cousin is the strongest of the younger generation in both families. She's already at the peak of Fifth Rank immortal, and before long she'll probably break through to the sixth rank..."

That explained it. Ling Xiaose had only just entered the third rank. How could his barriers stop a Fifth Rank upper-grade immortal? Besides, he must have been utterly absorbed at the time. He would not have noticed even the slightest disturbance.

Luo Qian gave him an odd look. "You weren't doing anything indecent at the time, were you?" As he spoke, he glanced at Ling Xiaose's left hand.

Ling Xiaose flushed and hurriedly shook his head. "Thankfully, no."

Luo Qian chuckled. "And then?" Ling Xiaose's face grew even redder. "She caught me and gave me a thorough beating..." He rolled up his sleeves and trouser legs. "Look." Bruises. Leaving bruises on an immortal body took more than brute force; it required technique. Luo Qian nodded. She really was a Fifth Rank immortal.

"And then..." Ling Xiaose lowered his head and went on. "Then she threw me out and watched all my films by herself..."

Pfft! Luo Qian's second mouthful of tea sprayed without warning all over Ling Xiaose's head. The poor young master was drenched on the spot.

"Say that again. I've just been through something unbelievable, so perhaps my ears still aren't quite in tune with this body."

"You heard me." Ling Xiaose said, "She made me stand guard outside while she watched pornographic films in my room." Luo Qian stared at him. Suddenly, he wanted very much to meet Ling Xiaose's Lineage. It was truly formidable, producing everything from shut-in men to fearsome women in abundance!

A woman watching porn was nothing to fear. A fairy watching porn, though—that sent a chill down his spine.

"I'm sorry!" Ling Xiaose stood and bowed solemnly to Luo Qian. Luo Qian waved it off. However frightening the women in Ling Xiaose's family were, what did that have to do with him? Why apologize? He was now certain that his earlier guess had been nothing but wishful thinking. Ling Xiaose had definitely not come to play matchmaker for his cousin.

But wait!

A thought flashed through Luo Qian's mind. Ling Xiaose had not come all this way just to tell him his family's dirty laundry. So what was he after? Luo Qian immediately grew wary.

"What are you apologizing to me for? Honestly, heh..." Luo Qian gave two dry chuckles as a powerful sense of foreboding welled up inside him.

Ling Xiaose steeled himself. "Brother Luo, I didn't want to sell you out, but my cousin's methods are terrifying. I... I had no choice but to go over to the enemy." Luo Qian was aghast. "You... you told her about me?!" Ling Xiaose nodded helplessly. "How much did you tell her?" Luo Qian asked, forcing himself to stay calm. "Everything." "Everything?" "Everything."

Luo Qian immediately began packing. Ling Xiaose watched him hurry in and out, busy on every side, and asked in puzzlement, "Brother Luo, what are you doing?" "Moving. If I don't, am I supposed to wait for your fearsome cousin to bring the Immortal Apprehension Office here?"

Ling Xiaose laughed openly. "You needn't worry about that, Brother Luo. I guarantee she won't tell anyone." But Luo Qian refused to trust him. "What good is your guarantee? She gave you a thorough beating."

Ling Xiaose said, "That's why I'm apologizing. My cousin is very interested in your line of work. She wants to join your business. In fact, she's outside right now..."

(Thank you, thank you! Come to me, votes!)

(Come to me, come to me, come to me once more!)

(...Could I call you here one more time?)

(One last time...)

(I keep my word. This time I'm not asking for votes...)

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