The Expired, Substandard Qi-Nourishing Pill

The group bustled out of the private room, laughing and chatting with all sorts of expressions on their faces. Only Liang Hong looked as though someone had died, his face impossibly grim.

After winning over a hundred thousand in a single evening, Chen Hao suddenly had a crowd of admirers. Even people he had only met once gathered around him and showered him with praise.

"Chen Hao, you're something else! The God of Gamblers must have possessed you tonight. Three aces, beating a straight flush outright! One word: thrilling!"

Hearing them, Liang Hong's expression darkened further, his lips twitching with rage.

Chen Hao shot Liang Hong a sidelong look and obligingly twisted the knife a few more times. "Ah, I have no idea how that happened. Maybe it has something to do with character, right, Manager Liang?"

Though furious, Liang Hong still forced himself to look indifferent. "It was only a few tens of thousands. For me, that just means skipping a few meals. Unlike certain people who deliver takeout and only earn a few thousand a month. Of course winning that much would send them over the moon."

Chen Hao couldn't be bothered with him. Everyone went their separate ways amid laughter and chatter.

Once the others had left, Chen Hao stood alone on the chilly, deserted street. He lit a cigarette, then took out his phone and called Sun Jiaqi.

"Jiaqi, where are you?"

Sun Jiaqi was silent for a long time before replying in an irritated voice, "I'm already home."

Chen Hao smiled. "I'm really sorry about tonight. I was wrong. I'll come see you tomorrow and make it up to you properly."

"There's no need," Sun Jiaqi answered coldly.

Chen Hao sensed something wrong. "No need? What do you mean?"

Sun Jiaqi said, "Chen Hao, I've realized you've changed."

"Changed how?"

"You never used to get into arguments with people over pointless things like that. Do you even know how to play three-card poker? How much do you earn a month? They told you to play, and you just went along with it. How much money do you have to gamble with?"

Chen Hao took a deep breath and said earnestly, "This isn't about whether or not to gamble. Liang Hong crossed a line no man should have to tolerate. Besides, in the end I..."

"Enough. I'm a little tired. Let's leave it at that. Goodbye."

"Beep, beep, beep!"

Listening to the busy tone, Chen Hao let out a deep sigh.

He could fully understand why Sun Jiaqi was angry, but anyone in his position tonight would have refused to swallow that humiliation.

It wasn't just about money. There was something a man could never afford to lose.

Perhaps women simply couldn't understand that feeling.

Sitting in his Mercedes, Liang Hong watched Chen Hao standing alone on the street, getting ready to head home. His expression grew uglier by the second. He took out his phone and dialed a number. "Brother Long, I need your help with something."

On his way home, Chen Hao opened WeChat and discovered that Alchemy Boy had sent him a whole string of messages. He must have missed them while playing cards.

"Fellow Immortal Charlatan, those betel nuts and cigarettes are incredible! Ever since I started chewing betel nuts and smoking cigarettes, I haven't felt sleepy at all. I can stay up all night refining pills! No more panting, and my heart doesn't even beat anymore. I feel so energized!"

"Could you give me some more of those things?"

"I know they must be extremely precious. I'm willing to trade pills for them. What do you think?"

"Fellow Immortal Charlatan, are you there?"

Seeing that Alchemy Boy was actually willing to trade pills for cigarettes and betel nuts, Chen Hao was delighted. He hurriedly typed a reply. "Boy, no problem. I'll give you as many cigarettes and betel nuts as you want."

But on second thought, that didn't seem wise. He immediately deleted the message. Scarcity made things valuable. If Alchemy Boy knew he had plenty, they would no longer be worth much.

He composed a new message. "I obtained these cigarettes and betel nuts in a secret realm, and my supply is extremely limited. What pills would you be willing to trade for them?"

It seemed the boy cared a great deal about the cigarettes and betel nuts. Within seconds of Chen Hao sending his message, the other party replied, "I'm willing to trade immortal pills of grade two or higher."

"Grade two?" Chen Hao was baffled. What kinds of grade-two immortal pills are there?

After some thought, Chen Hao replied, "Then give me an immortal pill that can boost the power of immortal arts."

Ding! You have received one grade-two immortal pill: Immortal Spirit Pill.

Chen Hao's eyes instantly widened. An Immortal Spirit Pill! Would eating it make me an immortal and send me straight to the pinnacle of life?

Immortal Spirit Pill: grade-two immortal pill. Greatly increases the user's immortal power. Suitable for immortals of the Heavenly Immortal rank or above. Those with insufficient strength will suffer bleeding from all seven orifices in mild cases, or explode and die in severe cases.

"What?!" Chen Hao instantly wilted. Damn, is this immortal medicine or poison?

"Hehe, Boy, this Immortal Spirit Pill is a little too potent. Do you have anything milder? Preferably something a mortal can take," Chen Hao asked cautiously.

Alchemy Boy immediately asked curiously, "A mortal? The immortal and mortal realms have been separated for thousands of years. Why would an exalted immortal want such a pill?"

Chen Hao's eyes darted about. Naturally, he couldn't let the truth slip, so he quickly typed, "You see, Boy, I'm currently in a secret realm. Almost all my magical power is gone, and my body is no different from a mortal's. That's why I'm looking for a pill like that."

Alchemy Boy replied, "Oh, I see. You've certainly had a hard time, Exalted Immortal. Unfortunately, pills like that are far too low-grade. I'm afraid I can't help!"

Chen Hao felt a surge of disappointment. What damn use is a powerful pill if I can't take it?

Just as Chen Hao was fretting, Alchemy Boy suddenly sent another message. "Exalted Immortal, wait. I just remembered a pill that might meet your requirements."

Chen Hao was delighted and hurriedly replied, "Really? Send it over so I can take a look."

Ding! You have received one expired Low-Quality Qi-Nourishing Pill.

Expired Low-Quality Qi-Nourishing Pill: origin unknown. Refined by Supreme Lord Lao. Ungraded. Has no effect on immortals. Value is practically zero.

When Chen Hao saw that the pill had actually come from Supreme Lord Lao, he was overjoyed.

Who was Supreme Lord Lao? Even a whiff of one of his farts could probably let someone live to a hundred, let alone a pill made by his own hands.

If it has no effect on immortals, does that mean mortals can take it?

But then he reconsidered. Wait, this pill isn't just substandard. It's freaking expired too. Could something go wrong if a person took it?

Still, Chen Hao didn't dwell on it and simply replied, "Thank you, Boy. If you find any more pills like this, remember to save them for me."

Without hesitation, Alchemy Boy replied, "Of course, of course. But please keep an eye out for more cigarettes and betel nuts for me, Exalted Immortal Charlatan." He followed it with a mischievous "you know what I mean" emoji.

"All right, it's a deal!"

Once home, Chen Hao eagerly retrieved the expired Low-Quality Qi-Nourishing Pill.

It was an earthy-yellow pill about the size of a marble.

Chen Hao's eyes practically shone as he stared eagerly at the pill in his palm. Then he leaned closer and took a deep, appreciative sniff.

He had assumed that a pill from the Heavenly Court, even an expired one, would carry at least a trace of immortal fragrance.

But the moment he inhaled, his entire face froze.

"Urgh!"

Chen Hao nearly threw the pill away. The damn thing stank beyond belief.

He set it aside in disgust, hurriedly took out his phone, and contacted Alchemy Boy. "Alchemy Boy, are you freaking messing with me? What exactly is this pill made of? Why does it stink so much?"

A moment later, Alchemy Boy replied, "Uh, let me think. This pill seems to have been refined from cow dung."

"What the hell!"

Chen Hao wanted to curse. After all that, this so-called expired, substandard pill had actually been made from cow crap. Was this some kind of joke?

He was furious. "Listen, Boy, that's seriously low of you. I treated you like a brother, and you gave me a lump of shit to eat? That's going too far!"

Alchemy Boy clearly felt embarrassed too. "Fellow Immortal Charlatan, this was indeed my fault. But you insisted on a pill suitable for mortals, which is why I sent it to you."

That cooled Chen Hao's anger considerably, but he still demanded stubbornly, "Then tell me why a pill refined from cow dung is suitable for mortals."

"You don't understand, Fellow Immortal Charlatan. Though Supreme Lord Lao is a master of alchemy, he still relies on the Samadhi True Fire in his Eight Trigrams Furnace. Think about how divine that fire is. How could a mortal body withstand a pill refined with it? This is the only pill made by Supreme Lord Lao that wasn't refined with the Samadhi True Fire."

After Alchemy Boy's lengthy explanation, Chen Hao suddenly grew curious about the pill. He asked, "Oh? Is its origin really that special?"

Alchemy Boy continued, "Absolutely. I personally watched this pill take shape."

Chen Hao gazed up at the ceiling, already imagining the marvelous spectacle of the pill's creation. "Then when it formed, it must have caused some extraordinary phenomenon in heaven and earth."

"Not really," Alchemy Boy replied, immediately pouring cold water on his enthusiasm. "I remember Azure Ox was constipated back then and hadn't relieved himself for centuries. Supreme Lord Lao got anxious and used his finger to clear the blockage. That was when this pill..."

"Urgh!"

Chen Hao truly didn't have the courage to read any further. He hugged the trash can and started dry-heaving again.

Holy crap, what the hell is this? Supreme Lord Lao's tastes are way too disgusting!

"Fellow Immortal Charlatan, why aren't you saying anything?"

"Are you all right?"

Chen Hao turned off his phone and ignored the wretched fellow.

Looking at the pill on the table, with waves of foul stench wafting from it, and picturing the scene Alchemy Boy had described, Chen Hao struggled beside the trash can several times. He simply couldn't persuade himself to swallow it.

After going back and forth several times, Chen Hao thought, Sure, it's a lump of cow dung, but at least it's divine beast shit! How can we look down on a divine beast?

Urgh!

Not until late that night, when Chen Hao had nothing left to throw up, did he close his eyes and pop the cow dung—no, the pill—straight into his mouth.

The Qi-Nourishing Pill dissolved instantly. Rather than feeling nauseated by its stench, Chen Hao felt a warm current spread from his abdomen and flow throughout his body. It was indescribably comfortable.

But after only a few minutes, Chen Hao felt that something was wrong. The heat inside him grew increasingly intense, and sweat kept seeping from his skin, as though his blood was about to evaporate.

Chen Hao inwardly cursed. Is this damn thing going to kill me? If anything really happens to me, I won't let Alchemy Boy off even as a ghost!

In desperation, Chen Hao rushed into the bathroom, filled the bathtub with cold water, and climbed straight in.

The instant he lay down, steam filled the entire bathroom. Chen Hao let out a soft, comfortable moan, then drifted groggily off to sleep.