Jon set down the letter in his hand, closed his eyes, and took a deep breath.
When he opened them again, his gray eyes were filled with resolve.
He looked at Maester Aemon and said, "I won't let this happen again."
Maester Aemon said nothing, waiting for him to continue.
Jon's voice was low, as though trapped in his throat. "When Lord Eddard died, I was on the Wall. I told myself Robb would avenge him, that the North would see justice done for him. The Wall needed me. The vows of the Night's Watch had to be kept."
"When Robb died, I was still on the Wall. I told myself the Night's Watch needed me, that the lives of those hundred thousand Wildlings depended on me. I still couldn't leave."
His voice began to tremble with anger and grief.
"I stayed here. I guarded this wall, this frozen wasteland, the living and the dead. I thought that was my duty, that this was what my vows meant."
"But what about my family? They were dying in the south, one after another."
"For those who wanted to sit on the Iron Throne, for those lords fighting for power, for all that desire and hatred."
He paused, his voice dropping even lower. "I've only just learned that I have an older brother."
"I haven't even had time to work out how to face him-what to call him, who I should be when I meet him. But now..."
He did not finish, but his meaning was already clear.
"Now he's going to die in the southerners' game of power, too."
Samwell could not help speaking up. "What about the Wall? What about the Night's Watch? You're the Lord Commander of the Night's Watch now."
Jon did not answer at once.
He lowered