Because I Was Willing

Her fingers loosened from his collar unconsciously.

Sheng Mo murmured in disbelief, "I always thought you were only going along with it because I forced you to..."

Shen Qingling suddenly stood up.

"Do you really think this could trap me? I only played these games with you because I was willing to. If it wasn't because I liked you, then what else could it have been?"

Lowering his eyes, he said painfully, "Actually, I'd just been running away because I didn't know how to face you, Sheng Mo. Just like I didn't know how to face Lu Zhengrong, or you, Nan Zhen."

"The love you have for me is too precious, too heavy, too good. So good that it fills me with deep guilt and makes me feel unworthy, because I can't give any of you an equal, complete love. I'm sincere toward every one of you, but that sincerity has been divided into too many pieces. Even I feel that it's... dirty."

"Lu Zhengrong is the same. The harm she caused me was real, but so was the kindness she showed me. It was enough to outweigh that hatred. I thought sending her away would settle everything once and for all, but she came back. She said she wanted to be entangled with me for life after life..."

He suddenly smiled, and that smile was so bitter it was suffocating. "It was only then that I understood. When it comes to feelings, how could anything ever be wiped clean? Love and hate simply rise and fall against each other, depending on which one gains the upper hand."

"Every day lately, I've been thinking about what kind of ending could possibly be worthy of the love each of you has given me." "I can't wholeheartedly love any one of you,