Extra 13: Scattered light, even with every last ounce of strength...

"If I were heading toward death... that would be a pretty good ending, too."

I murmured softly, gazing dazedly at the sky outside the window. Another late night, another anniversary of their deaths.

It was the third year since they had died, and as you could see, I still hadn't found a reason to live.

Fortunately, none of that mattered anymore.

At night, the sky was full of stars. A few scattered lights still burned within Jujutsu High, but in recent years, the only one that stayed lit through the night was Teacher Yaga's.

I told you not to bother with me. What's the point?

I wasn't worth all the trouble Teacher Yaga took over me, but no matter how many times I told him, he never really listened.

Just as I never listened to Teacher Yaga's lectures.

Ding-dong.

Along with the wind howling outside, my phone suddenly lit up, then quietly went dark a few seconds later.

I slowly turned away from the windowsill and switched on the screen. A message from Toji Zenin came into view.

[Boss, it's all been cleaned up.]

I smiled faintly at the line of text on my phone, my first smile of the day.

Ah... there were always troublesome people who thought themselves clever, scheming this way and that. Normally, I wouldn't care, but dragging Teacher Yaga into their schemes was going too far.

Still, although Teacher Yaga was something of a rarity, the Jujutsu Society Higher-Ups shouldn't have gone to such lengths to scheme against him.

Was it because of me again?

Ah... of course it was.

I looked through page after page of missions on my phone, working out when to leave the country and how to clear myself of suspicion with ease.

Before dawn arrived, I quietly left Jujutsu High.

I could refuse the missions. I could stay...

But there was always that faint, strange feeling. I didn't care about other people, yet, oddly enough, I didn't want to let my juniors meet utterly tragic ends.

Ends like Nozomu Sakai's and Sōsuke Mizukawa's.

Since when had I become so kindhearted?

No, wasn't this merely something I had to do to achieve my goal?

I looked indifferently at the sky outside. When I first came to this world, I had been dazed and lost, stumbling along in pursuit of death.

Gauze covered my eyes, and a bloody mist obscured the way back behind me. I had never considered an escape route. I didn't need one.

"It's not every day I get to see you looking like this, boss."

As Toji Zenin spoke, he handed me a Crabmeat Can he had picked up, then dutifully drove me.

"Really? If you know I'm in a bad mood, why not let me drive, Toji?"

At the sound of Toji Zenin's voice, I instantly snapped out of my daze. I slowly put on a smile, amusement filling my brown eyes as I tucked every thought back into my heart.

"Then I don't know a thing."

Toji Zenin answered casually and began driving even more smoothly.

Ever since the first time I had taken Toji Zenin on a wild drive, I had never gotten another chance to touch the wheel when we traveled together.

Honestly, why did none of them understand the art of my driving?

Silence settled over us again. Dawn was about to break, and I lounged against the seat cushion, bored out of my mind as I considered the rest of my itinerary.

Then someone who wasn't particularly good at reading the room suddenly spoke.

"Boss, you still haven't let it go?"

His voice was calm, as though he had casually struck up a conversation or suddenly decided to tease me. Either way, he sounded flippant rather than serious.

"You think I should let it go, Toji?"

A smile crept into my voice, faint and gentle, without any particular feeling behind it.

"Boss, if you can't let it go, this will only end with your death."

He thought for a moment, his voice taking on a little schadenfreude and a trace of sincerity.

"Oh? What makes you say that?"

My emotions didn't fluctuate in the slightest. That was the ending I had long since chosen for myself. Certain death. Everything would eventually go as I wished.

"An assassin's special intuition. When I first met you, boss, you hadn't set your heart on dying."

Toji Zenin spoke with a little more seriousness.

"You're overstepping, Toji. A smart man shouldn't have so many ideas, should he?"

My voice remained mild, without any emotional inflection. I rested my head against the window beside me and stopped paying attention to what Toji Zenin thought.

"..."

Silence settled over us once more, and I could finally take advantage of the time to rest a little.

Once the sky had fully brightened, after I had dealt with another Wandering Spirit and was about to head toward my next target, my phone suddenly rang.

"Hello, Teacher Yaga. What can I do for you?"

I smiled faintly, not even noticing the hint of sincerity in the smile I reserved for Teacher Yaga alone.

"I put in a request with the Higher-Ups and got you a few days off. Take the time to get some proper rest."

Masamichi Yaga's weary voice came through the receiver. I didn't need to think to know that he had pulled another all-nighter.

He might have been busy with missions, teaching materials, or psychology books meant solely for dealing with me. Whatever it was, Teacher Yaga had always been someone who pushed himself hard.

Everyone in Jujutsu Society was mad, and the stronger a jujutsu sorcerer was, the madder they were. Clearly, Teacher Yaga was no exception. He simply kept his emotions firmly in check and had always been exceptionally steady.

"Ah, there's no need. I'm fine, Teacher Yaga."

I fidgeted animatedly on my end of the call, striking all kinds of poses, completely ignoring the fact that the person on the other end couldn't see my strange, silly expressions.

"Dazai... you can't go on like this."

Weariness crept into Teacher Yaga's voice, but he still forced himself to rally and comfort me.

"You have to understand that what happened to them wasn't your fault, Dazai. It was an accident. Every time the anniversary of their deaths approaches, you try to numb yourself with all kinds of missions. Dazai..."

As I listened, however, I fell into a dazed silence. This was something we had both understood without saying, but it was the first time Teacher Yaga had laid it all out for me.

"Dazai, come home. I only found out you'd gone out again when I went to see you this morning. You're a good kid, but this can't go on."

Teacher Yaga's words began to grow strangely disjointed. He was always like this, trying to haul me out of the abyss in his own strange, clumsy way.

Even when the outcome fell short of his hopes, even when his hands were stained with mud that wouldn't wash off, he never regretted the choices he had made.

And somehow, without quite knowing why, I agreed to do as Teacher Yaga asked.

The mission site was rather far from Jujutsu High. By then, the restaurant we had agreed on was already packed.

But as luck would have it, Teacher Yaga sat in a spot that wasn't particularly conspicuous, yet let me see him at a glance.

As luck would have it, the table was covered with foods I liked, and there was plenty of alcohol beside him, too.

I put on a gentle smile, straightened my solid-black overcoat, and slowly approached Teacher Yaga.

Teacher Yaga said nothing when he saw me. He merely pushed the food on the table toward me, casually motioning for me to eat first.

I bit into the crab legs that had already been shelled, making little "om nom nom" noises as I ate.

Teacher Yaga was smiling then, his eyes seemingly brimming with maternal warmth.

I looked up in alarm, then spent a moment looking rather bewildered.

"Oh no! Teacher Yaga's become a male mommy! No male mommies! No!"

I made a huge fuss and, in my own peculiar way, successfully earned myself another punch from Teacher Yaga.

At the same time, I drew every nearby gaze toward me.

"Waah, that's so mean, Teacher Yaga! You don't love me anymore."

Clutching my head, I looked tearfully at Teacher Yaga's solemn face.

"Don't disturb other people's meals."

Teacher Yaga answered without a shred of sympathy. As for me, I was Osamu Dazai, loved by no one!

So mean. So very mean.

"Dazai..." Teacher Yaga's voice suddenly deepened, making me gradually settle down from my antics.

"You don't have to pretend you're so untroubled in front of me."

As Teacher Yaga spoke, he gently ruffled my somewhat messy hair, his words warm.

"...What are you talking about? I'm not."

I lowered my head slightly and did my best to swallow the crabmeat, trying not to let those emotions reach me.

"You're a good kid, Dazai. You always have been, so I won't be disappointed in you. If testing me puts you at ease, you can do whatever you need."

"Dazai, living like this is exhausting. Why not trust me a little? Leave some things to your teacher. You're still just a student."

"..."

All right, I admitted I hadn't expected Teacher Yaga to say those things to me. He had never said them before. They were unusually sudden, incomprehensible.

Anyway, why tell me all these strange things? I didn't want to know!

Not at all. Not at all...

I stayed silent, feeding myself mouthful after mouthful. The atmosphere, which had been subdued, somehow grew warm.

Even after I finished eating, went with Teacher Yaga to the mall to buy bandages, and was escorted back to my room, I remained bewildered and dazed, feeling as though none of it had happened.

Today... hadn't actually been that bad, had it? Had it...?

He could have been strong. He could have accepted every wound with utter indifference and died on a street where no one cared.

Provided no one, even after being pierced and wounded all over, still tried in their clumsy way to drag him out of that muddy abyss.

Then, even ashes that had already burned away would look around and try their hardest to push that fool away.

I was rotten to the bone. I was beyond saving. Go. Don't come back. This light... had come too late.

If only it could have come sooner.

Ah, I'm very sorry. Because of a fever, I've spent the past few days in a strange, half-conscious state.

The kind where I couldn't get up but couldn't fall asleep either. I didn't have the energy to look at my phone, let alone write.

I'm sorry! I'll do my best to catch up over the next few days. I'll definitely make up for it, but I've only gotten a little better for now, not completely recovered.

Basically, I underestimated this illness, so catching up might take a little longer. I'm sorry m(._.)m.