On and on, you journeyed on

On and on, you journeyed on; from you, my love, I parted while we both still lived.

Ten thousand miles and more lay between us, each at a different edge of heaven.

-① "On and on, you journeyed on"

(I)

Megumi fell ill after all.

When I woke from a dream at midnight, I heard a child's broken whimpers. At first, I thought I was imagining things, but the indistinct sobbing grew clearer as I approached his door.

His face was flushed with fever, his body burning, his emotions a sobbing, uncontrollable mess.

I hurried to wake Toji, who was sleeping in the living room. With the feverish Megumi in my arms, I rushed out with him.

A full week of relentless rain meant tonight's emergency trip was never going to go smoothly.

Toji held the umbrella while I huddled beneath it with Megumi in my arms, hurrying toward the nearest place where we could hail a cab.

Getting a cab in the East District in the middle of a torrential night required patience.

But right then, we couldn't afford to wait.

A two-year-old's high fever could be life-threatening if left untreated. And Megumi was already too feverish to make a sound as he cried in my arms.

As I fretted and tried to think of another way, our salvation came in the form of a police car that stopped for us of its own accord.

(II)

One drooping corner of the oversized ice pack pressed against the pulse pounding in my wrist. I sat on a bench in the hospital corridor with Megumi in my arms and the ice pack resting on him. The person beside me, comforting me in a gentle voice, wasn't Toji, but the police officer who had stopped for us.

He said, "Don't be nervous. Don't be afraid. Now that we're at the hospital, most illnesses can be treated."

-What remarkably precise wording.

I nodded in agreement. Looking at the officer's mustache and sharply upturned eyes, I hesitated before asking, "Officer, were you recently transferred here? I don't think I've seen you before."

The officer looked a little surprised. "Yes. I'm Officer Morofushi, newly transferred to this jurisdiction." He added, "My full name is Hiromitsu Morofushi."

The characters in Hiromitsu could also be read as "Kongming" in Japanese. And the word for jurisdiction sounded like "Zhuge."

The jurisdiction's Hiromitsu-Zhuge Kongming.

Ah, it seemed I was lucky enough to have Sleeping Dragon lend me a hand.

"Thank you."

I was sincerely grateful to him. When I was terrified of losing Megumi, when I was frantic with worry, he had generously come to my rescue without making me bow and ask three times.

"No need to thank me. It's what a police officer should do."

After taking a call, Officer Morofushi, who asked for nothing in return, left me with those words and hurried away. Watching his retreating figure, I suddenly felt ashamed and awkward.

In the past, Yuanli and I had always dealt with the police from the opposing side. We'd even brazenly called them pigs for a while.

-Oh, heavens.

Pressing my palms together, I offered a sincere confession to the heavens. For Officer Hiromitsu Morofushi's sake alone, I was willing to hold the character of every police officer in Japan in the highest esteem.

Not long afterward, the nurse in the ward finally finished what she was doing, and it was our turn. As she took Megumi from my arms, she even pulled a piece of candy from her pocket to reward me for not crying or making a fuss like the other family members.

I squeezed the colorful candy in my palm and caught sight of the other family member, arriving late, out of the corner of my eye.

He dragged his feet over to me, leaving a wet footprint with each step. "The pig... police officer left?"

"..." I sighed. "Yes. Officer Morofushi had other things to do, so he left first."

He looked at me, then leaned slightly forward to look into the ward. Without a hint or warning, what he did next caught me completely off guard.

Toji turned and left without hesitation or a backward glance. He strode away as though he'd forgotten his son was lying in the nearby ward, as though he'd forgotten I was still sitting outside its door.

Where was he going?

He didn't tell me.

What was he going to do?

I had no way of knowing.

Now, even figuring out what he was thinking meant trying to read the back of his resolutely retreating head.

When had the cage I thought I'd trapped Toji in begun to loosen?

(III) Interlude

The hospital's air conditioning hummed. Air that felt neither warm nor cold poured from the overhead vents, scattering the drops dripping from Toji's cold, wet pajamas every which way.

Ignoring the reproachful looks of the nurse cleaning nearby, Toji stood before the elevator on the first floor and casually wrung out the hem of his shirt. Rainwater trickled through his fingers, pattering into a little stream at his feet.

The elevator stopped on the third floor and stayed there.

-Tch.

Irritated, Toji shifted his stance. He folded his arms, settled his weight onto his right leg, and tapped his left foot against the floor without any rhythm.

Was he waiting for the elevator to go up? Passing medical staff couldn't help wondering. But when they caught sight of his expression, they instinctively wanted to call the police.

Toji didn't look like he was waiting for an elevator. He looked more like he was waiting for someone-a victim.

The elevator finally moved, only to stop leisurely on the second floor. Another long wait followed.

He rubbed his nose irritably. Ever since he had stepped into the hospital, resistance had tugged at every cell in his body. His eyes, nose, and nerves seemed to ache erratically with every breath.

Like someone who had contracted another terminal illness before recovering from the last.

He resisted entering this white space where the lights never went out, resisted the piercing smell of disinfectant stirred up by people in neat uniforms walking around him. He resisted the blue plastic chairs outside the wards.

Layer upon layer of a virus called resistance had driven him into a physical stress response.

His supple joints began to lock up. The nerves that normally let him think were like a broken clockwork mechanism, refusing to respond no matter how hard he tugged.

That was why he had stood blankly in the rain, watching some nameless pig escort his daughter into the hospital, watching someone else comfort the "young beast" he should have been soothing.

Given a choice between someone bustling around to help and someone standing helplessly rooted to the spot, anyone would choose the former and abandon the latter, wouldn't they?

He had been abandoned. By himself.

-If I can't take care of Yuanli and the brat, I'll entrust them to someone who really can.

And the sucker he had chosen was Officer Morofushi, who was currently riding the elevator down.

Even the longest wait eventually ended. The elevator that had lingered on the second floor began to descend, down and down, until it reached the first.

-Once it reaches the first floor, there's no room for regret.

Toji straightened, snuffing out every chance he had to salvage things. All he had to do now was wait for the doors to open and play the part of a vicious criminal in front of the pig. Perhaps he didn't even need to act. He only needed to be himself, draw his Cursed Tool, and spend the rest of his life on the run for intentional assault. Yuanli and the brat would be taken in by this man who was different from him.

That was the best possible ending.

The elevator doors opened, and people streamed out. Gripping his dagger, he walked against the flow toward the police officer standing at the back.

The instant Hiromitsu Morofushi saw Toji, his nerves tightened. Through a gap in the crowd, he caught a fleeting flash of cold steel.

He's a murderer, he concluded with certainty. His right hand reached behind his waist for his gun.

People parted around the grim-faced man, and the distance between them shrank rapidly with each approaching step.

Hiromitsu Morofushi drew his gun. Just as he was about to raise it, the man approaching him froze.

He froze-not in surprise, not because he was trapped, but as though the entire world had stopped.

The hand drawing the gun hesitated, then slowly returned it to its original place.

Because a small, very familiar head had popped out from behind the man.

(IV)

"Officer Morofushi, this is my father, Toji Zenin. Toji, this is Officer Morofushi." With my arms wrapped around Toji's waist from behind, I poked my head out to speak to Sleeping Dragon, who had nearly become a victim.

"Oh? I thought you looked familiar. My apologies, Mr. Zenin. It was too dark in the police car for me to get a good look at you." Hiromitsu Morofushi stepped forward and offered his hand. "Hello. I'm Hiromitsu Morofushi, an officer newly transferred to this jurisdiction."

He had offered his left hand, which meant Toji would have to shake it with his right. But unless I was mistaken, Toji was still holding a knife in that hand.

Releasing Toji, I stepped forward to shake Hiromitsu Morofushi's hand in his place. "I'm sorry, Officer Morofushi. My father is rather reserved and quiet. He might look sturdy, but he's actually fragile and socially anxious. He's not good at interacting with people."

"Is that so? I thought Mr. Zenin was a warmhearted man who enjoyed giving people gifts."

Hiromitsu Morofushi truly lived up to the name that sounded like Zhuge Kongming. He was frighteningly sharp and extremely difficult to deal with.

As I tried to think of a way to bluff my way through, the worm coiled around Toji appeared again and swallowed the knife in his right hand.

Seizing the opportunity, I turned and deliberately asked Toji, "Toji, what gift? How come I don't know about it? Let me see."

I reached for his right hand, covered in the worm's saliva, and turned it over to inspect it, as though deliberately displaying it to Hiromitsu Morofushi.

"You must have been mistaken, Officer Morofushi. I'll take Toji back now. Megumi is still all alone on the fourth floor, after all."

I felt terribly guilty toward Officer Morofushi, but outwardly I remained calm as I led Toji out of his sight.

When we reached the emergency exit, Toji finally gave me a response.

The callused hand in my grip struggled faintly, trying to break free. Or perhaps it was urging me to give up already, telling me this man wasn't worth it.

"Toji, did you think you weren't capable of taking care of us, so you wanted to find someone to take your place?"

With his thoughts exposed, Toji chose a lie to conceal his true feelings. "You're nothing but burdens. I just want to get rid of you as soon as possible."

What a clumsy lie.

I neither answered him nor released his hand. Instead, I sat down right on the floor and began examining my own failings: why hadn't I paid proper attention to him? Why had I assumed the cage would never loosen, that the "great beast" had learned to lick his wounds? How long had I neglected him, and when exactly had I missed that vulnerable look in his eyes, the one that said he needed me?

None of those questions was easy. I sat on the floor and kept thinking until I realized I had walked into a trap.

A trap called, "I don't need Toji Zenin, but I assume Toji Zenin needs me."

How could I not need him?

When he accompanied me up the mountain, when he held my hand, when he switched on the flashlight for me, when he sheltered me with the umbrella while getting drenched himself. How had I failed to notice? It wasn't that he couldn't do without me. I, his thoughtless, clueless daughter, couldn't do without him.

I looked up at this man who could easily have pulled his hand free, yet stood quietly waiting for me to reach a conclusion, and my heart ached.

Being reserved didn't really matter. For my family, I could be immensely brave and express my feelings plainly.

Toji didn't need to answer. He only needed to listen. "I'm so sorry. This was my fault. I didn't consider your feelings. I'm the one who needs you. Please, Dad, don't leave us. Megumi and I really need you."

I stood and hugged my father with all my strength. I couldn't imagine how painful his childhood must have been for him to lose his ability to express himself, little by little.

This time, even if I realized my family was hurting, I wouldn't release the arms I had wrapped around them.

[A horse from the northern lands leaned into the north wind; a bird from the south nested on a south-facing branch.] ②

-"On and on, you journeyed on"