The Answer He Couldn't Say

The next morning, Rihito was woken by his alarm.

He switched it off and stared blankly at the ceiling for a long while.

Dinner had run late the night before, but once he got back, he couldn't sleep.

He had eventually drifted off, though he couldn't remember when. His dreams had been a jumble, and he forgot them all when he woke.

He washed up, changed, and headed out.

There was an indescribable chill to the early mornings at Jujutsu High.

The athletic field was deserted, and the distant classroom building cast long shadows in the morning light.

Rihito walked down the corridor, his shoes making soft sounds against the floor.

Kento Nanami's office was at the far end of the second floor of the classroom building.

Knock! Knock! Knock!

"Come in."

Rihito pushed the door open.

Nanami sat behind his desk with several documents spread out before him and a cup of coffee, already cold, to his right.

He glanced up at Rihito and pointed to the chair across from him.

"Sit."

Rather than speaking immediately, Nanami pulled Rihito's mission report from the stack of documents.

"The psychiatric hospital mission." Nanami's tone was as level as ever. "I've read your report. The cursed spirit was exorcised, and the mission objective was achieved. There are no issues there. But there's one thing I need to confirm."

He set the report down and looked at Rihito.

"Did you reverse the effect of your cursed technique and apply it to yourself?"

Rihito nodded.

Nanami was silent for two seconds.

"There have been precedents for that application in the history of Jujutsu Society. But few of those who attempted it survived."

"The reason is simple. A cursed technique is engraved into the body. By its very nature, it is meant to be released outward."

"A blade pointed outward is used to kill your enemy. A blade pointed inward..."

He paused for a second.

"Is used to kill yourself!"

Silence settled over the office for a few seconds.

"I understand," Rihito said.

"You may not."

Nanami stood and walked over to the window.

Morning light streamed in, laying a pale golden glow across his shoulders.

"Some jujutsu sorcerers die not in battle against cursed spirits, but in the moment they think, 'I can control this.'"

He turned to look at Rihito.

"Your cursed technique is unusual, and you have considerable talent. But precisely because of that, you're more likely to believe you can do things others cannot."

"Sometimes, only a single mistake separates confidence from self-destruction."

"I'm not dismissing your judgment. Under those circumstances, your choice may have been the only solution available. But remember this..."

Nanami paused.

"Every time you point that blade at yourself, you must understand clearly that you're gambling. And the price of losing is your life."

Rihito remained silent for a long time.

He remembered the instant he had activated Withering in the psychiatric hospital.

Cursed energy had surged out of his chest, and the flow of time within his body had fallen into chaos.

In that second, he hadn't thought about anything.

Not because he had been calm enough, but because there hadn't been time to think.

What if something had gone wrong?

He didn't know.

"Thank you, Mr. Nanami." Rihito stood and bowed to him.

Nanami nodded. "Let's go. Principal Yaga is waiting for you."

The principal's office was at the other end of Jujutsu High.

Nanami led Rihito down the corridor. They walked one behind the other, neither speaking.

As they passed the athletic field, Rihito spotted Itadori and Kugisaki training in the distance.

Kugisaki was chasing Itadori and hitting him as he ran, shouting for help. Fushiguro stood nearby with a bottle of water in his hand, watching expressionlessly.

Rihito's steps slowed.

Nanami stopped as well and followed his gaze.

"Your classmates," Nanami said. "You'll be going on missions with them in the future."

"...Yeah."

Rihito looked away and followed Nanami.

The door to the principal's office was more ordinary than he had imagined.

Nanami knocked, and a deep voice called from inside, "Come in."

He pushed the door open and gestured for Rihito to enter.

"Principal Yaga will conduct the next assessment himself. I'll wait outside."

Rihito nodded and stepped inside.

The principal's office was somewhat larger than Nanami's, but just as simply furnished.

The shelves against the wall were filled with documents and books, and several unfinished cursed corpse dolls sat on the windowsill.

Masamichi Yaga sat behind his desk, his head lowered over an unfinished cursed corpse in his hands.

Rihito waited in front of the desk for a few seconds. The only sound in the room was that of needle and thread passing through fabric.

"Nanami has already given me the report on your second assessment."

Yaga spoke in a low, unhurried voice.

He set down the cursed corpse and raised his head to look at Rihito.

His eyes didn't carry Nanami's scrutiny, nor were they as inscrutable as Satoru Gojo's. His gaze was more direct.

"Now, answer one question for me."

"Why do you want to become a jujutsu sorcerer?"

Rihito didn't answer immediately.

Before coming to this world, he had seen this scene in the anime.

Yuji Itadori had sat in this same spot, faced the same question, and given an answer that satisfied Yaga: "To save as many people as I can first."

That was the "correct answer."

As long as he answered along those lines, saying something about responsibility, about duty, about not wanting to see anyone else die in front of him, Yaga would most likely accept it.

He knew that.

But he couldn't bring himself to say it.

Those words weren't lies.

Responsibility, duty, not wanting to see anyone else die-none of those things were lies.

But if he packaged them into a polished answer, they would become a lie: carefully chosen words meant to get him through the assessment.

When Junpei died, he hadn't had time to say anything.

Now, standing here and facing a question about "why," he didn't want to brush it aside with a pretty line.

Not for his own sake, but for Junpei's.

"To become stronger and protect the people around me."

Rihito spoke quietly, but his voice was steady.

Yaga watched him. The silence lasted roughly five seconds.

Then he put the cursed corpse aside and stood.

He was considerably taller than Rihito, and standing made his imposing presence even more pronounced.

"You fail."

Yaga's tone didn't change at all.

"Leave. I'll arrange for someone to erase all your memories of jujutsu. Return to the world of ordinary people and carry on with your old life."

Rihito's expression remained calm.

Although he had known the outcome in advance, his heart still clenched sharply when he actually heard those words.

If he couldn't join Jujutsu High, he would forever lose the ability to avenge Junpei with his own hands.

It meant he would never see Itadori, Fushiguro, or Kugisaki again.

It meant everything ended here.

Yaga came around the desk and walked toward Rihito.

"Anyone could give the answer you gave. 'Become stronger.' 'Protect.' Those words mean nothing. They're merely what you think you're supposed to say."

"I'll ask you again. Why do you want to become a jujutsu sorcerer?"

Rihito parted his lips. The words were right there.

Itadori's answer, "save as many people as I can first," or any other line that might move Yaga.

But he closed his mouth.

Then he raised his head and looked at Yaga.

"I know the answer you want to hear. But I can't say it, because...it isn't my answer."

Rihito's fingers tightened slightly.

"When Junpei died, I didn't get to say one last thing to him. He invited me to a movie and bought a tub of popcorn. He squeezed it out of shape because he was so nervous. Before the movie started, he asked me, 'I dropped the Coke. You don't mind, do you?'"

His voice paused.

"That was the last time I heard him speak normally."

The room was quiet. Light from the window fell between them, dust drifting slowly through its beam.

"So when you ask why I want to become a jujutsu sorcerer, I only have one answer: to become stronger and protect the people around me. I know those words mean nothing to you. But they mean something to me."

"If I replace them with a prettier answer, then Junpei's death becomes nothing more than a lesson that taught me how to say pretty things."

Rihito looked at Yaga.

"But he wasn't."