"Marshal Bai! Uncle Bai!!!!!!"
Xi Yan sobbed as he pounded the table.
"I've got it so rough!!!"
He aired his grievances through streaming tears and a running nose.
On the holographic screen, Bai Fengfeng, Grand Marshal of the United Nations of Earth, leaned back and narrowed his eyes. Naturally, he didn't believe Xi Yan's exaggerated performance.
Xi Yan wept bitterly. "Those damned Stone People! Those damned aliens are bullying me! I can't beat them!"
"Help me, Uncle Bai! At this rate, my country is going to fall!"
Bai Fengfeng, who was still working aboard his flagship, looked utterly helpless.
Just listen to that bullshit. Is a single word of it believable?
Still, Xi Yan was his junior, so Bai Fengfeng said kindly, "What's going on over there? Some alien xenos don't know who they're messing with?"
"A bunch of annoying Stone People, a Criminal Enterprise, built a smuggling port on my territory, but I can't beat them!" Xi Yan declared without a hint of shame.
Bai Fengfeng nodded. "A Criminal Enterprise, huh? That really is a bit much for you to handle."
"Could you give me some aid?" Xi Yan asked pitifully.
Bai Fengfeng immediately looked as though he could barely keep a straight face.
Where did this Stellaris Zelensky come from?
"Oh, and I really did put some effort into that request you made last time!" As though afraid Bai Fengfeng would refuse, Xi Yan hurriedly added with a grin, "I conquered an alien species' planet, destroyed their civilization, and then used it to produce food. How's that? Xenophobic enough for you?"
Bai Fengfeng fell silent.
Aliens? Food?
Come on, man. I only told you to be xenophobic. How did you turn yourself into a racial purist and a murderous Hive Swarm?
"Oh, right, Uncle, are you still short