"Oh, oh, I've heard that name!" Patches said with a fawning expression. "The new lord of Stormveil! From the Weeping Peninsula to Limgrave, everyone knows your name. We're both Tarnished, but you've done so much better for yourself than I have. How about letting me join Stormveil? We're on the same side, after all."
With Patches volunteering to join, the two Crucible Knights assumed Tarnished would gladly accept.
Instead, Tarnished ignored the offer entirely. "Since you've heard my name, you should know why I'm here."
"Of course, of course!" Patches said with a grin. "Everyone knows Stormveil's new lord treats his subjects kindly, even the nonhuman races. Our robberies must have gotten in your way, eh? Don't worry, we won't make things difficult for you. Truth be told, robbing people is a risky business. We were just planning to wash our hands of it and open a shop instead. So please stop by again when you have the time! I'll have the finest merchandise waiting for you!"
Well, damn. A few words, and he'd already glossed over the robberies?
Patches really did have a silver tongue.
But Tarnished had long since developed immunity. There was no chance he would fall for it again.
"We'll discuss opening a shop later. Before that, you must pay for your crimes," Tarnished said sternly. "Robbery, illegal possession of weapons, encroachment on public land, environmental destruction, use of biochemical weapons-with all those charges, you think a few words will wipe the slate clean? Do you think Limgrave belongs to you? Your actions have seriously disrupted public order and had extremely harmful consequences. Limgrave is your home! Don't you know you should cherish and protect it?"
So is Limgrave my home or not?
And what the hell are biochemical weapons?
Even someone as slippery as Patches was a little bewildered. Still, he knew when to bow his head, so he put on an apologetic smile. "We were driven to it by necessity. Look at those deserters. They slaved away for some big shot, only to be tossed aside once he'd wrung them dry... That's just my guess, but I'm sure it's not far off. History always repeats itself, after all. What a bastard! Ah, I didn't mean you. What I mean is, we didn't want to rob anyone. We simply couldn't survive otherwise. But Limgrave is thriving under your rule, and once our shop opens, we certainly won't rob anyone again. You're such a reasonable man. Surely you'll let us off this once?"
Tarnished considered it, then nodded. "Hmm. Godrick did leave Limgrave in a complete mess. Although your actions were serious crimes, there were indeed mitigating circumstances."
Overjoyed, Patches was about to thank him when Tarnished added a "but."
"...You may be spared the death penalty, but you cannot escape punishment."
Patches had known that "but" meant nothing good, yet he still breathed a sigh of relief. He hadn't quite managed to fool his way out of trouble, but if it was only punishment and imprisonment, he was confident he could escape. That wasn't too bad.
With that thought, he put on the face of a reformed man. "Yes, yes, I cannot escape punishment. I am indeed guilty, and I'm willing to accept whatever punishment you give me."
"Good." Tarnished nodded, then told the two Crucible Knights beside him, "Cut off his head. Then impale the corpse on a pole and hang it up as a warning!"
"How the fuck is that not the death penalty?! People die when you cut their heads off!!!"
Patches exploded and struggled to flee, but the Crucible Knights each seized an arm and twisted it, forcing him to bend over like a shrimp.
"N-no! I only robbed people! I've never killed anyone! That shouldn't warrant execution!" Patches tried reasoning with him.
Tarnished remained unmoved.
"Don't-don't kill me! I know lots of important people! General Radahn the Starscourge, Moon Princess Ranni, and Inquisitor Rykard! I've had tea with all of them!" Patches began pulling strings.
Tarnished still remained unmoved.
"Damn you! Don't think I'll just sit here and die! I'm Patches the Unbreakable! I've kicked more Elden Lords than you can count! Thirty years of hard work went into this kick. One blow can shatter mountains and split the earth, change the very face of heaven and earth!" Patches threatened fiercely.
But the two Crucible Knights were fiercer still. Rodini flicked him on the forehead first. "Shatter mountains and split the earth, eh?"
Laurendi followed with a backhanded flick. "Change the face of heaven and earth, eh?"
Those two flicks nearly cracked Patches's skull. Cold sweat poured down his face from the pain, and he hastily dropped the fierce act and begged for mercy.
Tarnished remained unmoved.
Seeing that his life was on the line, Patches could no longer worry about anything else. He could only resort to his trump card.
"Execute him," Tarnished ordered.
But the next moment, a gentle golden light blossomed, illuminating almost half the cave.
Pinned down by the two Crucible Knights, Patches was bent at the waist with his backside sticking out. Yet his hands, stretched behind him, held a Golden Rune [6], which he offered to Tarnished.
"Wait!"
Tarnished raised a hand, and the two Crucible Knights stopped.
For a moment, the scene froze. Only Patches moved, backing up step by step to bring the Golden Rune [6] slowly before Tarnished.
"Ahem." Tarnished swiftly pocketed the Golden Rune [6] and glanced around. "Honestly, you... Don't do it again, all right?"
"Yes, yes, of course." Patches was as obedient as a good child who had learned his lesson.
The two Crucible Knights gave Tarnished disdainful looks.
Tarnished remained unmoved.
Come on, this was a Golden Rune [6]! Worth a full 2,000 runes-one-tenth of a Little Godrick! As an outstanding young man born and raised beneath the Erdtree, of course I had to show the Golden Lord some respect!
"Even the law must account for human feelings. Laurendi, Rodini, I've always told you to enforce the law with compassion. How could you treat Mr. Patches so roughly?" Tarnished even turned the blame on them.
Patches couldn't help marveling. Reasoning, connections, ability-in the end, none of them worked as fucking well as money. But just as he relaxed, Tarnished spoke again. "All right. Since this is your first offense, I'll let you off this time. Pay the fine, and you can leave."
"Huh? There's a fine too?" Patches went numb. That Golden Rune [6] had been his entire private stash.
Tarnished glanced at him, took out his waterskin, pulled out the stopper, and took a small sip. After spitting out a few bits of golden sunflower, he said unhurriedly, "Those are the rules, understand? Don't want to pay the fine? Fine by me. We can go back to beheading you."
"No, please don't!" Patches had finally figured it out: this Tarnished fellow was an even bigger bastard than he was. At this point, he accepted defeat and said bluntly, "How many runes is the fine? Give me a number!"
"Now that's the right attitude." Tarnished chuckled. "I'm not some kind of demon. Let's say a hundred thousand runes."
"A hundred thousand?!!!" Patches was stunned. "Why don't you just rob me!"
Tarnished looked puzzled. "Huh? Do you think that isn't what I'm doing?"
Patches wanted to curse him out, but the two Crucible Knights slowly drew their swords, successfully helping him calm down.
"My lord, even if you kill me, I can't come up with a hundred thousand runes!" Patches really was on the verge of tears.
"Don't rush," Tarnished said with a smile. "That's the fine with a receipt. There's also a price without a receipt. Want to hear it?"
Patches immediately looked over, and Tarnished held up one finger.
"One million runes!"
"It costs more without a receipt than with one?!!!" Patches protested vehemently.
"Because we throw in some little gifts."
"What lousy gift could be worth a million!"
"Plenty of things, actually. Armor, weapons, all sorts of equipment and supplies..." Tarnished leaned close to Patches's ear and whispered, "Aren't those exactly what you're traveling around doing business for, Mr. Patches of Volcano Manor?"
Patches's expression changed instantly. His smile first vanished as he studied Tarnished seriously, then his usual cheeky grin returned.
"How did you know?"
"Who doesn't know what you lot are up to?" Tarnished gave an ambiguous answer.
But Patches didn't particularly care about that answer. Instead, he asked, "Then which side will you choose? Will your heart remain with the Erdtree, or will you stand with Volcano Manor, determined to break the gods' shackles and reclaim true freedom?"
"Of course I'll stand with Volcano Manor!" Tarnished answered immediately.
Patches: "..."
He had half expected it, but that answer had come far too quickly.
Tarnished smiled. "What, don't believe me? Don't worry, I mean it. Stormveil is in the business of rebellion too, after all. Naturally, we'll stand with Volcano Manor, since we share the same goal."
Patches gave it serious thought and found no reason to doubt the explanation.
After all, Tarnished had even killed Godrick, a scion of the Golden Dynasty. He couldn't possibly be on the Erdtree's side.
Although Patches's main task in Limgrave was merely to talk a few Tarnished into joining Volcano Manor, if he could win over a powerful ally, perhaps that woman would offer a faint smile.
At that thought, Patches smiled first.
But it wasn't a foolish grin at some imagined success. It was a bitter, self-mocking smile.
He had never expected a woman to find her way into his heart one day. Love really did get into every crack, just like an annoying fly.
But now that he was in love, he wouldn't deny his own feelings. He would stay by that woman's side until the end and see how far she could go. If she lost her original colors along the way, he would simply leave, as he always had.
Heh. Life had suddenly become interesting, and Patches began looking forward to tomorrow.
"Armor, weapons, food, clothing, construction supplies, tools, household goods, and building materials-what can Stormveil provide?" Patches asked.
"Anything," Tarnished answered. "As long as Volcano Manor can afford the runes, Stormveil can provide everything its customers need, from Golems down to drinks brewed with tarnished golden sunflowers."
"Understood," Patches said. "I need to go back and discuss this with my people."
"Certainly." Tarnished also knew that Volcano Manor was currently run by its mistress, Tanith.
"Unless something unexpected happens, we'll need large quantities," Patches said. "Volcano Manor isn't short of weapons or armor for now. The war left plenty of unwanted equipment behind, after all. The first shipment will probably focus on everyday necessities, mainly clothing and food. You'd best start producing them now so you won't fall short when the time comes."
"No." Tarnished refused at once. "Stormveil has its own pace and its own production plans. We can't change those based on nothing but your word. If we shift our production priorities as you suggest, what happens if you decide you don't want the goods after all? That's not how business works."
"Aren't we allies?" Patches asked with a grin. "How about making an exception?"
"We're only allies when there's business to be done. Neither you nor I get to decide how deep the friendship between Stormveil and Volcano Manor runs. Only the orders can decide that."
Patches's smile widened. "Who would have thought the new lord of Stormveil Castle would be a businessman?"
Tarnished shrugged. "And I never expected a businessman to be loyal to Volcano Manor."
Patches looked at Tarnished, and Tarnished looked back at Patches. There was something of two heroes recognizing each other's worth and regretting they hadn't met sooner.
Laurendi cut straight to the point. "Two peas in a rotten pod!"
Tarnished and Patches both laughed. Neither denied it.
Strictly speaking, both were men who cared nothing for others' opinions and walked their own paths with conviction.
The only difference was that Patches wanted to make life his playground, while Tarnished's goal was to eliminate regrets.
"You really don't leave any openings. I can't win against you," Patches conceded, handing over a black object. "Get to work. I'll use this as the deposit."
Tarnished took it and saw that it was a magical item called Margit's Shackle.
[Margit's Shackle]: A cursed object imbued with golden magic. Among the many accursed Omen Children, this item was used on one who required particularly strict restraint. A faint trace of its binding magic still remains. Used on Margit, who was once imprisoned, it should temporarily pin him to the ground.
"Since you've taken Stormveil Castle, you must have met Margit," Patches said with a grin. "To show my sincerity, I'll throw in some information as well. Margit is actually an avatar of Morgott, and Morgott is the Grace-Given King who currently rules the Royal Capital of Leyndell. Back during the Shattering, when the fighting tore heaven and earth apart, the allied armies of the Demigods attacked Leyndell together, but he alone led his forces to drive them back. They say even Radahn the Starscourge lost to him, though those are unconfirmed rumors. No one knows whether they're true. As far as the public is concerned, General Radahn the Starscourge is still universally acknowledged as the strongest Demigod."
"What I mean is, if Stormveil continues down the path of rebellion, you'll inevitably come into conflict with the Royal Capital of Leyndell. With this item, you'll have a better chance against that brave and battle-hardened Grace-Given King. Well? Not a bad deposit, is it?"
"Make sure Volcano Manor has the runes ready." Tarnished pocketed the Morgott Remote Control. "Stormveil's service policy is simple: cash in one hand, goods in the other!"
Before you continue