Another Ah Yin

My consciousness kept sinking, descending into a boundless sea of blue-gold light.

It was the deepest part of my essence, warm and tranquil. Countless strands of plant energy flowed slowly past like streams, wrapping gently around me, as though I had returned to the very beginning of life.

At the very center of the sea of light, I saw another me.

She looked exactly like me, with the same blue hair falling to her waist, the same gentle features. Only her eyes held far too many things unfamiliar to me-

There was a tenderness steeped in the smoke and warmth of mortal life, a resilience that had weathered life, death, and separation, and a trace of lingering wistfulness that belonged to a mother alone.

She stood there quietly, a faint golden glow wreathing her body, like a piece of warm jade softened by bygone years. Standing in the center of the sea of light, she seemed to have been waiting there in silence for a very long time.

The instant our eyes met, countless long-sealed images broke through their barriers and entered my mind along the resonance of our bloodline.

As it turned out, I had once taken human form and entered the world, carrying a measure of innocence and unease, using the Blue Silver Emperor's healing power to treat the wounds and illnesses of mountain villagers.

All the while, I had carefully concealed my aura and slowly grown with my heart in my throat.

Later, by chance, I had met the brothers Tang Hao and Tang Xiao, and the three of us had traveled together. Then came sworn bonds, love, revealing my identity, marriage, childbirth... and finally, Spirit Hall's pursuit, and that suicidal sacrifice that had burned me to ashes.

It was a strange feeling, as though I had watched another life in its entirety through her eyes.

I stared steadily at her, and she stared steadily back.

We seemed to stand on opposite sides of a mirror, or across the long years stretching between life and death.

Suddenly, I understood-

She was me, yet not entirely me.

We shared the same Blue Silver Emperor essence and possessed each other's memories, but not each other's feelings.

The love, hatred, and attachments etched into her bones, the devotion and tenderness that had made her willingly go to her death, were nothing more to me than a few clear yet cold images.

I could see every detail clearly, yet feel none of their warmth.

A long silence passed.

I spoke first. "Why did you kill yourself to sacrifice yourself to a human?"

She looked at me quietly, without the slightest evasion in her gaze. "I had just given birth and depleted my vitality. Spirit Hall suddenly came after us. I couldn't have gotten far."

I frowned, a measure of incomprehension in my voice. "You're the Blue Silver Emperor. You possess the undying trait of Everlasting Life. If you truly wanted to escape, no one could actually catch you, let alone truly kill you."

I looked steadily at her, paused, and shook my head. "No, you were pinning your hopes on luck. You thought that man could drive back powerful enemies and protect you, just as he always had."

She lowered her eyes and did not argue.

I couldn't help cursing her. "You fool. You were always the one they wanted to capture. If you had been willing to let go and escape alone, would they really have made trouble for a brute from the Clear Sky Sect and a newborn baby?"

"But they were my husband and my child."

After a pause, she raised her head again, looked at me, and softly asked in return, "If Little Yi were the one in danger, could you abandon him and escape alone?"

I opened my mouth but gave no answer.

Clearly, if Su Yi were in danger, I would not be able to escape alone either, even though I knew that, with his wits, he might not truly end up in a hopeless situation.

She watched me quietly, with no anger on her face, no sense of grievance, not even a trace of having been stung.

For a moment, time fell still in the sea of light.

I passed over that difficult subject and asked again, "Then why did he plant you in a place like that? Little Yi once told me that the Cave was cold and damp, never saw daylight, and was utterly unsuitable for plants to grow."

"That was where we married." Her voice softened, a faint thread of nostalgia spreading through it. "It was remote, but well hidden."

She paused, her gaze settling somewhere in the empty air, as though looking far into the distance.

"Spirit Hall was pursuing him then. Planting me there meant his pursuers wouldn't find me. It was safe."

"And afterward?" I pressed relentlessly, my words sharp. "Once the pursuit died down, he could easily have sent you back to the Ancestral Land. With countless subjects here to sustain you and the Blue Silver King to guard you, wouldn't it have been safer than that Cave where daylight never reached?"

She was silent for a long while before saying softly, "Perhaps... he wanted to see me often, to be with me."

At that, I scoffed, my voice carrying undisguised scorn. "In the end, he just wanted to keep you tethered to his side, even if that environment depleted you, even if treating you that way hurt you."

"Just like you, knowing full well that being with him had brought disaster upon his sect and would bring mortal danger down on him."

At that, I added mercilessly, "Your love really was selfish and narrow."

She did not argue. She simply stood quietly in the sea of light, as though she had long since accepted every judgment.

After a long pause, I finally asked the question that had been circling in my heart. "Then what have you appeared for now? To make me return to that man and renew your old bond?"

Having seen her memories, I understood clearly-

This wisp of her consciousness had awakened long ago. She had simply hidden quietly in the depths of our essence, watching everything outside through my eyes, watching the days and nights I spent with Su Yi.

She shook her head. "I love him, but I've already died for him once. I came out to see you only because I hoped that, if you had the chance, you could go and see that child."

At the mention of that child, I suddenly fell silent.

Through her "eyes," I had also seen that tiny figure-

The wrinkled little face in his swaddling clothes, his small, delicate hand clasping my index finger softly, the warm touch spreading from my fingertip all the way into my heart.

There was no denying that he was my child too, my own flesh and blood, connected to me by blood.

The sea of light grew quiet again, and even the sound of flowing plant energy softened.

After a long while, I answered softly, "All right."

She gazed at me and slowly approached, step by step. Her toes pressed through scattered flecks of light, and the wistfulness in her eyes gradually turned to tenderness.

In the instant before we merged, she suddenly stopped and whispered in my ear, "You're very lucky to have met him."

After a pause, she added, "I truly envy you."

As her words faded, she dissolved into a skyful of blue-gold motes, pouring into my body without holding anything back.

The merging went smoothly.

There was no question of one accepting the other, nor of one devouring the other.

Because we had always been one, I had merely recovered a memory lost long ago.

Yet at the same time, the tenderness and attachments of a wife and mother, dormant for more than a decade, entered my heart along with those memories. Like a seed buried deep for years, they were finally, quietly awakened by a long-overdue spring rain.