The rift

As my consciousness gradually sank back into place, the cocoon of light surrounding my transformation shattered.

Countless flecks of blue-gold light drifted down over my shoulders, like a gentle snowfall of stardust.

The fresh scent of grass and trees swept into my nose on the evening breeze. I opened my eyes, and the instant my toes sank into the soft earth, my gaze met a pair of eyes brimming with joy.

Su Yi stood a few paces away, tiny fragments of light resting on his shoulders. The corners of his lips lifted slightly as he opened his arms to me and took a step forward.

Yet in that very instant, two utterly different lives collided with a thunderous crash in my sea of consciousness-

On one side lay the morning dew in the little town's backyard, the wind through the forests of the Ancestral Land, and the tender moments of four years spent together;

On the other lay meetings and partings amid the bustle of mortal life, flight from relentless pursuit, and one last glimpse of a swaddled infant before the sacrifice burned itself out.

The two sets of memories churned and tore at each other, like ice and fire intertwined. My steps faltered, and I instinctively took half a step back.

The smile on his face froze.

In barely an instant, he concealed every trace of his discomposure and slowly lowered his arms. The light in his eyes dimmed a little, yet he still forced himself to maintain a gentle, composed smile.

By the time I broke free of the surging flood of memories and wanted to make amends for that instinctive retreat, his hands had long since fallen to his sides, his fingertips hidden beneath his sleeves. He made no further move to approach.

I opened my mouth, all my explanations caught in my throat, but in the end, I said only, "...I'm back."

Our first meeting after my transformation carved the first rift through my flustered retreat, becoming a regret in my heart that could never be smoothed away.

In the days that followed, the winds of the Ancestral Land remained gentle, and the forests covering the mountains still surged with blue-gold waves.

But we could never return to the way we had been.

Every day, he sat beneath the ancient tree to cultivate, work out Soul Skills, and practice his spear techniques. Occasionally, he turned to exchange a few words with me, observing the perfect measure of propriety, courteous yet distant;

As the Blue Silver Emperor, I awakened the spirits of newly sprouted seedlings and put the clan's bloodline inheritance in order. In my free time, I sat beneath the ancient tree and listened to him recount novel things he had seen and heard.

He had also tried tentatively to draw closer-

Sometimes with a trace of our old familiarity in his words, sometimes with his fingertips brushing my cuff inadvertently as he leaned down to offer guidance.

But whenever that intimacy began to rise, those long-sealed memories would suddenly surge up. I instinctively turned aside and shrank back, averting my gaze from his face and subtly retreating a fraction.

The past was like an invisible shackle, wound around my wrists and lodged in my heart.

In the end, I could not bring myself to approach him without reservation.

Over time, he stopped overstepping even the slightest boundary, his words and actions retreating firmly within the limits of close friendship.

Only when I had barely suppressed the turmoil in my heart, sorted through my surging feelings little by little, and wanted to try taking a step toward him.

Did I suddenly realize-

He had already quietly built an invisible barrier between us.

Once a rift appeared, it would only widen through day after day of tentative approaches and silence.

I gazed at his composed profile, wanting countless times to explain, yet not knowing where to begin. I did not even know whether an explanation still held any meaning.

Besides, he was so clever that he must have guessed the changes in me long ago.

The distance stretching between us grew ever greater, yet I was powerless to do anything.

He had once said that time would wash everything away.

So I clung to a shred of hope, thinking, Wait a little longer. Once I can completely let go of the past and calmly face those old dreams of another life, surely we can return to the way we were.

But the affairs of the world never bent to human wishes.

An abrupt farewell came like an unexpected night rain, extinguishing every hope with which I had deceived myself.

He said he was leaving the Ancestral Land and going alone to Heaven Dou City to settle an old grudge.

Yet I clearly remembered how he had always said those past events had long since dispersed like smoke and no longer mattered.

Now that he had suddenly brought them up, something about it felt strange.

I wanted to see what he truly thought deep down, but he merely lowered his eyes, refusing to meet my gaze.

I tried to probe him with my words, but he said only, "After all, we're friends."

My heart abruptly shattered, as though something had struck it hard enough to break off a corner.

Then a powerful unease rose within me-

If I let him leave, perhaps I will lose him forever.

The panic in my heart overwhelmed all my hesitation. I raised my head, looked steadily into his eyes, and said, enunciating every word, "Take me with you."

"At least let me accompany you on the road to Heaven Dou City."

At the end of the first spring after my transformation, we left the Blue Silver Ancestral Land in a blue-canopied carriage and traveled north.

I had hoped that traveling together through mountains and waters would slowly dissolve the estrangement between us, and that I could try to draw our increasingly distant hearts back together.

But the closer we came to densely populated towns, the clearer the memories belonging to that "other me" became.

The cries of vendors along the streets, the sugar cakes at alley entrances, even the gentle tones of roadside women calling to their children could easily stir those slumbering images, leaving me lost in thought for a long time.

During our stops to rest, I often stared blankly in a certain direction.

Somewhere beyond understanding, something there seemed to be pulling at me.

Dust all along the road, jolts all along the journey.

The easing of tension I had imagined never came. Instead, the distance between us only grew.

The gloom between his brows deepened by the day, and he spoke less and less.

Most of the time, he simply leaned against the carriage wall with his eyes closed, regulating his breathing, while I watched the shadows of trees fly past the window in unbroken silence.

Inside the carriage, only the rumble of wheels over the dirt road remained, monotonous and dull, like the stubborn stiffness between us.

Where the wheel tracks ended, Heaven Dou City's towering walls came into view-

The streets bustled, carriages and horses streamed like dragons, and the rising bustle of mortal life spilled over the city walls. It was the most prosperous human capital.

Countless times, I had dreamed-

After my transformation, I would stroll every street of the mortal world with him, taste every flavor of its markets with him, traverse its mountains, rivers, and seas with him, and see all the bustle of human life with him.

Year after year, through all the passing years, we would walk side by side.

But now, all those fervent imaginings had become flowers in a mirror, a moon reflected in water.

On our third night in Heaven Dou City, he changed into dark night clothes and went alone to scout his enemy's residence.

Though I did not go with him, I quietly spread my Blue Silver Domain, silently following his movements through the network of every blade of Blue Silver Grass along walls and at the ends of alleys.

Warm yellow lanterns hung before his enemy's gates, and in their glow, I too saw that scene-

Two children of three or four crouched below the steps, playing with a tabby cat, their laughter clear and bright; nearby, a woman held the hand of a toddler learning to walk, coaxing the child softly in a gentle voice.

My entire body jolted.

On one hand, it was the suddenly awakened guilt and concern I felt for that child I had seen only once, wrapped in swaddling clothes;

On the other, I suddenly realized with utter clarity-

Perhaps I could never be with him.

He often said that though I seemed gentle, I was unyielding to the core.

But was he himself any different?

If I could not give him my whole heart, he would rather have none of it.

Perhaps he would not mind my concern for my child, but if I truly went looking, meeting Tang Hao would ultimately be unavoidable.

I did not believe that I, as I was now, could treat him as a stranger or face that past as though nothing had happened.

That realization weighed on my heart like a thousand-pound boulder, pressing so heavily that I could barely breathe.

That night, he returned empty-handed and sat alone on a stone stool in the courtyard, his back steeped in moonlight like water, laden with gloom and inner struggle.

I walked slowly up behind him and refilled his cup with hot tea. Looking at his tightly clenched knuckles, I finally reached out and gently laid my hand over his fist.

The instant our hands touched, his body stiffened slightly.

It was the first time since regaining my memories that I had taken the initiative to be so close to him.

His knuckles beneath my palm felt both familiar and strange.

There was none of the resistance I had expected, nor the slightest shy awkwardness. All that surged in my heart was boundless bitterness and heartache.

Perhaps I will be leaving soon.

Perhaps, in the end, this is as far as we can go.