Chapter Summaries

Colin Creevey arrived at Hagrid's Hut to summon Harry and Ron for their detention, but fled after witnessing Harry sneeze noodles into Ron's bowl and seeing Professor Holmes. Douglas then explained the extensive punishments he had arranged, leaving Harry and Ron so overwhelmed that they both collapsed off their chairs.

• Ron answered the door and found Colin Creevey, who photographed Harry sneezing a glass noodle into Ron's bowl.
• Colin told Professor Holmes that Professor McGonagall had sent him to summon Harry and Ron about their detention, then hurried back to the castle.
• Douglas told Harry and Ron that their punishment included writing lessons from memory for Defense Against Dark Magic, Transfiguration, Potions, and Herbology.
• Douglas added that they had to copy the school rules two hundred times each and still clear weeds and gnomes from the orchard without magic.
• Harry and Ron collapsed off their chairs as Douglas laughed at them.

Douglas explained why Harry and Ron had to memorize his and Professor Sprout’s lessons as part of their detention, then considered sponsoring Hufflepuff’s Quidditch team after hearing about Slytherin’s new brooms. He took Ron to Professor McGonagall to request Floo Network access for a trip to Diagon Alley, but she told him to return in an hour.

• Douglas told Harry and Ron they had to memorize his and Professor Sprout’s lessons as well as Snape’s, and Harry learned he could write out the lessons one at a time.
• Ron encouraged Harry by saying Hermione could help them memorize faster, and he recounted how Lucius Malfoy had bought seven Nimbus 2001s for Slytherin.
• Douglas clarified that he would sponsor Hufflepuff, if he sponsored anyone, and warned Ron not to spread the idea.
• Douglas took Ron to Professor McGonagall and explained that Ron’s wand had shattered during an attempted repair, so they needed to go to Diagon Alley for a replacement.
• Professor McGonagall told Douglas to return in an hour while she wrote to the Ministry’s Floo Network Management Department.

Douglas took Ron to Ollivander’s shop to replace his broken wand, while discussing whether a wand could ever be repaired. The chapter ended with Ron admitting he had been using Charlie’s old wand, and Douglas’s side story revealed how he acquired the Lightning-Struck Elder Wand and developed powerful lightning spells.

• Douglas and Ron left the Leaky Cauldron and hurried through Diagon Alley to Ollivander’s shop.
• Ollivander recalled Douglas’s wands and insisted that broken wands could not be repaired, while Douglas proposed that rare conditions might allow a miracle.
• Ollivander suggested that Douglas break his vine wood wand to test the theory, but Douglas refused.
• Ron told Ollivander that he had been using Charlie’s broken wand and needed a new one.
• Douglas’s side story explained that he obtained lightning-struck elder wood and a Thunderbird tail feather in Arizona, then paid Ollivander to make his second wand.
• Douglas discovered that the Lightning-Struck Elder Wand could not cast dark magic and developed powerful lightning spells with it.

Ron bought a new wand with Douglas’s help, then returned to Hogwarts and joined Harry, Hermione, and Ginny in studying. He briefly resolved to outdo Percy for Molly’s approval, but soon grew sleepy and showed off his wand instead of studying.

• Ollivander identified Ron’s broken wand as Charlie Weasley’s old ash wand, and Douglas persuaded Ron to stop feeling guilty and choose a replacement.
• Ron chose a fourteen-inch willow wand with unicorn tail hair, and Douglas ran into Slane, who agreed to wait for Douglas’s manuscript until Monday.
• Douglas, Ron, and Slane’s family went to the Leaky Cauldron before Douglas and Ron returned to Hogwarts, where Ron burped in front of Professor McGonagall after drinking Pumpkin Juice.
• Ron found Harry studying in the Gryffindor Common Room, while Hermione helped Harry and Ginny and George and Fred teased Ron about their punishments.
• Hermione and Ginny reminded Ron that improved grades might please Molly, prompting him to declare that he would surpass Percy before he soon yawned, took a nap, and showed off his new wand.

Douglas visited Professor Sprout to offer seven Nimbus 2001s to Hufflepuff’s Quidditch team, but realized his donation might anger Hogwarts’ governors and threaten his position. After accepting a basket of cranberries, he returned to his office, where Professor McGonagall invited him to afternoon tea in Hogsmeade.

• Douglas entered Greenhouse One, ate cranberries intended for Madam Poppy, and asked Professor Sprout about donating seven Nimbus 2001s to Hufflepuff’s Quidditch team.
• Professor Sprout agreed to arrange for the brooms to be delivered to her office and gave Douglas a basket of cranberries as thanks for his contribution.
• On his way back, Douglas realized that donating equipment without going through Hogwarts’ governors could provoke complaints and put his job at risk.
• Douglas returned to his office and calmed himself with a cup of tea.
• Professor McGonagall invited Douglas to afternoon tea at The Three Broomsticks with several Hogwarts professors, and he accepted.

Douglas Holmes reviewed the seventh-years’ weak Defense Against Dark Magic foundations and set an intensive plan to prepare them for Outstanding N.E.W.T. results. He also reduced their practical-classroom duties after learning that Snape wanted them as teaching assistants.

• The seventh-years reported on their observations, and Douglas criticized their lack of spell knowledge while challenging their dismissal of Quirinus’s teaching.
• Douglas assigned the class six feet of past exam materials, gave them one month to learn it, and required ten consecutive Outstanding mock exams by the end of term.
• Mario Nott told Douglas that Snape wanted the seventh-years to serve as teaching assistants, creating conflicts with their practical-classroom duties.
• Douglas limited practical-classroom access to two hours on weekends, allowed each student to visit once a week, and put Nott in charge of the daily checks.

George and Fred tried to cheat while Harry and Ron struggled to write their assigned text from memory. Douglas used his communication and silence charms to startle the twins, then sent Harry and Ron back to memorizing.

• George and Fred used cheat-sheet cuffs while Harry and Ron attempted to write the text from memory.
• Douglas told Ron and Harry to stop writing and memorize the textbook material, then erased their notebooks.
• Douglas cast the See No Evil, Hear No Evil Charm on himself and the twins, leaving George and Fred unable to hear their surroundings.
• George and Fred joked about using the silence spell to avoid their mother's nagging, and Douglas startled them with his Ear-to-Ear Communication Charm.
• Douglas told Harry and Ron to keep memorizing while the twins clutched their heads after the charm's loud effect.

George and Fred were caught cheating while memorizing lessons and were sent to study outside Douglas’s office. Peeves tattled to Professor McGonagall, who confronted the twins as Douglas prepared to step into the corridor.

• George and Fred handed Douglas notebooks with a twenty percent error rate, but he recognized their cheating, confiscated their cheat-sheet cuffs, and ordered them to memorize and write outside his office.
• Peeves appeared in the corridor, mocked the twins, and vanished when Douglas demanded that they read aloud.
• George and Fred read loudly until Professor McGonagall came out of her office and told them to lower their voices.
• Peeves told Professor McGonagall that the twins were being punished for cheating, and she demanded to know whether it was true.
• Ron warned Douglas that the corridor had gone quiet, and he and Harry discussed why Ron had reported the twins.

Douglas dealt with the Weasley twins after Professor McGonagall caught them cheating, then arranged a gift for Hufflepuff’s Quidditch team and visited Hogsmeade. The chapter left him walking among familiar places and recalling his school days before joining McGonagall for afternoon tea.

• Douglas encountered Peeves and joked that the poltergeist had missed him, prompting Peeves to flee.
• Professor McGonagall caught George and Fred cheating, deducted one hundred points from Gryffindor, and ordered the twins to earn the points back or repeat third year.
• Douglas told George and Fred to keep memorizing while Harry and Ron finished their detention and Ron hurried to tell the other students what he had seen.
• Douglas asked Slane to order seven Nimbus 2001s for Hufflepuff’s Quidditch team, and an excited student told Cedric about the gift.
• Douglas visited Hogsmeade, accepted sweets from the Honeydukes proprietress, and hurried past Madam Puddifoot’s Tea Shop to avoid being teased about an old rumor.

Douglas met Hogwarts professors at The Three Broomsticks, where they welcomed him as a professor and praised his new teaching method. The gathering ended with news of Professor Kettleburn’s resignation and Douglas remembering his wish to adopt a Niffler.

• Douglas entered The Three Broomsticks and greeted Madam Rosmerta and the professors gathered with Hagrid.
• Madam Rosmerta served Holmes wine to celebrate Douglas’s appointment at Hogwarts.
• Professor Flitwick, Professor McGonagall, and the other professors praised Douglas’s method of having students learn their textbooks thoroughly.
• Hagrid revealed that Professor Kettleburn had submitted his resignation to Professor Dumbledore, and Professor Kettleburn said he planned to visit the Romanian Dragon Sanctuary.
• Douglas recalled hoping to adopt a Niffler from Professor Kettleburn, but Hogwarts rules barred students from keeping one.

At a professors’ gathering, Douglas’s donation of Nimbus 2001s to Hufflepuff raised concerns about the trouble it might bring him and questions about how he had earned so much money. Professor McGonagall warned him that parents were challenging his appointment as Defense Against the Dark Arts professor, then began to explain what she had found in Dumbledore’s office.

• Douglas discussed holding a hot pot gathering in the Astronomy Tower with Professor Sinistra when the first snow fell.
• Professor Sprout revealed that Douglas had given Hufflepuff’s Quidditch team a full set of Nimbus 2001s, prompting Professors Flitwick and McGonagall to warn him about possible trouble.
• Professor Sprout defended Douglas and praised his support for Hufflepuff, while the professors toasted him.
• Professor McGonagall questioned how Douglas had obtained more than ten thousand Galleons, and Professor Sprout and Professor Flitwick defended his character.
• Professor McGonagall told Douglas that parents were questioning his appointment over his lack of fame and teaching experience, then said she had noticed a book in Dumbledore’s office.

Douglas reflected on why he had hidden his identity and explained how fear and loneliness had driven him to build a life in the wizarding world. After the professors learned he had written popular books as a student and heard his story, he raised a toast to Hogwarts and Hufflepuff.

• Douglas reconsidered why he had concealed his identity and decided he had less reason to fear exposure now that he had a system.
• Madam Rosmerta recalled Douglas and Bill hiding a cauldron during a hot-pot picnic at the Shrieking Shack, prompting the professors to remember his rule-breaking school days.
• Professor McGonagall praised Douglas's book and revealed that his theories could have been published as academic papers, while Professor Sprout recognized him as the author of The Banana-Loving Honey Badger, God of Cooking Magic.
• Douglas told the professors that he had written books to build strength and wealth after arriving alone in an unfamiliar world, and the staff were moved by his account.
• Douglas held back his tears, drained his glass, and toasted Hogwarts and Hufflepuff.

Douglas revealed to the professors and Rosmerta that he was the author of the books published under The Banana-Loving Honey Badger, and agreed to announce his identity in the next day's Daily Prophet. Rosmerta celebrated by treating the tavern's customers to the bill, leaving them curious about Professor Holmes's news.

• Douglas said he would write to Slane so Slane could announce his identity in the next day's Daily Prophet.
• Rosmerta recognized Douglas as the author of The Banana-Loving Honey Badger and brought out sixty-three first editions for him to sign.
• Professor McGonagall explained that Douglas's Muggle editions contained detailed systems of magic, astonishing Professor Flitwick and the other professors.
• Douglas signed Rosmerta's books and said the announcement would help silence doubts about his abilities in Defense Against Dark Magic.
• Rosmerta told the tavern's customers that Professor Holmes was paying their bill and urged them to read tomorrow's Daily Prophet.

Percy learned that Professor Holmes’s identity was about to be revealed and hurried to find him, while students speculated about the news. The Daily Prophet identified Douglas Holmes as the bestselling author The Banana-Loving Honey Badger, shocking the Hogwarts students.

• Penelope Clearwater and her friends asked Percy whether Professor Holmes was getting married after hearing he had bought drinks at the Three Broomsticks.
• Percy learned that the landlady had promised news in the Daily Prophet and guessed that Professor Holmes’s identity was about to be exposed.
• Percy hurried to the Defense Against Dark Magic office, while Hermione scolded Harry and Ron for not studying and discussed George and Fred’s efforts to earn points.
• The Daily Prophet arrived, and Hermione read that Douglas Holmes was the bestselling author known as The Banana-Loving Honey Badger.
• Harry and the other students were stunned to discover that their Defense Against the Dark Arts professor was also their favorite novelist.

Douglas used the Daily Prophet to reveal his identity under a sensational headline, while owls across Hogwarts brought students letters about the news. Percy visited Douglas to ask why he had changed his mind, then choked when he saw the headline.

• Draco Malfoy told Harry and the others that his father was holding a press conference for Professor Holmes and had sent him to deliver a letter.
• Errol crashed into Neville’s milk jug, and Ron and Neville said their families’ owls could not deliver letters to Professor Holmes.
• Ginny realized students were already heading to Professor Holmes for autographs, but Professor McGonagall sent them back to breakfast and class.
• George and Fred arrived late, joked about food, and asked Ron what had happened; Ron began telling them who “The Banana-Loving Honey Badger” was.
• Douglas watched owls fly toward Hogwarts and reflected that he had concealed his name and chosen “You-Know-Who” for the Daily Prophet headline.
• Percy asked Douglas why he had revealed his identity, then read the headline and choked; Douglas conjured soy milk for him.

Douglas explained to Percy that his famous pen name could help him avoid suspicion as Defense Against the Dark Arts professor, then faced an enthusiastic class after his identity as an author became known. He confiscated his students’ novels and promised rewards for strong OWL results, leaving them eager to study.

• Percy reasoned that Douglas could win trust by revealing his better-known identity, and Douglas said Tom Riddle could have done the same by using the name Voldemort.
• Douglas moved the practical exam to Saturday and entered class to applause from students who had brought his books for autographs and interviews.
• Douglas reprimanded the fifth-years for chasing celebrities and reading novels instead of preparing for their OWLs.
• Douglas ordered Shirley to confiscate every novel and announced weekly assessments until the OWLs.
• Douglas told students he would return their books with autographs after ten consecutive Outstanding grades and reserve a character in his next book for anyone who earned an Outstanding on the OWLs, prompting cheers.

Douglas Holmes returned Ravenclaw’s fifth-year tests, scolded the students over basic mistakes, and taught them the Shield Charm before assigning more homework. As the Gryffindor second-years arrived for their lesson, Hermione eagerly prepared Professor Holmes’s books for autographs, but heard someone coming down the stairs before she could decide what to ask him.

• Douglas reviewed the fifth-years’ test answers, criticized their failure to distinguish curses from jinxes, and assigned textbook annotations for homework.
• Douglas taught the Shield Charm, praised the students who tried it, and demonstrated that their attempts could not stop his wandless Jelly-Legs Jinx.
• Douglas assigned an essay on the Shield Charm and told the students to learn the Jelly-Legs counter-jinx after seeing the class representatives and Prefects limp away.
• The Ravenclaw fifth-years left class relieved, while Gryffindor second-years looked forward to meeting Professor Holmes and getting their books signed.
• Hermione arranged her wizarding-world and Muggle-world editions of Holmes’s novels and considered what to ask him before hearing someone descend the stairs.

Douglas reprimanded Hermione, Harry, and the other students for bringing books to the lectern, then turned the incident into a lesson about verifying information before acting on it. He assigned them essays and confiscated their books, while Harry reflected on how close he had come to apologizing to Professor Snape.

• Hermione and the other students brought books to Douglas for signatures, and Douglas deducted points from Gryffindor for disrupting class.
• Harry blamed an older Ravenclaw student for the idea, then realized he had trusted incomplete information and apologized to Douglas.
• Douglas tried to teach the class to verify what they heard, but the students initially thought he was only addressing their classroom misconduct.
• Hermione explained that they should calmly check information before acting, and Harry added that they should not stubbornly ignore other evidence.
• Douglas awarded Gryffindor points for their answers, assigned the students essays, and kept their books until they demonstrated real insight.
• Harry realized he had nearly apologized to Professor Snape but had earned no points.

Douglas taught Gryffindor’s second-years the Impediment Jinx after praising their memorization progress, and Neville earned twenty points by accurately explaining the spell. The students left eager to practice, while Hermione planned to find out which house was ahead and help Gryffindor learn future spells first.

• Hermione told Douglas that the class had memorized section two but warned that students’ free time was limited because other professors also assigned material to memorize.
• Douglas agreed to discuss the workload with the other professors, then asked Neville to explain the Impediment Jinx.
• Neville recited the spell’s effects and limitations, earning Douglas’s praise and twenty points for Gryffindor.
• Douglas taught the class the Impediment Jinx; Harry and Hermione were the only students who could nearly cast it by the end of the lesson.
• Ron worried that Slytherin might be ahead, and Hermione said she would ask Douglas about the rankings and organize a meeting to help Gryffindor reach first place.

Douglas’s memorization rankings pushed Draco to pressure Slytherin students to study harder, while Hermione rallied Gryffindor’s second years to aim for first place. The chapter ended with Gryffindor students protesting that Ravenclaw was too strong to overtake in memorization.

• Douglas saw that Slytherin ranked fourth among second-year Houses in memorization and rebuked Draco Malfoy for the students’ slow progress.
• Draco forgot his reason for visiting Douglas, then scolded Goyle and Crabbe and ordered them to memorize before dawn.
• George and Fred gave Douglas Harry’s warning not to accept a Malfoy invitation, but Douglas said Draco had only reported memorization progress.
• Hermione told Gryffindor’s second years that Ravenclaw led the rankings, with Gryffindor second, Hufflepuff third, and Slytherin fourth.
• Hermione urged Gryffindor to aim for first place, while students argued that beating Slytherin was enough and Ravenclaw was too strong.