Asuma Sarutobi drew his two signature Chakra Blades.
Soon, two streams of blue chakra filled and enveloped the blades.
Xia Yu remained expressionless. "Asuma, are you seriously picking a fight with me? Is that really necessary?"
"What are you doing? Put those blades away!" Kurenai tried to stop him from the side.
"No, I have to win back my dignity! Kurenai, didn't you say you gave Xia Yu a second look because he was strong? Today, I'll show you which of us is truly stronger!"
Clang!
Asuma appeared before Xia Yu in a flash, his Chakra Blade heading straight for Xia Yu's crotch.
"Holy shit! That's... that's dirty!"
Xia Yu hurriedly drew a kunai and blocked the Chakra Blade.
"Dirty? I'm just doing the public a service!"
Before Xia Yu could react, a second chakra-infused strike swung toward his crotch.
"Fucking hell!" Xia Yu cursed. His taijutsu was nowhere near Asuma's. If this dragged on for a few more exchanges, his balls would probably be smashed for sure. With that thought, Xia Yu dodged the second attack and hurriedly retreated, putting distance between himself and Asuma.
Asuma sneered contemptuously. "What's wrong? Scared? Xia Yu, you're nothing special after all."
"Heh..." Xia Yu sneered. "Sorry, but bed is the only place I'm suited to working up a sweat. On the battlefield? Forget it. I like doing things the easy way."
In this fight, Xia Yu wanted to test an ability.
His Mangekyō.
Every Uchiha's Mangekyō Sharingan possessed powerful special abilities.
Since Xia Yu had awakened his Mangekyō so suddenly, he still had no idea what his abilities actually were.
He focused his mind, and scarlet instantly appeared in his eyes.
Then the three tomoe began spinning endlessly, gradually converging into a special pattern that sent chills down one's spine.
"So this is... your Mangekyō Sharingan?"
Asuma Sarutobi's heart tightened. This was his first time seeing the Uchiha Clan's Mangekyō at such close range.
He had heard his father, Hiruzen Sarutobi, mention that once someone from the Uchiha Clan possessed the Mangekyō, both their left and right eyes would develop wondrous, miraculous abilities.
He was curious. What were Xia Yu's Mangekyō abilities?
He wasn't the only one. Xia Yu was equally curious.
Asuma had yet to reach the point in the original story where he fought Itachi and Kisame, and had not received Might Guy's tactical advice about avoiding eye contact when fighting an Uchiha.
The two simply stared at each other, eyes wide with anger.
Three seconds passed...
Nothing happened.
Asuma curled his lips. "What the hell? You had me worried for nothing. So that so-called Mangekyō is just some boring, fake legend. Xia Yu, get ready to lose! Even if you summon that skeletal giant, I won't be afraid of you!"
Asuma Sarutobi charged at him again...
"What's going on?"
Xia Yu couldn't keep his composure.
His Mangekyō was clearly active, and chakra was continuously being channeled and absorbed, so why wasn't there any reaction at all?
There were no black flames, no intangibility, nor any illusion world he could freely control...
"Shit, System, don't tell me the Eternal Mangekyō you rewarded me with is a knockoff?"
Even the Susanoo from early that morning had only been in its initial skeletal state.
Xia Yu had every reason to suspect that these eyes had serious quality issues! They seemed like shoddy counterfeit goods.
Just then, the System's aged, sinister chuckle drifted into his mind:
[Heh heh heh, kid, don't rush. You'll see a reaction soon enough...]
Just as Asuma was about to reach Xia Yu, he suddenly let out an agonized howl and collapsed heavily to the ground.
"???"
Everyone around them was dumbfounded.
Xia Yu clearly hadn't done anything, yet Asuma had fallen.
Not only that, the fallen Asuma was clutching his abdomen, cold sweat pouring down his face. "Ugh! It hurts! My stomach... it hurts! Damn it, Xia Yu, what did you do to me?"
"Hey, hey, hey!" Xia Yu hurriedly spread his hands and said innocently, "Everyone here was watching. I didn't even touch you! You're blaming me just because I'm nearby! Say, Asuma, did you eat something that upset your stomach?"
"Aah!!!"
Asuma's face turned deathly pale from the pain. He had even bitten his lips bloody.
"X-Xia Yu! We'll fight another day! Hurry, get me a medical ninja! I can't take it!"
Kurenai Yuhi quickly ran over to Asuma, her expression anxious.
Whatever their relationship was like now, she was still very worried about Asuma's sudden mishap.
Seeing this, Xia Yu sighed helplessly and turned his gaze toward Kurenai Yuhi, disappointment in his eyes and a jumble of feelings in his heart.
It seemed Kurenai hadn't sincerely come here for the interview. Asuma still had a place in her heart...
That made sense. They were an official childhood-sweetheart couple, after all. How could something so minor sever their bond?
Forget it. Since they're the official couple, I'll keep my hands off her and do Kishimoto a favor.
Before Xia Yu could finish muttering to himself, Kurenai, who was comforting Asuma, suddenly paled and began clutching her abdomen and moaning on the ground too.
"Uh...!"
Xia Yu finally understood. This had to have something to do with his Mangekyō!
Whoever he looked at got a stomachache!
Shit! What kind of lousy ability is this? It's practical, sure, but it feels so lame!
Xia Yu hurriedly deactivated his Mangekyō, returning his eyes to their ordinary black.
He had thought their pain would ease, but a minute passed without any improvement.
Soon, after some helpful people ran to fetch them, the medical ninjas arrived.
"Mr. Asuma, how are you feeling?"
"M-My stomach hurts! It hurts badly!"
"Where exactly?"
With difficulty, Asuma pointed to the areas on both sides below his chest. "Ugh... here, and... here."
The medical ninja hurriedly gathered chakra in his palms, diagnosing and treating the areas where Asuma felt pain.
Suddenly, the medical ninja frowned. "Th-This is bad!"
Asuma was alarmed. "Wh-What's wrong?"
The medical ninja stammered, "Mr. Asuma, your... your two kidneys... seem... seem to be ruined."
"What??????"
A meter away, beside Kurenai Yuhi.
Another medical ninja was also giving Kurenai Yuhi emergency treatment.
Kurenai was very worried. She knew she would most likely end up with the same diagnosis as Asuma: a problem with her kidneys.
But soon, the medical ninja treating her suddenly smiled, eyes narrowing into slits with delight. "Kurenai, congratulations! You're pregnant~"
Kurenai Yuhi: "Huh???"
Asuma: "Huh?????"
Xia Yu: "..."
Xia Yu fell silent, his mood hitting rock bottom.
So Kurenai and Asuma already have a child together. Hehehe... Then what am I even sticking my nose in for?
Turns out I'm the clown.
Just then, Asuma's hoarse shout shocked everyone present into utter silence.
"Kurenai! You... I never thought you'd...! I've never even touched you! Tell me, who's the father of this child? I... I'll kill him!"
Kurenai Yuhi's flushed face was full of shock and surprise. "H-How is that possible? Asuma, I've never done it with anyone! I... I should still be a virg-!"
[Heh heh heh... Kid, have you figured out your Mangekyō Sharingan's abilities yet?]
The System's voice echoed in Xia Yu's mind once again.
Xia Yu was utterly stunned. The scene before him was so absurdly melodramatic that he couldn't process it for a moment.
[Forget it. I'll just tell you.] [Perhaps because of this System's existence, your Mangekyō Sharingan is extremely special, with different effects on men and women.] [Against men...] [Left-eye effect: if someone looks at your left eye for five seconds, his kidneys will explode.] [Right-eye effect: if your right eye looks at someone for five seconds, his kidneys will also explode.] [Against women...] [Left-eye effect: if someone looks at your left eye for five seconds, she'll hit the jackpot.] [Right-eye effect: if your right eye looks at someone for five seconds, she'll hit the jackpot.] [Of course, the baby is yours.] [This ability takes effect immediately and deals tangible damage to the target. Men experience kidney pain, while women experience abdominal pain.] [If the targets learn the results, they will suffer a double blow, both physically and mentally.] [Ability summary: awesome!]
Before you continue