"First, go talk things over with Emilia, Betty, Ram, and Julius."
"What are you talking about..."
Natsuki Subaru ignored him.
His fingertips had already begun to fade.
"Second, you can trust Shaula."
Shaula's eyes lit up.
"You can trust Shaula! Master can always trust Shaula!"
The main-timeline Natsuki Subaru looked at her, his voice growing more emphatic.
"Let her stop you, let her follow you. Stop treating her as nothing but a tool for carrying out orders."
The main-timeline Natsuki Subaru's breathing grew heavier and heavier.
The third thing.
And the most important one.
He raised his head and stared hard at his amnesiac self.
"Third."
"You are Natsuki Subaru."
The amnesiac Natsuki Subaru's eyes widened.
The main-timeline Natsuki Subaru's voice had grown so faint it was about to dissolve.
"Not a fake."
"Not a hero pieced together from other people's descriptions."
"You can die, feel pain, and be afraid."
"But you're still Natsuki Subaru."
He gritted his teeth and squeezed out one last sentence.
"You're already here."
The amnesiac Natsuki Subaru stood rooted to the spot, as though those words had pinned him there.
"Wait."
He finally reacted and stepped forward.
"You..."
Darkness was already swallowing Natsuki Subaru's figure bit by bit. It looked as though he would vanish completely in another moment.
He looked at Shaula.
"Keep an eye on him."
Shaula stared blankly at him.
Darkness had almost swallowed Natsuki Subaru's body, and even his voice sounded as though it came from far away. Yet he still forced himself not to look away, his gaze returning to his amnesiac self.
Of course he knew how hard this was.
To remember nothing, yet have to believe he was Natsuki Subaru. To be so afraid he could barely hold on, yet still have to talk things over with others. To have his head filled with confused voices, yet still be unable to stop moving, acknowledging that he could hurt, could fear, and could make mistakes.
Even saying these things aloud felt like asking the impossible.
But-
The main-timeline Natsuki Subaru looked at the amnesiac version of himself before him and mustered a cheerful smile.
"I know it's hard."
The amnesiac Natsuki Subaru stared blankly at him.
Natsuki Subaru's voice had grown almost too faint to hear, but the words still reached him.
"But if it's you, you can definitely do it."
"Even if you've lost your memories, even if you don't understand anything right now..."
He paused, as though pouring the last of his strength into his voice.
"I believe in you."
"Just as I believe in myself."
The amnesiac Natsuki Subaru's eyes widened.
For that instant, he seemed to forget to keep asking questions. All he could do was watch the man who was about to disappear.
The main-timeline Natsuki Subaru gave him one last look.
"Finally, don't go alone... remember to take Shaula with you."
Natsuki Subaru vanished inside the Sage's Tower, his voice still echoing through the library.
The library fell quiet again.
The amnesiac Natsuki Subaru stood where he was, his hand still stretched forward. He stared at the place where that man had vanished, his throat shifting as all the questions he wanted to ask lodged there.
Who was he?
Why did he look exactly like me? Why did he know what scared me most? Why did he say, "You are Natsuki Subaru"?
Those questions surfaced one after another, but the amnesiac Natsuki Subaru could not speak right away. Those eyes still lingered in his mind. That man had been about to disappear, his body swallowed bit by bit by darkness, his voice so faint it might break off at any moment, yet until the very last moment, he had gazed quietly at him.
It had not been a threat, nor had it seemed like manipulation. At least, the amnesiac Natsuki Subaru had seen no malice in that man's eyes.
"Master?"
Shaula's voice came from beside him.
The amnesiac Natsuki Subaru came back to his senses and turned toward her. Shaula was still staring unblinkingly at the place where the main-timeline Natsuki Subaru had vanished, as though trying hard to remember those words.
"Shaula..."
He had barely spoken when Shaula suddenly stepped closer.
"Shaula will keep an eye on Master."
The amnesiac Natsuki Subaru froze.
Shaula repeated herself earnestly.
"The Master just now told Shaula to keep an eye on Master."
"Is he... Master too?"
After asking that question, even the amnesiac Natsuki Subaru himself paused, feeling puzzled.
Shaula tilted her head, seemingly thinking very hard for a while, then shook her head before immediately nodding vigorously.
"He's Master."
"But he's also a tiny bit different."
She reached out and gestured in the air.
"That Master looked like he was in a lot of pain, and very tired. Then he suddenly came here and called out to Shaula and Master."
"It seems really unbelievable, but if it's Master, he can definitely do it."
The amnesiac Natsuki Subaru's fingers tightened slightly.
But though he did not know why there was another version of himself, hearing his words left him a little breathless.
If that man had wanted to hurt him, he would not have needed to say any of this. He could have made Shaula kill people, could have pushed him further into the depths. But the first thing that man had said before leaving was to talk things over with Emilia, Betty, and Julius.
He had told him to turn to others, to stop making judgments alone.
The amnesiac Natsuki Subaru slowly lowered his head and looked at his trembling hands.
He did not want to trust these "familiar" strangers.
Still less did he want to trust someone who had appeared out of nowhere and claimed to be something like "another version of himself."
Yet that man had spoken the words he was most afraid to face.
-You are Natsuki Subaru.
Not a hero pieced together from other people's descriptions. You can die, feel pain, and be afraid, but you're still Natsuki Subaru.
The amnesiac Natsuki Subaru closed his eyes for a moment. The confused voices in his mind still seemed to be pulling at him. Go through the books, make sure, find the real Natsuki Subaru. As long as you know who you are in everyone's eyes, you can piece together the "correct answer."
While he was lost, another voice cut in.
Don't go looking for the real Natsuki Subaru. You're already here.
"Shaula."
He spoke quietly.
"Yes! Shaula's here!"
"If I try to run away next, or tell you to kill someone..."
His voice faltered noticeably at that point.
Shaula watched him.
The amnesiac Natsuki Subaru gritted his teeth hard, as though forcing himself to finish the sentence.
"Stop me."
Shaula's eyes slowly widened.
"Stop Master?"
"Yes."
The amnesiac Natsuki Subaru nodded. His fingertips were still trembling, but his voice was finally a little steadier than before.
"That man was right. If my body won't do what I want, if I give you strange orders, if I try to solve things by killing people... stop me."
Shaula stared blankly at him for a long while.
To her, Master's orders were orders. Guard the tower, wait, attack, obey. Those things seemed to have been engraved into her body long, long ago. But the Master who had been about to disappear had told her to keep an eye on him.
And now, the Master before her had said the same thing.
Shaula suddenly raised a hand and pressed it to her chest.
"Shaula understands."
Her voice was not as loud as usual.
"If Master tries to go somewhere very dangerous alone, Shaula will follow."
"If Master tries to kill someone he shouldn't, Shaula will hold him down."
"If Master cries, Shaula will be right beside him too."
The amnesiac Natsuki Subaru stared at her in a daze.
Shaula grinned, her smile as bright as ever.
"Because-you can trust Shaula!"
In that instant, the amnesiac Natsuki Subaru suddenly felt as though he had finally grasped something.
Like a kite whose string had snapped, swept farther and farther away by a gale, able only to watch the ground recede, not even knowing where it should land. Yet just as the wind was about to carry him away completely, someone had caught that string again.
That string was thin, and perhaps it would snap the next moment, but it quietly held him, setting him at ease. He was not entirely alone.
"Let's go."
The amnesiac Natsuki Subaru braced himself against a nearby bookshelf and slowly straightened up.
Shaula immediately moved closer to support him.
"Where is Master going?"
The amnesiac Natsuki Subaru looked toward the library's exit. Emilia, Betty, and Julius were still out there. They might suspect him, might question him, might press him with questions he could not answer.
But that man just now...
No!
That "self" had told him to talk things over with them, not to make judgments on his own.
The amnesiac Natsuki Subaru took a deep breath.
"To find Emilia and the others."
Shaula blinked.
"Are you going to tell them everything?"
The amnesiac Natsuki Subaru fell silent for a moment, then gently shook his head.
"I don't know how much I can say, or whether they'll believe me."
He lowered his head to look at his hands, his voice very soft.
"But I can't keep thinking through this alone."
Then Shaula nodded firmly.
"Yes! Then Shaula will go with Master!"
The amnesiac Natsuki Subaru did not refuse.
He turned and walked toward the library's exit.
Shaula followed at his side, her steps light, but she did not rush out in front as she usually did. She really was watching him, as though earnestly carrying out the task those two Masters had entrusted to her together.
When the amnesiac Natsuki Subaru reached the doorway, he suddenly paused.
"Shaula."
"Yes?"
"That man just now..."
His voice grew quieter.
"If what he said was true, then am I... really still Natsuki Subaru?"
Shaula looked at him and answered almost without hesitation.
"Master is Master."
The amnesiac Natsuki Subaru froze.
Shaula added very earnestly.
"That Master is Master, and this Master right now is Master too. Shaula doesn't understand such complicated things, but Shaula knows that Master is hurting right now, so Shaula will keep an eye on you."
The amnesiac Natsuki Subaru lowered his head. Only after a long while did he softly let out a breath.
"...Is that so?"
His voice still trembled a little.
"Thank you, Shaula."
But this time, he did not head toward the bookshelves again.
He walked toward the living.
[Gluttony If: The lost one follows a shadow (End)]