Cui Wan let Qiaoju gently wind soft white gauze twice around her neck, barely concealing those glaring red and purple finger marks.
Everything that had happened over the past two days clogged her heart like a tangled mass of hemp. She could not make sense of it. That man was like an iceberg, like a bottomless pool of icy water-cold, hard, unpredictable in his moods, and utterly strange.
The hurt, the fear, and a trace of bewilderment after a faint hope had fallen through-a hope even she refused to acknowledge-churned inside her, leaving her unable to sit or stand at ease.
She wanted someone to talk to, someone who could offer a little comfort and guidance. Her sister-in-law Tang Xiang was gentle and approachable, and as Chu Moqi's family, she ought to know a great deal about him. Perhaps her sister-in-law could tell her what thoughts lay hidden behind Chu Moqi's actions.
"Qiaoju, I want to go to the Plum Courtyard and talk to Sister-in-law," Cui Wan said to Qiaoju, who was putting away the medicine bottles.
Qiaoju immediately set down what she was holding. "Yes, my lady. Let me accompany you."
Cui Wan shook her head, her voice somewhat muffled. "No need. I want to... walk by myself and clear my head along the way." She needed a little space alone to sort out her tangled thoughts.
Seeing her insist, and seeing how poorly she looked, Qiaoju did not press her. She merely gave careful instructions. "Then take care, my lady. The Plum Courtyard is to the east. Cross the lotus pond in the middle, then follow the covered walkway straight ahead. You'll see 'Plum Courtyard' written above the courtyard gate. If you lose your way, ask someone."
"Mm." Cui Wan nodded, took a deep breath, and stepped out of the room.
Outside the Orchid Courtyard, the autumn sunlight was bright yet cold, illuminating a scene of desolation in the courtyard. Cui Wan walked alone along the flagstone path, her steps somewhat unsteady. She followed Qiaoju's directions for a while, but soon discovered that she was unfamiliar with the marquis's estate. There were so many forks that, as she walked, she grew confused.
A respectably dressed stewardess of about forty approached, carrying a tray and walking briskly. As though she had spotted a savior, Cui Wan hurried forward and timidly asked, "P-please... how do I get to... the Plum Courtyard?"
The woman stopped at her voice and swept her gaze over Cui Wan. When she saw the rather conspicuous gauze wrapped around her neck and that small face, plainly youthful and haggard, a flash of understanding crossed her eyes, quickly followed by undisguised disrespect and a barely perceptible trace of contempt.
Wasn't this the newly married Second Madam? Word was that the second young master had nearly strangled her last night. Everyone was talking about it. Tsk, she really was from a second branch, from an insignificant household, and saddled with such a crippled, vicious husband. Look at that pitiful state-she probably couldn't even find her way around.
"The Plum Courtyard?" The woman drew out the words lazily, without even offering a bow. "Follow this path, pass two forks, then turn right." She casually pointed in a direction, her tone perfunctory. Without waiting for Cui Wan to ask anything else, she hurried away with her tray, as though staying another moment would taint her with bad luck.
Stung by that undisguised slight, Cui Wan stood frozen, her cheeks warming faintly. She bit her lip, feeling even more miserable. At the Cui household, I had to watch people's faces. Here... it's still the same...
She hesitantly followed the direction the woman had indicated, but the farther she went, the more wrong it felt. Her surroundings grew increasingly secluded, nothing like a main path leading to the inner courtyards. Just as she was about to turn back, she faintly heard hushed conversation from behind a nearby rockery.
"Have you heard? There was quite a commotion at the Orchid Courtyard last night!"
"How could I not have? The second young master nearly strangled Second Madam!"
"Really? Who said so?"
"One of the cleaning women at the Orchid Courtyard said it. How could it be false? It went on for half the night!"
"Oh my, what for? Didn't Second Madam marry him to... you know, carry on his bloodline? Maybe the second young master wasn't willing, and she insisted on throwing herself at him..."
"Tsk, exactly! Just look at Second Madam. You can tell at a glance she came from some insignificant household. How could her manners and bearing compare to our First Madam's? She was probably desperate to secure her position and used some disreputable trick that angered the second young master!"
"Exactly, exactly. Although the second young master is now... ahem, he's still a proper young master of a marquis's household. He has quite a temper. How could he fancy that sort of..."
Those words pierced her heart like countless fine needles. Every sentence carried malicious speculation and undisguised contempt. So, in these people's eyes, she was that contemptible. This marriage, her existence, even her brush with death last night had all become fodder for their idle gossip and laughter!
Overwhelming humiliation and hurt engulfed her in an instant. Unable to listen any longer, she forgot all about finding her way, turned, covered her ears, and ran back the way she had come. All she wanted was to escape to the Orchid Courtyard at once and hear nothing more.
Cui Wan ran back to the Orchid Courtyard, gasping for breath. Qiaoju was waiting at the entrance. Seeing her return with a deathly pale face and reddened eyes, she started in alarm and hurried forward. "My lady, why have you come back? Couldn't you find the way?"
Cui Wan shook her head, avoiding Qiaoju's concerned gaze. Her voice trembled despite her efforts to suppress it. "N-no. I... I'm a little tired. I don't want to go anymore."
Seeing that she refused to speak and that something was clearly wrong, Qiaoju worried but dared not ask further. She could only follow her lead. "Then... then go back to your room and rest, my lady. I'll bring you a bowl of calming soup."
Cui Wan silently nodded and dragged her heavy steps back to her room. She closed the door, shutting herself away within that tiny world...
Meanwhile, in Chu Moqi's study.
Yan Qin entered with steady steps, carrying a freshly brewed cup of hot tea, and gently set it on the desk beside Chu Moqi's hand. He stood in attendance with his hands lowered. His lips moved, but he hesitated to speak.
Chu Moqi was writing something. Catching sight of Yan Qin's expression from the corner of his eye, he paused, and a small blot of ink spread across the paper. He raised his brows and put down his brush, a barely perceptible tension in his voice. "When did you pick up that brat A Huai's bad habit of hemming and hawing instead of speaking properly?"
Yan Qin drew a deep breath, as though making up his mind, and looked up at Chu Moqi. His voice was steady but clear. "Young master, I went to see Madam."
Chu Moqi's fingers curled almost imperceptibly, but his expression remained unchanged. "Hm? Didn't I send A Huai?" He paused, but ultimately could not resist asking, "How... are her injuries? Was the Snow-Skin Jade-Dew Ointment delivered?"
Yan Qin slowly exhaled again, inwardly cursing his outrageously bold, lie-spouting younger brother eight hundred times over. That little brat! He had impersonated him to visit Madam and see what was happening. Then, to make his lie convincing, and because he thought the young master trusted his "honest" brother's words more, he had pestered and pleaded, sworn oath after oath, and begged him to come give the young master a "truthful" report.
How would I know how to lie...?
"Young master," Yan Qin swallowed, his voice sounding somewhat heavy, "Madam's... eyes were terribly swollen from crying. The marks on her neck... are very deep, frighteningly purple, and some of the skin is broken. I fear... I fear that even with the Snow-Skin Jade-Dew Ointment, scarring may be unavoidable."
Scarring...
Those words slammed into Chu Moqi's heart. She's still so young, her skin so fair and delicate... If scars really remained on that slender, fragile neck... would she... be very upset? Would she... resent me even more, fear me even more?
A faint, almost absurd thought surfaced-should I... go and see her myself?
The thought made even him feel irritated and uncomfortable.
"Then... have a physician come examine her." At last, he shifted his gaze back to the ink blot on the paper, his tone somewhat stiff. Calling a physician was more appropriate than going himself.
Yet Yan Qin looked troubled. "Young master... well... Madam may... be unwilling to let an outsider see the marks on her neck..." This was half true and half false, but reasonable enough. A woman's neck was an intimate part of her body. With such frightening marks on it, how could she want a strange physician to examine it closely?
Hearing this, Chu Moqi felt that inexplicable irritation intensify, along with an indescribable... stifling feeling. He abruptly set his brush on its rest with a soft clack, his tone turning sharp. "Then if she won't see a physician, leave it alone! She can bear it herself!"
But the moment those words left his mouth, they felt wrong. Leave it alone? What if it really scars...
Irritably, he picked up the teacup beside him and, without caring whether it was hot, tipped his head back and drained it, as though doing so could quench the fire in his heart.
Then, as though he had finally found a compromise, a reason that could barely convince even himself, he picked up the book on his desk again and turned a page at random. His eyes fixed on the words, but he took in none of them. In a tone almost sulky, yet carrying a barely perceptible hint of concession, he said quickly:
"I... I'll go and look when I have time, all right!"
After speaking, he no longer looked at Yan Qin, seemingly engrossed in studying his book. Only the tips of his ears seemed a little unnaturally red.
Yan Qin lowered his head, forcibly suppressing the corners of his mouth that nearly curled upward, and answered respectfully, "Yes. I'll take my leave." Then he quickly and quietly withdrew from the study, gently closing the door.
Only once he was outside did Yan Qin shake his head, his expression helpless and amused. That awkward temperament of the young master's... It looks like the time when he'll "go and look when he has time" won't be far off.
Night hung low, and the lanterns in the Orchid Courtyard lit up one after another. Their dim yellow halos swayed in the autumn wind, barely driving back one corner of darkness.
Afraid that Qiaoju would see her crying again, and even more afraid of being asked about the hurt she had suffered that day and the gossip she had overheard, Cui Wan made an excuse about wanting to be alone for a while. She slipped quietly out of her room and hid in a secluded corner of the courtyard.
She crouched on the ground, no longer able to suppress the ache in her heart, and tears rolled silently down her face.
Was everyone laughing at me? Did they think me pitiful and pathetic? Why had things turned out like this? I clearly... wasn't as contemptible as those servants said. I only wanted... only wanted to survive, to help Mother get better...
The more she wiped her tears, the more they came. She could not stop them. Burying her face in the crook of her arms, she sobbed softly, her small shoulders shaking.
Just as she sank into her own world of sorrow, an extremely faint rolling sound, yet impossibly clear to her ears, approached from afar and broke the silence of that corner.
Cui Wan stiffened, her sobs cutting off abruptly. Frightened, she immediately raised her head. Through her blurred, tear-filled vision, she saw Chu Moqi sitting in his wheelchair, his cold, hard outline traced by the dim lantern light. He had stopped a few steps away and was watching her expressionlessly.
Why was he here?! Had he seen me crying? Would he get angry again? Would he think me annoying?
Overwhelming fear seized Cui Wan in an instant, even stronger than when she had heard the gossip during the day. She practically scrambled up on all fours and backed away repeatedly, her body trembling uncontrollably.
Chu Moqi stopped his wheelchair. Moonlight fell across his face, revealing his slightly furrowed brows. Was I... that frightening? Frightening enough to scare her like this? What a... coward.
But when he saw the still-wet tear tracks on Cui Wan's face and that ring of white gauze, particularly glaring in the moonlight, the slight displeasure her avoidance had stirred in him gave way to something more complex and unfamiliar. Irritation, helplessness, perhaps... even a tiny trace of softness that he himself was unwilling to examine.
"What are you crying about now?" he asked, his voice a little lower than usual, with less of its deliberate coldness. He sounded almost as though he were stating a fact, with a barely perceptible note of... what might perhaps be called a question.
Cui Wan was frightened out of her wits. Hearing him say that, rather than the scolding or mockery she had expected, she froze for a moment. She blinked her still-tearful eyes and looked at him blankly. He... seemed... not to be angry?
Instinctively, she hurriedly rubbed the tears from her face with the back of her hand and shook her head hard. Yet she dared not speak, only watching him nervously.
Watching her panic and her forced composure, Chu Moqi felt that strange sensation grow stronger. He fell silent for a moment, his gaze resting on the gauze at her neck. At last, he lifted his chin and spoke in an almost commanding tone, though his voice was not particularly stern. "Come here."
Cui Wan shuddered in fright and instinctively wanted to retreat again, but a wall stood behind her. There was nowhere left to go. She bit her lip, looked at him, then at the ground, and finally shuffled forward, slowly, one tiny step at a time. She stopped a few steps from his wheelchair.
"Crouch down," Chu Moqi said.
Cui Wan was terrified. She did not know what he intended, and countless frightening thoughts flashed through her mind. She even wanted to turn and run, but her legs felt filled with lead and would not obey. In the end, she obediently crouched down slowly, her eyes squeezed shut and her body shrinking back slightly, as though bracing herself for a blow at any moment.
Looking at her as though she were facing death unflinchingly, Chu Moqi almost did not know whether to laugh or cry. Was I that terrifying? He reached out. His movements were hardly gentle, even somewhat stiff, but he kept his touch extremely light. With his fingertips, he carefully lifted a corner of the gauze around Cui Wan's neck and examined the injury beneath it by moonlight.
Beneath the gauze, clear purplish-red finger marks indeed remained on her skin, with some broken skin around the edges. It did look rather frightening. Yet on closer inspection, the flesh was not nearly as badly damaged as Yan Qin had described. The cooling medicinal effects of the Snow-Skin Jade-Dew Ointment seemed to have begun working, and the swelling had subsided somewhat. At this rate, with proper application, it probably... would not leave any particularly obvious scars.
Inwardly, Chu Moqi breathed an almost imperceptible sigh of relief.
Thank goodness.
He withdrew his hand, covered the wound with the gauze again, and straightened.
Only when Cui Wan sensed that he was doing nothing further did she dare secretly open her eyes a sliver. She looked at him timidly, her eyes glistening, her gaze full of confusion and caution.
Chu Moqi avoided those overly clear eyes and looked elsewhere. His tone regained its customary coolness, but lacked its earlier sharpness. "Weren't you going to complain to Sister-in-law? Why did you run back?"
Cui Wan froze. Was he... talking about my wanting to see Tang Xiang this afternoon? Had Qiaoju told him? Or... had he known all along?
Unease immediately rose within her. Her fingers unconsciously twisted the hem of her clothes. She pressed her lips together, not daring to answer.
Chu Moqi did not seem to need an answer. He continued on his own, with a hint of mockery, yet almost as though stating a fact. "Couldn't find your way? The estate is only so big. Don't you know how to ask?"
Those words seemed to touch the very heart of Cui Wan's grievance. Her nose stung, and tears nearly fell again. Her voice was faint and aggrieved, thick with tears. "They... they wouldn't tell me..."
Chu Moqi's gaze darkened. He had actually guessed some of it. Although the servants in the estate were fairly well disciplined, the habit of exalting the high and trampling the low, of fawning on those in favor and slighting those out of favor, still existed to some degree. He simply had not expected those servants to dare slight her so openly. However little he liked her, she was still, in name, the mistress of the Orchid Courtyard.
Seeing his silence, Cui Wan thought he did not believe her, and felt even worse. Sobbing, she finally could not help pouring out the hurt she had suppressed all afternoon, though her words were jumbled. "I... I wasn't like they said... Last night, I only... heard what sounded like something in your room... I only wanted to see whether you were feeling unwell... I didn't..." She wanted to explain that she was not the sort of person those servants had described, someone who would stop at nothing to "carry on his bloodline" and earn his disgust.
Listening to her broken, tearful account and watching her watery eyes and eagerness to defend herself, Chu Moqi suddenly felt his irritation turn into another, more turbulent emotion that left him at a loss. He abruptly cut her off, his voice unconsciously rising with an irascibility that served as a cover. "Stop crying! It's so annoying!"
Cui Wan shuddered at his shout and immediately fell silent, but her tears flowed even harder. She merely bit her lip fiercely, not daring to make a sound, thinking that he was about to lose his temper again.
Seeing her small face turn deathly pale and the terror in her eyes, Chu Moqi felt as though a basin of cold water had been poured over that nameless fire in his heart, extinguishing most of it at once. What remained was an even more awkward feeling, mixed with vexation and... something that might perhaps be called an inability to bear it.
He abruptly turned his wheelchair around, putting his back to her. His voice was very low, but his words came quickly, as though he were eager to escape some awkward predicament. "From now on, when I'm sleeping, no matter what you hear, don't come in without permission. If something seems strange... go and fetch Yan Qin."
He paused, seeming to expend great effort before forcing out the next, almost inaudible words:
"I... won't do that again."
With that, as though a ghost were chasing him, he spun his wheelchair away at speed and fled that corner with a rumble of wheels, soon disappearing into the depths of the night.
Cui Wan remained crouching there in a daze, taking a long while to react. Tears still clung to her eyelashes, and the injury on her neck still ached faintly, yet the fear and hurt in her heart had strangely subsided considerably because of Chu Moqi's final words.
Was he... telling me that something as frightening as last night would never happen again?
Was he... was he... warning me? Or... giving me his word? Or was it even... a little like... an apology?
Cui Wan blinked and gazed in the direction where Chu Moqi had vanished, an extraordinarily complex, indescribable feeling welling up within her. The fear remained, yet it seemed... there was also a faint trace of something different, something even she could not be sure of...
Under the shadow of the distant corridor eaves, two identical figures were silently watching it all.
Yan Huai looked exasperated at iron that refused to become steel and complained in a low voice to Yan Qin beside him, "What on earth was the young master doing? He said he'd 'go and look when he had time,' and all he did was scare her half to death, toss out a couple of stiff lines, and run? That's 'looking'? That's 'comforting'? As if he could comfort Madam like that!"
Yan Qin was far calmer. His gaze followed his young master's hastily retreating figure, his tone composed. "This is already pretty good. The young master... has never comforted a woman before."
"That's still no excuse!" Yan Huai scratched at his ears and cheeks in agitation. "You must not have made her sound pitiful enough this afternoon. The young master wasn't worried enough, so he didn't show enough concern!"
At this, Yan Qin shot Yan Huai a cold glance, a hint of warning entering his voice. "If you ever dare impersonate me again to spout nonsense before Madam, inventing lies about 'serious injuries leaving scars,' then force me to cover for you... I guarantee I'll make the young master take good pity on you!"
His brother's look sent a chill down Yan Huai's back. He hurriedly plastered on a smile, shrinking back as he pleaded for mercy. "Brother... my dear brother... I was wrong! Wasn't I just... doing it for the young master and Madam's sake... ow!"
Before he could finish, Yan Qin grabbed him by the back of his collar and dragged him toward their sleeping quarters.
"Enough nonsense. Go back to bed!"
"Brother... Brother... easy... I'll walk... I'll walk on my own, all right!"