Once her monthly bleeding had passed and she felt comfortable again, Cui Wan began thinking about Chu Moqi once more.
She brought out her sewing basket. At the very bottom lay a piece of richly colored ultramarine silk, fine fabric she had treasured away, unwilling to use. The color was composed and noble. It suited him.
But what should she embroider on it? Propping her cheek on her hand, Cui Wan fretted over the silk. Rabbits were what she did best, what she could embroider most lifelike, but rabbits and him seemed... rather ill-matched?
He was so fierce, like a tiger that might spring up and maul someone at any moment, or a proud, solitary wolf.
Yet Cui Wan held her embroidery needle and hesitated for a long time before finally deciding on a rabbit.
Rabbits were lovely-gentle, soft, with clear eyes. She secretly thought, If... if he could carry a tiny, gentle rabbit against his chest, might... might he become gentler someday, even just a little?
Having decided on the design, she had Qiaoju ask someone trustworthy to quietly purchase some fine calming aromatics from an apothecary, then carefully ground and blended them. His nights were always restless, plagued by endless nightmares. Her clumsy attempts to soothe him last time seemed to have helped a little. With a calming sachet beside him as well, perhaps... he could sleep better? If he slept well, perhaps his temper... would not be quite so frighteningly explosive?
Cui Wan had learned needlework from her mother and had a solid foundation. Usually, she could embroider a handkerchief or purse both quickly and well. This time, however, she became exceptionally particular over this tiny sachet-exacting, even.
The stitches had to be fine and even, without a single flaw. The rabbit's outline had to be round and endearing, its eyes lively and expressive rather than dull. Even the cord fastening it shut was unbraided and rebraided, rebraided and unbraided, until she produced the pattern she found most satisfying and secure.
Although he had fiercely thrown out, "Women are such a nuisance," before leaving, Cui Wan knew, knew that last time... he had cared about her.
And when Qiaoju imitated Chu Moqi saying, "I was talking nonsense," her forced composure and barely concealed awkwardness were so lifelike that Cui Wan collapsed laughing on the couch, tears spilling from her eyes.
Whenever she thought of these things, she regarded the sachet in her hands with still greater devotion and hope. Every stitch, every thread seemed to carry a careful little prayer.
After stitching and unpicking, unpicking and stitching, over and over for three full days, Cui Wan finally held a sachet she was thoroughly satisfied with and let out a soft breath.
Against the ultramarine background, a snowy-white, round little rabbit sat obediently, its long ears drooping gently behind it. Its round eyes, painstakingly embroidered in red thread, held an innocent, uncomprehending look. The sachet was plump, filled with the calming blend she had prepared herself, and gave off a faint, peaceful fragrance of herbs and wood.
Cui Wan cradled it in her palm and examined it again and again, her heart brimming with anticipation and a little nervousness. Would he... like it?
Mustering her courage, she tucked the sachet against her chest and walked briskly toward Chu Moqi's room.
Inside, Chu Moqi had just completed a difficult round of exercises on his own.
Though called exercise, it was really more to keep his body from becoming entirely useless and prevent bedsores.
He had just spent a long time seated in the study attending to miscellaneous matters. Though he had no sensation in his legs, prolonged sitting hindered circulation and could easily cause pressure sores. At regular intervals, he had to use his arms to laboriously lift his lower body clear of the wheelchair for a moment, giving the areas under pressure a chance to breathe.
The process was extremely taxing and particularly awkward, requiring tremendous strength in both arms. Fine beads of sweat formed on Chu Moqi's forehead, and his arms trembled slightly from the effort. Lift, lower, lift again... over and over, each hold lasting only a short time.
At this moment, he was midway through it, his body suspended and precarious, every muscle shaking violently of its own accord. Veins stood out on his forehead, and his face was flushed from exertion.
Chu Moqi assumed Yan Qin or Yan Huai had come to deliver something or report a matter. Without giving it much thought, he said hoarsely, "Come in."
The door was gently pushed open.
Cui Wan leaned halfway inside, a shy, expectant smile still on her face, and her gaze immediately met Chu Moqi in his wheelchair, trembling all over, his clothes slightly disheveled and sweat glistening at his temples.
Chu Moqi had not expected her at all. Caught unprepared, his heart lurched, and almost reflexively, his arms strained in a flustered attempt to adjust his posture. He misjudged his strength and, with a thud, dropped heavily back into the depths of his wheelchair, knocking it half an inch backward.
What flustered him still more was that the thin blanket he had casually left on the edge of the bed to make moving easier was now a little beyond his reach. He stretched out his arm for it in a frantic scramble, his movements urgent and clumsy.
Seeing that he seemed to want something he could not reach, Cui Wan instinctively moved to help.
Before Cui Wan reached him, Chu Moqi finally caught hold of the blanket and snatched it over. With an urgency that almost seemed intended to conceal something, he hastily covered his legs, wrapping his entire lower body tightly all the way to his waist.
Only after this did he seem to regain some sense of security, though his irritation also grew. He raised his head, his face somewhat red from his earlier exertion and present shame and indignation, but deliberately made his gaze cold and impatient as he glared at Cui Wan. "What are you doing here? Feeling better, so you've come to pester me again?!"
His blunt accusation of "pestering" caught Cui Wan off guard. Most of her earlier delight and anticipation was instantly doused, and she pursed her lips, feeling a little wronged.
How was she pestering him...? She only wanted to give him something.
But remembering the sachet against her chest, Cui Wan drew a deep breath, gathered her courage, and stepped forward, presenting the carefully embroidered sachet to him in both hands.
"This... is a sachet I embroidered." Her voice was soft and a little tentative. "I put calming aromatics inside... if you wear it at night, perhaps... you'll sleep better."
She paused, lifted her eyes to steal a glance at his expression, then quickly added, even more quietly but with a sincere smile, "Thank you for the other day... A-Qi."
Chu Moqi had still been wearing a stern expression that kept others a thousand miles away, but the moment he heard "Thank you... A-Qi" and saw her faint, shy yet sincere smile, the cold hardness he had forced upon himself vanished like smoke.
Suddenly, he felt awkward all over, unsure where to look. His gaze wandered before involuntarily settling on the little sachet in her palms.
The embroidery... was very fine. The stitches were meticulous, the colors elegant.
Was that... a rabbit?
A round, silly-looking white rabbit crouched against the dark background, its red-thread eyes particularly striking...
For some reason, Chu Moqi suddenly thought the rabbit's red eyes looked a little like... like her when she cried. Her eyes were just like that too, red-rimmed and wet, carrying a little grievance and bewilderment.
The association inexplicably softened his heart, only to leave him feeling even more awkward.
Seeing him merely stare without speaking or taking it, Cui Wan felt her outstretched arms beginning to ache. Hesitantly, uncertainly, she called softly again, "A-Qi?"
Chu Moqi abruptly came back to himself. As though to conceal his earlier lapse, he immediately curled his lip and commented in an exceedingly critical, indifferent tone, "This embroidery? It's quite ordinary..."
Quite ordinary?
Cui Wan froze, the sachet in her hands sinking slightly.
Did he not want it? Did he think it ugly, or... did he simply have no need for anything from her?
A deep sense of disappointment instantly seized her. Her bright eyes dimmed, and she murmured a quiet, dejected "Oh," starting to withdraw her hands.
"Did I say I didn't want it?"
Almost simultaneously, Chu Moqi's slightly impatient voice rang out. Moving so quickly he almost left an afterimage, he "snatched" the sachet from her hands and, without even looking, swiftly tucked it inside the front of his robe, right against his heart.
The movement flowed like clouds and water, carrying an unquestionable dominance.
His sudden action left Cui Wan stunned, her hands still held out. She blinked, looking at her empty palms, then at the slight bulge against his chest.
Then she finally understood-he had accepted it!
Although his tone was so fierce and his movements so rough, he had... accepted it!
The realization instantly lit Cui Wan's eyes brighter than before. The corners of her mouth rose uncontrollably into a sweet, slightly triumphant smile.
Her smile made Chu Moqi even more uncomfortable. His face began to heat again, even the roots of his ears growing hot. He turned away, unwilling to let her see his possibly reddening cheeks.
Cui Wan, however, noticed the undried sweat on his forehead and the slight flush in his cheeks. With some concern, she asked, "A-Qi, did exercising just now... make you hot and sweaty?"
As she spoke, she took a clean, plain handkerchief from inside her robe and offered it to him. "Would you like to wipe your sweat?"
Just now... she... she dared bring up just now!
The shame and irritation Chu Moqi had barely subdued surged up again. She must have seen his wretched struggle to lift himself!
"What's it to you!" He immediately raised every spike on his body again, putting on a fierce manner and ignoring the handkerchief she offered. "I've taken it. You can leave now!"
This time, however, Cui Wan was not frightened by his fierceness.
Looking at his awkward manner, plainly pleased to have accepted a gift yet stubbornly maintaining a cold face as he drove her away, she somehow felt no fear at all. Instead, she found him... a little adorable.
She smiled again, more brightly this time.
"All right, I'll leave, then," Cui Wan obediently answered, her voice light. Then she turned and walked out with buoyant steps, thoughtfully closing the door behind her.
The door shut. Alone in his wheelchair, Chu Moqi listened to her light footsteps receding, and his rigid back finally relaxed little by little.
Lowering his eyes, he reached inside his robe and slowly drew out the sachet, which still held a little warmth from her palms.
The ultramarine made the white rabbit stand out especially clearly, its red eyes gazing at him in innocent bewilderment. He brought it closer and sniffed. The delicate calming fragrance drifted out, seemingly capable of truly soothing the mind.
His fingertips unconsciously stroked the smooth silk and fine stitches. Almost imperceptibly, the corners of his mouth lifted.
Though it lasted only an instant, it was indeed a gentle smile, one even he had not noticed.
Night deepened, and all was quiet within Orchid Courtyard.
As usual, Yan Huai attended Chu Moqi at bedtime. Deftly, he helped him change into comfortable sleeping clothes, then brought warm water to wash his face and feet. Once finished, he knelt on one knee beside the bed and began moving Chu Moqi's leg joints to promote circulation and prevent excessive muscle wasting.
Chattering about various trifles, Yan Huai expertly held Chu Moqi's ankle, slowly and steadily bending, extending, and rotating it.
Eyes closed, Chu Moqi leaned against the headboard and let Yan Huai move him as needed. The tangled thoughts of the day gradually settled, and after the warm water and moderate movement, his body relaxed a little too.
After finishing with his ankle, Yan Huai needed to lift Chu Moqi's lower leg slightly, and his gaze happened to pass over the head of the bed.
At that glance, his hands paused briefly. His eyes suddenly lit up, and a knowing, mischievous smile immediately appeared on his face.
There, hanging perfectly straight from a bedpost that Chu Moqi ordinarily kept simple, with hardly any decoration beyond necessities, was a small sachet. Its color looked especially tranquil in the candlelight, and the embroidered white rabbit with red eyes was particularly conspicuous.
Yan Huai's movements paused almost imperceptibly. Then his mouth stretched helplessly into a grin, revealing white teeth, his eyes gleaming mischievously. His hands kept moving, but he deliberately drew out his words in a tone of sudden enlightenment:
"Oh-so that's why I thought there was something extra in the room today! It's the sachet Madam gave you!" Glancing at Chu Moqi's instantly tightened jaw, he suppressed his laughter and continued offering his "earnest" suggestion. "Young master, you've chosen a fine spot! It ought to be displayed in the most conspicuous place! You can see it the moment you open your eyes, and even your dreams will be sweet, right?"
Chu Moqi's eyes snapped open, his gaze shooting toward Yan Huai like a blade, his expression dark. "Yan. Huai!"
If his legs had not been immobile, he absolutely would have kicked this noisy, meddlesome fellow out of the room!
The warning in his eyes made Yan Huai shrink his neck, but emboldened by Chu Moqi's current difficulty moving, he remained remarkably brazen. He hastily lowered his head, pretending to concentrate on massaging Chu Moqi's calf, yet continued muttering, his voice neither too loud nor too soft, just loud enough for Chu Moqi to hear:
"My, this sachet is so exquisitely embroidered. Madam really put her heart into it, even adding calming aromatics. No wonder the room smells different tonight. Just smelling it makes a person sleepy..."
"Shut up!" Chu Moqi forced the words through clenched teeth, but the roots of his ears began heating uncontrollably. He regretted it. He should never have softened for a moment and accepted that little thing during the day! Now look-he had given that wretch Yan Huai something to tease him about!
"Yes, yes, I'll shut up. I saw nothing and said nothing." Yan Huai readily complied, immediately making a motion of fastening his mouth shut, but could not conceal the laughter in his eyes and brows.
At long last, the massage ended. Holding back his laughter, Yan Huai deftly tucked Chu Moqi in, lowered the bed curtains, and extinguished the extra candles, leaving only a night lamp in the corner casting a hazy glow.
Yan Huai withdrew respectfully and closed the door. Once it shut, he could no longer suppress his smile. His mouth spread wide in a silent grin, and his shoulders shook several times as he thought, The young master's reaction... tsk, interesting.
Quiet returned to the room.
Lying in the darkness, Chu Moqi glared at the indistinct canopy overhead. Yan Huai's infuriating teasing seemed still to echo in his ears, filling him with vexation. Instinctively, he turned his head, his gaze passing through a gap in the curtains to rest on the hazy outline hanging from the bedpost.
The ultramarine looked deeper in the dim light, but the white rabbit's outline remained faintly discernible.
Really... hideous. Embroidering a rabbit, with those red eyes, looking so foolish.
He thought disdainfully, yet his gaze seemed glued there, lingering for a long time.
A faint fragrance lingered at his nose, carrying the clean bitterness of herbs followed by a returning sweetness. It was not strong, yet its fine strands slipped into every opening, slowly permeating the surrounding air and seemingly smoothing away some of his agitation.
After an unknown length of time, Chu Moqi's eyelids gradually grew heavy.
That night, there was no brutal slaughter on the South Mountain battlefield, no sight of his father and elder brother falling bathed in blood, nor the heart-rending pain of his injury and its hopeless darkness.
His dream was hazy and soft, as though veiled in warm mist.
At the heart of the mist stood a slender figure in pale pink, her small face tilted up toward him, her eyes curving, her lips holding a faint, shy yet sincere smile.
She seemed to be saying something, her voice soft and indistinct. Only her smile was clear and bright.
It seemed... she was calling him "A-Qi"...
Chu Moqi sank into this rare sleep undisturbed by nightmares. Without his noticing, his tightly knitted brows eased, and his breathing grew even and long.
The delicate calming fragrance, thread after silken thread, guarded the room's tranquility.
Early the next morning.
Yan Huai slipped quietly out of Chu Moqi's room, carrying a small bundle wrapped tightly in cloth. A peculiar smile lingered on his face, one he had held back for so long that he could barely contain it, and his eyes darted about as he looked along the veranda.
The moment he saw Yan Qin approaching from his morning practice in the courtyard, a little sweat at his temples, Yan Huai's eyes lit up. He immediately sidled over mysteriously, shoulders bobbing as he laughed silently, his eyes squeezed shut above his grin.
"Brother! Brother!" Lowering his voice, he beckoned impatiently. "Come here! I've got something good to show you!"
Yan Qin frowned slightly and glanced at him, but still walked over, moving away from his overly close face with a hint of distaste. "What madness has gotten into you this early? Is the young master awake?"
"He's awake, he's awake. I just finished attending him." Nodding, Yan Huai held out the tightly wrapped bundle as though presenting a treasure. "Look at this!"
Yan Qin suspiciously examined the bundle's shape and size, then caught a faint trace of a familiar, not particularly pleasant smell. His expression changed sharply, and he raised a hand and smacked Yan Huai hard on the back of the head!
Smack!
The sound was crisp and loud.
"Yan Huai! Have you gone mad, or do you have a death wish!" Yan Qin scolded in a low voice, his eyes full of disbelief and warning. "What are you doing carrying the young master's used diaper around! Hurry and take it to the laundry!"
Yan Huai yelped, clutching the back of his head and grimacing, yet still could not stop smiling. In fact, his grin grew even more sly. Dodging another possible blow from Yan Qin, he hurriedly protested, "Hey, hey, hey! Don't hit me! Look properly first! Scold me after you've looked!"
In a flurry, he pulled back a corner of the bundle's outer cloth and signaled with his eyes. "Look here! Look closely!"
Yan Qin grew increasingly impatient with his mysterious antics, but seeing his strange grin, he suppressed his distaste and confusion, leaned a little closer, and focused on the spot Yan Huai indicated.
With just one look, Yan Qin's eyes flew wide!
This... how was this possible?!
Yan Qin abruptly looked up at Yan Huai in utter shock. His lips moved, but for a moment he did not know what to say.
Seeing his expression, as though he had seen a ghost, Yan Huai finally lost control. Covering his mouth, shoulders shaking violently, he laughed until he nearly ran out of breath, speaking in broken whispers between laughs. "Y-you saw it, right? Hahaha... I told you... I told you..."
He laughed until tears nearly came. Finally catching his breath, he leaned close to Yan Qin's ear and whispered excitedly, "The young master... is a withered tree meeting spring again!"
The bold description made Yan Qin's heart jolt. Instinctively, he looked around to confirm no one was nearby before glaring fiercely at him and snapping in a low voice, "Shut up! What nonsense are you spouting!"
Yan Huai finally stopped laughing, an excited flush still lingering on his face, and wrapped the bundle again before tossing it into a bucket.
Yet Yan Qin, ordinarily the steadier one, uncharacteristically lowered his voice to continue gossiping. "Do you think... the young master knows? Can he feel it?"
Yan Huai scratched his head, recalling the morning's cleanup. "It seemed... he couldn't feel it. The young master usually closes his eyes to rest while being changed and washed, and he didn't watch what I was clearing away. As for a reaction..." He carefully recalled Chu Moqi's condition then. Indeed, he had seemed no different from usual, still cold and distant, unwilling to speak much. "It seemed... not... very obvious either? At least, the young master didn't show anything."
Yan Qin pondered. "If it happened unconsciously and the young master didn't notice, that would make sense. But why would it suddenly happen..."
"It must be because of Madam!" Yan Huai immediately chimed in, his eyes lighting again as he whispered excitedly, "Think about it. Ever since Madam arrived, although the young master is always fierce with her, what is it really like? Those two are always looking out for each other... When the young master went to bed last night, he even had Madam's sachet hanging by the bed. Perhaps... he dreamed of her!"
He began waggling his eyebrows again. "His heart stirred, his energy channels opened, and there you have it, ah... the withered tree quietly sprouted the tiniest little bud!"
"Enough, enough. You're getting more ridiculous by the moment!" Yan Qin interrupted his increasingly outrageous associations, his expression turning serious. "This is no small matter. Remember, only you and I know. Absolutely no third person can learn of it! Above all, it mustn't reach the young master's ears!"
Yan Qin understood Chu Moqi all too well. His pride was exceptionally strong, and he deeply loathed his body's impairment and loss of control. If he learned that he had... the consequences would be unthinkable.
"I know, I know!" Realizing the seriousness of the matter, Yan Huai hastily dropped his cheeky grin and nodded solemnly. "I was just... just so happy!"
Yan Qin was calmer than him. "Hurry and take it to the laundry. Remember, just tell the washerwoman to clean it thoroughly. Don't ask anything else, and don't say anything."
"Understood!" Yan Huai nodded like pounding garlic, hugged the bucket tightly, and hurried toward the laundry. Yet however one looked at his retreating figure, it carried an irrepressible buoyancy and excitement.