Warming Her Feet

Cui Wan hung from the roof beam.

A length of white silk had one end tied to the beam and the other around her neck. Her body hung limply, her toes roughly half a foot above the floor. Her embroidered shoes had fallen off and lay askew on the ground. She wore the plain white inner robe she had worn in mourning, its whiteness glaring in the daylight filtering through the window lattice.

Her face...

Chu Moqi's mind went blank.

That face was swollen and purple-blue, her tongue protruding slightly, her eyes half closed and rolled back until no pupils showed.

"Wanwan-!"

Chu Moqi's voice tore from his throat, hoarse beyond recognition. His hands frantically spun the wheel rims, and his wheelchair all but crashed through the doorframe. His mind held nothing but that purple-blue face, that body suspended in midair, that person he had almost lost.

He rushed forward, clutched her calves, and pushed her upward, lifting her with all his strength to loosen the white silk strangling her neck.

"Yan Qin! Yan Huai!"

Chu Moqi's voice trembled so badly the words were almost indistinguishable. "Quick! Take the concealed weapon from my wheelchair!"

Yan Qin and Yan Huai rushed inside, their faces draining white at the sight. Yan Qin's hands shook, but he still swiftly retrieved the tiny concealed weapon from the wheelchair's armrest, aimed at the white silk, and hurled it with all his strength-

Whoosh.

The white silk snapped.

Cui Wan's body dropped straight down into Chu Moqi's arms.

The impact knocked Chu Moqi backward, nearly overturning his wheelchair. He used every ounce of strength to steady himself and held her tightly against him.

Wanwan's body was still warm, but she did not speak, move, or open her eyes. Around her neck lay a deep, purplish-red ligature mark, shocking to behold.

"Wanwan... Wanwan..."

Chu Moqi's voice shook violently. One hand supported the back of her head while the other patted her face. Her face was purple-blue, her lips purple too, her eyes shut and her lashes motionless.

No response. Nothing at all.

"Get a doctor-!"

Chu Moqi almost roared, the rims of his eyes so red they looked ready to bleed.

Yan Huai turned and rushed out.

Chu Moqi held Cui Wan, trembling all over. He dared not move her again. He could only hold her like this and call her name over and over, as though, if he kept calling, she would wake, open her eyes, and softly call him "A-Qi."

"Wanwan... Wanwan..."

Chu Moqi's voice grew lower and hoarser until only his lips moved. Something swam in his eyes, but he gritted his teeth and refused to let it fall.

The doctor came in almost at a run, panting. The moment he entered, he saw Chu Moqi holding Cui Wan, both of them almost perfectly still.

"Young master! Quickly, lay your wife on the bed!"

Only then did Chu Moqi come to his senses. He lowered his head and looked at Cui Wan in his arms, the expression in his eyes so complicated that one dared not look.

He could not bear to let her go. He feared that once he did, she would disappear.

But he still carefully laid Cui Wan flat on the bed.

The doctor stepped forward, lifted Cui Wan's eyelids to examine them, felt her neck, and checked her breathing.

Chu Moqi stared fixedly at Cui Wan, not daring to ask a single question.

After what felt like a lifetime, the doctor finally spoke:

"Fortunately, your wife hasn't completely stopped breathing."

The breath Chu Moqi had been holding finally eased a little. But his hand remained clenched around the edge of the bed.

The doctor began working to save her, massaging and pressing, tending to her for nearly an hour.

At last, Cui Wan's chest rose once, then again. Her eyelids stirred and slowly opened.

The rims of Chu Moqi's eyes were still red. He could not say a word.

Cui Wan's eyes gradually focused. Slowly, she made out the people beside the bed and Chu Moqi sitting in his wheelchair.

She saw him looking at her with reddened eyes. In that gaze were heartache, lingering dread, and something she had never seen before... fear.

Cui Wan's tears spilled out at once.

"A-Qi..."

Yan Qin and Yan Huai tactfully escorted the doctor out, shut the door, and stood guard outside.

The string stretched taut inside Chu Moqi finally slackened a little. But immediately afterward, an immense surge of anger and fear, suppressed for far too long, came flooding up.

His face darkened, and his voice was harsh. "Did you not want to live anymore? What were you doing!"

His voice shook, but he forced himself to hold firm, hammering out each word:

"If anything had happened to you, I... I..."

He could not continue.

Cui Wan looked at him, her tears flowing harder. "A-Qi..." Her voice was terribly hoarse and broken. "Father and Mother didn't want me anymore... and so many people... they all said I was dirty... but I'm not... when you came to save me... the bad men hadn't touched me yet... I'm not dirty... A-Qi, please believe me?"

Chu Moqi looked at her tear-filled eyes and the shocking mark around her neck. His voice remained stern, but beneath that sternness lay heartache he could not suppress.

"When have I ever not believed you? What does it matter to us what other people say? Why did you do something so foolish! Don't you know I... I..."

Again, he could not finish.

Cui Wan's tears flowed even harder. "But I was scared... I was scared A-Qi wouldn't want me... scared A-Qi would think I'd disgraced the marquis's household... and I missed Mother... so I..."

Chu Moqi could no longer hold back. He bent forward abruptly and pulled her into his arms. "When have I ever said I didn't want you?" His muffled voice came from above her head, still stern, carrying an uncontrollable tremor. "What nonsense were you thinking! How could I bear to..."

Cui Wan lay against him, trembling all over as she cried. "I'm sorry, A-Qi... but I still disgraced you... I made you wear yourself out over me..."

Chu Moqi held her a little tighter. "You're my wife." His voice softened, but every word remained clear. "Whatever I do, I do willingly. There's no disgrace."

Cui Wan froze for a moment, then lifted her head to look at him.

A-Qi had said... she was his wife.

He had said it so naturally, so certainly, as though it were the most self-evident thing in the world.

Chu Moqi lowered his head and met her gaze. "Wanwan, four years ago, I also thought I couldn't go on living."

Cui Wan's tears slowly stopped.

"My father and elder brother died right before my eyes, just like that." Chu Moqi looked at her, his eyes still red, but he did not cry. "Do you know what I was like then? I was covered in injuries and could only lie helplessly in bed. I couldn't even sit up. It was as though everything had changed overnight. Back then, I wanted to die too, but I couldn't even kill myself, because I couldn't move at all..."

Cui Wan's tears welled up again.

"Later, I learned to do a few things for myself and could sit in a wheelchair," Chu Moqi continued. "I still wanted to die, but I also felt that Father and my elder brother had saved me, and I couldn't fail their hopes. And... Mother and my sister-in-law were still here. At the very least, I ought to shoulder this family."

He lowered his head and looked at her.

"Then, later still, I had you."

His voice softened further.

"That gave me even more reason not to die. I'm your husband. Without me, what would you do if someone bullied you?"

Cui Wan's lips moved. She wanted to say something, but no words came.

Chu Moqi looked at her and spoke slowly, word by word. His eyes were terribly red, but he never let that tear fall.

"So, Wanwan, even if it's just for me... for my sake, all right? Don't do anything foolish again."

His voice finally softened, so much that he no longer sounded like the icy Second Young Master Chu.

"I get scared. Scared of losing you, scared of turning back into the person I used to be."

Cui Wan lay against him, crying too hard to speak, but she nodded firmly.

Chu Moqi lowered his head and gently pressed his lips to her forehead.

So lightly, so lightly, like a feather settling on water.

Wanwan... I can't walk, so to have come this far... I've had to give more than other people...

I hope you can be a little stronger too, just like me...

In the days that followed, a rare measure of peace settled over Orchid Courtyard.

Cui Wan slowly recovered from the grief of losing her mother. Though she still occasionally stared into space or grew teary-eyed, she could eat and sleep properly again. Chu Moqi stayed with her almost every day. That quiet companionship was warmer than any words.

Yan Huai was ridiculously cheerful all day long. Now, with the afternoon sunshine just right, he sidled up to Yan Qin again, waggling his eyebrows and muttering under his breath. Yan Qin looked utterly indifferent and could not be bothered with him, so he chattered away enthusiastically on his own.

Qiaoju passed beneath the covered walkway and frowned at the pair. "Hey, why are you two grinning all day long? Are you possessed?"

Yan Huai lifted his head, looking smug. "You're the one who's possessed! Let me tell you-"

He glanced around, lowered his voice, and said mysteriously, "I caught a peek that day. The young master and his wife..."

As he spoke, he threw his arms around Yan Qin, puckered his lips exaggeratedly, and planted a kiss on Yan Qin's forehead.

"Mwah!"

Yan Qin's face instantly darkened. He raised his hands and unceremoniously shoved Yan Huai flat on his back, limbs in the air. "Get lost!"

Qiaoju's eyes went perfectly round, her mouth open wide enough to fit an egg. "L-like that!"

She covered her mouth, her face flushing. Even Changfeng, standing nearby, could not help turning away, her shoulders trembling slightly.

The pressure sores on Chu Moqi's body had nearly healed by now. But he still was not satisfied. What had happened this time had given him much to think about.

If he could become a little stronger, a little more capable, could he protect Wanwan? Would she no longer have to suffer so many wrongs?

He did not know, but he wanted to try. At the very least, he wanted Wanwan to feel that her husband was not a completely useless cripple.

So, over the past few days, he had begun exercising harder. Rolling over, pushing himself up, trying to remain seated longer. After each session, his muscles ached terribly, as though someone had beaten him all over. But he gritted his teeth and continued the next day.

It was already the turn of late spring and early summer, and heavy rain sometimes fell at night. Perhaps because of his recent exercise, however, Chu Moqi's legs had not really flared up. At the moment, he lay on the couch while Yan Huai massaged them.

Yan Huai crouched beside him, kneading intermittently with both hands, his mouth busy too. "Young master, you seem to have improved a great deal lately!"

Chu Moqi kept his eyes closed, not bothering to respond.

Yan Huai continued, "Really! I think your arms have filled out! Your chest is sturdier too!"

Chu Moqi opened one eye and glanced at him. "Is that so?"

"Of course!" Yan Huai looked utterly sincere. "I see you every day. How could I not know?"

Chu Moqi closed his eyes again, the corners of his mouth lifting slightly. "Mm... a little, perhaps..."

Seeing that he was in a good mood, Yan Huai grew bolder. His hands kept moving as his words turned improper:

"Young master, why are you suddenly working so hard? Preparing to have a little young master?"

Chu Moqi's eyes flew open. He raised his hand and smacked the back of Yan Huai's head. "No! Preparing to beat you!"

Yan Huai clutched his head and ducked backward, begging for mercy as he dodged. "Don't, don't! Save your strength, young master! You still need it to make a little young master!"

"Get lost!"

Yan Huai promptly made himself scarce. Even at the doorway, he did not forget to poke his head back in and add cheekily, "Do your best, young master!"

Chu Moqi grabbed the pillow beside him and hurled it over. Yan Huai whipped his head back, and the door slammed shut.

Quiet returned to the room. Lying on the couch, Chu Moqi thought drowsily-A little young master?

No.

A little girl as adorable as Wanwan.

Fair and soft, with round eyes, like a little rabbit when she smiled. She would call him "Daddy" in a soft voice, fling herself into his arms to act spoiled, and sprawl beside Wanwan to make mischief while she embroidered...

As he thought, the corners of Chu Moqi's mouth rose without his noticing. Then he fell asleep.

In the middle of the night, a sudden thunderclap sounded outside the window.

Rumble-

The thunder was deep and loud, shaking the window lattice. A second clap followed, then a third. Raindrops came pelting down, rattling against the roof tiles, the noise enough to fray one's nerves.

Chu Moqi did not wake. It was rare for him to sleep so deeply. His lips still curved slightly; who knew what lovely dream he was having?

But when another sound rang out, his eyes flew open.

"A-Qi..."

It was Cui Wan's voice, tearful, soft, and urgent.

Chu Moqi's heart leaped into his throat. He braced himself and scrambled into a sitting position.

"What's wrong, Wanwan?" Chu Moqi's voice was still rough from sleep, but he could not suppress his urgency. "Come in, quickly!"

The door opened. Cui Wan stood in the doorway with disheveled hair, wearing only an underrobe and embroidered shoes, their edges already ringed with damp. Tear tracks marked her face, her eyes red as she looked at him pitifully.

"A-Qi..." Her voice was thin and tearful. "I dreamed about East Street again... those people, they were going to... going to..."

Another thunderclap sounded. Rumble-

Cui Wan cried out, shut the door, and practically bounded into the room. She rushed straight to Chu Moqi's bedside and clutched his sleeve. "A-Qi, I'm scared..."

Chu Moqi froze.

He looked down at the slightly trembling hand clutching his sleeve, then up at her tear-streaked little face. At last, the stone weighing on his heart dropped.

It was only a nightmare.

Chu Moqi breathed a sigh of relief and braced himself, intending to move into his wheelchair.

"It's all right, Wanwan. It was only a dream." His voice was very gentle. "It's over. It won't happen again. Go back to bed. Wait a moment, and I'll come stay with you."

He supported himself and shifted laboriously toward the edge of the bed.

Seeing how much effort it took him, Cui Wan suddenly ran over and caught hold of him.

"No!" Her voice was tearful but stubborn. "You've only just recovered, A-Qi. If you sit up keeping me company all night, you'll get sores again."

Chu Moqi looked at her. "It doesn't matter."

Another thunderclap made Cui Wan shudder. She clung to his sleeve without letting go.

"I don't dare go outside again..." Her voice was tiny, a little wheedling. "Sleep with me, A-Qi..."

Chu Moqi's face stiffened for a moment. "Nonsense!"

Cui Wan's lips puckered, and her eyes reddened again. "You're scolding me again, A-Qi..."

Chu Moqi looked at her red eyes, her pouting lips, and the hand that clutched his sleeve and refused to let go.

He remembered those days. He remembered her huddled in the corner, trembling; her hanging from the roof beam; her crying as she said, "I'm not dirty."

What had happened on East Street had, after all, left her with a shadow that could not be erased.

Chu Moqi sighed.

"Then... come up and sleep." He turned his head away, his voice softening. "Don't be afraid. I'm here."

Cui Wan immediately climbed onto his bed, carefully slipped beneath the covers, and pressed herself right against him.

Another clap of thunder sounded.

Cui Wan shrank into his arms, burrowing her head against his chest.

Chu Moqi stiffened for a moment, then raised his hands and gently covered her ears.

"Go to sleep." His voice was low, carrying a measure of indulgence and helplessness. "Any more fuss, and I really will throw you out."

Cui Wan gave a muffled "Mm" against his chest. After a while, she seemed about to fall asleep.

But her feet shifted and suddenly touched something ice-cold.

They were soft and limp, without any strength, as cold as two blocks of ice.

The chill made her shiver.

"A-Qi," she raised her head, "it's not cold out. Why are your feet so icy?"

Chu Moqi was silent for a moment.

Cui Wan's heart lurched, and she thought she had said something wrong. She was just about to apologize when she heard his low voice:

"Poor circulation. They're icy all year round. It's fine. Go to sleep."

Cui Wan frowned. "How is that fine?"

As she spoke, she stretched her warm feet over and pressed them against his icy ones. "I'll warm them up for you, A-Qi."

Chu Moqi chuckled. "Wanwan, I can't feel it."

Cui Wan did not move away. Her feet stayed against his, rubbing them again and again.

"Just because you can't feel it doesn't mean we can leave them this cold." She mumbled and rubbed them again. "Why are they still so icy...?"

Chu Moqi looked down at her, at her head buried against his chest, at the way she wriggled about in the darkness.

"Wanwan." His voice grew very soft. "You can't warm them up. Even if you warm them a tiny bit, they'll turn cold again as soon as you let go."

Cui Wan raised her head and looked at him in the darkness. "I don't care. If I can warm them a tiny bit, then I'll warm them a tiny bit."

Chu Moqi's heart melted into a puddle.

"Silly girl," he said in a low voice. "What if I can't control them in a little while and a spasm makes me kick you?"

Cui Wan blinked.

"Then I'll kick you back," she said with perfect seriousness. "Kick you right out of bed."

Chu Moqi froze for a moment, then laughed. The low, muffled sound came from his chest, carrying a trace of indulgence he did not even notice himself.

Cui Wan buried her face in his embrace again, her feet still pressed against his.

A little more time passed.

"A-Qi," she mumbled, her voice growing increasingly indistinct, "they're getting warmer..."

Chu Moqi looked down at her.

Her eyes were already closed, her breathing gradually evening out. She had fallen asleep.

Had they gotten warmer?

He could not feel it.

But since Wanwan said so... then they must have gotten warmer.

Chu Moqi gently closed his eyes, the corners of his mouth slightly upturned, and he too fell asleep...