Lin Xiao was jolted awake by his vibrating phone. He fumbled for it and checked the screen. The contact name read "Red-Haired She-Devil." Ignoring it, he stuffed the phone under his pillow, rolled over, and went back to sleep.
Ten minutes later, he woke with a start.
Wait. What happened last night? How had he gotten home? He remembered the Chinese restaurant, the steamed bass, the bottle of vodka Natasha had ordered, and the two of them drinking and shooting the breeze. Everything after that was a blank.
"Doupao."
"Ding-here."
"What happened afterward last night?"
"Ding-the host engaged in a drinking contest with Natasha Romanoff. The host proposed the contest himself, on the grounds that a man from Dragon Country could not lose face before foreigners."
"...And then?"
"Ding-while drinking his fourth bottle of vodka, the host slumped over the table and declared that he could keep going, but needed to sing a song to perk himself up. He then began singing Mr. Zhang Dawei's 'Sunshine Rainbow White Pony.' The Black diners around him looked even darker, but none dared approach, given the host's size. Later, the restaurant manager asked you both to leave for disturbing the other diners. Natasha Romanoff called a taxi, stuffed the host into the back seat, and paid the full fare and restaurant bill."
Lin Xiao froze for two seconds before saying:
"She's actually pretty nice."
"Ding-before leaving, Natasha Romanoff left a line in the host's phone notes."
Lin Xiao looked down at his phone. The top note was timestamped 1:12 a.m. It contained only one sentence:
"You owe me three hundred bucks. Interest accrues daily.-NR"
Lin Xiao stared at the screen for three seconds, then tossed his phone onto the bed.
"...And I just said she was pretty nice. What a disappointment. Doupao, send her a message asking for the bill. Mail it to Nick Fury tomorrow and have him reimburse it."
Lin Xiao got up, washed, and changed into a clean T-shirt. When he stepped outside, he happened to see Peter coming out of the apartment opposite with a bulging backpack. May stood in the doorway, straightening his collar as she reminded him, "Stay safe, have fun, don't wander off, keep your wallet safe-"
"Aunt May, I know. I'm not a little kid anymore-" Peter tilted his head and adjusted his glasses.
Then he saw Lin Xiao stepping outside too.
Peter stiffened for a moment, his expression turning exceedingly complicated as he muttered inwardly: I know you're my aunt's boyfriend now, and I should say hello, but last time you were on our couch, you kissed her until her lips swelled up. Seeing you still feels weird. I can't say it. I seriously can't get it out, damn it.
Lin Xiao felt no awkwardness whatsoever. He strode over and clapped a hand on Peter's shoulder. The boy's whole body sank half an inch.
"My dear nephew! Off to school?"
Peter paused, unsure whether to laugh or cry at this new form of address. Rubbing his shoulder, he said quietly, "Ahem... Mr. Lin, I'm not going to school today. I'm visiting the science expo."
"Science expo?" Lin Xiao raised an eyebrow. "The one with all those bubbling beakers, robot exhibits, and booths run by different labs?"
"...More or less."
"Good." Lin Xiao solemnly patted his shoulder, using just a tiny bit less force this time. "Study hard and improve every day. Your Aunt May and I have high hopes for you."
The tips of Peter's ears turned red at a visible rate. Lowering his head, he mumbled, "Got it," slipped quickly past Lin Xiao, and ran toward the stairs.
May leaned against the doorframe, arms folded, watching with a smile before giving Lin Xiao a huge eye roll.
"Stop picking on him all the time," she said.
"I wasn't picking on him." Lin Xiao turned and walked toward May. "I was showing him an elder's affectionate concern."
"You call that concern? The last time you showed him concern, he went back to his room and secretly rubbed his shoulder for ages."
"Boys need a little knocking around to grow."
May rolled her eyes again and was about to speak, but Lin Xiao was already in front of her. Bracing one hand against the doorframe, he wrapped the other around her waist and bent down to kiss her lips. Caught by his surprise attack, May made a muffled protest, but her hands had already settled naturally on his shoulders.
After an unknown length of time, a white flash shot through Lin Xiao's mind. Science expo? Peter? Holy shit, I nearly got carried away by a pretty face. Isn't this the iconic scene where Spider-Man is born? No more drinking starting today. With that, he gently released May, turned, and charged down the stairs.
"Lin Xiao?" May stared after him with watery, unfocused eyes.
"Something came up! I'll be back tonight! Wait for me, sweetheart." His voice drifted from the stairwell, but he was already gone.
May stood alone in the doorway, her hands still posed as though resting on his shoulders. Her expression was quite something, caught between laughter and exasperation. Shaking her head, she went back inside.
Lin Xiao rushed out of the building, pulled out his phone, and dialed Natasha.
It rang three times before connecting.
"Instructor, I need to take leave," Lin Xiao said.
There was a brief silence on the other end.
"You've only been training for three days, and you already want leave?"
"That's not the point. Something urgent came up today. I need the day off."
"What's so urgent?"
"Family matters." Lin Xiao's expression was extremely serious as he said this. "It involves my newfound nephew. It's important."
Another brief silence followed.
"Since when did you have a nephew?"
"Long story. Anyway, I'm taking today off. Dock my pay as usual. I'll accept it."
"...Fine." Natasha sounded a little tired. She was just about to say something else when she realized he had already hung up. A sense of helplessness washed over her.
Lin Xiao hung up and hailed a taxi. When the driver asked where he was going, he said he needed to rent a camera. An hour later, he appeared in the science expo's exhibition hall with a rented Sony professional camera on his shoulder.
He had even bought a dark hoodie, pulled the hood tightly over his head, and put on sunglasses in an attempt to keep a low profile. As for the result... a hulking man standing two meters ten tall, carrying a camera bigger than an ordinary person's head and looking around at the exhibition hall entrance, probably had nothing to do with the words "low profile."
The security guards had already glanced at him several times by then, but none dared approach.
Ignoring everyone's strange looks, Lin Xiao found a corner with the best view, set up the tripod, mounted the camera, and aimed the viewfinder at the center of the hall-toward a row of pipes, with a spider weaving its web directly above them.
Lin Xiao narrowed his eyes, the corners of his mouth slowly rising.
Here it came.
"Doupao."
"Ding-here."
"Mark and locate Peter Parker."
"Ding-marked. The target has appeared."
A blue dot visible only to him appeared in the viewfinder, moving near the exhibition hall entrance. Lin Xiao turned the lens and caught Peter and his good friend Ned standing at the entrance, chattering about something. Beside them stood a dark-skinned girl with a cool expression who looked like she had quite a personality.
MJ. Lin Xiao silently matched her to the name. The relationship between these three had yet to develop to the point shown in the movies, but the beginnings were there.
Lin Xiao turned the lens back toward the pipe. The spider began descending, its silk glinting silver under the lights.
Peter and his friends were walking this way.
Lin Xiao rested his finger on the shutter button, his heartbeat quickening. He knew what would happen next-this was one of the Marvel Universe's most important moments. The birth of Spider-Man. The starting point of "with great power comes great responsibility." And he, Lin Xiao, would personally use this rented camera to record this historic moment for his newfound nephew.
The spider descended onto the back of Peter's neck.
Lin Xiao took a deep breath and pressed the shutter.
"Peter! Say cheese!"
The flash blazed.
The instant the white light burst out, Lin Xiao saw it perfectly clearly through the viewfinder-the spider, startled by the flash, sprang up, leaped off Peter's neck onto a blonde, blue-eyed girl behind him, and mercilessly bit down.
The girl let out a short scream and clutched her neck.
Lin Xiao's smile froze on his face.
He slowly released the shutter button and straightened up from behind the camera. His mouth opened, closed, then opened again.
"Holy shit."
He said it so loudly that everyone in the exhibition hall heard him. The security guards finally worked up the courage to approach. Peter turned and saw Lin Xiao, his expression shifting from shock to confusion, from confusion to embarrassment, and from embarrassment to the despair of someone wishing he could vanish on the spot.
The chubby boy named Ned asked loudly, "Peter, who is he? What's he doing?"
Peter covered his face.
"My Aunt May's boyfriend."
His voice was muffled as he said those words, as though admitting to something shameful.
The blonde girl was still clutching her neck, an unnatural flush already spreading across her face. Her friends hurried to support her. Crucially, while Lin Xiao was stunned, several people trampled the spider into mush.
Standing behind the camera, Lin Xiao's face turned green.
He called inwardly, Doupao.
"Ding-here."
"Did I just do something bad?"
"Ding-analyzing target... That female is Gwen Stacy. In this universe, she originally had no connection whatsoever to Peter Parker. However, in another parallel universe, 'The Amazing Spider-Man,' she is Peter's lover."
Lin Xiao's pupils contracted.
"Ding-the current situation constitutes the host's forcible interference with a key plot event. The bite victim has changed from Peter Parker to Gwen Stacy. Peter will not become Spider-Man in this universe. The system recommends that the host-"
"Recommends what?"
"Ding-the system recommends that the host first kowtow to old Mr. Stan Lee right where he stands."
"...Shut up." Lin Xiao looked down at his camera, staring at its glaringly obvious flash switch as he forced the words through his teeth. "I should've rented one without a flash."
"Ding-when pressing the shutter just now, the host specifically checked that the flash was functioning properly to make the visual effect more impactful."
"I didn't ask for a recap."
The exhibition hall descended into chaos. Gwen's friends helped her onto a nearby chair. Her breathing was somewhat rapid, but her life did not appear to be in danger. Several teachers gathered around, and someone called emergency services. Peter stood blankly in place, looking toward Gwen and then at Lin Xiao. His lips moved as though he wanted to say something, but in the end, he merely sighed.
Lin Xiao silently folded up the tripod and hoisted the camera onto his shoulder, rapidly running through the possibilities in his mind:
Now Peter hasn't been bitten by the spider. Gwen got bitten instead. Gwen becomes Spider-Woman, so what about Peter? Peter is just an ordinary high school student-a scrawny, bespectacled, ordinary high school student bullied by his classmates. But what if-what if I gave Peter a little help? Like a pink transformation wand that needs singing and dancing to activate and doubles every stat?
Standing by the exhibition hall's side exit, Lin Xiao's mental theater began playing.
In the scene, beneath New York's night sky, Peter stood atop a building, holding that pink magic wand high. Pink light enveloped his scrawny body, and then-bang-a hulking figure with twin ponytails and a layered princess dress descended from the sky, smashed a runaway truck with one punch, and beat the villain into the ground. Then he turned, adjusted his bow, looked at the terrified citizens, and said, "Don't be afraid. I'm Balala the Fairy, Peter Parker."
Another scene-he stood beside Peter. Peter was a magical girl. They fought side by side. Tony flew past, saw them, and crashed straight into a building.
The corners of Lin Xiao's mouth rose higher and higher.
He pulled his phone from his pocket, opened his contacts, scrolled to a number labeled "Mass gainer wholesaler," and called it.
"Hello? Old Wang? It's me, Lin Xiao. That new product you mentioned last time, the one that makes you gain thirty jin fast-yes, yes, that one. Get me ten tubs. No, it's not for me. It's for my newfound nephew. He's still growing. Right, ten tubs. Deliver them to Forest Hills Apartments. Usual arrangement, cash."
Lin Xiao hung up, stuffed his phone back into his pocket, and wore an exceedingly affectionate smile.
"Doupao."
"Ding-here."
"Do you think old Mr. Stan would forgive me if I trained Peter into the next superhero?"
"Ding-this system is attempting to disable audio input."
"Don't be like that. Let's discuss this-should I go get friendly with Gwen? After all, I'm the reason she got bitten. Say I visited her in the hospital now and brought some flowers-"
"Ding-host."
"Hmm?"
"Ding-please do not create any more tragedies."
Lin Xiao fell silent for a moment, then rubbed his nose.
"...I wasn't planning anything. I'm just concerned about the girl's health."
Lin Xiao pulled his hood back on, hoisted the camera onto his shoulder, and strode out of the exhibition hall. Outside, the sunshine was lovely.