Please Enter a Title

Harry and Ron would never have imagined, even with their heads stuffed down a toilet, that Lockhart would spring another surprise test on them only a few weeks into the school year.

And it was another test on everything there was to know about Lockhart.

"Doesn't he have anything else he can test us on?"

After Defence Against the Dark Arts, Ron couldn't hold back his complaints any longer.

Harry couldn't have agreed more. He, Ron, and Hermione had just struggled to get all the escaped pixies, which had been flying around until Hermione froze them with a spell, back into their cage.

Their impression of Lockhart was getting worse and worse.

Hermione still couldn't believe he was the idol she had once admired.

The three of them briefly complained about their morning class and moved on, after which Hermione dragged the other two to the library.

Hermione sat down opposite them with a book in her arms. Harry and Ron still hadn't figured out what she wanted to do.

Hermione opened the book to a certain page, then glanced around to make sure no one was nearby before quietly asking Harry a question:

"Harry, you speak Parseltongue, right?"

Harry hadn't even figured out what she meant when Ron leapt to his feet in shock. "What?! Harry speaks, speaks Parseltongue????" Ron could barely get the words out.

"Ron! Keep your voice down!" Hermione glanced around nervously. Fortunately, no one had been drawn over. Ron hurriedly covered his mouth and sat down, leaving Harry as the only one still in the dark.

"Wait, what are you talking about? I speak Parseltongue? What even is Parseltongue?" Harry's head was full of enormous question marks. Why did other people know him better than he knew himself?

After Ron explained-

Harry: ... (thinking back to the Big Bang)

"So I just wanted to make sure, because if we want to get a Basilisk's fang, we need someone who can speak Parseltongue," Hermione explained. She turned the book around to show them the page of information she had found on Basilisks.

After reading it, Ron had a nagging feeling that something was off. Harry noticed it too and looked up. "Um, Hermione, why does it have to be someone who speaks Parseltongue...?" Ron caught on too. "This only gives the basics about Basilisks and their weaknesses. It doesn't say how to communicate with one! Come to think of it, why would a book like this say anything about that?!"

Hermione was silent for a moment. "It seems... you two haven't watched that video yet."

?

Video?

Cedric's Underpants: Woohoo! It's finally finished!

[Admin] Yan: ? What did you finish, Underpants Brother?

Bug Ming: Curious.

Cedric's Underpants: A plot edit! I felt like making an HP compilation for fun!

Cedric's Underpants: (Dumbledore approves.jpg)

I Just Like Pretty Older Sisters: ! Post it so we can see!! /rubbing hands in anticipation

Chunqing: Woohoo!

Proprietress Number Two: Hurry up and post it, don't make me get on my knees and beg you.

Cedric's Underpants: Hold on, it's buffering~

The video had happened to be posted in the evening, just when Ron and Harry were both in detention. One had been polishing trophies, while the other had been helping Lockhart answer his mail. They had both missed the messages and the video from that time.

Now that Hermione had reminded them, the two took out their phones and looked through yesterday's files.

The video wasn't actually all that amazing. At least, to Harry and the others, who hadn't experienced so much yet, some parts were hard to understand. But that didn't stop them from noticing a few differences.

Some scenes had their original audio, including the one where Harry shouted for the door to open in Parseltongue outside the Chamber of Secrets.

"I... is this me?" Even Harry sounded unsure. "Have I ever said anything like that?" Hermione frowned and thought for a moment. "Maybe you have, but you never realized it, Harry."

In the end, Ron suggested that Harry imagine he was talking to a snake and say a couple of sentences. They then discovered that the language coming out of Harry's mouth really was a series of hisses. All three were stunned. Harry said he had thought he was speaking ordinary English, but Hermione and Ron had heard sounds like a snake's.

"Harry, now that we know, you have to be careful not to let anyone find out!" Hermione's expression was complicated and serious. Harry didn't understand why, so Ron explained that Parseltongue was a skill unique to the founder of Slytherin, and that very few people could speak it...

"I think we should give the diary to Dumbledore. That's the safest option." Hermione put the book away. "The Basilisk is far too dangerous for us. Absolutely not!"

The other two looked at each other and nodded. For now, giving it to Dumbledore was indeed the better choice.

And after the three of them left.

Malfoy emerged from behind a bookshelf, his face full of shock. Merlin, he had only come to get a book, and he had overheard such shocking news.

Potter could speak Parseltongue?!

Malfoy had also seen the video last night, but since it really wasn't skillfully made, he hadn't watched it closely. The one thing he had complained about was, "Why are there even things that happened to me that I don't know about?!" The world he lived in was actually just a novel? Who could accept that?

In the small group chat.

[Admin] I Am Cedric's Dog: Underpants really went to so much trouble to move the plot along early /moved to tears.

Miqiu: You've worked so hard...

Miqiu: (cat in tears.jpg)

Cedric's Underpants: After all, I don't really want to see Harry and the others actually have to deal with the Basilisk qwq

A Little Badger Watching the Drama: QAQ

[Admin] Cedric: From the way you describe it, why on earth does a dangerous creature like a Basilisk exist at Hogwarts...?

Cedric didn't understand. It seemed their Hogwarts was beginning to become unsafe.

[Group owner] Ced Is Mine: Ced, you don't need to worry about this crap! OvO

Ced's Second Life: We just want you all to live your lives in peace qwq

Cedric's Underpants: So leave it to us, Ced!

Cedric chuckled softly in front of his screen. His fans... honestly, they were kind of cute.

Meanwhile, Dumbledore received an unexpected message: a list of the current locations of the Horcruxes.

It also came with a note:

Headmaster! Quick, collect the Horcruxes before Voldemort comes back to life qwq.

Dumbledore frowned, feeling as though he had aged another year. Just then, Harry, Ron, and Hermione came to see him, carefully carrying the diary.

To nip the Basilisk in the bud, they had to make sure no one had a chance to let him out!

For the past few days, Harry had been especially careful not to let anyone touch the diary.

Riddle felt terribly aggrieved inside the diary. No one had even opened him.

"Professor Dumbledore, this is one of the Horcruxes we found..."

After an explanation, the diary was left with Dumbledore, and Harry and the others could happily get back to studying (?).

After they left, Dumbledore fell into deep thought as he looked at the diary on his desk.

"So what are you thinking? Are you going to deal with it now?" Snape emerged from the shadows, his eyes fixed on the diary.

Dumbledore glanced at the list on his phone, a hint of amusement in his eyes. "Since those children are working so hard to prevent those regrets, shouldn't we lend a hand?"

"Hmph..." Snape knew that by "those children," Dumbledore meant the so-called fans from that time. "They certainly are working hard." Snape raised an eyebrow, his tone dripping with sarcasm.

Every time he logged on, he saw them joking about things from his past.

"They're a rather lovely group of children, aren't they?" Dumbledore smiled, drew his wand, and pointed it at the diary.

Poor young Tom, taken out of the story at the very beginning before he had even made an appearance. But if he didn't leave the story, we wouldn't be able to keep everyone happy, so he'd better go!

October arrived, and it was time for Hallo-ah, wrong story. Ahem, it was time for the annual Quidditch tryouts again. Wood had already recruited Harry onto the team last year, which had been a hell of a shock to him, since he had still been extremely skeptical of the messages in the group at the time.

But Wood gradually discovered the wonders of the group, and today he also learned that at the second-year tryouts, the Slytherin called Marcus would recruit Malfoy onto the team.

And the other side would have a full set of the latest Nimbus 2001s. Wood felt gloomy. How was he supposed to come up with a plan specifically to counter the Nimbus 2001?

Even Fred and George could tell how much pressure Wood was under during practice.

Because for the first time, Wood called them by the right names.

Fred was so surprised he nearly fell off his broom.

"Wood, what's gotten into you?" George asked with great "concern."

"Don't tell me all those filthy comments in the group scared you silly?"

Wood: ...

"Keep talking and I'll add extra practice," Wood said with a smile. The twins knew when to quit and flew away from the scene.

Wood had mixed feelings.

Meanwhile, over in Slytherin, Malfoy was delighted. He knew it was just a mere tryout! With his excellent skills, how could he possibly fail? And he had become a Seeker too. Ha! Potter! He would show him who the winner was!

Malfoy had all his feelings written on his face, making it hard for Blaise not to notice. Honestly, he really wanted to point out that Harry Potter wasn't their only opponent, was he? This young master really was...

"It's hard to imagine those fans' state of mind..."

Steal Harry's Underpants and Put Them on Draco's Head: Seriously, I really want to watch a live Quidditch Match just once...

The Third Dark Lord Pays Respects: Sure enough, the Quidditch I want to see most is still the second-year one.

Harry's Ravenclaw Girlfriend: Hahahaha, every time this comes up, I remember young master's embarrassing past.

Angry Draco: But young master really is cute though~

Runaway Mistress of Malfoy Manor: Sometimes I really don't know why young master has such a mysterious obsession with Harry _(:з"∠)_...

Wool Sock Spirit: Maybe... he's jealous because Harry gets so much attention?

Bug Ming: It might also be because he wanted to be friends with Harry in first year and got rejected _(:з"∠)_

Magpie: Sigh~╮(‵▽′)╭

Stepmother Literature: Now you're making me want to rewatch the second season again, ahahaha!

Mrs. Diggory: Haha, speaking of which, the second season really was quite interesting. It was just a little too dangerous.

Kerun: "A little" too dangerous, as in a billion times too dangerous.

Dear Severus: Sigh~ Dobby~

Ravenclaw Who Wants to Join Slytherin: And the Basilisk too~

Bug Ming: But seriously, that Basilisk in the movie really did look like an eel... it even made me hungry at the time.

What's Wrong with Eating More?: Like an eel? Seriously?

[Admin] Holy Crap: Holy crap, all I could think at the time was that the thing was huge and disgusting... there's a path I never imagined.

[Admin] Holy Crap: (strange knowledge increased.jpg)

Professor Snape's Potions Book: (young master doing the splits.jpg)

Professor Snape's Potions Book: Sorry, but I really do laugh every time I see it.

Mrs. Malfoy Number Two: Ahahahahaha, doesn't young master care about his dignity? Hahahahaha!

Carrot Ear Ornaments: Wow~ That looks interesting.

Carrot Ear Ornaments: It'd probably be even more interesting to see it live.

Little Angel Luna: Hey! True! Too bad I'm a Muggle... qwq

Magpie: If only transmigration really existed in this world.

Proprietress Number Two: Yeah... then our dreams could come true.

Bug Ming: That... dream of yours, can it be broadcast?

Proprietress Number Two: ???

Proprietress of Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes: I'm cracking up.

Stepmother Literature: Hahahaha, if I could really transmigrate, I'd go conquer Lucius and his whole family /shy

Professor Snape Doesn't Want to Brew Teeth-Strengthening Potion Again: Hahahahahaha

The Chosen One's Underpants: ? You have to believe magic definitely exists in this world, we're just not worthy.

Bug Ming: Nodding through tears.

Kerun: Damn it, I really want to transmigrate and change the plot!

Ced Is Mine: Hmm...

Oh My Mother: If possible, I really hope Gellert and Albus can make up... the first couple I ever shipped had a bad ending, and I refuse to accept it qwq

GGAD's Marriage Certificate: Agreed qwq Their marriage certificate is right here, how can they not make up!

"..."

Make up?

Grindelwald thought about it. He wanted to... but Al probably wouldn't agree...

Grindelwald gave a self-deprecating smile.

He had recognized Sherbet Lemon as Al, but he still didn't have the courage to send him a friend request.

Send me a friend request and have an online romance with me! Damn it!

A little mindless skit-interviews

Q: What do you think about the fact that most of your fans are perverts?

A random interview with a Hogwarts student!

Certain Harry Potter: Ah, me? Um... will you censor it?

Don't worry, we're professionals!

Certain Harry Potter: Ah, okay, uh, I don't really understand either, but I still hope everyone can tone it down a little...

Certain Ron Weasley: A person can't, or at least shouldn't (looks at the sky.

Hmm, it seems both of you have a profound understanding of your own fans!

Next, let's randomly interview a few professors!

Certain Snape: ...How did you get in here?

Oh no, I've been found out.

Interview suspended! To be continued in the second half!

Mindless skit-

James: Mate, close your eyes. What do you see?

Sirius: I see darkness.

James: That's what my world looks like without you in it! Mate!!

Sirius: (moved to tears) Mate!!!

Lupin: ...

You two really aren't ooc no matter what you do.

(I saw this meme yesterday and thought it fit perfectly, so I wrote it _(:з"∠)_)