A Western Culinary Desert, a Homesick Stomach Longing for Liyue

Pots, bowls, and pans fell all over the floor with an enormous clatter.

Paimon flew straight up to the ceiling in fright, staring dumbfounded at the mess below.

"Knock, knock, knock."

A polite knock came from outside the door, followed by Acting Grand Master Jean's voice, tinged with fatigue and concern.

"Honorary Knight, are you all right? I heard a great commotion in there. Have remnants of the Abyss Order sneaked inside?"

Sweat poured down Wei Zhenzu's face. He hurriedly put the bone cleaver that had caused the trouble back into his system space and scrambled to kick the broken wood aside.

"I'm fine! Acting Grand Master Jean, I just knocked over a plate by accident. It's safe in here!"

Jean fell silent outside the door for a moment, seemingly relieved.

"All right. If you need any help, please let me know at any time. Please remember to rest."

As he listened to Jean's footsteps recede, Wei Zhenzu wiped the cold sweat from his forehead and sighed helplessly at the collapsed table.

"Looks like we won't be cooking that meal today."

Half an hour later, Wei Zhenzu walked through the streets of the City of Mondstadt with Paimon, looking for something to eat for lunch.

Sunlight fell on the smooth stone pavement, and a gentle breeze carried the fresh fragrance of Windwheel Asters and dandelions through the air.

The pace of life in this city of wind was outrageously slow.

Several citizens dozed on roadside benches, while even the patrolling Knights of Favonius took their time, discussing where to get a drink after work as they walked.

"Let's go to Good Hunter for Sticky Honey Roast! And Sweet Madame, too!"

Having shaken off her fright from seeing the table chopped to pieces, Paimon pointed eagerly toward the aroma drifting from the plaza, her eyes shining as she happily stepped through the air.

Wei Zhenzu caught the faint, cloying sweetness in the air and shook his head in firm refusal.

"No. We've already had Sweet Madame four times this week."

Wei Zhenzu pressed a hand to his brow, his face full of anguish.

"Do Mondstadt people only know how to cook with sugar? The meat is sweet, the chicken is sweet, and even the grilled fish gets a thick coating of sweet fruit jam. If I keep eating this stuff, my blood sugar's going to explode on the spot."

Paimon poked her fingers together, looking a little aggrieved. "But that's what Mondstadt's specialties are like. Then... then let's buy ingredients and cook for ourselves."

"That's more like it. Come on, let's check the market."

The two went down the steps and arrived at the fountain plaza.

A bard in a yellow hat stood beneath the statue of the Anemo Archon, strumming his instrument vigorously as he sang a newly composed ballad at the top of his voice.

Wei Zhenzu pricked up his ears and listened to a couple of lines.

The man was singing about a "mysterious hero dressed in black who used a massive cleaver to rub the Stormterror's face in the dirt."

The citizens around him listened with rapt attention, breaking into gasps of amazement from time to time.

A chill ran through Wei Zhenzu.

Gossip spread far too quickly in Mondstadt, and the story was getting more and more outrageous.

He quickly turned up his collar and pulled Paimon along at a faster pace, afraid that passersby would recognize him and crowd around to gawk.

As they passed the flower stall near the city gate, the little girl Flora waved enthusiastically at them.

"Honorary Knight, Paimon! Would you like to buy some flowers? These Cecilias were just picked today."

Paimon leaned over to sniff them and swallowed. "Can you eat these?"

Flora stared for a moment. "If you want something to eat, I have Sweet Flowers. You can chew them just like that, and they're really sweet."

At the word "sweet," Wei Zhenzu's face instantly darkened.

He thanked her politely and fled, pulling the still-craving Paimon along with him.

Mondstadt's obsession with sweets was cultivated from childhood.

Once they were out of sight of the flower stall, Wei Zhenzu's stomach let out a long, embarrassing growl.

He rubbed his empty stomach and decided to find a snack to tide him over before considering the grand plan of buying ingredients and cooking.

The two came to the takeout window at the side of Good Hunter.

"Miss Sara, two chicken-mushroom skewers, please." Wei Zhenzu looked at the menu and gave her a solemn reminder.

"Please add extra pepper and go easy on the salt. Most importantly, whatever you do, don't brush them with honey sauce!"

Sara stopped what she was doing and looked at him in confusion.

"No honey sauce? Sir, without sweet sauce coating it, how could it be called authentic Mondstadt barbecue?"

"Then it doesn't have to be authentic. I'm begging you." Wei Zhenzu pressed his palms together.

A few minutes later, Wei Zhenzu received two skewers of meat fragrant with the toasted aroma of cumin and pepper.

Although the mushrooms still had a slight sweetness from being grilled over fruitwood, at least the overall flavor was purely savory.

Paimon eagerly snatched one of the skewers and dug in beside him.

Wei Zhenzu had just raised his skewer for the first bite when a stomach suddenly rumbled nearby, even louder than his had earlier.

The "grrrr" even drowned out the sound of the fountain in the plaza.

He turned and saw a young woman in an enormous magic hat and an astrologer's outfit patterned with stars, staring at the grilled steaks in the restaurant's display window.

She held one hand over her stomach, her eyes fixed on the food, and even the stray lock atop her head drooped listlessly.

It was the great astrologist, Mona.

Wei Zhenzu sighed.

Looking at the genius astrologist, whose pockets were even emptier than his own, he stepped forward and offered her the chicken skewer he hadn't touched.

"Want it? There's no honey sauce on it."

Mona turned her head, stared at the grilled meat in front of her, and swallowed hard.

She had intended to straighten her hat and maintain an astrologist's composure, but her stomach protested again, robbing her of any dignity. Blushing, she accepted the skewer.

"Thank you... I-I do have money for lunch. Astrologists simply need to keep an empty stomach to maintain their sensitivity to the stars."

Mona mumbled her explanation as she rapidly devoured the skewer.

Wei Zhenzu didn't expose her excuse; he merely smiled.

After finishing the skewer, Mona wiped the corner of her mouth and solemnly took out an astrolabe.

"I, Astrologist Mona Megistus, never accept favors without repayment. Honorary Knight, allow me to use astrology to guide you through your fate in the near future."

A pale blue star chart shifted in midair. Mona frowned slightly.

"Strange stellar trajectories... The path of your fated star is trying to leave the domain of wind and point south, toward the nation of rock. But..." She glanced at Wei Zhenzu sympathetically.

"Your house of wealth is completely dim at present. In plain terms, your wallet is as empty as mine right now. You two can't even scrape together the travel expenses to Liyue."

Wei Zhenzu felt as though he had been stabbed squarely in the chest. Her fortune-telling really was accurate.