Debug and Flag

(Extra chapter)

"Error! Error! 404 Not Found! Please do not conduct unauthorized Turing tests on the reception terminal! CPU temperature has exceeded the critical threshold! Cooling fan speed has reached 120%..."

Catherine's mouth opened and closed mechanically at high speed as she spoke in an electronically synthesized voice, with a few garbled lines of Snezhnayan Russian mixed in.

"Aaah!"

Paimon flew straight at Wei Zhenzu in fright, threw her arms around his neck, and screamed, her little face deathly pale,

"Traveler! She's smoking! Her brain's fried! Stop talking! What if she self-destructs and blows us into Mondstadt grilled steaks?!"

"Don't panic. Basic stuff. You just need to smack old appliances a couple of times. It's called physical debugging."

Wei Zhenzu calmly reached out and gave Catherine's smoking forehead a hard smack, as practiced as he had been when smacking the static-filled, big-bottomed TV at home as a child.

Smack!

A miracle happened.

The white smoke stopped instantly, and the loading circle in Catherine's eyes vanished with it.

She drew a sharp breath, the light returning to her eyes. The smile on her lips instantly sprang back into its original perfect curve, and even the angle of every strand of hair reset to its factory settings.

She folded her hands in front of her, as though the robot that had just been spewing white smoke hadn't been her at all.

She smiled and spoke in a gentle customer-service tone, though a hint of murderous intent lurked between the lines:

"Friendly reminder: if you continue asking unauthorized questions and carrying out malicious physical attacks, the guild reserves the right to suspend your account privileges and forcibly present you with a complimentary one-way ticket to dig potatoes in Snezhnaya's Siberia, dear~"

Wei Zhenzu looked at the receptionist he had successfully "physically rebooted" and couldn't help swallowing.

Good grief, she even pulled out "dear" and an account suspension warning. She must have bottomed out and bounced back, forcibly activating the backup defensive customer-service script library in her factory settings!

Can't afford to mess with her. The NPCs in this open world are each more hardcore than the last.

Immediately afterward, a faint, distinctly mechanical noise came from deep in her throat.

"Error... system rebooting..."

The voice was very quiet, but Wei Zhenzu and Paimon, who was floating beside him, heard it clearly.

Paimon jumped and hurried behind Wei Zhenzu, peeking out with half her head:

"Traveler, did she... did she just say 'Error'? Is she really a robot?"

Before Wei Zhenzu could answer.

"Beep."

As though nothing had happened, she forcibly steered the conversation back on track.

"Thank you for your patience, Traveler. Recently, many residents around the City of Mondstadt have submitted commissions requesting help. Would you like to accept today's adventure commission?"

The corner of Wei Zhenzu's mouth twitched.

That was an awfully clumsy way to change the subject.

Still, he had no intention of digging further. After all, his main goal now wasn't to expose an NPC's true nature, but to make money.

"All right, let me see the commission board."

Wei Zhenzu turned to look at the large wooden board hanging nearby.

It was covered in a jumble of commission notices of all kinds.

[Help Charles the bartender find his missing cat. Reward: 5,000 Mora.]

Wei Zhenzu shook his head. Too slow.

[Escort a cargo balloon to Springvale. Reward: 10,000 Mora.]

Wei Zhenzu shook his head again. The balloon's sluggish pace could drive a person mad.

His gaze swept across the board and finally settled on a sheet of parchment bearing a red urgent stamp.

[Extermination commission: a small Hilichurl camp on the edge of the Whispering Woods.]

[Description: a group of wandering Hilichurls has recently set up camp at the forest's edge, seriously threatening the safety of citizens gathering fruit from fruit trees. Adventurers are requested to clear them out.]

[Reward: 40,000 Mora and some adventure experience.]

"This one." Wei Zhenzu reached out, tore the commission notice down, and slapped it on the counter,

"Clear out some Hilichurls. Simple and direct. It's practically free money."

Catherine accepted the notice with a smile and deftly stamped it with an Adventurers' Guild authorization seal.

"Commission accepted and confirmed. Good luck, and ad astra abyssosque!"

Wei Zhenzu was in high spirits as he left the Adventurers' Guild.

Although 40,000 Mora wasn't enough to get to Liyue, it would at least let him and Paimon properly order a few large platters of grilled meat at the Good Hunter and buy some dry rations for the road.

The two passed through the city gate.

The stone bridge where Timmie had always stood was empty now.

Timmie was probably still receiving psychological counseling in the church basement, and the coin pigeons had all been taken in.

Only a few fallen feathers remained on the bridge, giving it a somewhat desolate air.

Beyond the limits of the City of Mondstadt, fresh air from the wilds greeted them.

Wei Zhenzu rolled his neck, his joints cracking crisply.

At a thought, the black iron pot he usually used to make soup appeared in his palm.

Amid a burst of purple-red light, the iron pot rapidly rearranged itself and elongated, becoming the heavy, sharp bone cleaver with a serrated spine.

He casually slung the cleaver over his shoulder, the tails of his suit fluttering in the wind, his face full of confidence that looked down on everything.

"Come on, Paimon. Let's go earn our dinner in the Whispering Woods."

Paimon flew in midair, looking at him with some concern:

"Traveler, you were just saying your whole body ached while you were in the Knights of Favonius' sickbed. Is it really okay to go fight Hilichurls now? Shouldn't we bring some recovery potions?"

"Potions? Only the weak need those."

Wei Zhenzu gave a contemptuous laugh and wagged a finger in front of Paimon, his tone arrogant to the extreme.

"Back then, at the top of the tower in Stormterror's Lair, I even went head-to-head with the W-rank [Final Judgment Heavenly Demon]. That was a calamity even the gods would go out of their way to avoid."

He hefted the bone cleaver on his shoulder, his eyes full of disdain.

"And now I'm going to fight a few Hilichurls carrying wooden clubs, with nothing but muscle for brains? Dealing with primitive little mobs at the bottom of Teyvat's ladder doesn't even count as a warm-up."

Wei Zhenzu looked at the distant woods and confidently held up three fingers.

"Watch closely, Paimon. Just get a fire going outside the camp. Three minutes, just three minutes. I'll go in, chop those small fry up, collect the bounty, and we'll be back to eat!"

Under the setting sun, Wei Zhenzu's back looked impossibly imposing with the great blade over his shoulder.

A FLAG covered in the words "certain victory" had been planted firmly by him in the grass outside the City of Mondstadt...