Kiss

Sheng Ke stopped trading barbs with him and leaned back into the soft bed. He unlocked his phone, its glow lighting his cool, striking features. "Ask Zou Yan if he's asleep. I'll sound him out."

He wanted to prove to Xie Yibai that there was room to work things out, that the truth coming to light wouldn't mean the end of the world.

The bed was wide enough for two adults with room to spare. Xie Yibai scrambled over on all fours, snatched his phone and hid it behind his back. "You're not allowed to tell him! Believe it or not, I'll smash your phone!"

Sheng Ke propped himself up on his hands and gave him a casual look. "Go ahead. I've had that phone for three or four years. It's about time I replaced it."

Xie Yibai's stubborn streak flared up, and he refused to let the slightest hope slip away. But he couldn't think fast enough, so he could only resort to nonsense. "Then I'll buy you a new one. You keep our secret."

"You're saying this is our secret?" Sheng Ke folded his arms across his chest and considered it. "That works too."

Xie Yibai had no idea where his thoughts had wandered this time. With someone like Sheng Ke, he couldn't make himself clear if he had a hundred mouths! He seized on those last words and asked, "So you agree? You won't tell Zou Yan about this?"

"All right, I promise you." For no apparent reason, Sheng Ke leaned closer. "But I don't want a new phone. I want this-"

Then he reached for Xie Yibai's ear and cradled his head, intending to force a kiss on him.

Xie Yibai was half a beat too slow to push him away. He only managed to block Sheng Ke's hand; by the time he turned his head aside, Sheng Ke had already swooped in like a diving hawk and landed precisely on his lips.

How could he put it? His body's first reaction wasn't revulsion at the violation. Instead, time froze for an instant, and blood rushed back from his limbs and brain to his heart, turning into the wild, thumping beats of unbridled joy. His scalp tingled, the back of his neck went numb, and wave after wave of goosebumps rose along his spine.

Throughout this less than voluntary kiss, Xie Yibai trembled violently all over. He forgot every other action that went against his instincts and stared wide-eyed in disbelief. So close, Sheng Ke's eyelashes blurred, like a raven feather drifting gently down over his face in a dream.

He squeezed his eyes shut in alarm. His heightened hearing caught the sound of their breathing and heartbeats, and with his sight gone, his thoughts drifted far back into his memories.

He saw the night and the curtain of rain beyond the car window, and an arm resting on the steering wheel. The hands of the watch on its wrist were like a slender, sharp sword, piercing his heart and falling into the vast galaxy beyond.

Sheng Ke found the hands braced against his chest to be in the way. He seized Xie Yibai's wrists, slid his fingers across his palms and between his fingers, and interlocked all ten digits with his. Forcing his arms apart, he pressed him down.

It was like sinking into warm seawater. Their mingled scents lingered on the quilt and sheets, surrounding and engulfing him like water seeping into every crevice. The moments of intimacy in the dark a few hours earlier clung tightly to his body like a ghost, robbing him of his senses.

Xie Yibai began to sweat, his waist and legs going weak. What little reason he had left was like a needle, pricking painfully at his temples.

This was wrong. How could he do this with Sheng Ke...

But his body didn't think so. If his hands had still been free, perhaps he would have dug out the brain where reason and instinct were fighting and buried it underground.

His spirit and body came apart, trapped inside a cage he couldn't escape. Just as his soul was about to sink along with his flesh, it was his clear tears that saved him.

The salty liquid mingled with their lingering kiss. Sheng Ke let him go and gazed at his face. "Why are you crying?"

Xie Yibai lowered his eyes and mumbled through lips swollen and reddened from being bitten, "I can't even say no to you. Can't I at least have a cry?"

"What do you mean, you can't say no? Are you afraid of me?"

"...Mm."

Sheng Ke asked again, "Are you afraid of me, or do you like me?"

"I don't like you!" Xie Yibai sat up and insisted.

Sheng Ke sat up too and said frankly, "You're afraid of me, but I like you. I probably like you no less than Zou Yan does. Zou Yan is so busy, and I have much more free time. We like you just as much, but I have more time to spare. I'm the better value for your money."

"Who wants you to like me? All you do is force people... And what do you mean, value for money? Liking someone isn't about value for money!"

"Zou Yan doesn't force you, and you haven't fallen in love with him either."

Xie Yibai had already realized that arguing any further would be useless. He ended the conversation. "I'm not talking to you anymore. You don't understand anything."

When it came to feelings, Sheng Ke didn't understand enough, so he didn't argue. He only said, "Of course I can keep it from Zou Yan. But given your personality, if you keep it from him for a long time, it'll be like having a great weight on your heart. It's exhausting to live like that."

"What else can I do if it's exhausting? If I made a mistake, I have to bear the consequences myself!" Xie Yibai couldn't stand his flippant attitude, and the provocation made him lash back. "You're the one who started all this! I'm going to be forced to become a liar with a mouth full of lies and live with a guilty conscience, and it's all because of you!"

"It is my fault. Isn't that why I'm trying to find you a solution? You don't have to feel burdened. Just leave it to me."

"That's not a solution! You're sacrificing me and Zou Yan to get what you want!"

Sheng Ke explained patiently, "If you're with me, you can act in movies other people dream of getting into. Wasn't that what you wanted in the first place? You came to that audition because you wanted to act in my movie, right? Isn't this what you wished for? How is that a sacrifice? And as for Zou Yan, you never liked him in the first place. He's never had you, so how could he lose you? Under this arrangement, no one makes a sacrifice. It's the best solution."

Just hearing him talk made Xie Yibai want to punch him. Debating someone with such a peculiar way of thinking, who couldn't tell right from wrong, was a sheer waste of life!

He got out of bed in silence, took his clothes from the wardrobe and went into the bathroom to change back into what he had worn there.

"Director Ke, let's forget what happened today. I hope that every time we meet from now on, we can pretend we don't know each other." Xie Yibai drew on every bit of self-restraint he had to say those words.

"Do you want me to take you home?" Sheng Ke asked.

He slammed the door on his way out.

Xie Yibai had driven himself there that day. In the early hours, no cars came or went in the underground parking garage, which was as quiet as a graveyard. He sat in his car and slumped over the steering wheel as though all his strength had been drained away, unable even to cry.

Dawn was approaching, but he wasn't the least bit sleepy. In the end, he didn't even have the right to be alone with his grief. He couldn't just stay there and wait it out; he had to hurry home, take a sleeping pill and get some sleep, so he could restore his energy and take care of his skin for the work ahead.

Sheng Ke returned home before dawn. He wasn't sleepy, so he simply took a shower and went to his study. He also made himself a cup of coffee, planning to work all morning.

While sorting through his files, he saw the script he had written for Xie Yibai again. He opened it without hesitation and revised a few passages.

He was pleased with the result. Usually, whenever he finished a new story, Zou Yan was always his first reader and viewer.

Xie Yibai had probably tossed aside the script he had sent him. He ought to send it to Zou Yan, but Xie Yibai's words had influenced his thinking to some extent.

Would Zou Yan care very much?

He and Zou Yan had grown up together, from childhood through adolescence and into adulthood. Perhaps they would spend the second half of their lives as partners too.

Perhaps he had stolen the man Zou Yan loved, but had he really taken anything away?

Sheng Ke couldn't figure it out, so he sent Zou Yan a message on WeChat.

Although Zou Yan had told him to call if he needed something and not to send WeChat messages, he carried on as he pleased.

: I wrote a script for Xiaobai. Do you want to read it?

Sheng Ke typed it out, sent it and closed the chat window.

He had a video meeting at eight that morning and needed to prepare some materials beforehand.

At eleven, Sheng Ke went to the kitchen and made a pot of mishmash: half-cooked bell peppers, broccoli, eggs, shrimp and two pan-fried lamb chops. This was his usual home cooking.

Too lazy to get chopsticks, he ate with the spatula, standing by the stove until he was finished. He put the used utensils in the dishwasher, then took his second cup of coffee of the day back to his computer.

Zou Yan had replied. It was brief: a single question mark.

He typed: Do you want to read it?

Zou Yan happened to have his phone in hand and replied: When did you write it?

: Recently

Zou Yan: What made you think of writing him a script?

: I thought of it, so I wrote it.

Zou Yan: His schedule is full for now. We'll talk about it later.

: Can you turn it down for him?

Zou Yan: I can.

Holding a mouthful of bitter coffee, Sheng Ke typed out a line: What would you feel if I said I liked him too?

Zou Yan had settled the dispute at the hospital that morning and returned to the hotel, only to be awakened by a phone call after three hours of sleep. During the few minutes he spent washing up, he scrolled through his WeChat messages and replied to a few important ones.

Sheng Ke's message was among them, but the conversation left him baffled.

Still, Sheng Ke rarely said anything pointless and didn't chat online much either, so he probably wasn't just saying it casually.

Zou Yan was short on sleep, but the pressure he was under left him unusually alert and quick-thinking.

Xie Yibai was very likable. Who wouldn't like him?

He didn't think Sheng Ke understood what it meant to like someone. Shallow affection was more like an appetite: a craving, a desire to eat. But affection from the heart meant cherishing someone, being unable to bring yourself to take a bite.

Zou Yan didn't want to examine where Sheng Ke's so-called affection came from, either. They were close in their relationship, but their souls were far apart.

He never dwelled on puzzles he couldn't understand. They would have no answers.

He spat out his mouthwash, wiped the foam from his lips and dried his hands, then spent precious time typing: I can understand that you like him, but please bury it in your heart as a secret.

Five minutes later, Sheng Ke sent a single word: Oh.

Chapter 43: Kiss

After sleeping with someone he had never expected, Xie Yibai had been somewhat dazed ever since.

A Chu was the person closest to him. As soon as she saw that he wasn't himself, she grew restless too. She was terrified that Xie Yibai had been unable to let things go, searching for himself on online platforms every day and seeing those hateful posts and rumors.