[Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit! They really kissed this time! I saw it! I saw it with both my eyes!]
[Aaaaah mama mia ababababa wahahahahaha my ship is making progress!!!]
[Guys, who gets it? President Feng is such a considerate son-in-law.]
[+1 I unconditionally support wrapping our son up and delivering him to President Feng's bed.]
[You really can't blame me for shipping them indiscriminately. The Lasting Pair is too powerful. They knocked me straight to the bottom of this pit on day one [serene]. I'm never getting out in this lifetime.]
[Hahahaha wifey is still stunned. Guys, type "President Feng is awesome" in the public chat!!!]
Wen Jiu really was stunned. His right ear felt as though it had been set on fire, burning so hot it was about to explode. If there hadn't been so many eyes watching, he might have jumped sky-high, then beaten that bastard to death!
He was at it. He was at it. He was at it again!
This damned man was being a flirt again!
Wen Xiaojiu howled at the heavens. Of all the times this damned man could have chosen to flirt, why did he have to mess with his head right before he went onstage?!
"I'm sorry." In full view of everyone, the man pressed against him like a big puppy, wrapped both arms around Wen Jiu's waist, and gently nuzzled his abs. "I'm just in a bad mood."
Then he tilted his head up, his gaze pitiful, and whispered so quietly that only the two of them could hear, "Only a kiss from my wife will make it better."
Ever since he had been in the woods with Li Peiqi earlier, the dark emotions in Feng Chi's heart had begun to grow wildly. With Lin Shuheng provoking him on top of that, he was about to go mad.
If he didn't find his wife for some cuddles soon, the villagers might wake up tomorrow and find two corpses out on some hill in Peach Blossom Spring Village.
Sure enough, after some kissing and hugging, his mood was much better.
Bigshot Feng was in a good mood, the bullet comments went wild, and the whole crowd erupted.
Wen Jiu, meanwhile, was even more beside himself!
With hundreds of pairs of eyes watching, the youth was like a kitten trapped by a large canine, his eyes red as he flailed his paws wildly, struggling to escape but unable to budge.
Wen Jiu was practically boiling. He grabbed the man's ear and bit down hard in retaliation, shouting, "If you don't fucking let go!"
As he spoke, he looked around for a knife.
"Anyone have a knife? Did any kind soul bring a knife? Where are the sponsors? Anyone sponsoring knives?"
"It doesn't have to be a good one." Through the man's muffled laughter, Wen Jiu gritted his teeth. "An ordinary kitchen knife will do just fine. A pig-butchering knife would be even better. More than enough to slaughter this unfilial son!"
The entire audience fell silent.
Wen Xiaojiu's fury was almost tangible.
"Pfft!" Of everyone present, Bigshot Feng might have been the only one who dared laugh aloud. He hugged the youth and gently rocked him, utterly adoring him.
"How are you so cute?"
Wen Jiu answered reflexively, "Real men aren't called cute!"
Wen Jiu: ...
Wen Jiu really was seriously angry. He didn't understand why this damned man could act as though he hadn't noticed, and he understood his own mouth even less!
How could it be this mechanical?!
You're not a fucking machine. What's with the trigger words? Do you think that makes you cool?!
The whole place was quiet for three seconds. Then, led by Shen Huaian, everyone suddenly burst out laughing.
Shen Huaian: "Holy shit, hahahahaha honk honk honk!"
This was where the advantages of being an idol showed. Shen Huaian laughed the loudest, had the greatest lung capacity, and was the most animated.
He laughed standing up, laughed sitting down, clapped as he laughed, bent over clutching his stomach as he laughed, and even jumped around laughing, as though he had never laughed in his life!
His infectious laughter had everyone there, along with the livestream viewers, laughing themselves half to death.
[I'm fucking laughing so hard my period leaked sideways hahahaha. Doesn't wifey know the sponsor daddy is right in front of him?]
[Hahahaha I fucking laughed so hard I slapped my dog to make him laugh with me hahaha.]
[Come on, come on, don't forget to boost the tag while you're laughing.
#Wen Jiu Real men aren't called cute#
I want the internet to record wifey's words of wisdom forever. All you fans had better engrave them on your cigarettes and inhale them into your lungs.]
[Hahahaha don't get too ridiculous. Watch out, wifey might come assassinate you in the middle of the night.]
[Honk honk honk, am I the only one still savoring President Feng's hug? What the fuck was that big puppy begging his wife for affection and cuddles? So sweet it's killing me. Did any of you girls read the big puppy's lips? Come translate for us hahahaha. Also, why am I still laughing?]
[No idea. Something about kisses, maybe? That part's pretty easy to recognize! I'm laughing so hard my stomach hurts. It's all that bastard Shen Huaian's fucking fault. Hahaha why is he still laughing?! Doesn't he need to breathe???]
[Mystery solved. Only a kiss from mama will make it better. Pfft, hahaha my hands are shaking from laughing, I even typed it wrong! It's "Only a kiss from my wife will make it better." Otherwise, I'll swallow wifey's knife.]
[Wifey hasn't even gotten his hands on a knife yet, that doesn't count, doesn't count hahaha. But I think so too!]
[He called him his wife! God, just how bad must President Feng's mood have been! Only a kiss from his wife would make it better~]
[I never expected you to be this kind of President Feng. When you're unhappy, only a kiss from your wife will make it better.]
[You two girls above, enough. Watch out, President Feng might send someone to assassinate you hahaha.]
[It's over. President Feng's image in my mind has completely crumbled. Does anyone still remember how his icy presence at the press conference could freeze people to death?]
"Still laughing! Still laughing!" Everyone had gone mad. Wen Jiu cursed at them for ages without bringing them back to their senses. Finally, he couldn't take it anymore and made an example of someone.
And the chief culprit was the one he made an example of.
With a smack, the whole village's monkey laughter stopped, and the culprit holding him felt wronged.
The world was finally quiet.
Satisfied, Wen Jiu walked onto the stage and picked up the microphone. "All of you, sit nicely."
Everyone sat up straight.
At their head, Shen "Monkey King" Huaian sneaked a glance at President Feng beside him, who was propping his face on one hand and looking toward the stage. He couldn't help wanting to laugh again, but manually muted himself.
If he laughed aloud now, his brother would have to fly over that very night to haul him back, then assign ten bodyguards to protect his personal safety around the clock.
No one dared laugh at Bigshot Feng.
Even the bullet comments had to express themselves indirectly.
For example: [Who would've thought? President Feng is henpecked.]
Or: [We shouldn't have laughed so wildly. In the end, President Feng was the one who bore it all. Look how wronged he looks.]
Or perhaps: [I feel like wifey's slap... was pretty loud. No idea if it hurt, but it probably tingled. Don't ask. If you do, I've never tried it.]
These generally counted as bold remarks already, and someone in the comments immediately reminded them to mind their words.
In short, a world where only President Feng got hurt had been achieved.
Wen Jiu stood onstage and took quite a while to compose himself. Once everyone quieted down, he tapped the microphone and said with a smile:
"I really want to get revenge by singing a sad song, preferably the kind that makes everyone cry. But I'm not good enough. I'm afraid you won't be able to cry once you see me."
"After all, I probably look pretty funny right now."
The audience restrained themselves and didn't dare look toward the big boss. They watched the youth onstage and laughed very supportively.
Wen Jiu gave the man a reassuring glance, then withdrew his gaze with a smile and said softly:
"This song fits my state of mind tonight perfectly. I hope I can convey what I'm feeling right now to everyone-"