[Intermittent pain, unimaginable heat, erasing existence at its very roots.
There was only pain. Only pain remained. The world was filled with pain.
Even the thought that could conceive of "the world is filled with pain" was smeared over with pain, and the pain went on.
Anxiety, confusion, tension, grief, anger, disappointment-all were worthless before pain.
Worthless. Yes, utterly worthless.
Even thought, action, ideas, opinions, hope, and memories had no equivalent value. What need was there to mourn the loss of worthless things?
After all, there was only endless pain. Pain was everything in the world. And then that endless pain suddenly released its hold on his existence-
"-Uwaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!"
He woke screaming. He forgot that his screaming throat had rotted away and was steeped in the blood welling up inside it. He simply kept screaming.
"-Ah."
Why had the pain suddenly disappeared? Only after feeling afraid did he realize, a beat later, that someone was gently stroking his back as he crouched on the floor.
"Have you calmed down?"
He looked back, and the face of the person stroking his back appeared in his tear-distorted vision.
It was a girl with silver hair and blue-violet eyes, beautiful even through his blurred vision. Her brows were drawn in concern as she stroked Subaru's back, and his throat tightened.
Someone was touching his back.
-Just like before the pain came.
-There was no escape. The pain, the suffering, the agony would come.
"Subaru-"
"Uwaaaaaaaaaaaaaah-!!"
Subaru violently shook off the voice and the hand stroking his back, tumbling to the floor.
His back, his back! Someone had touched his back! At that instant, before he fell, someone had touched his back. Touched it. His back. That was why his back was absolutely off-limits.
He could not let anyone touch it!
He could not even bear to imagine experiencing that agony again.
Feeling the hair on his back stand on end, Subaru backed away on the spot. Though he could not stand, he still tried to get away from the girl who had stroked his back. His body struck something behind him. He turned and met the eyes of something hard.
"..."
It was a huge black creature staring at the frightened Subaru with yellow eyes. At the sight of its sharp features, reptilian gaze, and mouth lined with two rows of sharp fangs, Subaru's fear burst.
"Subaru! Calm... agh!"
"Beatrice!"
The instant it burst, Subaru roughly shoved away the soft presence leaning against him. It fell to the floor, and someone cried out and ran over. Without even the room to notice, Subaru scrambled out of the room on all fours.
He whipped his trembling legs into motion, his shoulder slamming into the wall.
The hard impact and pain stained his consciousness red. Pain. Whatever happened, he had to escape all pain.
His face burned. His heart felt ready to explode. The blood throughout his body seemed to flow backward, and his whole body hurt.
That was why he had to run. If he did not, it would catch him.-"Death" would catch him.
As his bare feet slapped against the floor, "death" still pursued him.
Because it pursued him, Subaru desperately ran. This way and that, everywhere, never stopping.
-He should have died after experiencing that pain and suffering, yet "death" continued pursuing Subaru, who should already have been dead.
Why was it not over?
"I'm not coming to another world! I'm not!! Never again!!! I want to go home!!! Go back..."
He found the stairs and climbed onto them on all fours, crawling upward with single-minded abandon.
Not only his heart but his body desperately struggled upward, even though Subaru was not drowning and could never be saved that way.
But the pitiful drowning clown still gave it everything he had. He strained with all his might, desperately struggling, and at the end of his misguided efforts-
"-What're you doing here so early in the morning, hey?"
"..."
Sensing an astonishingly powerful presence, Subaru's feet stopped on their own.-No, it was not just his feet. His ragged breathing, his pounding heart, his knees trembling with fear and exhaustion-it was as though every source of life within him had been brought under control.
An open space, a pinkish-white world, and an excessively powerful being standing there. What was this? It had a human shape, but the aura surrounding it belonged to a creature that could not possibly be human.
"-Ah."
"You're alone? Hey, you small fry, you're not worth mentioning. Go fetch yesterday's beauty and that fine woman, then come back. Hey! You listening, bastard? Hey! You, hey!"
The merciless words rained down on Subaru like a barrage of blows to the head. Beaten by those extremely violent, careless words, his suspended life functions began again.
And he understood. In his terror, as he fled this way and that, he had entered somewhere he absolutely should not have.
-This was a savage beast's cage, a place he should never enter.
"Hey, hey, don't ignore me."
When he came to his senses, the man's face was right before his nose. Long red hair, a black eyepatch covering his left eye, white cloth wrapped around his body beneath a kimono that left his right shoulder bare, and two thin wooden sticks in his hand for some unknown purpose. And the tips of those wooden sticks, neither sharp nor anything remarkable, were "death" placed before his eyes.
"Eek."
"Hey, hey, you're not crying, are you? Don't tell me you're bawling your eyes out. Go downstairs and bring your friends up here to fight. Can't win an argument with me, so you cry?"
Seen cowering in fear, Subaru went rigid. The man twisted his cheek, then scratched his head in irritation.
"You're hopeless.-Idiot. Don't get the wrong idea."
-With a savage, bloodthirsty shark's face, he poked Subaru's chest with a wooden stick.
In an instant, the tip slipped between his ribs, tenderly as if toying with him, vividly as if soothing him, prodding and tickling the delicate organs that should have been protected by bone.
That alone sent agony through his entire body, almost enough to make him vomit blood in the literal sense.
"Gih, gah, aaaaaaaaah!?"
"What're you running from? And what's the joke, running to me? I'm not your guardian or your best buddy. I'm nothing to you. Only the sort who herd together would pick you. You want to die?"
"Gih! Gah! Agh! Gyaaah!"
Speaking impatiently, the man artfully stirred Subaru's innards with the wooden stick. His terrifyingly delicate, refined movements proved his extraordinary talent with the sword.
-This man was an enemy he must not provoke. So a human could be so lavishly favored by a talent for violence.
He was a perfect being made to torment others, the pinnacle of brutality, violence incarnate.
-No. Both the man before him and this place lay far beyond his understanding.
"Disappear, small fry."
The instant his interest faded, the sensation of his innards being stirred disappeared. A moment later, the man kicked Subaru hard with his long leg, sending him rolling backward.
His heels hung in empty air, and Subaru realized he had stepped beyond the stairs.
-The stairs!
-He was going to fall again!
"No, nooooo...!"
The trauma of falling down the stairs erupted, and Subaru immediately reached out and grabbed the floor. Then, with an unpleasant sound, the nails on his right hand peeled off as he clung to it.
Blood poured out, and fresh pain pierced his brain. But at least he had avoided falling downstairs. That was what mattered.
"Guh, ghh...!"
Enduring the pain of his torn-off nails, he fled while cradling his bleeding hand. Though he called it fleeing, his steps were painfully slow. With his shoulder against the wall, he dragged his feet to escape the violence. He wanted to get away from here as quickly as possible.
Somehow, Subaru was already partway down the unbearably long staircase. He had run single-mindedly toward somewhere without people, only to end up in such a terrifying place.
-No, if he was talking about terrifying places, it was this world itself.
"It hurts... it hurts, it hurts, it hurts so much..."
Why was he in a place like this, in a world like this?
He should have been smashed to pieces. His body should already have been torn apart, his life ended.
Had all that searing heat been a dream? An illusion?-If only it had been.
"Wh... why..."
Just a few hours ago, his days had been comfortable, easy, even dull.
There had been no danger. At most, he had only needed to worry about his own unpromising future. No one had ever threatened him, and he had never seriously fought for anything. His life had been plain and unremarkable.
-When faced with his parents' gazes, all he had to do was lower his head and look away. That was the kind of place he had lived in.
Was this punishment? He had kept troubling his parents, kept disappointing them, and failed to be a good child.
Was that why he had to taste the agony of death, and even then be thrown into a hell where he could not die?
If things were going to turn out like this, then he should have, he ought to have, properly-
"...If I'd known, I should've said, 'I'm heading out.'"
His life was nothing but regrets. And nothing made him regret more than this. When he left home, his mother had told him, "Take care."
But he had not answered. Why?
-Because he had not washed the cup left soaking in the kitchen.
"Guh, hh..."
He had not washed the cup. Washing off the brown stains after drinking cocoa was such a nuisance.
If he answered his mother, it would start a conversation, and she might ask him to wash the cup.
So he had not answered his mother. Because he did not want to wash the cup.
Because he did not want to wash the cup, he had ignored his mother. Without saying anything, he had left home, gone to the convenience store, spent money he had not earned, and then, before he knew it, found himself in another world.
Without saying anything to his parents or washing the cup, he had come here.
Without washing even a single cup, without speaking to his gentle mother, he was about to die here.
He was going to die without repaying his parents for all the trouble he had caused them, without even washing the cup.
"...I'm going to die."
He would die. Everything alive died sooner or later, and he would die here. Neither his father nor his mother was here. Surrounded by strangers, he would die as a filthy lump of blood.
"..."
The instant he understood that, he felt the presence of "death" close at hand. It remained at the bottom of the stairs, staring at the exhausted Subaru. And he knew its lips were curled in a smile, as though mocking him.
Yet at that very moment, a voice abruptly sounded.
"-I love you."
With passion equal to that declaration of love, a woman's black fingers caressed his heart. At the same time, a shock pierced his whole body, utterly subjugating this pain-fearing body until nothing remained untouched.
His whole body shattered by the impact of falling, his soul burned by unrelenting heat, his heart worn down by guilt toward his mother-all of it was nothing but grass before this agony.
-Just kill me instead. But those words never became a sound.
Speaking of being killed, could he really "be killed"?
Before footsteps and worried voices came rushing up the stairs.
Smeared with filthy water and disappointment, Subaru kept crying like a foolish child.
The wreckage kept crying.-Crying without end.]
Otto watched the agonized, helpless wreckage of "Natsuki Subaru." His usually warm, easygoing face was now grave, his heart filled with conflicting feelings.
He was one of the earliest people to follow Subaru and witness all his struggles and efforts. He knew just how sensitive Subaru was, how much his companions' approval mattered to him.
"Damn it. So this was how he ended up breaking down this time..."
Otto sighed quietly, doing everything he could to control the churning in his stomach.
"What hurts most is never an enemy's blade. It's the careful wariness your companions take for granted."
He knew all too well that being secretly doubted by the people he trusted most was the most devastating blow Subaru could suffer.
Having lost his family, his friends, and every bond tying him to existence, how was Natsuki Subaru, who had nothing left, supposed to reach that seemingly perfect ending?
Someone, save this child...
Petra's eyes instantly reddened. Her little hands clutched the hem of her clothes as she watched the lonely, helpless Subaru in the Sky Curtain, her nose stinging as tears threatened to fall.
"Poor Lord Subaru... Why does everyone have to doubt him...? Even if he's forgotten things, Mr. Subaru is still the same kind Lord Subaru..."
The young girl could not understand complicated calculations of gains and losses. She could only see the loneliness and despair in the boy's eyes, and her heart ached for him.
"Ram understands Barusu's concerns. The fear of facing death countless times is not something others can easily empathize with. But that does not justify deliberately withholding information, eavesdropping on a conversation, and fleeing alone."
"Ram!"
Emilia immediately turned toward Ram, urgency in her voice,
"Subaru was just confused and helpless for a moment. He wasn't deliberately trying to run away from us!"
"Lady Emilia, sentiment cannot avert risk."
Ram did not back down,
"If he could be honest about his Return by Death ability, everyone could discuss a plan together. But you all saw that he cannot-because of the Witch, he chose to speculate about everyone's thoughts alone, deciding for himself that we could not accept him with his memories lost. That was why the misunderstandings kept growing."
"You're being too harsh, Ram!"
Garfiel clenched his fists, his fangs showing slightly,
"The captain took all that pain on himself again and again. You have no idea what memories of falling and dying can do to someone! Anyone would struggle to lay their deepest fears bare for others!"
Otto hurriedly stepped in to mediate, waving his hands back and forth:
"All right, all right, let's stop arguing for now. If this keeps up, we'll only be showing everyone else our own camp's ugly side... As things stand, both sides were at fault. Subaru bears more pain than we can imagine, but running off on his own really did push him into a desperate situation. He ran into that terrifying red-haired swordsman and nearly lost his life again."
Then Otto could not help sighing repeatedly:
"This is truly awful. Mentally broken, severely injured, isolated and helpless, without a single companion beside him. Subaru's situation is simply hopeless."
Petra bit her lower lip hard, her eyes red.
When the Sky Curtain showed Subaru remembering that he had not said goodbye to his mother and regretting not washing the cup, the girl's nose stung.
"Mr. Subaru is so kind, but he's hiding such lonely thoughts... He must really miss his original world, and his family."
The three traveling from Picoutatte toward the Empire stopped in their tracks aboard the dragon carriage, their expressions all grave.
Julius's back stiffened, his pupils trembling as he stared fixedly at every word he himself had spoken in the Sky Curtain. His face turned deathly pale.
At last, he saw with his own eyes how his rational calculations, made in accordance with his knightly principles and concern for the team's safety, would all be overheard by the fragile boy outside the door, and how he would personally push Subaru, already on the verge of collapse, into the abyss.
Overwhelming guilt and regret instantly engulfed the proud knight. He lowered his eyes, his fingertips trembling slightly, his voice low and hoarse.
"...It was my fault."
"I considered only everyone's safety, only avoiding unknown risks, and overlooked him, who had nothing left then and desperately craved trust."
"I prided myself on understanding people's hearts and their bonds, yet when I should most have accepted him, I gave him the most piercing suspicion."
Watching Subaru flee in despair and fall from the tower, Julius was filled with remorse. For the first time, he doubted his own judgment to the utmost.
"I'm sorry..."
Anastasia put away her usual shrewd, mercenary smile, a rare seriousness in her eyes as she gently pressed her lips together.
"Don't blame yourself either, Julius. We all had a part in it."
"Ah, I really would have suspected Natsuki Subaru-kun back then-his heroic deeds were just too dazzling, defeating Sloth and conquering the White Whale. No matter how you looked at him, he was clearly just an ordinary person without any special abilities..."
"But who could have imagined he was hiding a secret like this, one he couldn't speak of? And the one keeping it for him was the 'Witch of Envy.' That's practically the highest level of secrecy. Even Emilia and that great spirit had no way of knowing."
"Natsuki Subaru-kun, you really are pitiful. For you personally, an ability like that-could only be a curse."
She saw it clearly. Julius had been right: being cautious in a desperate situation wasn't wrong. What was wrong was laying bare everyone's distrust before that utterly lonely boy.
"So Natsuki Subaru-kun really had been protecting others with his life all along. And in the end, he lost his memories, no one could understand him, and it all led to this..."
After heaving a deep sigh, Anastasia turned away and stopped looking at the Sky Curtain. But Subaru's screams still lingered in her ears, leaving her unable to let it go.
Halibel remained expressionless, his silver-gray eyes calmly watching the Sky Curtain. After a long silence, he could only shake his head helplessly.
Watching the group argue, Priscilla curled her red lips into an amused smile and spoke loudly, her voice carrying down the street on the wind:
"Look, what an entertaining sight. Companions at odds, some sympathizing with suffering, others weighing gains and losses. Natsuki Subaru holds the power of foresight, enough to turn the situation around, in one hand, while with the other he personally pushes away those willing to reach out to him, forging his own shackles."
"Splendid, simply splendid. I want to see rivers of blood! Let me see, you pitiful, detestable half-devil camp-how did you people drive your greatest contributor into a dead end? Let us see how many more times that fellow must pay with his life for the ignorance and stupidity of you fools!"
Priscilla snapped her folding fan shut, her scarlet eyes lifting slightly. Her exquisite face bore its customary arrogance, yet a subtle flicker of feeling crossed her eyes.
Al remained standing silently beside Priscilla, his expression hidden in the shadow of his helmet. Only his grip on his sword hilt tightened slightly, as though he, too, sympathized with the pain of the boy in the Sky Curtain.
Inside a courtyard in the imperial capital.
If Rem had already recovered her memories, she would certainly have reacted like this:
Across time and space, she clearly saw Subaru breaking down alone, falling alone, suspected by the entire world.
He had done nothing wrong. He was always sacrificing himself, always giving, yet merely because he had lost his memories, his companions had cast aside their trust in him.
"Subaru-kun..."
Rem pressed her fingertips to her chest. Her heart clenched painfully, tears slipping silently down her face as her voice trembled with sobs.
"No... No matter how much Subaru-kun forgets, no matter what you become... Rem will always recognize you, always believe in you..."
"What defines Subaru-kun has never been your memories. It's your soul, always gentle, always kind, always willing to save others..."
Unfortunately, the current Rem had yet to recover her memories.
Watching the boy's miserable state in the Sky Curtain, she involuntarily swallowed more rapidly. For some reason, nausea welled up inside her-not only because of his wretched appearance, but also because of the person secretly plotting to harm others.
Seeing Ram and Anastasia's suspicions toward Subaru, Rem expressed a certain degree of understanding, but also felt disappointed, distressed, and uneasy.
"If I went to see my sister like this, without my memories, would she suspect me and find herself unable to trust me too?"
Her blue eyes were filled with worry and dejection.
"And who exactly is that person plotting to take other people's lives behind their backs?"
Having witnessed Subaru being brutally harmed without cause time after time, Rem was naturally furious and swore to find the culprit behind it.
"Judging by the conversation between Subaru, my sister, and the others, that assassin lady is still the most likely suspect-they said something about her being the assassin who attacked the mansion before... But why would they let a murderous villain join their group?"
Rem speculated, unable to make sense of it no matter how hard she thought.
In another room, Flop blinked and shifted uneasily:
"Damn, why does the boss have it so rough? He keeps experiencing death, and he still has to worry that the companions around him won't believe him... They're all companions, so why can't they just sit down and talk things through?"
The royal capital of Lugunica.
Having long since taken off her elaborate formal dress and changed into light everyday clothes, Felt suddenly narrowed the crimson eyes beneath her short golden hair. Gone was her usual restless, mischievous manner as she clenched the short sword at her waist, her face full of indignation.
"What the hell! A bunch of idiots!"
"How many times has that guy risked his life to save you? And just because he forgot things, you start suspecting him like that? Talk about ungrateful!"
Having grown up on the streets and valued loyalty above all, Felt couldn't understand these companions' rational calculations at all. She only found them utterly chilling.
Then she turned to question the knight beside her.
"Reinhard, what do you think?"
At that moment, Reinhard was staring fixedly at the Sky Curtain with his clear blue eyes, as though he had seen something utterly shocking. His right hand gripped the Dragon Sword tightly, and it almost seemed possible to hear the rustle of its sheath rubbing against his knight's uniform.
"What's wrong? Reinhard, what are you thinking about?"
"Thinking of you as the window fogs up on a rainy night~"
"?"
"My apologies, Lady Felt. I was too tense-I saw that terrifying being that should never appear in this world..."
Hearing this, Felt couldn't help frowning. Something that even Reinhard feared had actually appeared in the Sky Curtain. Aside from that thug-like first Sword Saint, she supposed the only thing that could inspire such fear was that strange black shadow.
"Do you mean that black shadow saying 'I love you' in front of the guy?"
"That's right, Lady Felt. That black shadow's true identity... is the greatest calamity, who once destroyed half the world-the Witch of Envy, Satella!"
"Then doesn't that mean he and the others are...?!"
Hearing that name, which had terrified countless people for four hundred years.
Felt naturally became extremely wary.
"That is why I must uncover the truth! Whether it is the ability Return by Death or the terrifying fact that the Witch of Envy, Satella, has possessed Subaru... To defend the peace and tranquility of the kingdom and the entire world, I-must set out for the Vollachian Empire!"
Reinhard stopped looking at the Sky Curtain and instead fixed Felt with an utterly resolute gaze.
"Hey, hey, hey! Reinhard, why so sudden?! What about the diplomatic fallout? The terms of the agreement? Aren't you knights and nobles always going on about those things? Why are you suddenly..."
Being stared at like this by her tomato knight made Felt feel particularly strange. Something felt indescribably off, but she couldn't say exactly what.
Remembering that she was the lord, the startled Felt immediately cleared her throat and spoke in the reproachful, commanding tone she had learned.
"What are you shouting so loudly for! Honestly... Still, I do want to go see the guy myself. We can't just sit in the royal capital flapping our gums while they're running around everywhere. Since even you, the 'Sword Saint,' are ignoring those old men now, of course I'm happy."
"Then, Reinhard, in the name of your lord, I order you to disguise yourself and set out with me for the Vollachian Empire!"
Felt pointed in the direction of the empire, seemingly pointing at the curtain's light on the horizon at the same time. Thinking of no longer having to wear that tight, uncomfortable formal dress, and not wanting to keep squabbling with certain nobles, you felt particularly relieved.
"As you command. Thank you, Lady Felt! For the stability and prosperity of the kingdom and the world!"
Felt felt that sense of wrongness again, and finally couldn't hold back her question:
"Reinhard, why do I feel like your sense of responsibility is a little too strong? As the Sword Saint of the Kingdom of Lugunica, your abilities might be practically invincible, but that doesn't mean you have to shoulder the responsibility of protecting the whole world, does it?"
"Besides, the guy's our friend. If the Witch of Envy really has possessed him, can you really fight the witch without hurting him? Don't end up getting him killed too."
Hearing his lord's questions, the red tomato first froze, then smoothly restored his smile. He patted his chest, bowed, and solemnly replied:
"Lady Felt, with great power comes great responsibility. Having received the Divine Protection of the Sword Saint personally bestowed by Lord Od Laguna, I must naturally shoulder the mission of preserving peace throughout the world. As for dealing with that being possessing Subaru, my abilities and Divine Protections can naturally accomplish that without harming Subaru-kun. Please rest assured. I am Subaru's friend as well."
As he spoke, the hand Reinhard held the Dragon Sword with involuntarily trembled. But Felt, who had spent years surviving by reading people's expressions, noticed it.
Since Reinhard still obeyed his lord on the surface, then...
"But before we set out for the empire, I have to stress this again. No matter what happens, you're not allowed to use the Divine Protection of Telepathy on your lord. I have my own privacy! Otherwise, may lightning strike you down!"
"Lady Felt, please rest assured. As the Sword Saint, I naturally have my own knightly code. This journey is merely to deal with a threat to the world."
"All right, then..."
But Felt said nothing more and merely nodded, though waves of turmoil rose in her heart.
Felt waved a hand, and Reinhard respectfully bowed before leaving.
What is that red Nailoong trying to do? He actually dares lie to his own lord. Outrageous, outrageous! What the hell is going on? It's bad enough that the guy is surrounded by traitors, with all that pressure and people trying to kill him. If the red Nailoong is going to be a traitor too, that would be truly terrifying!
Speaking of which, this guy is so strong. If he really wanted to do something monstrous, who could stop him...?
I'll let things take their course for now and discuss it with the guy and the others once we reach the empire.
After sighing helplessly, Felt looked up once more at the Sky Curtain hanging in the air.
The dark scene of the fall slowly dimmed. The pale blue Sky Curtain hung suspended in midair, while that soul-searching question still echoed in everyone's hearts-
Stripped of your memories, your past dissolved-who, exactly, are you?