Ignore the first thousand words.
Anyway, the gist was that the protagonist, Hongshi, helped a foreign old lady cross the road, then got run over and died. The important part was that the old lady didn't die. After that, he transmigrated to the Naruto world, and was currently queuing up in the Main God Space to open treasure chests.
Main God: "Because you helped a foreign old lady cross the road, you earned the world-class achievement of preventing World War III, and received five reward chests with guaranteed S-rank rewards."
Hongshi: "???"
Main God: "That old lady you helped wasn't just any old lady."
"(≖_≖) I know. She was a foreign old lady."
Main God: "No, she was the Queen of England's younger sister. If she'd been run over and killed in China, Britain would have used that as grounds to launch a war, and other countries would have been forced to get involved, setting off World War III. Countless lives would have been lost."
Hongshi: "(°ー°〃) Do you even believe what you're saying?"
Main God: "..."
Hongshi: "..."
Main God: "Do you want these rewards or not?"
Hongshi: "(°ー°〃) Yes."
Main God: "Open them."
Hongshi: "(°ー°〃) Oh."
Five golden treasure chests appeared in the space.
Hongshi asked, "What kind of rewards are in the chests?"
Main God: "Rewards come in five grades, all related to the Naruto world you selected. The lowest is D-rank, and the highest is SSR-rank. Thanks to your outstanding contribution, all five chests guarantee at least S-rank rewards. Sound good??? (͡°͜ʖ͡°)✧"
"But I wanted to go to One Piece!"
"What did you say?"
"N-n-nothing!" Hongshi: "Transmigrating means opening treasure chests, of course! Open them for me!"
Received one Kekkei Mōra Furnace (SSR). May independently smelt one random release technique. Received a Brand-New Chakra Furnace. Grants one opportunity to fuse existing chakra into brand-new chakra, with total chakra unchanged. (A kekkei genkai that has never appeared in the original.) Received 10 Unrestricted Shop Exchange Vouchers (S). Each voucher may be exchanged for any one taijutsu, ninjutsu, genjutsu, or item. Received fixed physique attributes (SSR+): vitality SSR+, chakra SSR+, strength SSR+, ninjutsu SSR, defense SSR+, speed D-, recovery SSR+.
D was the level of an ordinary person, with C corresponding to Genin, B to Chunin, A to Jonin, S to Kage level, SS to Super Kage level, SSS to Six Paths level, and SSR... damn it, it seemed an extra rank had been made up, so they might as well call it invincible level ╮(•́ω•̀)╭. With that extra +, it was invincible among the invincible.
Hongshi looked at the five orbs of light he'd opened. "What the fuck is all this random crap? There are even duplicates."
Main God: "Your luck really is good. You pulled three SSRs in a row, and even got a physique. You should know that physiques are the hardest things to pull. They represent your fixed attributes. Kekkei Mōra means having five chakra slots. You can put chakra of different natures into them and smelt it into chakra unique to you."
"What the hell is a physique, anyway?"
"A fixed physique is your attribute level after transmigration. It won't change, but you can train your control, then, through arduous cultivation..."
Hongshi nodded. "Cultivate? I'm already fucking invincible, why the hell would I cultivate? Mm. That's all right, then ╮(•́ω•̀)╭. Since I have two Kekkei Mōra Furnaces, doesn't that mean I can have two different kinds of Kekkei Mōra?"
Main God: "Correct. Kekkei Mōra can smelt anything in existence, but it's extremely unstable and can easily fuse into useless release techniques. For example, the previous transmigrators smelted all sorts of useless releases, such as Hair Release, Phlegm Release, Mushroom Release, Dog Release, Keyboard Release, and Chicken Release, all with extremely low growth potential. You should choose carefully."
"ﾞ━=͟͟͞͞(Ŏ◊Ŏ‧̣̥̇) Pfft, hahahahaha! What the hell is Dog Release? Does Phlegm Release mean spitting at people?"
By then, Hongshi had already grabbed the two light orbs representing Kekkei Mōra. A seven-star wheel appeared before him, with seven circular slots. Around the wheel were seven chakra orbs of different colors, representing wind, lightning, earth, fire, water, yin, and yang.
As Hongshi selected, he muttered, "I don't have any weaknesses. I'm just afraid of pain. I'm nothing like the Raikage, charging into Amaterasu at the drop of a hat and cutting off an arm without even frowning. I fucking thought it'd grow back! Ahem, getting off track. Among the five elements, Earth Release is the best at defense. Let's start with earth."
"Emmmm, (≖_≖) that doesn't seem like enough defense. Another earth."
"(≖_≖) Still not enough. Earth Release gets broken all the time in the manga. Another earth."
"(≖_≖) Still don't feel safe. Another earth."
"Since I've already picked four earths, three more won't hurt. ╮(•́ω•̀)╭"
The Main God silently thought, I've received so many reincarnators, but I've never seen a fucker like you.
After the seventh Earth Release chakra settled into place, the wheel began spinning and finally became a golden orb of light. "Smelting successful. Received Kekkei Mōra: Cinder Release (defense), growth potential D-."
Main God: "Σ(ﾟ∀ﾟﾉ)ﾉ Nani? What the hell is this??"
Then Hongshi followed the same procedure and put in seven portions of Lightning Release, which had the strongest offensive power. "Smelting successful. Received Kekkei Mōra: Generator Release (speed), growth potential D-."
Main God: "Generator! Pfft, hahahahaha!"
Looking at the two release techniques, Hongshi saw that one actually had only the lowest growth potential, D-. "Holy shit! Cinder Release? What the hell? This fucking counts as Kekkei Mōra? And that growth rate is way too low! What the hell? I want to go to One Piece!"
Main God: "Don't like them? ╮(•́ω•̀)╭ You can fuse them. The resulting release technique's growth rate is random. Anyway, these two Kekkei Mōra of yours look like shit. There's no room for them to get any worse."
The Main God had only been saying it casually, but unexpectedly, Hongshi actually took it seriously! "(≖_≖) You're right. Fuse Trash Release and Generator Release."
Main God: "..."
Trash Release and Generator Release fused successfully, forming a new release technique: Nuclear Release, growth potential 2SSR+ (ninjutsu + chakra).
Hongshi: "Why the FUCK is there even a 2SSR+??? (≖_≖) Nuclear Release? Does that fucking mean nuclear bombs?"
Even the Main God's voice trembled now. "N-Nuclear Release! It really does launch nuclear bombs!!!"
Hongshi: "Mm! ପ(˘ᵕ˘)੭☆ Nice, nice."
Main God: "Looks like this transmigration might cause trouble."
Finally, he turned his attention to the shop system.
The exchange scrolls allowed unrestricted exchanges, one for one, and the shop had everything from ninjutsu, taijutsu, and genjutsu to ninja tools. Some hadn't even appeared in the manga.
Looking at the shop's vast assortment of items, Hongshi said calmly, "Is there even a choice? Obviously, I'm picking the strongest stuff!"
"Don't ask. Let's start with a Rinnegan as an appetizer, and it has to be the strongest Six Paths Ten Tomoe Rinnegan. Offense and defense, energy absorption and healing, one worth seven. Perfect. It even has hidden skills."
"(≖_≖) Isn't it six tomoe?"
"٩(ᐛ)۶ I want ten tomoe. What are you going to do about it?"
"First is the Eight Gates Released Formation, which nearly kicked the story straight to its ending. Strong and cool."
Main God: "Mm, I bet you won't die even after opening the Gate of Death. Why don't you try it?"
"Next, of course, is the great Hashirama's Sage Art: Wood Release: True Several Thousand Hands. I could give you a two-hand handicap and you still couldn't fucking beat me."
"Since my defense is gone, I'll have to find some here. Speaking of defense, there's obviously Uchiha Sasuke's-Sasugay's-badass absolute defense, Susanoo, the ultimate showing-off tool."
"Since I've picked Susanoo, I naturally can't pass up Tailed Beast Mode. Can't leave out this married couple's skills."
"Oh! The Third Raikage's Lightning Shield. Its defense is top-notch too."
"Defense alone won't do. I've got to have some recovery skills too. I choose you, Strength of a Hundred Technique: Yin Seal: Creation Rebirth! Wonder what'll happen when it's combined with the Eight Gates Released Formation. It even works as a beauty treatment!"
"Flying Thunder God is good too. Essential ninjutsu for home and travel, ambushes and assaults, murder and arson, escapes and retreats."
"And, of course, there's our protagonist's intelligence cheat, the Multiple Shadow Clone Technique. Make a thousand clones, and while other people cultivate for one hour, I cultivate for a thousand. Doesn't that piss you off? Besides, if one nuclear bomb can't solve a problem, just throw in a few more!"
Main God: "Isn't zero times a thousand still zero??"
"The last one... ah! Right, naturally, it's Mount Myōboku Sage Art. Another ninjutsu that boosts defense. All set!"
Main God: "(≖_≖) Do you really need that much defense?"
Hongshi ignored the Main God and confirmed the exchange.
But did you really think the exchange would succeed that easily?
No, it didn't.
Yet the prompts that followed nearly made him cough up blood.
Received Rinnegan.
(What? You're asking me about Hashirama cells? I'm already SSR and handcrafting nuclear warheads, okay?)
D- speed, like a softshell turtle, slow as hell. Without the corresponding speed, cannot learn Eight Gates Released Formation. Automatically adapted to Nuclear Release chakra and changed to unnamed taijutsu. Without Wood Release Kekkei Genkai, cannot learn Sage Art: Wood Release: True Several Thousand Hands: Sage Art: Wood Release: True Several Thousand Hands. Automatically adapted to Nuclear Release chakra and changed to unnamed senjutsu. Without tailed beast chakra, cannot learn Tailed Beast Mode. Automatically adapted to Nuclear Release chakra and changed to unnamed ninjutsu. Without Lightning Release chakra, cannot learn Lightning Release Chakra Mode. Automatically adapted to Nuclear Release chakra and changed to unnamed nintaijutsu.
"Pfft! You screwed me over!"
Main God: "Didn't see that coming, did you? Surprised? Unexpected?"
Hongshi: "I object! I want to re-"
Main God: "Off you go!"
Hongshi turned into a shooting star within the Main God Space and disappeared into the distance, his indignant roar still echoing through the space.
Hongshi: "Why is my opening so slapdash?"
Main God: "Ask the author if you're so capable."
"Shut up."