Shocking! The Iceberg Doctor's Most Embarrassing Moment
NANA's electronic voice announced, "Hello, please describe your symptoms."
Zhou Yu ignored him and went straight to knock on the bronze doorplate that read "[Lu Hesi - Department of Deep Interpersonal Relationship Stress Counseling]".
A cold reply came from inside the door, "Come in."
Lu Hesi was holding a pen, the handwriting on the medical record was as neat as printed text, and he didn't even look up.
"Sit."
Zhou Yu pulled out a chair but didn't sit down. He took the medical malpractice report out of his breast pocket and slammed it on the consultation table.
The sound of the paper hitting the table was not loud, just enough to make Lu Hesi's pen nib pause, leaving a single ink blot on the medical record.
Lu Hesi: (ㅍ_ㅍ)
He finally looked up, his gaze sweeping over Chisaki, who was tilting her head behind Zhou Yu; Aimis, who was sucking on a lollipop; Linnai, who was holding a terminal and taking pictures; and Sigelica, who was huddled by the door.
Lu Hesi adjusted his glasses.
"It seems this isn't a routine follow-up appointment."
Zhou Yu then sat down, placed the thermos on the corner of the table, unscrewed the lid, and the sweet, slightly fishy smell of goji berries filled the air.
"Doctor Lu."
His voice, a light and cheerful SpongeBob SquarePants tone bouncing in the clinic, rang out, "Good morning! We're here today to discuss the compliance issues of double labeling in candy recipes!"
Lu Hesi stopped holding the medical record.
Zhou Yu:(ﾉ´ヮ´)ﾉ
"The anxiety-relieving candy you prescribed for our child contained some kind of unlabeled receptor blocker~ Now the entire 'Slacking Squad' is experiencing irreversible, abnormal migration in their voices and speech~"
Chisaki took a step forward and adjusted her glasses.
A childlike voice escaped her lips, and the examination room fell silent.
"Big Brother is right. I conducted salivary enzyme tests on the candy samples, and the residual compound molecular formula deviated from the standard formula by 87.3%."
Chisaki:(｡•́•̀｡)
"This is a problem with Ke Xue."
She emphasized this earnestly.
Lu Hesi's indifferent voice finally cracked.
"Organic damage to the vocal cords?"
He walked around the examination table, his long, slender fingers hovering in front of Chisaki's chin, but not touching her.
Open your mouth and speak.
Chisaki obediently opened her mouth.
Ah~
After examining Lu Hesi with a tongue depressor, his brow furrowed. The mucous membranes were healthy, and his vocal cords were perfect.
He put down the tongue depressor.
Chisaki blinked and added.
"Doctor Lu, I did a voiceprint comparison using a spectrum analyzer. The vocal cord vibration period is 0.3 times faster than normal, which is likely a temporary neurotransmitter mismatch caused by the medication."
Lu Hesi:(≖_≖)
He took off his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose.
Linnai's terminal camera immediately pointed at his face, and messages in the key group were scrolling by rapidly.
[Linnai: Screenshot. jpg The iceberg is cracking! The iceberg is cracking! The iceberg is cracking!]
[Aimis: I was just in the next consultation room, and his voice was so cold it could be used as an air conditioner. Now I'm laughing out loud.]
[Sigelica: Would it kill you to shut up?]
Zhou Yu crossed his legs and used the cup lid to stir the floating goji berries.
"Doctor Lu, would you be interested in explaining this?"
Lu Hesi put his glasses back on.
"That bottle of candy is a stress compensation solution that I personally concocted; the ingredient analysis report is filed in the archive system."
"Recordation Number."
"MR-3078-22."
Chisaki's tablet screen immediately turned to him, and the archived content under the filing number was: regular vitamin supplement, strawberry flavor.
Lu Hesi tapped the edge of the screen with his slender index finger and slid down three lines.
"The system is misclassified; during the database migration at the beginning of the year, the mapping table between prescriptions and nutritional supplement labels in the medical department showed overfitting."
Zhou Yu blew on the steam rising from the cup.
"In other words, Doctor Lu admits that the prescription he wrote is listed as vitamins in the filing system."
"I didn't admit it."
"Could you explain why the numbering is misaligned?"
Lu Hesi remained silent for two seconds.
"Database migration is the responsibility of the IT department."
"The Information Technology Section is under the jurisdiction of the Logistics Department."
Zhou Yu put down the thermos, her SpongeBob SquarePants voice carrying a touch of innocent cruelty.
Aimis finally couldn't hold back and let out a muffled nasal sound, her sarcastic buff instantly activated.
Aimis:(ฅ´ω`ฅ)
"Doctor Lu, you are so handsome! Your jawline is more perfect than any mecha part I've ever disassembled, and your fingers are more beautiful than alloy wires cut by a precision lathe."
She was smiling, her eyes were wide, and her hands had already started slapping herself uncontrollably.
Aimis:(;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`)
The consultation room fell into complete silence.
Lu Hesi's knuckles, gripping the pen, turned bluish-white.
Linnai's terminal was out of focus, and she was shaking like a leaf.
Sigelica buried her face in her hands, her ears turning bright red, and muttered, "I knew I shouldn't have come."
Lu Hesi's lips pressed into a cold, hard line.
Please control your emotions.
Aimis's mouth. "Oh, I'd control myself for you ten thousand times!"
She slapped herself hard across the other cheek.
Smack
Lu Hesi:(￣_￣;)
After watching the play, Zhou Yu took out another document from his canvas bag, with the official red seal of the Logistics Department's warehouse stamped at the bottom of the page.
This is the list of claims.
He pushed the table aside. "Compensation for emotional distress, lost wages, nutritional allowance during vocal cord rehabilitation, and medical malpractice assessment fees."
Lu Hesi took the paper; the total amount claimed was highlighted in bold red, with a small note next to it. "Negotiable."
He wasn't looking at the numbers, but rather at the attached flowchart for saliva testing, the voiceprint spectrum comparison chart, and the chromatogram of candy residue.
Collected by: Chisaki.
Sigelica peeked through her fingers and noticed that the vertical line between Lu Hesi's eyebrows was half an inch deeper than before. She remembered the warmth of his fingertips when he handed her the candy, and her ears started burning again.
Zhou Yu tapped her fingers on the thermos.
"Doctor Lu, making this public will likely damage the medical department's image far more than the cost of compensation."
Linnai muttered under her breath, "Capitalist."
Zhou Yu glanced back at her.
Linnai:(˘•ω•˘)
"I am SpongeBob SquarePants now."
Lu Hesi finally spoke, though his speech was a couple of beats slower.
"The claim amount exceeds the medical department's budget limit."
"Then use your personal research funds to make up for it."
The pen nib drew sharp lines on the checkbook, he tore off the check, pressed it onto the claim list, and pushed it back.
Fill in the numbers yourself.
He then pulled out a sealed aluminum foil bag from the deepest part of the drawer.
"Compensation item, improved version, side effects removed."
Zhou Yu weighed it in his hand.
"Are you asking for hush money?"
Lu Hesi picked up a pen and began writing something in the medical record.
"Clinical trial sample feedback."
He looked up, his gaze sweeping across everyone's faces, finally lingering on Sigelica for a mere 0.3 seconds.
Sigelica: (⁄⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄⁄)
She quickly looked away, her fingers gripping the hem of her coat tightly.
Zhou Yu got up, stuffed the candy and check into the canvas bag, and picked up the thermos.
The SpongeBob SquarePants voice echoed in the clinic one last time.
"Thank you for nature's gifts~"
The Slacking Squad filed out, and the intern at the nurses' station peeked out and silently added a parenthesis after Lu Hesi's name on the shift schedule, "(Half-day rest)".
In the corridor, just as Zhou Yu finished stuffing the bag of candy, the screen of the old-fashioned digital watch on his wrist lit up with a line of garbled characters.
This was followed by Moning's encrypted channel signal.
The pipeline pressure in Warehouse No. 3 of the hazardous chemicals storage area has exceeded the limit, triggering an alarm.
Trigger value: 97 percent of the safety threshold.
The purchase order with the overtime pay terms written on the back was still safely in his breast pocket.
Zhou Yu held Dania's hand, walking at a leisurely pace.
"Let's go see who's delivering Logistics Department pay to the logistics department."
After Dania finished eating the apple, she threw the core into the trash can.
Does the schedule list today's sweet and sour pork ribs portions?
"It's written."
"Then let's finish this quickly so we can eat."
She gripped his hand tightly.
Behind her, Sigelica looked down at the close-up of Lu Hesi's profile that Linnai had sent, her fingers hovering over the screen, making edits.
Finally, she locked the screen and quickened her pace to catch up with the group.
Before the terminal went black, the last message was Chisaki's sweet, childlike voice.
"The doctor said we need to have a follow-up appointment every two weeks. He gave Sister Xixi a private communication channel. I checked the access level—it's for emergency contacts."
At the end of the audio clip, you can hear Sigelica's footsteps as she runs frantically down the corridor.
(◉ω◉)