Comrade Yanye, Your Revolutionary Resolve Needs Improvement

There is a poem that says:

The moon is dark, the wind is high, a quarter past midnight.

A lone man and a lone woman, dry wood…

Ahem, I mean, as a middle-aged single (male) lolicon loser, Yanye, and a young single (female) loser lolicon, Jizi, the moment they met, they immediately found common ground, like dry wood encountering… well, you know.

So, it's understandable that Yanye was so excited, wasn't it?

"I understand, but Comrade Yanye, you need to be clear about your position. I'm the one in charge here! Take your greasy hands off me!"

Although Jizi was the one who initiated the "shoulder-to-shoulder" contact with Yanye at first, it was only to facilitate holding him hostage. Being pinned down by Yanye like this now… it felt so disgusting!

"..." Still looking at Jizi with a crazed expression, he gave no response.

"You don't actually think I'm subdued by you like this, do you? I'll kick you—"

"Cough, cough, cough…"

"Damn it, don't spit blood! I didn't use any force. Your 'staging an accident' technique could be developed in China! …Huh? It seems real, he's spitting like… oh, those are bugs, not excrement. …By the way, Yanye-kun, do you really know the condition of your body right now?"

"It doesn't matter… cough, you say… uh ah… cough, cough, cough… say… cough cough…"

"I'll say it, I'll say it! Can you just calm down first? Your internal organs are already severely damaged, and you get agitated so easily. You even exerted so much force just now, you're more suicidal than I am! Take a breath, deep breath. I won't touch you anymore. Let's just talk like this, okay?"

So, to prevent Yanye from coughing himself to death, Jizi had to dejectedly begin the last talk of the night in this position. [Jizi: Author, can't you put a little more effort into your word choice and phrasing?]

--- I really tried to use fewer dividing lines ---

"First of all, your ultimate goal is to save little lo… little Sakura, right? Then your course of action is completely wrong, young man."

"…!"

"Stay calm! Don't speak, just listen to my analysis. Don't start coughing blood again! Look, you're using the Holy Grail as a transaction, wanting to exchange it for Sakura, right? Let's not even discuss whether you can win. Let's assume you achieved ultimate victory. And then what?"

?_?

"Don't look at me with that confused expression! You won! The Holy Grail is yours! It's an omnipotent wish-granting machine! You can have anything! Then why would you give it to that immortal old man? You are the master! The command spells are in your hands! With the Holy Grail, you can toy with Tokiomi, toy with Zouken, do the demon-father play with Sakura and Rin, or rule the world, live forever, have three thousand beauties, or even shatter the void to obtain girls' underwear, or even… wet, slippery, sticky smoke (1) – it's all up to you!"

:－O

"…Don't give me that look of sudden enlightenment! Didn't you think of it at all?"

→_→

"…Why are you looking away guiltily! You really didn't think of this possibility at all? Did a dog eat your IQ?"

－_－||

"Alright, alright, concern makes people reckless. When it comes to your goddess, losers and backup options lose their IQ. I understand this. But now you understand, right! Do you know what to do now?"

"…" (Nods)

"Get your face away from me! Why are you nodding your head in this position! Hmm? Your breathing is much smoother now. It looks like you can move now?"

"…" (Nods)

"I told you not to nod! Would it kill you to make a sound! Also, if you can move, get off me. You're having too much fun in the riding position!"

--- I'm really trying to practice using more natural descriptive methods for scenes ---

"However, Caster, according to the alliance you just proposed, it seems you don't need to fulfill any obligations?" Although he was very grateful that Caster had enlightened him, and having an ally was also excellent, Kariya Matou raised this question after looking at the so-called contract, as the matter involved Sakura, and he had to be cautious.

"Heh, why are you so smart now?" Jizi retorted mercilessly. After appreciating Yanye's embarrassed expression for a moment, she answered directly, "I have detailed information on all the Servants and Masters in this war. I'm exchanging this for the powerful combat strength of your Berserker. Isn't that enough?"

"Then at least provide some credible evidence."

Damn it! Yanye, you're not stupid, are you? Then why were you so foolish in the original story, being tricked by Mapo and then helping him sell his crutches? After complaining in her mind, Jizi snapped her fingers casually and said, "Then let me show you my information-gathering ability, which is said to rival Baidu! Make your Berserker appear!"

"Roar～～"

In the black magical vortex, Lancelot reappeared… well, he didn't reappear, so let's just say he made his entrance.

Jizi: "What's your name?"

[Yanye: I'll be damned, is this what you call information gathering? First of all, Berserker has no reason and won't answer, and even if he had reason, he wouldn't tell you, right?]

"Roar～～!"

[Yanye: As expected. Huh?]

Jizi: "Oh, so you're that Lancelot who dug into the boss's corner and ended up causing the disintegration of your Round Table group. The famous first knight under King Arthur, I've heard so much about you."

[Yanye: …What the hell is this? How did you get so much information from a single "Roar～～!"?]

Jizi: "Then what are your stats?"

"Roar～～～!"

Jizi: "Strength, Endurance, and Agility are all A, Mana C, Luck B, and Noble Phantasm is also A. At this level, even Saber, the head of the Three Knight Classes, is no match for you."

[Yanye: Aren't only Masters able to view stats? Caster, how did you do that? Are ancient mages monsters?]

Jizi: "Then what are your possessed skills and Noble Phantasms?"

"Roar～!"

Jizi: "Magic Resistance of rank E, not very useful. Protection of the Fairies looks good, but the activation condition is restrictive. The Holy Grail War has absolutely no 'military merit' whatsoever. Endless Martial Training, so it's because of this that you can still display such exquisite martial arts even when under Mad Enhancement? The Knight of the Lake (Changjiang) is indeed worthy of his reputation. And you can turn weapons into Noble Phantasms, and even control the properties of other people's weapons as Noble Phantasms at their original rank? This ability suits me very well! The ability to disguise, no wonder other Masters can't see your status, and pretending to be someone else, this also suits me very well, doesn't it! And finally, the highlight is—Arondight, the sword that cannot be destroyed! This sword is on the same level as Saber's holy sword! It also has a dragon-slaying attribute. This… King Arthur seems to have dragon blood, doesn't he? Heh, a historical irony?" (2)

"This... feels like if I comment, I'll lose," Yanye thought.

"Roar!"

Jizi: "So you weren't summoned for the Holy Grail either—Can you stop matching me so well? Do you just want to be punished by the King? You and her, really, your personalities are too... Sigh, honestly, if you two could just fight by the sea until you'd had enough, most of the tragedy could have been avoided."

"Roar..."

Jizi: "It's okay, I'll 'exchange' well this time, I'll help you, you have to be confident too!"

"Roar~ Roar~"

Jizi: "Don't worry, we're allies."

"Don't take matters into your own hands, I haven't acknowledged you as an ally yet... Wait, I'm not commenting anymore!"

Watching the two Servants conversing happily in a way he couldn't understand at all, Yanye gave a wry smile and shook his head. Meeting this Caster, who seemed mysterious but was actually full of "unreliability," perhaps the end of this war could truly fulfill the wish he himself didn't believe would succeed... He inexplicably had such a premonition.

Moreover, noticing the curve of his own lips, the man who had been struggling in pain thought that it had been a long time since he had smiled so relaxedly.

"Comrade Yanye!"

Caster's call brought Yanye, whose thoughts were a bit hazy, back to reality.

"What is it?"

"Berserker has agreed, so our alliance is settled."

"When did he... Never mind, I'll drive myself crazy arguing with you about this. If you say so, what can I do? I know you mean no harm." Yanye replied as if he had let go of something. "Then I'll form an alliance with you."

"But..." Before Caster could finish speaking, Yanye's expression turned serious and earnest as he cut in, "About Sakura, as we agreed in the alliance..."

"Oh, that," Caster waved a hand casually, "we can take care of that later, but there's one more thing before that."

"What?" Yanye felt a pang of unease. What was going on?

"As an ally, I'll give you some more benefits. I have something good to show you." Caster's words didn't seem dangerous, but why did the feeling of unease grow stronger? Shaking his head, Yanye forced himself to act normal and replied, "That's really thank—"

"Why aren't you speaking?"

No... it wasn't that he wasn't speaking, but that he didn't know what to say. The black hood was pulled down, and the mask dissolved into a wisp of black smoke. What appeared before Yanye was an exquisitely beautiful face. Even Sakura... no, Sakura was the most beautiful... But before this face, could he really tell himself that with a clear conscience?

"Beautiful, isn't she?"

"Mmm... No..." He nodded subconsciously, then quickly shook his head.

"Not beautiful?"

"Beautiful... but..."

"Relax, I know who your goddess is. But hey, Yanye-kun, do you remember what you just did?"

What did I do... I just made an agreement... Wait, back there on the chair! So this is where the crisis premonition that kept flashing warning signals was coming from...

"To think you'd let a man pin me down! Yanye, I'll take care of Sakura and Berserker. You go meet Ai Enma!"

"Hiten Mitsurugi-ryū - Amakakeru Ryū no Hirameki!" The blade, carrying a cold glint, slashed mercilessly.