Old Far East Affairs

May 7, 776, Far East Military Academy

"Class begins now, cadets! Sit properly."

More than fifty newly appointed Banner Captain officers from various corps, attending the advanced officer training course, sat primly and listened to their sixteen-year-old Vice Banner Captain instructor, Zichuan Xiu.

"Today, I'll explain military strategy: 'Swift as the wind, steady as the forest, fierce as fire when invading and plundering, immovable as a mountain.' What does it mean? Very simple. When you tuck your tail and run, you have to be as fast as the wind. When you see a forest, hide in it. If the enemy sets the forest on fire, then stay 'immovable as a mountain' and die there. Understand? Good. Next sentence."

"'War is a matter of vital importance to the state, the ground of life and death, the path of survival and ruin.' What it means is that war is your livelihood—if there's no war to fight, you'll all be unemployed, and next month you'll receive forty percent of your pay. Our President Commander is a benevolent ruler and can't bear to see you unemployed, so he often just messes around with the Liufeng Family for fun. Don't misunderstand his good intentions in the future. If anyone accidentally wipes out the Liufeng Family, all our rice bowls will be smashed, and I won't let him off!"

"There's another passage: 'If a state lacks lawful ministers and worthy aides within, and hostile states and external threats without, it will perish.' You understand, right? To keep a country from perishing, stir up more trouble and bring back more 'hostile states and external threats.' Then the country will 'endure forever'!"

"What if you can't beat them? If you can't beat them, reason with the enemy! This cadet, you really are stupid. Did you become a Banner Captain through connections? What can't you reason with them about? Talk about international law, international conventions, love for all humanity, tell them we love peace and won't stoop to their level—it all works! Whether the Liufeng Family listens is another matter."

The Banner Captain officers below whispered among themselves:

"Where did they find this idiot to teach us?"

"Lord Ge Yingxing personally approved him as an instructor at the Far East Military Academy. I heard they're related. You knew he was an idiot, so why did you choose his Tactical Theory course?"

"Because he gives high grades. Take the exam and get ninety-eight. Skip the exam and get eighty-nine. A blank paper is fine, but write your name wrong and you lose three points. He never takes attendance, every class lasts only half the period, and there's no homework. Where else could you find such a good instructor?"

"Instructor, what do the six types of terrain described in the book—accessible ground, entangling ground, contentious ground, narrow ground, dangerous ground, and distant ground—mean? What specific requirements do they entail in battle?"

"Good! That is a good question, a meaningful question, a timely question, a highly competent question, an insightful question, a..."

"Instructor, please answer!"

"Don't rush. How could your instructor not understand such a simple question? Well, well, the issue with the issue is this issue. What I mean is, ha, once I say it, you'll understand. It's very simple—now you understand, right?"

"No!"

"Oh dear, I didn't realize your comprehension was that poor. No choice, then. I'll have to find someone a little more stupid to explain it to you. Sterling, wake up! Stop dozing off and help your instructor answer the question!" Zichuan Xiu hurried over to shake Sterling awake.

"Teacher Xiuchuan, I'm very stupid. I don't understand this question." He whispered, "A week's dinners, at Jintai."

"Student Sterling, don't be anxious. Think about it slowly!" Zichuan Xiu whispered, "Bastard, you might as well become a bandit! I'll treat you to fried noodles from a street stall tonight!"

"Teacher, I suddenly realize I still don't know!" Sterling whispered, "Special bargain price: five dinners, at Jintai Hotel!"

"Student Sterling, I know you can do it!" Zichuan Xiu whispered, "You're extorting me! Three bowls of fried noodles. Not one more!"

"Teacher, I suddenly feel a little dizzy. I can't remember anything..." Sterling refused to yield.

"I am extorting you! Who told you to renege last time? Four dinners, with drinks included!"

"Student Sterling, you're too tense. Relax a little." Zichuan Xiu whispered, "Three dinners. I can consider Jintai Restaurant, but you bring your own drinks!"

"Ah, I'm about to faint, Teacher!" Sterling rolled his eyes and prepared to collapse. Zichuan Xiu hurriedly caught him and shook him hard. "Wake up, wake up, hang in there! Student Sterling!" He whispered, "You win! Jintai it is!"

"Ah, Teacher, I remember now!" Sterling, who had been at death's door moments ago, instantly became lively and energetic. He answered loudly, "Accessible ground is terrain that both sides can freely enter and leave. On such ground, seize the high ground and the sunny side first, and protect your supply routes. Entangling ground is terrain that is easy to enter but difficult to leave. It favors attacks against enemies unprepared for assault, but becomes dangerous if the enemy is well prepared. Terrain unfavorable for attack by either side is called contentious ground. On such ground, it is best to hold firm and ignore enemy provocations..."

"Mm, that was barely acceptable. You got the essential points right. That cadet, do you understand now?" Zichuan Xiu turned to Sterling, his expression suddenly stern. "Student Sterling, I'm very disappointed in you! You needed so long to consider such a simple question. In the future, on the battlefield, you'll hold the lives of tens of thousands of Family soldiers in your hands, with life and death decided in an instant. Do you expect the enemy to give you that much time to think?"

Sterling lowered his head in shame and expressed boundless remorse for letting down Teacher Zichuan Xiu's expectations.

The more Zichuan Xiu spoke, the angrier he became. "What is genius? Genius is ninety-eight points of sweat plus two points of inspiration! Yet you rely on a little cleverness, refuse to study diligently, and waste your ambitions on trifles—when exactly are you planning to return that copy of PLAYBOY? At this rate, you'll never amount to anything! Come, come with me to the disciplinary office and reflect properly! The rest of you, self-study!"

The two left the classroom.

"Axu, aren't you being too ruthless? You ditched class after only ten minutes. And didn't you use this excuse last time? I've lost count of how many times I've gone to the disciplinary office with you to reflect."

"What are you talking about? You remembered wrong! Last time, I said your hemorrhoids had flared up and I had to take you to the infirmary. If this class continued, I'd go bankrupt! Where's Di Lin? He didn't come to class today?"

"He went to collect protection money."

In a dead-end alley, several lower-year Far East Military Academy cadets huddled together, watching the beautiful-faced Di Lin approach with a smile. "Good afternoon, everyone! Had afternoon tea yet?"

One of them gathered his courage and said, "Boss Di, we already paid last week..." Before he could finish, Di Lin's heavy military boot slammed into his face.

Di Lin handed him a napkin to wipe away the blood from his nose and said pleasantly, "You took a crap last week. Are you not going to take another this week? Last time, we collected money to commemorate the one hundred and twenty-fifth anniversary of Her Highness Yalimei's death. This time, it's to celebrate the two hundred and fifty-third anniversary of the birth of the great Lord Zichuan Yun. The nature of the matter is completely different! As a Family officer cadet, don't you feel boundless joy for this great day? Don't any of you have even a little patriotic passion? If that's the case, I'm terribly disappointed..."

Di Lin clenched his fist until it crackled, fully expressing how patriotic Banner Captain Di Lin was and how disappointed he was in these unpatriotic people.

At that moment, Sterling and Zichuan Xiu appeared at the alley corner. The cadets cried out as if they had seen saviors, "Help! Instructor Xiuchuan! Di Lin is collecting protection money!"

"Student Di Lin, you're bullying new students again! It seems I'll have to get serious with you!" Zichuan Xiu said indignantly. "Don't be afraid, students. If Di Lin dares bully you again, report it to me at the academic office and I'll skin him alive! Remember, you must report it!" As he spoke, Zichuan Xiu dragged Sterling away—and quickly, at that.

Di Lin looked at the disappointed officer cadets and chuckled. "Let me tell you a secret: Teacher Axu has skinned me over a hundred times already! All right, enough nonsense. Now is the time to show your patriotic fervor through practical action! I hate unpatriotic people most of all!"

In the peach grove behind the campus, Di Lin found Zichuan Xiu and Sterling and gave each of them an ice cream.

Zichuan Xiu said unhappily, "That's all?"

Di Lin said, "Can't be helped. The economy is bad. Even being a thug doesn't pay anymore. I can't collect protection money."

While gobbling his down, Sterling said indistinctly, "I don't think what you're doing is very good. Bullying younger students is wrong..."

Di Lin shot him a glare. "If you think it's bad, don't eat it. Aren't you always the fastest eater?"

Sterling immediately shut up and quickly finished the rest.

Jintai Restaurant was the finest restaurant near the Far East Military Academy—and also the most outrageously expensive. Sterling and Di Lin swaggered in first and ordered, "Today, we're plucking the iron rooster! Bring out your best dishes!"

Zichuan Xiu followed behind with a miserable look, his face plainly bearing the words "deep bitterness and hatred," looking like a people oppressed for three thousand years.

The three ate and drank their fill.

Di Lin rubbed his belly with a satisfied smile. "It's been a long time since I felt this good! I get such a sense of achievement eating Axu's meals. Everything tastes especially delicious!"

Zichuan Xiu put his hand into his pocket, then pulled it back out. His face showed an indescribable expression as he asked Di Lin, "Tell me, thug Di Lin, how many methods are there for dining and dashing?"

Di Lin thought for a moment. "Method one: the cockroach-and-fly method. Method two: grease your feet and run. Method three: food poisoning. Method four: the fierce-and-vicious method. Why do you ask? Don't tell me you forgot your wallet?"

"Who said I forgot it? But besides my wallet, there was something else in my pocket..." Zichuan Xiu turned out his trouser pocket, revealing a large hole—just the right size for a wallet to fall through.

Sterling stared in amazement. "Didn't your wallet already fall out the last time you paid? Your wallet really falls out endlessly—and every time, at exactly the right moment!"

Zichuan Xiu protested, "How is this the same? Last time, I pretended. This time, it really fell out!"

The three looked at each other and spoke in unison, "Method four!"

Di Lin rose and strode away, sweeping a plate of sweet-and-sour fish onto the floor before smashing a wine bottle viciously. "Is this food for people or pigs? I've never eaten such terrible dishes in my life! Bring out the chef!"

Zichuan Xiu clutched his stomach at the side and cried out in pain. "Ah, my food poisoning is acting up!"

Sterling casually stepped aside to avoid being hit by flying glass.

The waiter hurried over, looking as though he understood exactly what was happening. "Understood, understood! Gentlemen, please calm down. If there's anything you're dissatisfied with, the chef will come apologize immediately."

At that very moment, the greatest turning point in the destinies of the Three Heroes of Zichuan was born.

September 16, 779, Di Lin's Residence.

Chief Inspector Di Lin said with a smile, "I still remember when Lin Xiujia came out wearing a chef's apron. You stared dumbly at her, and drooled even more than when you ate sweet-and-sour fish."

Zichuan Xiu protested, "I definitely wasn't the one drooling the most! Weren't you the same? You had just smashed her plate, then immediately put on a gentle expression. 'Miss, did you cook this dish? The flavor is truly extraordinary! It's beyond words! Miss, I want to eat the food you cook for the rest of my life. Would you be willing?' You said that the moment you met her. You really treat nauseating sweetness as something amusing!"

Di Lin laughed loudly. "What do you know? Girls like sweet talk. The more sickening it is, the more they like it! The worst was Sterling. He turned traitor on the spot. 'Miss, let me tell you, those two are bad people. They wanted to dine and dash! I'm the only good person!' He made us so mad!"

Zichuan Xiu could not help smiling. "Yes. That night nearly produced the first-place winner of the Zichuan Family Brawling Competition."

The night had grown deep, and Zichuan Xiu took his leave. At parting, Di Lin told him meaningfully, "Axu, I know you'll soon be leaving for Far East. You know what kind of rabble your Xiu Battalion is, so I won't say more. But you must have a clear understanding of the current situation in Far East. We may win one battle, two battles, three battles, even a hundred battles, but we cannot win this war, no matter how many troops we add. We still lack a decisive factor capable of turning the whole situation around, and that factor cannot be obtained from the battlefield. I told Sterling this too, but judging from how impulsive he is now, he obviously didn't listen. He wants to use human strength to reverse fate."

Zichuan Xiu asked, "Then what do you think is the factor that can decide the war?"

Di Lin shook his head. "I don't know. Do you want to hear my advice?"

"Go ahead."

"Never go farther than three days' ride from Gollum Fortress. Be ready at all times for unexpected developments." Di Lin's expression was grave.

On the way home, Zichuan Xiu slowly mulled over Di Lin's final words. The more he thought about them, the more unfathomable they seemed.

When he looked back, Di Lin's Residence, which had been brightly lit moments ago, was already shrouded in profound darkness, impossible to see through...

Two days later, something happened that left everyone in the Imperial Capital baffled. Chief Inspector Di Lin suddenly broke from his usual behavior and actively pressed the case against former Far East Army Deputy Commander Luo Bo for dereliction of duty, assuming an attitude of pursuing it severely. He sternly let word spread: "This time, I'll chop off a few heads from the Commanders' Office and let Luobo Minghai learn just how formidable I, Di Lin, am!" He even declared that he would personally serve as prosecutor at the Military Law hearing. "I'd like to see who dares protect Luo Bo!"

The news quickly reached President Commander Luobo Minghai. After considering it for only a few minutes, he immediately changed his position, vigorously defending Luo Bo. He even said he would attend the Military Court, presided over by President Commander Zichuan Canxing, as Luo Bo's defense counsel.

The Military Court convened as scheduled. The proceedings nearly became a one-man performance by President Commander Luobo Minghai. He spoke passionately, each word ringing clear and forceful. "The defeat at Chishuitan resulted from causes beyond human control! Even amid a rout like a flood, he still preserved Gollum Fortress. Deputy Commander Luo Bo did not lose the bearing of a famous general. He has merit, not fault! If the Family gives its meritorious servants not the slightest reward but instead binds them in iron chains, would that not chill the hearts of the million soldiers at the front?" His speech won fervent applause from Far East officers such as Lin Bing, who were observing in the hall, making Luobo Minghai all the more pleased with himself as he looked around triumphantly.

By comparison, Di Lin's performance disappointed everyone, including Zichuan Canxing. His words were incoherent and stammering, his arguments self-contradictory. He had not even determined whether Luo Bo was charged with dereliction of duty or improper command in the indictment, and Luobo Minghai refuted him so thoroughly on the spot that he was left in complete disarray.

As a result, when Zichuan Canxing declared Luo Bo innocent, Di Lin looked like a defeated rooster, hanging his head as though he could barely remain standing.

Luobo Minghai cast Di Lin a disdainful glance, then proudly accepted his subordinates' congratulations. They congratulated him on "defeating that hateful Di Lin again!" He was so delighted that he ate an extra bowl of rice that night and even made an exception by drinking wine.