Late at night, a grim and terrifying castle stood amid the dense forest. The castle was especially quiet in the darkness. A room on the Seventh Floor was lit up, where a white-haired, white-bearded wizard who looked like he had stepped out of the Middle Ages and an obviously evil little brat with black hair and blue eyes were doing something unspeakable to a diary.
That was Voldemort's point of view.
The real point of view was:
"Old Deng, you had a pair of threes left and still used the Big Joker to beat me? Do you even know how to play Landlord? We're on the same team!" Horatio looked at the three queens and a six in his hand, then at Flying God across from him, who had thrown down four tens, and felt utterly powerless.
Dumbledore smiled awkwardly. "Weren't we supposed to be studying the diary? Why are we playing cards here?"
Horatio boredly tossed his cards onto the table. "Because the author couldn't think of anything exciting to write, so he had to pad the word count with this."
"Ahem, jokes aside, how does this thing work?" Dumbledore asked, pointing at the diary across from him.
Horatio immediately perked up and picked up the diary, pitching it to Dumbledore. "The Quibble Group's latest technology: the upgraded inferior map. It comes with the Flying God intelligent AI system and can activate voice mode. Since it was made using Voldemort's soul, it can accurately locate all nearby Horcruxes. Commonly known as a guide rat."
To demonstrate that the product was genuine, Horatio said to the diary, "Classmate Little Flying?"
"I'm here," Flying God replied.
"Search for all nearby Horcruxes."
"There are two Horcruxes near you." Two icons then appeared on the diary: one was a sleeping little boy, while the other was an ancient, faded silver diadem.
"Huh?" Horatio had thought Hogwarts only had Harry as a Horcrux. He had not expected an unexpected bonus.
"Ravenclaw's Diadem!" Dumbledore cried out when he saw the familiar icon. "Take us to the diadem, quickly."
Flying God did not move an inch.
"You want to unlock premium service without paying? What are you thinking?" Horatio said contemptuously. "Fine, this is a free trial. Remember to subscribe to premium service first next time. Classmate Little Flying, take us to the diadem."
Flying God led them to the Room of Requirement. Horatio cried out, "Impossible! I set up an interrogation room here before, and I never found any diadem! Could it be broken?" As he spoke, he went to inspect the diary.
Dumbledore stopped him. "Perhaps you opened it the wrong way."
Dumbledore then thought, I need a place to hide things, and walked past the Room of Requirement three times in a row.
The door to the Room of Requirement appeared. Horatio and Dumbledore entered, finding a room as large as a cathedral, filled with items hidden there throughout the ages by every student who had discovered this secret.
Horatio seemed to realize something. "So that's it! You sneaky old bastard! I was wondering why I couldn't find those old-man photo books of yours anywhere after I planned to burn them last Christmas. You hid them here!" With that, Horatio prepared to burn everything in the room with Fiendfyre.
Dumbledore hurriedly grabbed him. "Calm down, calm down. Finding the diadem is more important."
Flying God brought them before an old cabinet covered in blisters. On top of it stood a pockmarked bust of a wizard, wearing Ravenclaw's Diadem on its head.
"That's it. That familiar soul smell." Horatio jumped up, trying to take the diadem down, but his height and jumping ability were clearly nowhere near enough to reach it.
After realizing he could not reach it, Horatio glanced at Dumbledore, who was snickering beside him. "What are you staring at? Hurry up and take that thing down. Just so we're clear, this is my trophy."
Dumbledore reached out, took down Ravenclaw's Diadem, and handed it to Horatio. They then left the Room of Requirement and returned to the headmaster's office.
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Horatio continued pitching his diary to Dumbledore. "So? Pretty amazing, right? As long as you carry this inferior map around the world, you'll eventually find every Horcrux. It also supports music playback and dance functions to ease your boredom during the journey."
"Come on, Little Flying. Perform 'Grand Ambitions' for the headmaster."
"Sing karaoke in the villa, keep silver arowana in the pool..."
Following the music played by the diary, Flying God began to dance.
Dumbledore was tempted. "How much does it cost?"
"Not 998, not 9,998—just 99,998 Galleons, and you can take it home."
"Why does it keep getting more expensive?" Dumbledore asked in confusion. He truly did not have that much money at the moment.
"Just tell me whether you want it or not. Buy now and get four Avada Close Defense Cannons for free. Bartering is also accepted now." As he spoke, Horatio looked toward the Sorting Hat.
"Forget about the Sorting Hat. How about this?" Dumbledore placed a large silver sword on the table.
Horatio's face darkened. "Headmaster, I play ranged. Are you giving me a huge sword because you want me to cosplay Garen?"
"This is the Gryffindor Sword."
"Yes, yes, yes!" Horatio immediately pounced on the huge sword like a dog and refused to let go of it.
In the end, Horatio left Tom Riddle's diary—the current inferior map—along with four silver cubes on the table. He picked up the Gryffindor Sword and Ravenclaw's Diadem, opened a Portal, and left the headmaster's office.
"That little bastard." Dumbledore stared at the diary and the four silver cubes on the table, considering where to use them. "Wait! Where did that little bastard's Portal lead?"
He vaguely recalled that the scene inside the Portal had seemed to be a place piled full of clutter.
"My photo books!!!"
Horatio arrived in Slytherin's Chamber of Secrets carrying several old-man photo books, the Gryffindor Sword, and Ravenclaw's Diadem.
"Hehehe, with the photo books, I can command Old Deng; with the Gryffindor Sword, I can order Professor McGonagall around. I can strut sideways through Hogwarts now."
[You could already strut sideways without those.]
"True."
Horatio pulled Voldemort's soul out of Ravenclaw's Diadem. He had not decided how to deal with it yet, so he tossed it into the lantern to suffer for now.
He then placed Ravenclaw's Diadem on his head. "Strange. Why don't I feel anything? Could it be that I'm too smart, so Ravenclaw's Diadem can't boost me at all?"
[Host, zero multiplied by any number is still zero.]
"How dare you say I have no brain? Come out and fight me one-on-one."
[The moment you opened this book's synopsis, you had already agreed to leave your brain there.]
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