The baby's piercing cries in his arms were like demonic music drilling into his skull. A warm, damp sensation rapidly spread through his thin clothing, carrying an unmistakable, fresh... milky smell?
Ling Ye stiffly lowered his head and stared at the rapidly expanding dark stain on his chest, as well as the little fleshy lump in his arms that was wailing as though it had exhausted its entire life force, its tiny face flushed red. His brain fell into an unprecedented standstill.
He... wet himself?
In his arms?
In the arms of the Primordial Great Expert who had once extinguished the stars with a flick of his fingers and caused the earth's veins to tremble with a stomp?!
An indescribable absurdity and extreme disgust instantly overwhelmed his nerves! Almost by reflex, he wanted to throw this "source of contamination" away!
However, just as his fingertips were about to exert force, a cold snort suddenly rang out from the depths of his soul, freezing his movements like ten-thousand-year-old ice!
It was that lady's warning!
Ling Ye's movement froze in midair. His face shifted between green and white before ultimately turning into utter grievance and despair. He couldn't throw the baby! Not only could he not throw him, he even had to... "learn how to change a diaper"?!
Just kill him!!!
"Waaah—!!! Waaah—!!!" The baby's cries grew even louder, as though protesting this terrible "after-sales service." His tiny arms and legs continued kicking wildly.
Ling Ye scrambled frantically, trying to adjust his position and keep this "biological weapon" farther away from himself. But his movements were clumsy, and instead, they made the baby cry even harder. More "warm dampness" seeped through the front of his robe.
He felt like he was about to suffocate! This was ten thousand times more humiliating than when he had ventured alone into the depths of the Chaos Sea and been besieged by countless ferocious beasts!
Meanwhile, on the floor, Su Wanqing had only just barely recovered from the string of earth-shaking changes. She stared, dumbfounded, at the surreal scene before her—
The terrifying Great Expert who could tear space apart with a wave of his hand and make the highest will retreat with a shout was currently holding a bawling baby like a helpless puppet. The child was still drawing a map on him, while his face was filled with enormous bewilderment, as if questioning his life, along with... clearly visible disgust and collapse.
This scene... was so shocking that she temporarily forgot her fear. She even felt a little... like laughing. (But she held it in with all her might.)
Driven frantic by the crying, Ling Ye finally lost patience. He abruptly raised his head and shot a murderous gaze at the only ordinary mortal on the floor who might be of some "use"!
"You!" His voice was slightly distorted from extreme restraint. "Come here! Get him away! Clean him up!"
Su Wanqing shuddered under that gaze and instinctively wanted to obey. But when she looked at the baby crying as if the heavens were collapsing, and at the mess across Ling Ye's chest, a sliver of feminine instinct—though she had no experience—still overcame her fear.
She cautiously spoke in a trembling voice. "Great... Great Expert... could you... perhaps... be a little gentler first? He seems... uncomfortable..."
Ling Ye paused. He lowered his head and looked at his slightly rigid arms, which had tensed from nervousness. It seemed... he really was holding the baby a little too tightly?
Extremely unwillingly, he tried to loosen his grip a little.
Sure enough, the baby's cries weakened slightly, turning into more aggrieved sobs.
Ling Ye: "..."
It actually... worked?
A strange feeling, as though he had unlocked a new skill, flickered through his heart, but it was quickly drowned out by even greater irritation.
"Enough nonsense! Hurry up!" he urged impatiently. Like someone handing off a hot potato, he carefully yet disdainfully extended the baby a little toward Su Wanqing.
Su Wanqing hurriedly fumbled to take the child. The baby felt heavy, soft, and damp in her arms, instantly making her nervous as well. Her movements were hardly any better than Ling Ye's, and she nearly dropped him.
Holding the child, she looked at the conspicuous wet stain on Ling Ye's chest, then at the completely empty room. Bracing herself, she asked, "...Tissues... tissues? Or... a clean cloth? And... a new diaper?"
Ling Ye's face turned livid. Tissues? Diapers? His ragged cloth bag contained every kind of Innate Supreme Treasure, but not a single one of these mundane things!
He irritably scanned the room, and his gaze finally landed on... the white bedsheet on the bed, which looked reasonably clean.
"Use that!" he ordered without hesitation.
Su Wanqing looked at the hotel's white bedsheet, and the corner of her mouth twitched. But under Ling Ye's murderous gaze, she didn't dare object. She awkwardly held the baby with one arm—the child was still sobbing—while trying to tug at the sheet with the other.
Ling Ye watched her clumsy movements, his brows knotting into a deathly frown. The inefficiency was giving him a headache.
Extremely impatient, he extended his hand and grabbed at the bedsheet from the air—
"Riiip—!"
With a tearing sound, a large section of the sheet was violently ripped away and thrown to Su Wanqing.
"Hurry up!"
Su Wanqing was startled by the forceful dismantling. She scrambled to catch the piece of cloth and began trying to wipe and wrap the baby.
Naturally, the process was chaotic and utterly disastrous. The baby cried loudly again from discomfort, Su Wanqing sweated anxiously, and Ling Ye watched from the side in a towering rage. Several times, he wanted to "help" personally—using Primordial methods—but he was afraid he might accidentally crush the fragile little thing. Thus, he could only pace back and forth irritably.
In the end, a "temporary diaper" that was barely usable—but extremely ugly and loose—was born. The baby's cries gradually turned into soft sobs, as though he had cried himself tired.
The room temporarily returned to a brief silence.
Ling Ye and Su Wanqing both breathed a sigh of relief, as if they had just gone through a major battle.
However, before they could catch their breath—
"Grrrrooowl..."
A loud, unmistakable rumble from the baby's belly shattered the silence.
The little fellow smacked his lips and began burrowing his head into Su Wanqing's arms, making soft, whimpering noises.
He was hungry.
Ling Ye and Su Wanqing looked at each other, both seeing even greater despair in the other's eyes.
Milk?
Where were they supposed to get milk?!
Ling Ye's gaze once again swept over Su Wanqing's chest like a searchlight.
Su Wanqing instantly hugged the child tighter. Her face flushed bright red as she backed away repeatedly. "I... I don't have any!"
Ling Ye curled his lip in disdain, seemingly finding the idea unrealistic as well. His gaze shifted back to the ragged cloth bag.
Divine pills? Immortal wine? Chaos spirit spring water? Their energy was too overbearing. If he gave them to this mortal baby, the child would probably explode on the spot.
Should he go catch a spirit beast that produced milk? Or... go to a supermarket and buy formula?!
The thought of holding a baby—or ordering Su Wanqing to hold one—in front of a supermarket shelf while studying formula brands filled Ling Ye with soul-deep resistance and shame!
Just as the two of them were at their wits' end—
The bellyband in Ling Ye's arms seemed to sense the resonance of "hunger." It stirred restlessly again, emitting a faint mental fluctuation that seemed to say, "I'm hungry too!" It even carried a trace of curiosity and faint envy toward the baby next door who could truly cry and truly feel hungry.
The hunger pressing in from both inside and outside left Ling Ye frazzled and drove his irritation to the limit.
He abruptly turned toward Su Wanqing, a dangerous glint flashing in his eyes. "You! Go out! Get some... milk! Any kind will do! The faster, the better!"
Su Wanqing shuddered, holding the baby helplessly. "Go... where am I supposed to get it?"
"I don't care where you get it!" Ling Ye had completely lost patience and growled, "Steal it! Rob it! Buy it! Do whatever you want! If you can't bring it back within half an hour, I'll—"
Before he could finish his threat—
The hotel room's doorbell suddenly rang with a crisp "ding-dong"!
The sound was especially piercing in the silent room.
Both of them jolted and turned toward the door!
Who was it?!
A hotel employee? Or... had the trouble from earlier come looking for them?!
Ling Ye instantly became alert. His gaze sharpened as he stepped in front of Su Wanqing and the child, gesturing for her to stay quiet.
The doorbell rang again. Then a somewhat familiar young man's voice came from outside, hesitant and probing:
"Um... sir? Miss? Are you all right? I think I just heard a baby crying really loudly... Do you need help? I'm the father next door. I just bought some formula..."
The father next door?!
The real baby's father was back?!
Ling Ye and Su Wanqing exchanged a glance. Both saw astonishment in the other's eyes, along with... a glimmer of hope in their desperate situation!
Milk... wasn't it delivering itself to their door?!
A sharp glint flashed through Ling Ye's eyes. He instantly retracted all his killing intent and forced his face into what he believed was a kind smile, though it was actually extremely twisted. After taking a deep breath, he walked over... and opened the door.
Standing outside was a young man in ordinary clothes, holding a bag of freshly opened formula and a baby bottle. His face showed concern and a hint of fatigue. He was precisely the husband of the unconscious mother next door.
When the man saw Ling Ye open the door—with his face still pale and his smile strange—then glanced at Su Wanqing holding the baby inside—with her clothes slightly disheveled and her expression panicked—and finally at the torn bedsheet on the floor...
His expression instantly became extremely... complicated and subtle. His gaze swept back and forth between Ling Ye, Su Wanqing, and the baby, filled with all sorts of wild assumptions.
"Uh... you two... what is this?" the man asked hesitantly.
Afraid that the man might misunderstand even further or leave, Ling Ye hurriedly stepped aside and said in the most "steady" tone he could manage, "It's nothing, nothing. The baby was making a bit of a fuss, but he's fine now. Oh? You bought formula? That's wonderful! We just... just didn't bring enough! Could you spare us some? We can pay! Ten times the price!"
His voice carried an unmistakable urgency.
The man was startled by his enthusiasm—and strangeness—and instinctively drew the bag of formula farther back. His gaze grew even warier. "You two... aren't the baby's parents?"
Ling Ye: "..."
Su Wanqing: "!!!"
Ling Ye's mind raced as he prepared to invent a reasonable excuse—perhaps that the baby had been abandoned—but the ragged cloth bag in his arms, reacting to his emotional fluctuations and violent movements, opened slightly once more.
A crumpled piece of paper that looked as though it had been stuffed inside at random, printed with some cartoon design, drifted out and landed right beside the man's feet.
The man instinctively lowered his head.
On the paper, written in crooked handwriting that somehow gave off a feeling of natural Daoist charm, was a single line:
[The Primordial's Number One Daddy's First Childcare Tip: Patience is the best way to stop crying, and paternal love is the best formula. —The Primordial's Number One Daddy, Ling Ye (First Draft)]
A blurry red seal resembling a tiny footprint was stamped in the corner of the paper.
Man: "??????"
He raised his head and looked at Ling Ye's pale face, anxious gaze, and strange smile. Then he looked at Su Wanqing holding the baby inside the room, and finally at the outrageous "childcare tip" by his feet.
His mouth slowly fell open. His face revealed utter shock, disbelief, and the complete shattering of his worldview!
The Primordial's Number One Daddy?!
First draft?!
This... this guy... had his cosplay gone so far that he was completely obsessed with it?! He even wrote his own tips?!
Ling Ye also saw the piece of paper that had drifted down. His aged face instantly flushed bright red—with anger. He wished he could reverse time and stuff this piece of embarrassing history back into the deepest corner of the bag!
At the very moment when the awkwardness was enough to dig out a three-bedroom apartment—
The baby in Su Wanqing's arms seemed to have smelled the fragrance of the formula brought by his biological father. His little mouth quivered, and he once again let out a loud, yearning cry:
"Waaah—!!! Milk—!!!" (That was probably what he meant.)
The cry instantly broke the deadlock.
The father immediately came to his senses. His paternal instinct overwhelmed his fear of "crazy people," and he hurriedly raised the formula in his hand. "The baby's hungry, right? I'll give you some to tide you over! We're all parents; it isn't easy!"
As he spoke, he naturally squeezed between Ling Ye and Su Wanqing and entered the room. He skillfully began mixing warm water and preparing the formula, chattering as he worked:
"Make sure to test the water temperature. It can't be too hot or too cold..."
"The formula ratio has to be precise. Too much will cause internal heat, and too little won't provide enough nutrition..."
"You parents really are something. How could you not bring enough formula when you went out? Look how hungry the child is..."
Ling Ye and Su Wanqing stood there like two foolish pillars, staring blankly as the unfamiliar man took over and skillfully handled everything. Listening to his endless childcare lecture, they felt their worldviews undergoing another round of cleansing.
Ling Ye especially watched the man's smooth, practiced movements and listened to those "knowledge points" he had never heard before, comparing them with his own earlier scrambling and violent tearing of the bedsheet...
An unprecedented, complicated emotion welled up inside him.
Was it shame? Anger? Or... the faintest trace of... envy?
Soon, the formula was ready. The man tested its temperature, then naturally extended the bottle toward the person closest to him... Ling Ye.
"Here, test the temperature. If it isn't hot against the inside of your wrist, feed him," the man said casually, as though this were the most natural thing in the world.
Ling Ye stared at the bottle held out before him as if it were an unparalleled deadly weapon. His entire body froze.
Feed... feed the baby?!
Him?! Personally?!
He instinctively wanted to retreat and refuse.
But the man's gaze carried an unquestionable meaning: "This is your responsibility as the father."
At the same time, the bellyband in his arms stirred again, sending out a powerful mental fluctuation: "I want some too! Learn it!"
Behind him, Su Wanqing held the ravenously hungry real baby and watched him with a complicated gaze that even held a hint of schadenfreude.
Ling Ye was caught between a rock and a hard place.
He tremblingly extended his hand. As if accepting a detonating talisman, he stiffly took the warm bottle.
Under the threefold attention of the man's "encouraging" gaze, Su Wanqing's "expectant" look, and the bellyband's "curious" mental fluctuation—
Ling Ye, the former Primordial Great Expert and current "temporary daddy," held his breath and faced death with grim determination as he...
took the nipple...
carefully...
and...
placed it...
into the mouth of the baby who had been crying his heart out.
The world... instantly fell silent.
Only the baby's satisfied gulping remained.
And Ling Ye's stiff expression, filled with relief and utter grievance, as though he had completed some epic-level mission.
The father revealed a pleased smile. "See? You can do it! Just practice more and you'll get the hang of it!"
Ling Ye: "..."
He wanted to die.
Before you continue