Hesitation
In Charlotte's home in Fran City, the fire in the fireplace burned quietly, making a soft crackling sound, but it couldn't dispel the heaviness and anxiety that permeated the room.
Charlotte curled up in the soft sofa, covered with a thick wool blanket.
She held a novel about a noblewoman's chivalry, which was quite popular among wealthy women in the South at the time, trying to immerse herself in the fictional, romantic, and adventurous story and temporarily forget the torment of reality.
However, she failed.
The words on the pages were like swimming tadpoles, blurry and indistinct, unable to enter her mind at all.
Her thoughts had already traveled across mountains and rivers, drifting towards that isolated fortress in the far Northern Territory, besieged by an army of 100,000— Carnford.
These days, she has hardly left the house.
One reason is that the winters in the Northern Territory are becoming increasingly harsh, and the other, and most importantly...
Her lower abdomen was already slightly protruding, and although the loose long dress could still conceal it, her movements were noticeably clumsy and uncomfortable.
To avoid unnecessary speculation and gossip, she heeded Aunt Martha's advice and stayed home as much as possible, avoiding contact with outsiders.
This almost claustrophobic life, coupled with her extreme worry about Karl's safety, put immense pressure on her mental well-being.
She lost her appetite and couldn't sleep at night. Her once rosy cheeks became pale and thin. Only her blue eyes, which were often filled with tears, appeared even more profound, yet also revealed a deep weariness and vulnerability.
"Miss, I'm back." The old maid Martha pushed open the door, bringing in a gust of cold air from outside.
She took off her snow-covered cloak, her face bearing her usual kind expression, but her eyes betrayed a hint of helplessness and worry.
Charlotte sat up almost immediately from the sofa and asked anxiously, "Aunt Martha! Is there... is there any news? In Carnford...?"
Martha walked to her side, gently shook her head, her voice soft yet heavy. "There's still no definite news, my child. Various rumors circulate in the city. Some say Carnford is still holding out, repelling several Sauron attacks; others say... that the Sauron have breached the outer defenses and are fiercely attacking the castle... but these are all rumors. No one can confirm them. The Sauron are still surrounding us, and the road to the north is completely cut off."
Despite being mentally prepared, Charlotte's heart sank when she heard the words "storm the castle," as if gripped tightly by an invisible hand, making it almost impossible for her to breathe.
She leaned back weakly against the sofa, closed her eyes, and two lines of clear tears silently slid down her cheeks.
"He...he must still be alive...right, Aunt Martha?" Her voice choked with sobs, filled with helpless pleading. "He's so amazing, he can always pull off miracles...he promised he'd come back..."
Martha sat down beside her with a pained expression, holding her cold hand in her own warm, rough palm. Like a mother, she gently patted the back of her hand and softly comforted her, "Yes, it will, it definitely will. Lord Karl is a capable and lucky young man. The gods will protect him. You must have faith in him, and take good care of yourself, my child. Look at you, how much weight you've lost these past few days..."
Martha's gaze involuntarily fell on Charlotte's slightly rounded belly, which was visible even under the blanket, and a deeper worry flashed in her eyes.
She hesitated for a moment, but finally decided to voice the suggestion that had been on her mind for so long.
"Miss..." Martha's voice was even lower, tinged with caution and earnestness, "There's something Aunt Martha has been thinking about for a long time, and she feels... she feels we can't put it off any longer."
Charlotte opened her teary eyes and looked at her in confusion.
Martha sighed and pointed to her stomach, "Your pregnancy... is becoming more and more obvious. It can't be hidden any longer, Your Excellency the Count... your father, he'll find out sooner or later."
"Rather than letting him hear rumors from others, or being passively discovered when it can no longer be concealed, it's better to... it's better to find a suitable opportunity and tell him proactively."
Charlotte's body stiffened abruptly, and her face instantly turned even paler.
The thought of telling her father filled her with panic.
She could imagine her father's reaction when he found out.
Shock, anger, disappointment... and perhaps even the feeling that this is a huge scandal for the family.
In such a time of frequent war and uncertainty, she became pregnant out of wedlock, and the father of the child was still missing...
How will her father view her? How will he deal with this child?
"No...no..." Charlotte instinctively gripped the blanket, her voice trembling. "Not now... Father...he's already overwhelmed with the defense of the city, I can't...I can't add to his burden...and, and Karl ..."
Her words were disjointed, filled with contradictions and fear.
On the one hand, she knew that hiding it was not a long-term solution; on the other hand, her fear of her father's reaction and her slim hope of Karl's return made her prefer to continue delaying.
Martha understood her fear, but she was even more aware of the seriousness of the situation.
She took Charlotte's hand, her voice firm yet gentle. "My child, I understand your fear, but you must know that this is like a seed planted in the ground; it will sprout sooner or later, and once it breaks through the soil, the situation may be much more difficult to manage."
"The Count loves you. Although he is strict, he is still your father. Perhaps... perhaps he will be angry, perhaps he will be disappointed, but blood is thicker than water. He will eventually understand you and find a way out for you and this child."
She paused, then added, "Besides, if... if Lord Karl really does return safely, he'll need a legitimate identity to welcome his child. Are you going to let the child continue to hide like this?"
Martha's words struck Charlotte's heart like a heavy hammer.
She was well aware of these principles, but... she wasn't ready to face the potential storm.
Her father's fury, societal criticism, and endless worry for Karl's safety weighed on her like three mountains, making it hard for her to breathe.
She leaned weakly on Aunt Martha's warm shoulder and began to sob softly, releasing all the fear, grievances, longing, and immense pressure that had been building up over the past few days through her tears.
Martha gently embraced her, patting her back like she was comforting a baby, silently offering her support and strength.
As darkness fell outside the window, only the flickering firelight from the fireplace remained in the room, illuminating the figures of an old man and a young boy embracing.
The road ahead is full of thorns, but no matter what, life must go on.
Charlotte knew she could no longer run away. For her child's sake, and for her own, she had to muster the courage to face her father and the uncertain future.