Fuzzy Memories

Yes.

Su Qing'an cannot lose.

He wanted to change that future, a future completely different from when he was all alone. Having established bonds, Su Qing'an was bound by these chains and became the excellent player the gods needed.

The boy was not born with the talent to bear such pressure and pain, but his emotions enabled him to break through his natural limitations and make his will stronger.

Gods...

Perhaps this deity believed in the power of love more than anyone else.

He believed that love was enough to make a boy who only knew how to escape reality overcome all limits and stumble and crawl to that invincible other shore.

But now, Su Qing'an has undoubtedly fallen short of His expectations.

[Soul Essence: 78]

This is the change that occurred on the panel after the third death.

The soul attributes that Su Qing'an gains with each death are his only reliance, and this death was no exception, granting his soul even greater resilience and quality.

This is why he can still suppress all the cracks in his sword heart back to their deepest point.

His [power] has become much stronger, as can be seen from the fact that the defense systems of Previous Civilization were disrupted to the point of near shutdown by his [power]. This is a substantial manifestation of the enhancement of the Soul Essence.

If Su Qing'an were to take a look at his own stats, he would find that his Soul Essence, which was originally only four times that of an average person, is now eight times that of an average person.

The reason why the [Stigmata] did not completely fail and could even help him share some of the pressure from Honkai Energy erosion was that the Soul Essence played a role in 90% of it.

This evolutionary leap, which is enormous compared to any previous one, is certainly not without reason.

Rather than saying that Su Qing'an's soul characteristic is that he becomes stronger after experiencing death and being tempered, it is more accurate to say that Su Qing'an's soul characteristic is that he becomes stronger after experiencing death and being tempered.

Rather, death is merely a point of reckoning. The real reason that makes the soul stronger lies not only in the trials caused by death itself, but also in the pain and experiences accumulated before death.

Following this logic, it's understandable that Su Qing'an's Soul Essence would double this time.

The reason is simple.

This was the first time Su Qing'an had truly experienced the pain of restarting. The longest restart he had ever experienced was only a week, and the shortest was less than a day.

This time was completely different. In the six months that followed, the boy underwent a complete transformation and gained a great deal.

However, all of this has now been reduced to [Ashes], no longer existing.

Anyone who has understood what they have gone through should feel that their current situation is justified.

Why is Kenshin on the verge of breaking?

This is a reason that needs no explanation; the fact that it hasn't shattered already proves that Su Qing'an is abnormal.

Normal humans cannot bear this sudden accumulation of weight and pressure while also having the determination to change the future.

The dark patterns within the ice in his heart writhed restlessly, and a will deeper than the cracks began to gradually devour these pointless distractions and weaknesses. This was an unnatural disappearance, the boy's attempt to suppress all sorrow with pure determination and perseverance.

Because he cannot show weakness, because he must never let his sword heart shatter.

With his sword heart shattered, Su Qing'an lost.

This was the only thing he couldn't accept.

I cannot bear to see the person I care about end up like that.

This reason alone was enough for Su Qing'an to overcome all difficulties and obstacles.

The boy silently walked into the clothing store, ignoring all the customers and salespeople passing by, and casually grabbed a set of casual clothes before going into the fitting room.

This behavior, which was clearly not very ethical, did not draw any condemnation. Su Qing'an was like a shadowy figure that did not exist in this world, and people would not even notice her when she brushed past them.

The moment the garment is picked up, it detaches itself from the subconscious of those around it, becoming something that never existed in the first place.

Rita's stealth skills have been unintentionally developed by the boy to an even more terrifying level, which is clearly related to the improvement of her Soul Essence.

[Tibetan].

This ability originated from someone else and evolved into its current form in Su Qing'an's hands.

But now it's being wasted, becoming a means to skip out on bills and get something for free.

To blend into this era, normal attire is essential. To save time, Su Qing'an, who is somewhat mentally unstable, chose this option without considering any details.

This behavior is very similar to that of a hero in most RPG games who randomly rummages through villagers' houses for gold coins and potions.

Of course, if this is a necessary sacrifice to defeat the Demon King, then the hero's actions instantly appear very righteous and noble.

The boy, dressed in brand-new clothes, went barefoot to the shoe store next door, ending his barefoot state.

Su Qing'an's unwashed face looked strange against her brand-new clothes and shoes.

But he didn't care about any of that; he was currently focusing most of his energy on suppressing his sword heart.

People have a certain level of tolerance. As long as Su Qing'an can withstand this pressure for a long time, he will eventually be able to resolve the issue of his sword heart.

Whether it's a problem on the verge of collapse or a state of being tarnished, as long as a clear and definite goal is established and a new core of will is set, the sword heart will gradually return to its original state.

Barring any unforeseen circumstances.

Su Qing'an is shopping.

If I had to say something, he was a wanderer.

There was no home for him in the Previous Civilization.

In the timeline before the reboot, all of his own trajectory in this world was received by Su Qing'an's safe disk. He had the savings left by his parents, the coffee shop that Sister Himeko decorated for him, and a house in Canghai City.

During those confusing years, material things were not a source of pressure for the young man, and if he had been willing, he would never have faced such a tragic end.

Now, Su Qing'an has no choice, nor does she have a home.

Su Qing'an didn't know where to go or what he was going to do. Across more than 50,000 years of time, how could he possibly influence that distant future and change the ending to the way he wanted?

There's absolutely no way to begin.

Can we defeat the Honkai?

This seemingly most realistic answer, however, was a source of despair for Su Qing'an, who knew it was impossible to achieve no matter what.

But apart from that, all that lay before him was a hopeless void.

There is no answer.

So, is defeating the Honkai the only option?

However, the idea that defeating the Honkai will achieve the goal is itself a false proposition.

To put it bluntly, let's assume the Previous Civilization didn't perish.

Will the era he lived through, the people he encountered, and that entire timeline still exist?

No, not anymore.

This is a question that leads to despair once you delve into it. No matter what, the answer Su Qing'an hopes to find will not exist in any corner of this world. What he is pursuing is nothing but a vain joke in the context of the present era.

Unless... immortality.

The boy gazed at the crystal ball in the shop window. Inside, a small wooden house was covered in snow, creating a vast expanse of white. Several dolls were making repetitive and adorable movements, while a reindeer beside them wore a scarf.

Time seems to stand still within it.

These images were reflected in his dark eyes, like a collection of images piling up to form a desolate snow scene and a night lit up with lamplight.

Unless, after this era ends, Su Qing'an can sleep like a flower and arrive at the next civilization, and then spend those long years with a near-immortal lifespan.

By then, Su Qing'an will be able to change many, many things.

He can prevent the Honkai of Changkong City from happening again, and he can allow Satou Yunona to receive Satou Natsuno's Kyo-Yuzen.

He could kill the Living Doll of Kambara Village ahead of time, thus ending the Kanbara family's fate sooner.

He could have prevented Murata Himeko from embarking on the path of Valkyrie from the very beginning, and even saved her parents' lives earlier.

Su Qing'an grasped at this glimmer of hope as if it were a lifeline.

The boy knew that immortality was difficult, and although he didn't know the specific methods, the conditions required to achieve immortality must be extremely demanding.

Just like the Divine Key.

Even with the cheat of Rin transforming into a natural Stigmata, it's impossible to pull it out without the adaptability of the Divine Key, and the conditions for immortality are certainly not much easier than this.

But this is hope.

Having hope is enough.

As long as this expectation serves as an anchor, Su Qing'an can clearly define her goals and path.

Ten thousand years of loneliness, the hopelessness of waiting, the storm stirred up by the butterfly effect... Su Qing'an put all these trivial details out of her mind.

Before you think about these things, just move forward.

Find the organization of the Moth to Fire, fight against the Honkai, and survive until the Honkai crushes humanity in hopeless defeat.

To become an immortal being grants the right to inherit human civilization, allowing one to arrive in that era and change everything one desires to change.

The route is clear and straightforward.

Given Su Qing'an's level of Honkai Energy proficiency, this level of difficulty would have almost been a failure, but Kenshin continued to advance towards a perfect state.

The dark cracks became increasingly smaller deep within; if things continued to stabilize, the dusty state would soon be restored to its clear and spotless state.

This shows just how stubborn Su Qing'an's willpower is. Give him only a glimmer of hope, and he can create a vacant fulcrum to support all his burdens and continue fighting.

Suddenly, Su Qing'an had just realized the clear route, saw a flower shop.

The boy paused for a moment as if it were only natural, because he had once been to a flower shop with Fu Hua. Those scenes, which could only be buried deep in his memory, made the time he spent with her seem especially precious at this moment.

He hesitated for a moment, then avoided the crowd and quietly went inside.

Neither the interior nor the owner resembled the shop he had visited before; the only commonalities were the fragrant aroma and abundant bouquets.

They're both flower shops, after all.

I wonder if they have those name tags that are given to guests here.

The wooden plaque that Su Qing'an received at the time fulfilled the ending he had foreseen.

The flower name written on the wooden sign is [Iris].

An iris that died in the height of summer.

Hua received it too; I remember she received...

He stared blankly at the white lisianthus with its drooping petals, and suddenly fell into a state of bewilderment.

What was it? I don't remember.

Why do we forget?

It had only been less than a week since that scene.

It's impossible for me to forget; there's no reason for me to forget.

Su Qing'an's Soul Essence was already different from ordinary people. Even now, he can clearly remember the boarding pass number he received when he first took the Schicksal private jet, the pattern and color of the carpet on it, and the specific appearance of the attendant who guided him.

He had previously memorized all the maps in the energy vehicle with ease. While it's true that normal human memory gradually fades and forgets unnecessary details over time, Su Qing'an was undoubtedly an exception.

Or rather, at least such a short time was not enough for him to forget these details.

Why? Why did I forget?

Su Qing'an still remembers the date, the time she entered the flower shop, the owner's exact face, Fu Hua's clothing at the time, and the size and decoration style of the flower shop.

But he couldn't remember the flower name engraved on the wooden plaque she received.

Memories of that previous timeline... are they starting to fade?

The possibility flashed through Su Qing'an's mind, but she immediately dismissed it.

How could that be?

It was just a coincidence, an accident.

Su Qing'an was just tired. His body and mind had been deprived of sleep and rest for too long, leaving him somewhat dazed. His temporary inability to remember anything didn't mean anything.

The boy was desperately deceiving himself.

"Click."

A clear sound rang in my ears, and dark cracks, expanding like claws, etched a chilling glare upon my heart.

He could no longer deceive himself, or rather, the answer had already naturally emerged from the very beginning.

Su Qing'an suddenly and uncontrollably grabbed the bellflower in front of him, his well-defined fingers tightening until they turned white, a testament to his current agitated and restless emotions.

The soft petals were crushed in the boy's palm, and the water droplets left on the freshly watered flowers dripped down with the juice.

What exactly is the name of that flower...?

He crouched down, looking utterly dejected, gazing at the scattered Abyss Flower of the lisianthus bouquet.

Looking at the answer so close at hand, Su Qing'an murmured in confusion:

"What exactly is it? What's the name of that flower?"

The boy's pupils contracted violently with fear, and the blood vessels in the whites of his eyes, which had been severe since he had been up for three days and three nights without sleep, were now becoming increasingly fine and dense, their rich red color making them look as if they were about to drip blood.

Su Qing'an tried hard to suppress his emotions, but his face still twitched uncontrollably. Finally, he gritted his teeth and growled:

Why can't I remember? Why?

"There's only this! Only this! Only this..."

But in an instant, the boy's furious expression vanished. He was like an obedient child restrained by etiquette and rules, controlling his desires and emotions, or like a gambler who had lost all hope and was struck by despair, losing the will to express himself.

A long time.

The boy said sadly in a low voice:

"This is the only thing... I don't want to lose."

His tone of voice was so gentle, like a feather floating in the clouds, or dim starlight, that it was almost inaudible.

I don't want to forget.

Su Qing'an knew the answer.

If the previous timeline has truly been completely obliterated during the reboot process, then theoretically all one's past experiences would not exist in any timeline.

Therefore, the world's inexplicable corrective force causes him to gradually forget these things that shouldn't exist.

He understood that the reason he still retained most of his memories was because the divine version of the Void Sword Qi was itself a product linked to the soul.

The sword heart of the clear mirror not only gives Su Qing'an the ability to control Honkai Energy and awaken the [Stigmata], but it can also protect the most precious things in the boy's life.

Memory.

Now, the sword's heart is tarnished and on the verge of shattering.

That ability will naturally be weakened, and only after his sword heart is completely restored will all his memories return.

This is a near-unsolvable vicious cycle, but it's also the result the gods desired.

The closer the sword heart is to shattering, the more easily memories become fragmented. And the more problems arise with those memories, the more easily Su Qing'an, who sees them as obsessions, will exacerbate the collapse of the sword heart.

In such circumstances, the choice to forget from the very beginning is erased by Him. Unless the boy is completely indifferent to his past experiences, he must struggle through layers of hell to escape that unknown outcome while bearing everything on his shoulders.

[Hidden]'s abilities had completely collapsed due to his Fierce Wave.

Su Qing'an made his first real appearance in the city. His solitary appearance stood out from everyone else, and the boy who suddenly appeared in the sight of others caused a commotion.

The whispers and chatter reached Su Qing'an's ears, but he paid no attention to them.

The jet-black patterns were densely packed on the Heart Ice, completely overshadowing its original transparency.

Perhaps he was too useless, or perhaps he was ultimately not strong enough.

Even though Su Qing'an knew that the sword heart must not be broken, the willpower that was being exploited and the Inner Demon that were raging were gradually approaching their limits, and he could no longer hear the sounds from the outside world.

The boy looked up, and the world before him had lost its color.

The sword heart, which was linked to his soul, had already affected his mental state before it shattered, turning the gray scene into a hazy, dreamlike landscape.

He couldn't see the faces of the people around him; they seemed like faceless humans uttering incomprehensible, grating whispers. The fragrance of flowers and the softness of the petals on his hands vanished from his senses.

Pitch black, ice cold.

Splash!

In his empty consciousness, only the cracks in the sword heart made a sound, as if reminding Su Qing'an that his final declaration was about to come.

"If you're afraid you'll forget... then write in a diary?"

A somewhat hesitant yet clear voice, like the radiant light of dawn, stubbornly reached Su Qing'an's ears, penetrating all obstacles and intervals.

Incredible.

More than the content of the words, the boy's first reaction was disbelief. Among the noisy and incomprehensible murmurs, only the words of the newcomer were audible to him without any difficulty.

Su Qing'an turned her head in a daze. The sound of breaking was like the continuous sound of rain, like a fierce symphony. But as the vivid and three-dimensional girl came into view, the symphony gradually became soft and quiet, like a gentle lullaby before bed.

The girl in the black hoodie squatted down next to him, her delicate and lovely face full of worry and shyness.

At this moment, the girl's fair little hands gripped the hem of her clothes, as if she was extremely nervous about the act of striking up a conversation.

All the dark patterns melted away like snow and were swallowed up by those familiar blue eyes. Not even [Ashes] remained, and the sound of shattering vanished into nothingness.

Looking at her beautiful face, Su Qing'an said softly:

"Hua."

This was a reunion after an indescribable separation of time. It was as if she had traversed a sea of people to arrive before the boy at the crucial moment, solely to pull him out of a hopeless future.

Even long afterward, Su Qing'an would never forget this scene.

That looked like light.